crime

3 junior high school boys arrested for bullying in Shiga

74 Comments

Police said Thursday that three 15-year-old boys in Takashimaya City, Shiga Prefecture, have been arrested for bullying after they reportedly forced another student to strip naked and defecate while they filmed him with cell phones on Nov 11.

According to a report on Fuji TV, the boys are also accused of assaulting the victim and throwing him to the ground. It is believed that aside from the three boys who were arrested, several other students had participated in bullying the victim. Police say the school plans to discipline the other students involved.

A spokesperson for the school said that details about the incident are not yet clear, but said they plan to investigate the exact nature of events before introducing measures to ensure this kind of thing does not happen again, Fuji reported.

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This is sexual harassment, if they made the student strip and defecate. If the victim had been a girl, this would have been interpreted as such. Since it was a boy, the call it bullying. This distinction is bullshit IMHO. How anyone can still have the hope that such dysfunctional brats would ever grow up into people that uphold a civilised society is beyond me.

And I feel extremely sorry for the kid who had to suffer all that. He must have felt like being raped. I hope that he receives more help than just GANBATTE.

8 ( +8 / -0 )

Give them a taste of their own medicine...

7 ( +7 / -0 )

yeah yeah yeah!!!! it is about time these bullies get arrested. what they have done is assault. i believe that assault is against the law, even here in the land of wa

6 ( +6 / -0 )

This little savages belong behind bars!!!!!!

Not that little.

forced another student to strip naked and defecate while they filmed him with cell phones

I do not take it as a bully. It is much more, this is premeditated torture and serious bodily assault.

Some questions are coming into my mind. What the hell one has to do to be treated like this. What kind of cruel, dirty monsters can the offenders be. What was the history, how long can such a dirty thing go on unnoticed before peaking and someone , teachers, parents, police intervene? What kind of man, adult would the humiliated, assaulted boy will become and what would he do in his adult life. Hopefully not crippled mentally and spiritually and won't commit a similar crime.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Think one of the reasons is that there is no punishment at all for children who misbehave badly/repeatedly in schools. They go to the staffroom, kneel on the floor while a teacher berates them and pretend to listen, do a bow at the end, and then are left to go back to class, where they instantly forget what they were being told and do exactly the same offence the next day. After a while some teachers regard the kids as a "lost cause" and so don't even punish them, so they feel they can do anything as it doesn't matter.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Children can be so adorable at that cute age from 2-7. What goes wrong? How do they turn into terrors like that? I'm glad I'm not the father of a teenager. Don't think I could cope.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

I hope it sends a very clear message to other bullies. Any bullying should be considered a crime against the person and the bullies made to face the music. The omnipresence of camera and video enabled cellphones in schools has the sad downside of making the humiliation of being bullied more public and permanent. I've heard of cases where such victims, not able to face it, took their own life. May this not be such a case.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

children are a reflection of their upbringing and of society. Read betwixt the lines and then you'll understand that it isn't JUST the kids. This is clearly a case of "nurture" not "nature"

4 ( +5 / -1 )

poor kid :o(

4 ( +4 / -0 )

I am glad they were caught!!! I think the bullies should get community service. Allow them to clean the school toilets, since they prefer to see crapola. Then let them clean out the public restrooms at parks and such, too!

I feel sorry for the bullied boy, as I am sure he is suffering a lot emotionally.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Sounds like a combination of bullying slash sexual assault! This is definitely beyond bullying

4 ( +4 / -0 )

We, adults, teachers, parents etc..must be really careful, vigilant for any signs that our children may have some kind of bullying going on at school, etc..easy sings, your kid comes home with bruises, scratches, etc..AFTER SCHOOL, and in the morning they HAD NONE, time to ask your kid what happened and also TALK TO THEIR TEACHER, they other day my son came home with strange scratches near his EYES, my son has beautiful eyes, I asked him why the scratches, turns out a kid in his class, real trouble maker, tried to steal my son's pencils, they were both pulling on the pencils and the other kid let go and the sharp end of the pencils almost went in my son's eye! Then teacher yelled and scolded the trouble maker, called our home to let us know what she saw, but I insisted that the PARENTS of this trouble maker also call us and let us know what they would do about their trouble making kid, and so far, so good, seems those parents have also been scolding their kid and now he is behaving better, COMMUNICATION is very, very important!

