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kuchikomi

Low-income bachelors victims of widening 'sex gap'

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Over the past several years, Japan's economists have devoted much discussion to the widening gap in living standards. Writing in biweekly magazine Sapio (Sept 30), economist Takashi Kadokura discusses how disparities between the haves and the have-nots are affecting people's sex lives.

Kadokura first cites a survey of 502 single women conducted by Match.com, an Internet matchmaking site, in which 46% of the respondents said they would expect a prospective mate to earn at least 4 million yen per year. (Another 29% gave 6 million yen as their cutoff point.)

Income and population demographics, however, clash head-on with these women's expectations. According to a 2007 survey by the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications on wage earners, only about 1.58 million single males in Japan earn more than 4 million yen annually. The 2005 census determined the population of unmarried women in the 25-34 age segment to be approximately 3.87 million, so by extrapolating these figures, Kadokura calculates that if 4 million yen is an absolute condition for marriage, then 2.28 million women -- just under 60% of the total -- are left with the choice of compromise or lifelong spinsterhood.

In 2005, the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research released a nationwide survey in which it found that roughly one male out of every four in the 30-34 age segment had never experienced sexual intercourse.

Thus, while on the one hand, more teens receive their initiation to sex from an increasingly early age -- because among this group, hormonal urges outweigh economic considerations -- among those who miss out, however, growing numbers are destined to join the ranks of the working poor, becoming "middle-aged male virgins" who not only lack the means to conduct wholesome courtships, but who are also unable to afford the price of admission to a sex shop.

In his own survey of 300 single men via the Internet last year, Kadokura found that 73.9% of those in the lowest income bracket (under 2 million yen/year) were not dating at all, and 85.5% said they had never patronized a commercial sex establishment.

Interestingly, the respective figures for males in the 9 to 12 million yen income bracket were 33.3% and 37%, suggesting that while men on the lower rung of the economic ladder are hard up for girlfriends or marriage partners, the situation is also quite gloomy for those with very high incomes. Many high achievers, apparently, have the means to wed, but are too focused on their jobs, and too stressed out or physically exhausted from the demands of their work to enjoy a satisfying sex life, even when they can afford it.

For low-income households, the newly elected DPJ government's proposal to provide a "kodomo teate" subsidy to offspring may afford low-income couples with a possible solution. Certainly there's more to male-female relationships than just economics; but Kadokura concludes that to keep the "sex gap" from becoming further skewed, it may be necessary to rectify the widening income disparities, perhaps through such measures as wage controls or work sharing.

© Japan Today

©2019 GPlusMedia Inc.

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So woman who are golddiggers have no hope of being married at all. That's good news! If they have unrealistic expectations then throw them away, not the possibility of a happy life with someone.

A husband isn't a cash register

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A husband isn't a cash register

Can you stick that on a big yellow poster and put it up at Tokyo subway stations!

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According to this I'm not earning enough atall atall. I'm a very small 'cash register' but a cr all the same.

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The outlook for sexuality in Japan is pretty bleak. Poor single guys can't get girlfriends or afford commercialized sex. Rich guys don't have time or energy for sex. And married guys are cut off from sex once baby arrives or a few years pass.

Has anyone considered explaining to all sides that sex is healthy, fun, stress relieving and conducive to happiness? I mean come on people do we really have to explain this?

I see a couple real problems here.

Cinderella Syndrome: There are too many Cinderellas and nowhere near enough princes out there. Come on girls, you are not all princesses despite what Mom and Dad have said. But you can easily become the lonely old witch living in the forest alone and bitter if you don't learn to compromise.

Shallow Materialism: Need I say more. This is almost the national motto for many Japanese. Please note your poo brown expensive hand bag will not take care of you when you are sick or love you when you are old and grey.

Selfishness: Despite the apologetic nature of Japan, people are pretty introverted and self absorbed here. Try thinking about others and you may find a lot more happiness in caring than in being cared for. This goes for both sides.

Real people are better than virtual ones: Japan, put down the electronic device and step away. Smile at the cute guy or girl on the train. Tag someone and ask them to coffee. Strike up a conversation with a real human being. Maybe you'll find your perfect match. Much of the rest of the world does this and seems to be getting on with love and sex.

Give these things a closer look and try a new way Japan. Or you may become a tiny dying ethnic minority soon to disappear from lack of procreation.

