One of the toughest lessons in life is that you can’t always win. Sometime, you do your very best and still come up short, but learning to let go of that regret and move on with your life is a necessary part of growing up.
But our Japanese-language reporter Ahiru Neko doesn’t care about growing up. What he cares about is revenge…revenge on Fatburger.
About a year ago, while traveling in the U.S., Ahiru stopped by a branch of the Los Angeles-based chain to try its XXXL Burger. But while he loved its taste, in the end, the giant burger proved to be too much for him, prompting him to compose a statement of defeat in broken English: “Give up, please. I’m so, sorry. U.S.A. is too strong. I’m in trouble. Sorry, sorry. Thanks. Goodbye.”
Eventually, though, Ahiru once again became hungry, for both beef and revenge. So from the day he heard that Fatburger was coming to Japan, he started looking forward to a rematch on his own turf, and when the chain’s first-ever Japanese branch recently opened in Tokyo’s Shibuya neighborhood, Neko was ready for Round 2.
Fatburger doesn’t have the XXXL Burger on its menu in Japan, but it does have what it calls the US Kingburger, which at 690 grams is just 10 grams lighter than the XXXL Burger. It would make a worthy opponent, and to make up for the missing 10 grams, Ahiru Neko also boldly ordered a side of French fries at the same time as he placed his order for the 2,560-yen behemoth burger, which is cooked to order (and limited to a quantity of 20 available per day until after May 15).
He then took a seat and waited stoically, his nostrils filling with the scent of grilling meat and his eyes taking in the surroundings, including the same sort of self-serve, unlimited refill soda machine that he’d seen at Fastburger in America, but which is nearly unheard of in Japanese fast food restaurants.
And then, his opponent appeared.
The towering US Kingburger is six patties tall. It’s so big that Ahiru was immediately intimidated, and was wondering if he’d have to unhinge his jaw in order to eat it.
▼ Oh, and don’t forget the fries.
Since Ahiru had come to do battle with this burger, he figured it would be perfectly fair for him to use weaponry, and so he grabbed a knife and fork and began slicing into his adversary. With each cut, the Kingburger shrank in stature…
...until finally the meaty monarch was no more, having been displaced from his throne and transferred entirely to Ahiru’s stomach.
As Neko basked in the glory of his victory, the Fatburger staff came over to take his picture. He shook himself out of his food coma long enough to give the camera a triumphant grin, and then his photo was placed on the restaurant’s wall of gluttonous glory among others who’d managed to eat an entire US Kingburger in one sitting.
However, Ahiru now finds himself in the position of a dining Damocles, as he knows no king’s rule can go unchallenged indefinitely. In time, Fatburger may up the size of its Japanese offerings even further, at which time it’ll be up to Ahiru to defend his dynasty.
Fatburger (Shibuya branch) / ファットバーガー（渋谷店）
Address: Tokyo-to, Shibuya-ku, Jinnan 1-23-10, Magnet by Shibuya 109 7th floor
東京都渋谷区神南1-23-10 マグネット バイ シブヤ109 7F
Open 11 a.m.-11 p.m.
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