3 ( +4 / -1 )

All the while that this ridiculous idea that people under 20 are "minors" and therefore cant be held responsible for their crimes continues things like this will continue. 15 year olds know right from wrong. Make their actions punishable under the law and the smug smirks should be wiped from their spotty faces.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

cleo, I see your points. However, based on the way the youth of America is heading, parents need to bring the ass kickings back. In the 80's, we never had Columbine High Schools incidents and other school killings like we have today. My dad aslo beat me when I stepped out of line and I still loved him until the day he died. Of, course, I didn't enjoy it at the time of getting the can o' whip-ass opened on me, but it kept me pretty much straight throughout my younger years. He didn't teach me violence....he tought me discipline.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I have put two fine young adults out in the world that are living proof that my methods are not ineffective but in fact work extremely well.

cleo, I commend you. It's not easy to raise children and the method you chose worked for you. However, in general, I feel your method does not work for the general public. The crimes committed by teens and college aged youth of this day and age, (the sweet talking, go to your room, time-out generation) are horrendous. I've even heard my friends child yell, "Hit me! I dare you, I'll call the cops!" I, on the other hand, would have given her the phone and told her to call an ambulance too, for saying stupid stuff like that.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

What a shocker. That is horrible. I do hope that none of the videos were posted on slutty sites, as it would go viral with all the sick people out there looking for this stuff.

Under age 20 though, so they will get a slap in the wrist.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Good on the school! Now we need all the other schools to follow this fine example. That poor boy. What he must have gone through. Kids can be viscous at times and it takes a loving but firm home environment to help children grow up to respect themselves and others. If my child was one of the bullies concerned, I would be so ashamed. Ashamed because I'd feel I was responsible in someway for my child's behaivour. Responsibility.....something which a lot of people don't seem to keen to take on these days. I hope the victim gets tons of counseling and support and realizes that it wasn't his fault.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

They are lucky that they are not in Russia. Here parents or relatives would smash all crap from them with fists in the next day after incident.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

I grew up at a time when a sharp slap or a sharp vocal command got our attention that we overstepped the line. Kinda like we do with our pets. We used to get x-warnings, ignore and it comes of course followed by a talk explanation.

Not this is not child abuse, etc but been the norm for ages. But alas no longer as todays weakling parents need to toe the line.

As for those bullies, punish them and hit them with community service, etc.

For you info I had class-mates that never got slapped, etc and their behaviour was just as bad as some other kids. Some now say they would have prefered the slap.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Gurukun He didn't teach me violence....he tought me discipline

Excellent remark !

Cleo, as I said before, for furhter "details" please write to me personally. I don't like washing my dirty laundry in public.. . PS. Since my younger son also experienced his father's violence (both were in tears crying "mama ittai ! ittai !) please explain how he turned out to be an extremely gentle, generous, loving human being ???

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Edit

Hopefully, what had happened to him did not crippled him mentally and spiritually and won't commit a similar crime.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Without intervention, these bullies will grow up to be like the creep who secretly taped 2000 women crapping

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Why do they write arrested, if you are under 20 you can NOT be arrested.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Try them and their parents as adults - no one teach them right from wrong?? A kid in our school has been writing some pretty nasty stuff - throwing puppies out of windows etc- he's 10 - and when the teacher talked to the parents, they said the kid is super bright & we're not challenging him enough!! Yeah, it's the school's fault.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Disgusting.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I hope it sends a very clear message to other bullies. Any bullying should be considered a crime against the person and the bullies made to face the music.

Be careful what you ask for. How would you feel if you were locked-up everytime you told someone they were "stupid". Yes, that's bullying too. Parents, think about that jail cell the next time you are about to tell your child that they're "useless", "good for nothing", or "never will amount to anything". Bullying, bullying, and bullying.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Be careful what you ask for. How would you feel if you were locked-up everytime you told someone they were "stupid". Yes, that's bullying too. Parents, think about that jail cell the next time you are about to tell your child that they're "useless", "good for nothing", or "never will amount to anything". Bullying, bullying, and bullying.

Such is the way of the world,

That while innocent people lie behind bars

Murderers walk free.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

but here in Japan, physical punishment for children is a "no-no"...

Really? I'd figure the U.S. would be a no-no.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Cleo, I hardly think a "slap on the buttocks" could be called "violence" ! And it certainly did it's job where my younger son was concerned... On the other hand, a punch in the mouth, such as that administered by his older brother, aged 19 at the time (having been "coddled" by his father from the age of five) would certainly come under the heading "violence" IMHO...