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tkoind2, I seldom praise people for brilliant posts in here, but you've really hit the nail on the head. I especially liked your reference to the color of a certain popular brand of designer handbag. Perhaps you should approach JT's editor about doing a longer piece for the "Commentary" section.

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tkoin2:

What a post! Hits the nail on the head. Personally, I think there are a couple of other factors that come into play (societal lack of emotional and psychological support, work-life unbalance), but there's no way that I could make my point as poignantly as you did. Well done.

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I did not realize that the 40 year old virgin movie was a documentary and not a comedy.

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Very good post, tkoin2. The study is by all means poor. 300 people and by internet. Besides, it relates income with "dating" and "paying for sex". It does not consider "sex buddies", which may include more people, as women may see them as a nice man to have sex with but not to marry due to his income.

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tknoid2 should say this publicly to the masses of people listening to the media! Let me just add this. The quality of life depends not only on money and income but also on the richness of human relations in a society. Many Japanese people act like they just want to be left alone. If they just realized how much they could get in life quality through non-monetary relations...

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Tkoind2 for Prime Minister! You have my vote! Oh no, wait a minute, you`re not Japanese....

I have to admit I was pretty surprised that in the higher income bracket only 37% of men have never patronised a "sex establishment". Does this mean prostitutes and such-like, or include sex shops, porn etc? If the former, then that basically means that 63% of higher income men have been to prostitutes?! In which case I have been living in lala-land all these years! Eek!

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A husband isn't a cash register

This is seriously funny. I feel like sending this article to my japanese wife. Knowing several Japanese women who are married to americans,one particulary awesome female japanese friend of ours warned another japanese friend who was considering dating an american that "American husbands don't give allowances".

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It is the moral responsibility for all people to realize their own weaknesses, take responsibility, and correct them. Failure to do so will cause problems to themselves and others.

According to Abraham Maslow, the eminent psychologist much like food, water, and sleep, sex is a human physiological need. When we have poor social skills (weakness) we fail to have romantic relationships and fail to have physical intimacy. This human need for sex comes out in uglier ways: groping on trains, watching/buying pornography, sex friends, prostitution, etc. All of which long-term are psychologically and morally damaging.

People need to realize that they have problems opening up with their feelings and find ways of connecting with other people and engage in healthy romantic relationships. As one leaves self and begins thinking about others, happiness ensues almost like a natural by-product. We live in an interdependent world where we need human connection/love for lasting fulfillment and peace of mind. This is just the way the world is.

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Well, not in Okinawa. In here everyone gets it, not matter how poor.

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"American husbands don't give allowances".

Thats funny! What she probably means is, American husbands dont hand over their entire salary to be controlled by their wives.

My British male friend just married a Japanese girl recently. He was over the moon the day they got married.....and on the phone to me a month or so later absolutely FURIOUS that she is now demanding he hands over his entire salary every month so she can arrange the household finances including giving HIM an allowance! Love it!

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Is this true? Shocking. Sharply contradicts to Japan of past. It used to be marriage arrangment (Miai), right? Seems like this tradition way is already obsoleted and replaced by the materialistic feminists who have power to unreasonably commercialize and exploit their bodies for wealth gains and profits. Watching too much television, surfing Internet, and reading magazines/tabloids induce the women to be more conscious of themselves. Maybe women have a good reason to be greedy for security purpose.

I think that the article should not be too sympathy at the men who are victims for their low earnings and virginities. Criticize the wealthy men for their hard working does not help the low-income men much. Some young women may totally ignore this article and are only too interested in continue gambling their bodies and beautiful appearances for permanent relationships, until they hit the Las Vegas jackpots (fortunately finding rich men). If they are older, they will give up their body gambling because of losing attractiveness. Women in 40s or older are less discriminating and judgeable in choosing a mate. Virgin men in 40s can't fantasize themselves to be with young and attractive women forever. Be a little realistic.

Women are very sensitive and time-conscious, because they know that an older man has much easier time finding a young woman, than an older woman finding a man who is a little older than her. Even if men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s are unlucky enough to divorce their aging wives, they can still get almost any woman, as long as they have a lot of money. The divorced women past their prime can still receive sufficient money to comfortably support themselves, thanking to the rich men whom they already married to. Otherwise, the well-to-do men do not want to divorce their wives if they want to save money and trouble.

That is why the young women can't afford to waste their attractive youthfulness away and lose their chances to enjoy luxurious lives before they shrink when they become older. Welcome to the Western capitalism.

