Man arrested for attempting to strangle 77-year-old mother to death

This is a sad tale that seems to repeat itself over and over again in Japan. There are too many people forced into a life of slavery taking care of their elderly and sick parents. I know many people in the same situation and they are just waiting for their parent/s to die to get their life back. This is an issue that Abe has failed to recognise with his plan to get women back into the workforce as part of economic recovery. Yeah, he is talking about increasing child care facilities (and done very little about it), but he has not even considered increasing aged care facilities in a country where 50% of the population will be over 60 in the next 30-40 years or so. Japanese people pay huge amounts of money for health insurance and old age pension, but get bugger all in return. These people that have to stay home and take care of their parents are considered unemployed and get nothing. They live off the pittance pension their parents are receiving. I can. Only see incidents like this increasing as the population ages. There are quite a few private companies offering assistance, but they are not cheap and out of reach of many people. The image of Japanese seniors is that they are all healthy and climb mountains every weekend, but this is not the case for the majority of seniors.

@FightingViking Taking care of children, although very hard work, is different because they develop and become more independent as time goes by. It's usually pleasurable and satisfying to see them learn and take care of themselves. With old people it's only decline and increasing frustration. To get real for a moment, it's a lot easier to change a kid's diaper than an adult's, especially when it's your parent, someone who you've looked up to all your life.

@Disillusioned I think there is a pretty good home care system in place already. Day care centres, care workers who visit the home etc. I think people don't realize the amount of help available to them or just don't like having 'strangers' in their home or as is my mother-in law's case a refusal to accept that they are declining mentally and physically and need help. But I agree it is quite difficult to actually enter a full time care facility. The policy of the government is to try and keep old people in their homes as long as possible. They don't want a lot of vacant properties pulling the property market down.

My husband and I are currently taking care of my mother-in-law who is in the first stages of Alzheimer's. People with the disease become really intolerable. They say extremely hurtful things and are in a permanent state of paranoia. They unlock the door and accuse you of leaving it open. They hide things away and forget where they put them and then accuse you of stealing them. Even things like a department store bag or a used envelope! They can't count and accuse the gas person, newspaper delivery person etc.of short changing them.The call the police continuously about apparitions they see on their intercom system. They lose parts of their memory which results in them piecing together different events to create a distorted new 'memory'. They say the same things over and over again. They drive the people around them to insanity. So while I don't know the details of this man's case and deplore his actions I can empathize.

The care giver needs a break from care.

I'm sickening of reading almost everyday about son murdered his one or both parent and mother killing her infant. I really don't understand what is happening in Japanese society these days.

Does PM Abe have any intention to sorting out for these kinds of problems in Japanese society other than permitting Casino on Japanese soil? Older peoples are more frequently victim of violence by their children than before. PM needs to do more protection for Japanese older peoples.

Well, at least this guy was honest. Most people when they kill their folks try and make it sound like they were doing them a favor. They say ridiculous things like "I wanted to end her suffering, etc."

No happy end for this guy, or his mom, or the countless other poor souls in the same situation.

Not that murder is EVER justified, but you can at least sympathize with this guys frustration.

This "man" (wimp ?) wouldn't be here if hs mother hadn't borne him, brought him into the world, fed him and taken care of him for all those years... Is he not married ? If he doesn't have a wife to help take care of his mother, he could hire a family helper to do it for him...

I, personally, would very much resent it if either of my sons decided "they were just waiting for me to die to get their life back"....

That's easier said than done. This man is not a wimp; he is a man that was most likely at the end of his rope. Have you ever been a caretaker to someone who is senile or has dementia? It's not fun and very stressful. I don't condone what he did, but I can empathize with his situation. Besides, we don't know, from this article, if he was married or had the financial resources to hire a caregiver.

//"they were just waiting for me to die to get their life back"

It happens, my dad died early, and my mom remarried later in life, her husband was older than her. He was a nice guy but then started to get weird and selfish from dementia, then my mom got terminal bowel cancer and came home to die, with a stoma bag. All the way through her husband was obstructive, like we needed a proper rising hospital bed for her in the house, he got to the phone first and cancelled it, because it might be inconvenient, so I had to rearrange it all over again. The doctor told me "no stress, she'll live longer" and the first day home the guy talked at her for 5 hours straight, even though I stressed she needed an easy time.

It was the opposite of having kids, I was on-call 24/7 for the stoma bag, and it's just awful when it's a life ending. It was hell, but I think myself lucky as I got to repay some of the time my mom spent caring for me. Taken me a long, long time to forgive her husband....I would never say to anyone "hurry up and die" but sometimes you will think it...humans are flawed

@hackney

To get real for a moment, it's a lot easier to change a kid's diaper than an adult's, especially when it's your parent, someone who you've looked up to all your life.