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Jacqueline Miyagaya, I feel these idiots needs some hard core punishment to feel what being on the other side of the bullier feels like. It might wake them up a little. In regards to my response, in Japan people usually take a blind eye to child abuse and pretend that they do not hear or see anything. So I can't see why it would be a no-no in Japan.

I too, have beat my child when he deserves it and praised him when he deserved itas well. It's kept him straight through his puberty years and continues to be an outstanding high school student. We also continue to have an awesome communication line between us, but he still knows, if he gets out of line, I'll be the first to get straight up in his ass.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

cleo.

The "we" is based on my experience based on surroundings teachings we had. I would expect you would get as much. Neither was I talking about deliberately inflicting pain, just a sting to get attention.

But like I said these days "raise a hand and NOT strike/impact" and you are abusive/liable. Sad world and sadder that many support it.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Cleo.

Show me proof when a raised hand was less effective than "sweet-talking", etc. time-outs, etc have been proven ineffective. Historical proof on that, please.

I don't advocate violence as I said.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Bullying? This is more than bullying. Teens are stupid, and need constant guidance/communication to keep them in check - at best. Yes, even the goody two-shoes teens are up to no good (doesn't anyone remember what it was like?). Little sh&ts like this always look for a way to act out. Probably a lot of reasons, too. Terrible parenting, broken home, wanting to be cool, etc... I hope they can be scared straight by the police, but my guess is they'll be stuck in the system and when they get out they'll be back at it. Not just this poor boy needs therapy, but these 3 little f-ers need it more than they know.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Yup! That's my point too. Natural consequences should be used whenever possible; for example, if the child doesn't take care of his toys, they will get broken or lost. But sometimes the negative consequences have to be created by the parent. As you said, the key to discipline is focusing on reinforcing the behavior you want in a positive way.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

This little savages belong behind bars!!!!!!

0 ( +5 / -5 )

Ah, c'mon! It sounds like a normal day in an Australian high school. Arrested? Gees!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

JT should start a sicko crime column - what with this story and the other about the potty cam guy selling the dvds. i just really CANNOT imagine the kind of people who do this stuff. now i am looking at people in a whole new light

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Brainiac:

" Children can be so adorable at that cute age from 2-7. What goes wrong? How do they turn into terrors like that? I'm glad I'm not the father of a teenager. Don't think I could cope. " Hormones. But no, not all teenagers turn into terrors like that. I have 3 of them, and they are good kids.Safe bet is the parents of this bullies are social misfits too.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Question 1: How can you force someone to defacate? Keep feeding them til it comes out?

Question 2: What kind of sickos would want to do this?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

This is only the tip of the iceberg and furthermore a softer part at that! there are reported cases of bullying where the victims are maimed and actively killed.

and yes I know the fact that icebergs don't appear in Lake Biwa.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

an eye for an eye, I say..

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I say....cuff them - gag them, and let the victim boy have his glory for a day by giving an ass whipping till they drop!! Then have these bullies sign a statement to never-ever cross with poor boy. Then again, the poor boy might just turn his other cheeck for forgiveness.,..sad!!!

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Cleo but where else would he learn that a punch in the mouth was any kind of answer to anything?

From his father ! Where else do you think ? He and his younger brother witnessed me being punched and kicked, my hair pulled etc: until I managed to escape with his younger brother to Tokyo. If you'd like to know more, please write to me personally at the following address m JMiyagaya@yahoo.fr

He learnt from his school too, because of his "gaijin" mother... He is also left-handed so the bullies at his school broke his left arm...

As for pets, I have never had to hit any of my dogs and I have had dogs of my own ever since I bought the first one with my pocket money at the age of 9... Humans are more complicated and if at first, a verbal scolding does not succeed, there's not much choice lleft...

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I agree w/Fadamor, we have to be careful about extremism. Its easy to see a case like this or another extreme bullying case and say "Lets lock up and try all bullies as adults". But hes right that there are many levels of bullying and also its not uncommon to see the kid that was bullied last year to bully someone else this year. And sometimes the bullies are not bad kids. They just have not matured socially and they are finding their own power in the social group. Some of these bullies just need stern correction and to be made to recognize how their actions hurt another person. So to write a broad sweeping law that throws all bullies in prison is extreme. Bullying should be handled on a case by case basis with common sense.