It can solve a problem if Japan is returning to marriage arrangments and the old laws which are designed to prevent the Japanese couples from divorcing. American feminism and American laxness take the biggest blame for breaking up Japan's tradition.

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Well, not in Okinawa. In here everyone gets it, not matter how poor

I get the feeling most of the questioned women are based in Tokyo...

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It can solve a problem if Japan is returning to marriage arrangments and the old laws which are designed to prevent the Japanese couples from divorcing. American feminism and American laxness take the biggest blame for breaking up Japan's tradition.

Ah yes! Those heady halcyon days when women were not able to work, their husbands could beat the crap out of them with impunity and they were trapped for life. Sounds so much more appealing.

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Kirakira25 - Apparently, you must know about Japan very well. I am slightly aware about the flaws within the Japanese tradition.

Obviously, this Japanese article cares more about men than women, because its author must still think that Japan is still male domination and reject some changes. Maybe it lies a little or more to make women to be more sympathetic of men. It does say about middle-age men's problem, but say nothing about middle age/elderly women's problems and low-income earnings. I understand.

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that she is now demanding he hands over his entire salary every month so she can arrange the household finances including giving HIM an allowance! Love it!

Ouch! Always best to sound out these issues before heading up the aisle...

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One thing is damn sure by this article..........Honey ....here is no love without Money....!!!!!!

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johnshiomi - Pretty cool comment. But beware of psychologists. Some of them may closely work with governments, bankers, propagandists, and economists to take advantage of people for their profits. They are nothing but self-serving people. Money come first. I think that it is more helpful to study a religion for life guide than relying on a professional who has a hidden agenda.

I like your suggestion for Japanese men, "This human need for sex comes out in uglier ways: groping on trains, watching/buying pornography, sex friends, prostitution, etc. All of which long-term are psychologically and morally damaging.". You don't need to be Abraham Maslow to give a great advice.

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It's interesting to see just how many problems would disappear if we stopped using money.

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The Jladies are partly(most part) to be blamed for this IOM. They set the high standadrds and now they are unable to cope with the outcome. They have made themselves expensive and now they cannot find their own men taking it. They have given a totally materialistic vaue to the sex, that the Jmen are moving away from it. The men are going for other forms of sex which are in the long term not healthy for anyone. The men cannot get enough from mauture women, so they are advancing in child porn and other artificial forms to fulfill their needs.

I think the host clubs, soaplands and the like are selfish and cheating concerns. Sometimes shocked at the way they categorise their services. Want to ask 'how dare you price this for ...yen and that for ...yen. In the good old days, women looked for men for security. Sometimes, you may not have the full materilaistic abundance from your husband, but then you have someone with you for always. Jladies got the whole thing wrong. They found a way to have their material needs fulfilled by putting a price for the sexual services of different kinds offered. No commitment needed, but you could dress up and work in a fancy place and earn money by offering lip services. Well ladies, good luck to you now 'cos you have already done the damage and the men are resorting to other ways to satisfy her needs. There was a time wealthy men took care of their hostesses for their entire life. You are fooling yourself if you try that now. Maybe there are a few more Oshio Manabu's around, so good luck to you.

While appreciating the fact that the Jwomen dedicate a lot of their time and energy on their physical appearance, hope that they will spend some serious time to make their family units work. For one thing contribute financially by doing some job. Women all over the world and with children are working. And the other most important thing would be that they cannot deny their husbands sex. That is a need for all human beings. If due to some external factors, you are unable to satisfy that need, then you must make an effort to rectify the situation. Therapy, counseling, etc.

sorry got carried away.

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My British male friend just married a Japanese girl recently. He was over the moon the day they got married.....and on the phone to me a month or so later absolutely FURIOUS that she is now demanding he hands over his entire salary every month.

Yeah, they try and do that. It's the worst mistake a newly wed chap can make. Under no circumstances should such an agreement be entered into, he'll regret it for the rest of his married life.

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Screw that allowance crap. Sex is easy to find here if you really want it. Sometimes it is nice to not have a woman around all the time as they are expensive and can be annoying. One can always use one's hand. And, 4 million? That is way too low.

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Woman in general want one thing, money.

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Men look for cute women without brain, it is a fact. Women look for men with brains. I do not care about the income, my men should have brains, if a man has brains, then he will be able to increase the income soon.

