crime

Ex-Olympus boss has no memory of cover-up

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© 2011 AFP

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Here we go! The next step in the: "How to be a Japanese Company Executive or Politician".

Step 1: Deny anything and everything.

Step 2: After it's gotten enough media attention that it's clear the scandal will come to light, take a preemptive strike and say that you suspect something bad may have occurred in the past.

Step 3: Force key people to resign in order to deflect blame. Be SURE to give these people MASSIVE severance packages and the guarantee of a high-paying job elsewhere within the company later. If it is a person who leaked the information, fire them and take crowd control measures, including smear campaigns. Preferably choose the up-and-coming foreigner or female employee.

Step 4: When it's been confirmed you had a direct hand in the dealings, admit it with a heavy heart and bow just slightly lower than 45 degrees, for no less than 30 seconds. Do not forget the mandatory 'moushiwake gozaimasen' and the promise that you will take a 10% pay cut for a month, and all the employees a 30% indefinitely, while you will singlehandedly end corruption in business practice.

Step 5: When the firestorm over what happens results in effects that cannot be controlled, such as unanticipated public anger that bowing will not mollify and/or loss in stock prices, claim that you cannot recall any of the events in question, even the apology (Step 4), but that something bad might have happened (as you suggested in Step 2). When doing this, be sure to make it clear you remember thinking something bad might be happening but that you relegated responsibility to the person to take the fall (Step 3).

Step 6: When all else fails drink no less than two cups of naturally fermented soy sauce and claim a stomach disorder, checking into a five-star hotel furthest away from the source of the controversy, and hint that your retirement may be at hand. After a few weeks of 'recovery' return to the main office and announce that, for health reasons, you will step down from your roll but will continue to oversee company/political reform. Make sure before the announcement that you have chosen a successor who is related to a former company executive (or politician) and is familiar with the current method of conducting business. Be sure, as well, that they are not actually interested in reform.

Yep, the fuzzy memory is back!

3 ( +3 / -0 )

hey - you think that would work down at the tax office? i have no memory of working therefore i shouldn`t be responsible.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Must have been drunk everyday during his tenure. It's that "Inebriatus Forgetus" disease.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

T.I.J nuff said.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

WOW!! That stock drop is an extreme pucnh in the groin.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

too bad about the stock plunge but hey, what goes around, comes around.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Amen SmithinJapan and hilarious!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

So he was president for nine years covering the entire period when these losses took place, and he had no idea what was going on in his company. The only explanations for that are: a) he is lying or b) he is stupid. Not sure which it is. The losses were on a scale that cannot be explained by his not checking through detailed financial reports - they must have leapt off the page and punched him in the face. And what are the main features of a military education, whatever that is - blind unquestioning loyalty to the cause, right or wrong? If so then he may have a point there. What a dreadful exemplor this man is.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

You can always tell when a Japanese President is lying.Their lips move!!! No doubt the shredders are working overtime at Olympus and any paper trail is quickly being obliterated.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Claiming no memory, blaming others (the treasurer) instead, using undefined emotional hype words such as "I hate what is wrong"... He sure remembers his military propaganda techniques!

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

serve him almonds and walnuts, his memory may start serving him well :)

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Classic...No memory? Hates what is wrong? If necessary he will co-operate. Unfortunate. A company President who has no memory of hiding a billion dollar loss? Guess his Military Education taught him some resist Questioning techniques. And looting is OK attitude.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Can't remember?: sodium pentothal

Military training?: great, you'll understand better at guantanamo

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Yaru..ne, Mr Woodford! I'm glad your dreams are coming through....

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

Surprise, surprise...

-3 ( +2 / -4 )

How convenient!! ;) I love Japan's "Song and Dance". It's like that very famous "Who's on First?" skit. Here we go ladies and gentlemen. Lets play the shell game. Try to follow the fingers as we start pointing at each other. HA!!

In the past, I used to see this one particular scene in Japanese media. It's very common and you might know what I'm talking about. It's called a search and seizure. IT's almost always on TV in high profile cases where authority groups go into another company's main office like a raid and just start taking stuff. They grab everything, files, PCs and copy machines that store data.

Why hasn't that happened with Olympus yet? These guys are going to lie until the cows come home and that isn't for a while.

Anyway, if you believe this, I've got a Pink Elephant I'd like to sell you.

-5 ( +1 / -5 )

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