Another thing to consider about bullies is in some ways it is UNFORTUNATELY a part of growing up. I mean it can almost be guaranteed that someone is going to make fun of the fat, weak, or dumb kid just like it can almost be guaranteed that the 2 year old is going to just grab another kids toy without asking. But this is why they need adults to teach them this is wrong. Adutls should be there to quickly identify and correct bad behavior. Teachers and parents should always be on the look out for bullies. We shouldnt treat bullying like "oh, this is something only a horrible criminal could do". Instead we should be more level headed and realize any child could bully or be bullied so all kids have to be watched because it is part of the growth process of learning how to socialize and use one`s power. But for the kids that refuse to be corrected and the bullying gets secretive and out of control like in this case, then it has to be taken to the next level by involving the police, but the police should not be the first option. The first option should be using this as a teaching/sensitivity opportunity for minor bullying.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Cleo.

Where is the scientific proof I asked for? A recent poll showed that the majority approved of the "healthy smack method"(they called it corporal punishment/rather heavy term). Who to belief as I know many people that got smacked and are doing just as extremely well and so do their kids.

But than looking at current trends among kids/teens, etc maybe the more "gentle" method is better(less teen crime, teen pregnancy, etc). Recall most physical punishments are now ILLEGAL.

Neither has proof that they got all the answers.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Cleo I don't think an occasional slap on the bottom constitutes violence against your younger son

So maybe I'm not a monster after all ???!!!

Lost in translation... You are right ! It's dirty "linen", not "laundry"... however this does not explain why my elder son managed to get everything he wanted out of hs father - including the money to pay for a car accident that was HIS own fault... Even my husband's second (Japanese) wife found that was too much "coddling" for a 30 year-old... But then again, some people are just too obstinate to believe other people can sometimes be right too... Have either of your offspring, entirely on their own initiative, brought 300 kilos of relief products from Europe to Japan for the victims of the earthquake ? My younger son did. Together with friends and colleagues they gathered "kami-omutsu" (both adult and baby) paper plates, plastic cutlery, etc., and we went together (over here) to buy pre-washed rice, canned foods, etc:, with money contributed by some Europeans, who had not had enough time to go shopping and which were then transferred to the victims of Fukushima through "Second Harvest"... Qui dit mieux ???

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Cleo :you can be really proud of your younger son

I AM !

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Cleo is right on. Waiting around for your kid to do something bad and then beating them or spanking them is not discipline; this is just punishment. It only teaches the child what NOT to do. Not what TO do.

Discipline means training children to behave in a certain way so that they will develop a particular kind of character. Discipline takes time and planning. A proactive approach, as Cleo said. You have to tell children how you expect them to behave and then reward them when they meet this expectation. And you have to also tell them the negative consequences of not behaving in such a way. Negative consequences can be taking away play time or privileges.

Preventing bullying has to start at home with good parenting. Unfortunately, teenagers will do stupid and sometimes mean stuff because of peer pressure. All it takes is one powerful bully to get a bunch of kids to do something as horrible as this.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

dolphingirl, thanks for the back-up! One small point I'd like to make, though; rather than the negative consequences of not behaving in such a way being some kind of parental punishment, isn't it more effective and meaningful to teach the kid the real reason? Running in the road puts you in danger of a traffic accident, scribbling on the walls at home means we'll have to live in a dirty house, pulling the cat's tail will make the cat afraid of you and no longer your friend, etc. Then if the bad behaviour occurs, by all means use time out, take away privileges etc; but 'don't do it because I'll do bad things to you if I catch you at it' simply teaches the child that it's better not to get caught. Rather than resorting to threats, the parent needs to actively give rewards for good behaviour - make a point of praising him for holding your hand and walking on the pavement, for asking you for paper to scribble on, for stroking kitty gently. Reinforcement works better than threats.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I don't think jail time or community service is going to straighten these bullies out, especially when you hear of such cases in Japan. I think the community should come together as one and really come down on this subject. If people really look down on it, then the kids will understand that it's wrong. They should teach in schools that bullying is wrong, and even have commercials on kid's shows against it like we do here in the U.S. I also blame the parent's, I think it is almost never a kid's fault because they don't know any better, Parent's should take the time to teach their children right from wrong, and things like these are definitely WRONG.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