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It's interesting to see just how many problems would disappear if we stopped using money.

I think you hit the nail on the head with this comment. If we could just eliminate the money, world would be a great place to live. And it's not all that impossible. Has anyone heard about the Venus project?

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For one thing contribute financially by doing some job.

Do not forget that there is discrimination against women in Japan, especially against women with children and women foreigners. Some of the women are forced not to work because they are fired when theiy marry or have children.

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Men look for cute women without brain, it is a fact. Women look for men with brains.

Hmm, maybe man look for cute woman, and they usually come with no brain.

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Hmm, maybe man look for cute woman, and they usually come with no brain.

Question is: I am not cute and I have brain, why men don't leave me alone? Does that mean that these men are not real men? Lol

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Well, in contrast to the many other countries where cheerleaders and crack mommies and baby daddies and football players are creating idiocracies, Japanese women are professing that they have standards.

The most successful ones will have the highest standards, and Darwin keeps Jerry Springer off the throne. In Japan anyway.

This seems like great news to me. Get back to work people if you want the good things in life. Study hard. It all builds character and makes you more lovable.

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All women want is money ... all men want is sex! I see economic opportunity here! Get a job ladies!

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Hmm, maybe man look for cute woman, and they usually come with no brain.

Question is: I am not cute and I have brain, why men don't leave me alone? Does that mean that these men are not real men? Lol

U probably are cute, wearing pumps, and have on a short skirt. Women do not know when they are cute or not. Do you aks the men that hit on you how much money they make?

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no money...no honey

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no money...no honey

sound like what hooker in pataya beach would say!

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As an American guy I am pretty worried about what marriage with the average Tokyo girl would mean. Seems that demands for turning over salary are very common. This is, of course, impossible.

Then there is the seemingly inevitable cut off of sex by the wife who has decided not to endulge but expects the husband to simply go without. This is, of course, impossible.

And finally there is the expectation that the husband will somehow go from x-million per year to Y-million per year based upon the sheer will of his wife's financial ambition. This is, of course, impossible.

We are left with an uncertain future for the Japanese race. If the race is to continue J-ladies and gentlemen, you must revise your thinking at once. Keep these ideas in mind when doing so.

Two incomes are better than one. Better capacity to pay for nice housing, better money to send the kids to school, better money for vacations and maybe some left over for hideously colored handbags.

Love should include friendship: If you base love on some idea of romance or security alone it will fail. Let me repeat. IT WILL FAIL! Love must include developing a friendship. It will make it possible for you to share things you love, develop things in common and forgive each other for your weaknesses. Friends can develop trust and communication. But you have to work at this. My point? Marry someone you like as a friend too.

Money is not happiness or security. The happiest couples I have seen in Tokyo are some of the poorest I have met. They have happy little ones running around and time to enjoy being with them. Their lives are modest and yet they are the happiest people I know. There is a lesson here we should learn. Their security comes from love not from money. From the knowledge that they will take care of each other and get through life together. Now that is security and happiness.

So time to rethink, right?

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"The most successful ones will have the highest standards, and Darwin keeps Jerry Springer off the throne. In Japan anyway."

Japan has its own idiocracy it is just better dressed and unarmed. Just because someone with money is breeding doesn't mean the human race is safe from idiots. There are a lot of smart, creative people out there who don't fit the J-mold for marriage and kids who we really should be wishing would have children. It is their gene pool that we need to keep alive and not the shallow, safe corporate types who are breeding a race of uberdull consumers.

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My British male friend just married a Japanese girl recently. He was over the moon the day they got married.....and on the phone to me a month or so later absolutely FURIOUS that she is now demanding he hands over his entire salary every month.

Been married to my Japanese spouse for about 16 years. For a lot of that time, I have been self employed popping in and out of the country up to 30 times each year. I have also been totally preoccupied with growing the business. As such, I had no qualms from the start with letting my wife handle all the finances (she is an accountant by training). If I had to sit down and haggle with her over all the bits and pieces each month (loan payments, insurance, kid's school fees, vet fees, etc), I would not be able to devote my time to the main issue - making more money.

Moreover, going into a wedding with this idea that your own salary equates to a private discretionary income is problematic. I don't think it is wise to start building barriers between you and your spouse where barriers don't have to exist.

