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Thanks to the country’s historically strict firearm control laws, police officers in Japan rarely have to worry about dealing with gun-wielding criminals. However, over the past few months, Japanese law enforcement officials have arrested suspects for crimes committed using knives, sickles, and even fireworks, and now investigators in Hokkaido are searching for a man who armed himself with an eight-legged instrument of mayhem.
On July 27, at around 2 a.m. in the morning, most of the city of Sapporo, the largest city on the northern island of Hokkaido, was sleeping. One resident of the city’s Chuo Ward, however, couldn’t because he kept hearing a thumping on the exterior wall of his condominium building. While Japan appreciates peace and quiet in its residential areas, most people won’t immediately call the cops at the first bit of noisiness. After the thumping had gone on for nearly an hour, though, the resident contacted the police, who came out and searched the area.
While they didn’t find any suspicious people lurking around, they did discover some suspicious seafood, in the form of a dead octopus which they said had been thrown against the building’s wall repeatedly. The octopus was uncooked and the carcass in pieces, though it’s unclear if that was due to damage from being tossed against the condominium over and over or if it had been cut into pieces by the perpetrator in order to be easier to throw.
No speculation has been made regarding a motive because…well because what possible reason could someone have for throwing an octopus at a building? If it’s just to cause a noise nuisance, it seems like a tennis ball, baseball, or basketball would produce more powerful reverberations throughout the building interior. And sure, raw octopi are kind of slimy, but if vandalism was the point, raw eggs are messier, plus probably a lot easier to throw.
On the other hand, a single octopus, with its rubbery resiliency, is no doubt cheaper than a full hour’s supply of throwing eggs, so maybe the culprit chose his unusual ammo because he saw it as a trade-off between grossness and cost-effectiveness. In any case, the suspect remains at large.
Source: Nico Nico News via Jin
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© SoraNews24
19 Comments
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cla68
Don’t play with your food.
Laguna
Whose not to say the octopus didn't jump repeatedly against the building?
Disillusioned
It has been a hot summer. The whackos aren't coping well.
Pukey2
Some people need to find a job.
Are you for real? Has the write ever experienced hot-rodders? That is a given is most Japanese cities. Whenever I hear these guys, especially after midnight, I hope that they crash.
Luddite
This is like a Vic and Bob sketch.
starpunk
What a waste of good food. This guy wasn't in an Octopus' Garden in the sea but that's no excuse for this crazy behavior. He is nuts.
Kobe White Bar Owner
Poor creature, what an octopussy!
shogun36
Who?
This is why people need to have a bat or a long flashlight in their house.
You ever see the movie "Falling Down?" In the movie, Michael Douglass gets tired of being harassed and then someone tries to steal his briefcase. Long story short, Douglass grabs a bat and turns the tables, he chases the criminal and yells "Hey! You forgot your briefcase!!"
That moment was gold!
I would have loved to have been in Sapporo and see the fool wasting an octopus and trying to wake me up in the morning, when I have to go to work. You better believe I would run out with my bat and yell "HEY! You forgot your octopus!!!!!!"
Ascissor
A sucker for punishment
Slickdrifter
Hokkaido are searching for a man who armed himself with an eight-legged instrument of mayhem.-To funny Casey. Your my favorite writer on J.T. You seriously entertain me with your writing.
Poor little Octopoda. To bad the young kid or kids, which common sense seems to tell me are the likely Octopus wielders. If it had been a blue ringed Octopus they were tossing around. The JPD would not have to look very far. However you can only run into a blue ringer in Oz. Australia has all the good stuff in its Oceans.
Andrew Crisp
Actually came here for the comments
Will they match the perpetrator with the Octopus Ink
Kabukilover
A quintessentially Japanese petty crime story.
David Varnes
Obviously the first attack by the armies of Cthulhu.
Michael Jackson
"Hey, what are you in for?"
"Abusing a cephalopod"
Wayne Hall
In Greece, before cooking it is customary for a freshly-caught octopus to be beaten against a stone 100 times in order to drain out all the water. Octopus flesh is mostly water, and if it is not beaten before it is grilled or fried, the water will simply steam the meat from the inside, making it more rubbery and less savory to chew.
https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2013/06/21/193904507/mastering-a-sea-monster-from-greece-a-lesson-in-grilling-octopus
It sounds like the "culprit" in this case was attempting to prepare a dish of octopus Greek-style, but was unsuccessful in finding a suitable stone, and/or gave up the attempt.
Zunshine92
This is BY FAR the funniest thing I've read in a while.
I love news like this, it's a nice break from all the cruelty in the newspapers nowadays.
Made this account because I felt I just had to show my appreciation. Keep'm coming!
starpunk
You like this? There was a similarly written story in here recently about a more serious (and grim) topic. It was about some pervert stalking a teenage girl student in a subway and discussing his 'sexual energy' or 'sexual desire' or something on that matter with her and the girl put him in his place by hitting him 'where it counts' with her bookbag (?). I can't fully recall but she let him have it! Anyway, the author (maybe it's this one) wrote about it in such an amusing comical fashion in the mood of 'look at that stupid little douchebag pervert, he got what he asked for because the he's such a cretinous imbecile' or something in that manner. A humorous twist or tone. The author here is listed as 'Casey Baseel, SoraNews24'. Thanks for reminding me of that, Zunshine92. I'm going to be on the lookout for this journalist myself. A little weird humor can make my day too.
BTW, this story was also carried in a humor section of a free local independent paper in a city I visited last week. The column in these free American 'indy' papers is 'News Of the Weird', and man - this story really is weird! Bee-zahr!!!