It would also help if the law was more strict, this would definitely be considered sexual harassment in the U.S. and a couple of other charges would be thrown on on top of that, the parent's of the bullies could possibly get sued, etc etc. I think if the consequences were more severe, people would think twice about doing these things, and parent's would also try harder to educate their kids because naturally no parent would want their kid in jail. I also don't know why other kids in school don't look down upon their classmates for doing such things, if the majority of kids/teens disagreed with this then the other kids wouldn't want to do it. If I lost all my friends at school for doing things like this, or if other kids would constantly pick on me for doing things like this, I wouldn't do them. Kids in schools should unite against bullies like these and give them a little taste of their own medicine to teach these bullies a lesson, not praise them for doing such vile things.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@HideSuzuki.... Bullies usually come from dysfunctional families. Being expelled in an educational institution is form of punishment better than behind bars since they are minors.. You're right, they will transfer to another school which is another form of punishment (mendoksai) so they will learned the value of education and realized to be expelled again will be their failure in life. Beside it might bring shame and dishonor which is very important to Japanese. Problem is, if they end up a complete failure and a successful buliies, we are now looking at the new generations of chimpiras and yakuzas.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

What a gay it is. I wanna find them and shoot the film with no clothes on them too. This kind of crisis is one of the big problem in Japan now. This is very sad that man shoot man's naked film. What a gay, I can't believe.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Not very nice at all.

-1 ( +3 / -4 )

This is sexual harassment, if they made the student strip and defecate.

Nope this is bullying. Severe but still bullying. Hope the arrest scares the crap out of the kids who did it so they will never do it again. Hope it also scares other bullies into better behavior.

A spokesperson for the school said that details about the incident are not yet clear, but said they plan to investigate the exact nature of events before introducing measures to ensure this kind of thing does not happen again,

Introducing measures?! Shouldn't measures for preventing bullying already be in place? ALL schools should have policies and procedures to deal with and help prevent bullying.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

comments from school spokesperson (why not headmaster?) are highly regrettable.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I am sure they were arrested for some specific charges that do not include "bullying". Would like to know what those charges are.

But anyway, I say, try them as adults.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

If only the parents of the bullies had heard of the expression : "Spare the rod and spoil the child" - but here in Japan, physical punishment for children is a "no-no"... A neatly placed slap on the buttocks hurts a child's PRIDE much more than his/her behind and they'll really think it over before doing something wrong again...

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Question: What kind of sickos would want to do this?

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Jacqueline - So, the poor boy learned violence from his violent father. How is that any different, except in degree, from hitting a toddler for not being perfect?

Humans are more complicated...

Nah, just different.

if at first, a verbal scolding does not succeed, there's not much choice lleft...

You've already made a mistake in thinking that the verbal scolding comes first. If the child 'needs' to be verbally scolded for his behaviour, it probably means that the correct behaviour has not been positively reinforced in the first place, otherwise, why is he misbehaving? Raising a child (or a dog) requires proaction, not reaction.

It's ME - What is 'surroundings teachings'? My experience tells me that by training a dog by hitting it all you get is a frightened, nervous dog that in a worst-case scenario is going to hit (bite) back in self-defence. And even if it doesn't get that bad, using 'just a sting to get attention' translates in the doggie brain into it being OK for him to give people a quick, sharp nip to get their attention.

What's sad is that people think that a raised hand is the answer to anything. Use violence to raise a kid or a dog and you effectively teach that kid or dog that violence is the way to go.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

It's ME -

A recent poll showed that the majority approved of the "healthy smack method"

The majority eat too much, drink too much and watch too much mindless telly, too. So what? Proves nothing.

I'm not saying the occasional slap on the bottom is going to ruin a child for life. I got my share of smacks when I was a kid (Mostly from my Mum, and nevertheless I would cheek her something rotten. My Dad never hit me, and I was always as good as gold for him. Go figure) and I think I turned out OK. What I am saying is that teaching a child to be good in the first place is much better - more effective, more enjoyable for all concerned, produces better results - than waiting till he's bad then thumping him. Positive reinforcement doesn't mean not doing anything by way of discipline or (more importantly) education. In fact it requires a lot of proactive thought and commitment, a lot more effort on the part of the parent than slapping does. As I mentioned before, make the kid feel good when he's doing good from the earliest age, and you won't need to dread the day when he's a teenager towering over you and perfectly capable of giving you a good hiding if he thinks you need it.

gurukun - The 'horrendous' youth of today - were they brought up with positive reinforcement, or simply left to their own devices by parents who, unable to hit their kids, simply did nothing? It isn't all about 'sweet-talking'. Positive reinforcement requires a lot of hard work, which i don't think many people are prepared to put in.