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I 'm not really surprised by the findings in this survey. Based on what I've seen of "relationships" in Tokyo, they seem to be very emotionally shallow. I won't lie and say that money doesn't play a factor in love, but I will always feel that it should take a backseat to developing a strong emotional bond with your partner, which will last you a lifetime. Perhaps if more Japanese realized this, there would be a drastic decline in sexless marriages and 30 year-old virgins. @LoveUSA- I completely sympathize with your situation, I'm in the same boat myself. Try not to let it get you down too much. Remember, we can always go home and find nice guys! If you ever feel like commiserating with a fellow blonde ex-pat, I'll be drinking in Shinjuku.

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Seems that demands for turning over salary are very common. This is, of course, impossible.

So you rethunk 'With all my worldly goods I thee endow,' right?

Guys who can't swallow that one simply aren't ready for marriage.

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Based on what I've seen of "relationships" in Tokyo, they seem to be very emotionally shallow.

Cant say I disagree with this. Many of my Japanese girlfriends complain to me that their husbands arent like mine, that they don`t treat them as equals, that they are out drinking all the time, etc etc. Why do I get to have "such a good husband"?

I listen and try to be sympathetic, but the fact is, they have a different relationship to us. These are the same women that are always complaining their husbands dont earn enough, that A-san has just got her kid into the top kindie in the area, that so-and-so has just bought a huge high level apartment and its not fair, blah blah blah. They admit to me that they married their husbands because their families were wealthy/they had good salaries.

My husband and I didnt marry for money. In fact, when we married my salary was virtually double his, but he didnt know that as I didnt tell him because I didnt want to "hurt his feelings"(so innocent back then!!!) We married because we were crazy about each other and could not live another month apart. 8 years on we are still crazy about each other. The only difference now is that we have plenty of money. We have a great relationship because I could live with him in a penthouse in Aoyama (which I dont, by the way!)or a cardboard box on the banks of the Tama river. Its HIM, not his bank balance. But my Japanese friends just don`t understand that way of thinking at all when we talk about this.

I guess I have come from a culture where I have had and still have the opportunity to be self-sufficient. But for most Japanese women that opportunity is not really there, and their only way of achieving that all-important financial security is to marry for money.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be financially secure I guess, but where do you draw the line? Is financial security having a safe place to sleep at night, or is it being able to buy any handbag you want? Another way me and some of my J friends seem to differ in our ways of thinking.

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kirakira25- I couldn't agree more with your post and congrats on your marriage. It sounds like you both know what it takes to have a fulfilling relationship, and money is not the only consideration Japanese people should be thinking of. Japanese people need to stop selling themselves so cheaply. in my opinion. Happiness is a lot more than a handbag or the right apartment, there are enough miserable people with money out there to prove my point.

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As an American guy I am pretty worried about what marriage with the average Tokyo girl would mean. Seems that demands for turning over salary are very common. This is, of course, impossible.

Then there is the seemingly inevitable cut off of sex by the wife who has decided not to endulge but expects the husband to simply go without. This is, of course, impossible.

And finally there is the expectation that the husband will somehow go from x-million per year to Y-million per year based upon the sheer will of his wife's financial ambition. This is, of course, impossible.

Tkoind, I couldn't have said this better myself. These husbands aren't husbands at all -- they're slaves. And unlike with the conventional form of slavery, there are precious few "abolitionists" agitating to end this one and replace it with something fairer!

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"Just because someone with money is breeding doesn't mean the human race is safe from idiots. ."

You do understand that this statement does not logically apply to what I said,right? Who said Darwin was foolproof?

As far as the rest of it goes, what can I say? Smart creative people should put up or shut up. Smart creative people who can't do anybody any good do not earn bucks and do not deserve the good life. They still have to earn it. You earn the important things in life through great ideas and service to society. If you are not doing that, you are an artist and you settle for what you get, genetically and otherwise. Just an observation. I don't make the rules, I just figured them out, that's all. Being a low income bachelor once, I know that if you justify mediocrity or accept it, you will be in the cellar forever.

Forcing Japanese women to save the Japanese race by putting up with someone who does not meet their standards is just another strategy for misogyny, right up there with policies making abortion illegal, lack of child care resources, and a dearth of contraceptive choices for women.

My situation worked out like Kirakira's, probably. Find the right person and marry them BEFORE they get rich. That works out best in the long run, but romance like that is a crapshoot. If you have to pick the winners after one of you wins, it costs more, but the risks are lower, natch.

