The steamy weeks of mid-summer is also the time when cockroaches proliferate. So Weekly Playboy (Aug 24-31) entertains its male readers with a tongue-in-cheek story suggesting that valiantly squashing bugs will help them score points with gals.
In the old days, the "big three" weapons most favored against six-legged invaders were a rolled-up newspaper, liquid detergent and spray insecticide.
"Asari the Chabanator" (his title derives from 'chabane,' the name for German cockroach) tells the magazine that when it comes to rescuing a damsel in distress from the bugs, all three methods have their disadvantages.
"It's a big mistake to think she'll be impressed if you start whacking them with a rolled-up newspaper," says Asari. "What about the squashed goki stains left behind after you've smashed out its guts? Yech! As for liquid detergent, it's damn hard to hit a fast-moving target, so you wind up leaving soap squirts all over her pad. So she might be left with the impression, 'He's not the kind of guy I should depend on.'"
Well, what about spray insecticides? There are some pretty effective ones on the market at present; but there's a big disadvantage to using one in front of a lady. It seems the cans' exteriors are festooned with caricatures of gokiburi, which annoy some gals as much as seeing the real things.
"Once I took a spray can to my girlfriend's pad, and just at the sight of it, she let out a scream," the Chabanator recalls. To minimize the visual unpleasantness, he squirted the roach and scooped it up in one of those Kwikkuru disposable mops before she could see the remains.
"In one motion, you render the dead bug invisible, carry it off and wipe up any residue, It's like killing three birds with one stone," he chuckles.
"There are several restaurants on the first and second floors of my apartment," a writer named Soiri weeps. "I see a goki on the average of one every two days. Summers in particular are pure hell. I kill them and kill them, and it makes no difference."
Soiri's extermination technique involves electrocution. He runs an electric current through the webbing of a toy tennis racket, which generates about 5,000 volts -- enough to zap the bugs fatally.
Another chap named Yamato tells Weekly Playboy he prefers Goki-Pao, a spray preparation that within five seconds chills the goki's body down to minus 85 degrees, literally freezing it to death.
Weekly Playboy's staff team recommend Gokikon, a non-lethal repellent. The all-natural product, placed around kitchens and bathrooms, is composed of activated aluminum, white cedar extract, cypress extract, bamboo vinegar essence and unhulled rice vinegar essence. It is claimed to be completely safe for children and pets.
A real man, the article concludes, should be gentle not only to his lady love, but to the earth as well.© Japan Today