Jacqueline - lol linen, laundry, who cares, it's all dirty and we all have it.....Sounds like you can be really proud of your younger son. You did a great job. :-)

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Some people's kids.....

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

@bajhista65, how does expelling students solver any problem ? You are just transfering a problem to other schools. It's same as forcing homeless people to move to other cities. They are still there, but if you don't see them, then "not our problem", is that right ?

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Prosecute the parents fro not realizing that they are raising little monsters and future felons!

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

children are a reflection of their upbringing and of society

To a certain extent, you are demonstrably wrong on that. Your DNA accounts for roughly half of your personality, while studies have shown that a small but significant portion of any given population is born with psychopathic tendencies. The stronger the psychopathy, the more closely linked it is with genetic causes. I would hazard a guess that some of the bullies in this case, or at least the leader, had stronger genetic psychopathy markers than 90% of the rest of the population. Soldave may be right to the extent that societal rules have little influence on psychopaths, and any lecturing done to them is in one ear and out the other.

Most people behave well towards each other, but there will always be a few bad apples. This is not necessarily the fault of society. I do agree that those who break the rules of society should have their societal privileges revoked, though.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

"Spare the rod and spoil the child"

Teach him that the way to get your message across is with violence? Looks like these three have already learned that 'lesson'.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Gurukun Really? I'd figure the U.S. would be a no-no.

I don't know about the US but I do know that I got "thumbs" down when I mentioned slapping my older son on his behind for walking on the road instead of the pavement (actually I made a mistake in his age, he must have been more like 4 years old - not 1 and 1/2 - but that was such a long time ago !) And it IS only the child's pride that is hurt ! Thumbs down again this time too ! But I can take it ! At least my younger son has grown up to be an extraordinary human being ! (The older one who stayed with his father - he had just turned 5 - became spoiled and came to Tokyo to punch me in the mouth... "Like father, like son"...)

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

a sharp slap or a sharp vocal command got our attention that we overstepped the line. Kinda like we do with our pets.

A vocal command, fine. But please don's say 'we' in relation to slapping pets. 'We' get better results from both kids and pets by using proactive, positive reinforcement, that makes it feel good to be good even when no one's watching, as opposed to feeling bad (pain) when caught doing bad. Repeated use of 'the rod' can actually make it feel good to do bad, from the thrill of not getting caught and 'getting away with it'.

Buy and learn to use a clicker. You'll never need to slap or speak harshly to your pets again. And the same principles (without the click) work with people, too.

Jacqueline, sorry to hear that your older boy turned into a thug. Are you sure his father didn't resort to 'the rod' when his mollycoddling didn't produce a well-behaved child? If you're estranged, I very much doubt that he would tell you he'd ever hit the boy.... but where else would he learn that a punch in the mouth was any kind of answer to anything?

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Jacqueline, I don't want your details, neither do I want you to wash your 'dirty linen' in public. But from what you've written your ex took and raised the older boy while you had the younger? Different lifestyles will produce different results. I don't think an occasional slap on the bottom constitutes violence against your younger son, and it seems you were able to get him away from his father's influence early enough that your influence was strong enough to trump what he experienced at the hands of his father. You've obviously raised your younger son well (but why hit him at all if it's possible to raise him well without hitting?); but if your ex had no qualms over hitting and punching you and the kids, it's hard to believe he would adopt proactive, positive methods with the older boy when he had him to himself. Often 'spoiled' kids are the most abused.

It's ME -

"sweet-talking", etc. time-outs, etc have been proven ineffective.

I have put two fine young adults out in the world that are living proof that my methods are not ineffective but in fact work extremely well.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Bullying is very ordinary in most schools. "Itasura" "Ijimeru" seem to be a part of japanese culture. In some countries, students bullying fellow students are not only reprimanded but expelled.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

They need to be arrested. I would look into their home lives. Sounds pretty dysfunctional if this is what they are doing at aged 15. They need to be kicked out of that school and sent elsewhere.

Poor kid that got bullied.

-3 ( +2 / -5 )

sick Japanese

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

2-7 can also be evil!! Yes, blame the parents. And yes, try them as adult. The age needs to be lowered. How on earth can you live on your own and go to uni for two years and not be an adult?? Heck, you can get married and still not legally be an adult.

-7 ( +0 / -7 )

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