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flatearther - thank you! Its not all roses of course - we were ready to kill each other just 3 days ago(!) but there is honestly not a day that goes by that I dont feel grateful that we found each other.

Now watch tomorrow when I post that he came home tonight and asked for a divorce! Because I don`t earn enough money....!! ;)

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kirakira25, you are confessing so much about yourself, your friends' complaints, and your marriage, aren't you? If it gets too deep, complicated, and personal, some of us may start to feel a bit of uncomfortable. I am sure that all of marriages in the world are not perfect, but, at least, couples have to work everyday to keep their marriages ongoing. Marriage is an extremely private business.

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I think very few Japanese women will change their thinking about marriage. I believe both men and women will probably marry foreigners in larger numbers. The low income men marrying women from third world countries. The women looking to foreign men with higher salaries to their Japanese counter parts. If you look at the singles ads in Metroplis, it is but a window it the shallowness of the women. I once saw ad that said "J female who thinks men in the Finance industry are sexy" Enough said.

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Men who don't understand how cute metastasizes into control are in trouble already.

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Tkoind2, as usual mate, cheers to you for another lucid, poignant post. In the end, youth and beauty fade in time ... if you have constructed your relationship on that foundation, what will be left to you once they are gone? Grasp for the things of real import, fight for ideals, and people, worthy of all those romantic platitudes. Sadly, it seems it is not enough to simply love someone anymore; still, you must pursue the things in your heart.

P.S. It put a bit of a smile on my face to read some of your accounts of finding real, honest, love for all of the best reasons. Good for you ... = )

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If your income is all the woman is looking at move along. My wife and I had nothing (but a great sex life) when we married. We have together made and lost a lot of money in the last ten years. We've had good times and terible times but at the end of the day we still love and respect each other. My wife would never have dreamed of asking me to hand over my salary as she's quite capable of making her own money. I think these people need a mondset adjustement.

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@tkoind2 Japanese isn't a race. It is a nationality.

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@BuddhismTech - terribly sorry if my posts about positive marriage experiences are too "deep, complicated and personal" for you. I was under the impression a thread like this is where you post personal opinions on the issue. With my own experiences I am hoping to shed a more positive light on marriage in Japan for the benefit of others and to inject a more positive, hopeful note into the thread.

If that is offending you, I suggest you just don`t read my posts anymore.

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@USexpat - really nice to read another positive story of marriage in Japan. I agree I think many need a mindset adjustment.

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Of course there are positive stories of marriage. Take US stats of roughly 50% of all marriages ending in divorce. There is the very real other half that range from acceptable to blissful.

I don't think anyone here is saying it is impossible to have a happy marriage. On the contrary, most of us are posting concerns because of the social trends that are preventing people from having happy marriages.

As society grows more selfish, introverted and materialistic, it has lost sight of the higher human values of love, companionship and unity. Along with that has been lost the very real and necessary understanding that love and relationships required their own hard work. Such as commitment, devotion to the relationship, patience, understanding, self sacrifice, compromise, empathy and forgiveness. All difficult things for self centered people focused more on pleasure and comfort than on these greater values.

If marriage is to survive as a viable institution in Japan, then there must be a dramatic change away from the stereotypical models towards models that work for contemporary people. Marriage must be less rigid, must work harder to meet the challenges of modern urban life in Japan. And must include a healthy sex life which seems to be one of the major causes of unhappy unions.

So Kirakira25, we want more stories of positive healthy marriages and sex lives, not less. But there are huge barriers growing out there in perception, misconception and selfishness that are making it very hard for more people to attain viable and happy relationships.

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we want more stories of positive healthy marriages and sex lives, not less. But there are huge barriers growing out there in perception, misconception and selfishness that are making it very hard for more people to attain viable and happy relationships.

Wish I was as eloquent as you! Thank you - exactly what I was trying to say!

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They can not choose right partener every time chasing only for money crossing 50 years.Husband had nice time in outside everywhere in Japan they can go rest for 3 hours with other women. How they can enjoy in home?Wife thoughts he is doing overtime in office for family but reality is not.Even higher income people doing samething outside of Japan man and women so how they can make good sex in couple.People are cheating each other in name of money,from heart to heart they have to love eachother then sex life will be better and happiness.

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kirakira25, I am not offended at all. I have no problem with your posts. I think that they are very interesting. If it gets so personal, I would imagine something else and get nervous. It is just between a woman and man.