I absolutely agree with you - I certainly hope that if ever I get to that stage, they will have someone else take care of me, I would be extremely embarrassed if they had to "change my diapers"... It was mostly "Disillusioned's" way of writing :

I know many people in the same situation and they are just waiting for their parent/s to die to get their life back..

. that I absolutely resented. That's no way to talk of your parents.

These poor care givers, exhausted after being life time slaves to big business, are forced by circumstance to care for aged loved ones. Sound like a life of punishment to anyone else but me?

It can be absolutely draining if, as in this case, the person has dementia. Being asked the same question over and over because he or she has already forgotten the answer that was given just minutes before and trying to answer in a friendly tone each time is almost impossible. Having to help them bathe (because he can't remember if he washed his hair or not), having to help them get dressed (because she can't remember where a particular item of clothing is) and having to help them use the bathroom (because he can't remember if he's wiped his bottom etc.) is all very tiring. And even more so when you have to do it every day and you know the person is slowly going to get worse and worse. Sadly, the number of such cases will increase as the number of aged people increases.

You think wrong.

Mountainpear is right now taking care of someone, and you are going to tell her she's wrong???

I don't know what you mean by a 'retirement vlllage' but there are a number of condominium complexes that cater to people who are healthy enough to live on their own but need some assistance. Someone we know just moved into one.

Sick ...

Last week my neighbor told my wife that her sick mother ( over 80 ) stopped eating and she can drink liquids only and said she consulted with her doctor that she will not send her to hospital for pipe feeding till she die at home peacefully ..!!

My husband and I are currently taking care of my mother-in-law who is in the first stages of Alzheimer's. People with the disease become really intolerable. They say extremely hurtful things and are in a permanent state of paranoia. They unlock the door and accuse you of leaving it open. They hide things away and forget where they put them and then accuse you of stealing them. Even things like a department store bag or a used envelope! They can't count and accuse the gas person, newspaper delivery person etc.of short changing them.The call the police continuously about apparitions they see on their intercom system. They lose parts of their memory which results in them piecing together different events to create a distorted new 'memory'. They say the same things over and over again. They drive the people around them to insanity. So while I don't know the details of this man's case and deplore his actions I can empathize.

I hear stories like this on a near-daily basis. What makes it worse is that physically these people are strong and healthy, which means that they cannot be man-handled as easily as children, and certainly not reasoned with (imagine having to care for an adult-sized four-year-old with a bank account and access to a telephone). Families get ripped apart. One woman told me that she was constantly having to deal with her senile mother accusing her teenage son of stealing from her in the night, and it was tearing her apart. Another woman could no longer invite her friends over to visit, because her senile mother would rifle through their belongings and sometimes steal them. And yet another quit a very good job because her irate neighbors were constantly calling her at work and complaining about the antics of her elderly mother. She is now a full-time carer, and has cut herself off completely from her friends and colleagues.

Female and male caregivers in this situation gradually become more and more socially isolated. It's not surprising that they snap. Whenever I read stories like this - and they are becoming increasingly common, as the population ages - of course I feel sorry for the victims, but my heart goes out to the perpetrators too. Just how much can one person stand?

I would be sad if my grand kids had only dementia--hurtful words and strange behaviors--as memories of their grandparents. A sobering problem.

Mountainoear - I think there is a pretty good home care system in place already. Day care centres, care workers who visit the home etc. I think people don't realize the amount of help available to them or just don't like having 'strangers' in their home or as is my mother-in law's case a refusal to accept that they are declining mentally and physically and need help. But I agree it is quite difficult to actually enter a full time care facility.

You think wrong. There is a major shortage of aged care facilities and the care workers are private organisations that charge a small fortune. Have you ever seen a retirement village in Japan? Of course not, because they don't exist!

FightingViking - my post is written that way because that is what I have been told by the many people I know in their 40's or 50's that cannot work or marry due to being full time carers of their parents.

The government provides very little support for families of elderly and sick parents. A few years ago they planned to import 10,000 aged care workers from the Philippines and Indonesia, but 70% of them failed the entrance exam because of the kanji. They changed the test to make it easier, but at least 50% still failed the test. The reason they decided to import aged care workers was because it is cheap labor. The salary offered was ¥220,000 P/M minus the pension and health insurance, which meant the net salary was around ¥160-170,000, way below the poverty line. This was the failure of the idea. They expected educated and professional nurses and carers to come to Japan and work for peanuts.

A poor choice...if you get to the point where you just can't take it anymore, take her to the emergency room and walk away. Now what?

@Disillusioned

There are too many people forced into a life of slavery taking care of their elderly and sick parents. I know many people in the same situation and they are just waiting for their parent/s to die to get their life back

This "man" (wimp ?) wouldn't be here if hs mother hadn't borne him, brought him into the world, fed him and taken care of him for all those years... Is he not married ? If he doesn't have a wife to help take care of his mother, he could hire a family helper to do it for him...

I, personally, would very much resent it if either of my sons decided "they were just waiting for me to die to get their life back"....