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The world has changed, but so-called alternative lifestyles haven't made much headway in Japan. Single-person households (living in "one-room mansions") keep increasing, and stores are full of single portion meals. Marketers even coined a word for this, 孤食 (koshoku, literally "lonely eating"), to describe the practice of solitary dining. But over the past summer I happened to visit a few parks, marinas and zoos sites and did observe lots of wholesome looking, "normal" families with overjoyed kids and loving parents. Functional families of the traditional mode still exist, but I suppose the percentages are declining.

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Buddhismtech as you have mentioned in your earlier post, the article is more about the problem of the Jmen. If Jwomen are the reason for this problem, I think the contributions from Non-Jmen married to Jwomen is valuable in this debate.

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tkoind2 and kirakira: always interesting thoughtful posts! thanks

After fully digesting this article, I thought what a bizarre and sexist survey. It starts with the assumption that a woman's first priority in a marriage partner is how much money he makes...wrong! And it doesn't say anything about women working or having a sex life. It claims to be a study about the widening gap in living standards and how that is correlated to people's sex lives but actually it is completely male-centered and makes women look like greedy gold-diggers. (and 'spinsterhood' is an awful word)

It states that single men with a low income aren't dating and therefore aren't having sex. Do you really need a lot of money to have a 'wholesome courtship' ? (another very strange expression) No, of course not. Go for a walk in the park, look at the stars, stroll along the beach, chat over a cup of coffee...there are plenty of ways to get to know someone that don't involve much money at all!

Yes, let's hope that the view of marriage changes in Japan. I myself am happily married to a Japanese guy and money had nothing to do with it! We got together because we had similar interests and attitudes and later found that we were also very compatible. A word of advice to Japanese women, please look into your his heart before you look into his wallet!

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Actually this makes me happy and angry. When I see women going out with "loosers" with no money just because they wear an earring, have a pony tail, play in a band, have a tatoo or body ring of some sort or because of soem other cheap gimick is is irritating especially when a young girl is good looking and giving her self to some ass with an undeserved look of accomplishment. I think she is rubbing it in societies face that she "rewards" the ones who don't put in effort to prove they can provide for a family like the ones who studied and worked hard. Gimicks are a powerful tool to pick up on young sinple mindedgirls.. in the end once they have been "enjoyed" by the low life, they offer their "leftovers" to the hard working geek because he is rich, or at least can put a roof over her and the childs head.

Not all low income guys are bad, I don't mind seeing a pretty girl with a modest man who doesn't have an arrogant attitude that he is "the man" but not the "a hole" with the cocky look like he actually deserves what he is getting.

It makes me angry because I know most of these women don't respect the man and adore him for his hardworking responsible character but use him for financial reasons while she lives the good life lounging at starbucks the rest of thier lives with the designer accessories.

aw

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Low-income bachelors victims of widening 'sex gap'?

Well, yes for them it's getting harder and harder to fill in the gap, but that alone is not enough.

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OK, so next time I meet a girl I have to drop hints that my salary is over 4 mill. Got it! Cheers for the tip JT!

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Japanese or not, it makes NO difference. Both sexes of all races are capable of lying. Human is human. How often does a man lie? How often does a woman lie? No one can have a good marriage unless a man and woman both know how to be honest and straighforward.

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BuddhismTech:

How often does a man lie? How often does a woman lie?

And, of even greater importance, how often do they lie together?

No one can have a good marriage unless a man and woman both know how to be honest...

And yet rare is the good marriage in which they do not know how to lie together.

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tkoind2 - you are my new hero.

So many Japanese girls in this country are just down right terrified of men and think they are way too good for the J Boys of this country. How mistaken they are. Raised by loser fathers and paranoid, pathetic mothers what do you expect?

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Seems to me that if you have a bit more money, you'll get laid a bit more. I think it was always like this, anywhere, why are people shocked?

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Alphawolf. First of all, how come you get to say ass, and I don't?

But aside from that, I agree with you. Misanthropes and misogynists deserve each other. Mutual disdain lubricated with money and sex still wears out the cogs after awhile. The whole chase thing gets boring really fast.

Kirakira has found the answer. All you need is love, baby, yeah.

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All you need is love, baby, yeah.

You got it babe!

I would also add trust, mutual respect, regular foot rubs/neck rubs, shared beers, a supportive mother in law and a great network of girlfriends to sound off to every time the sh%t hits the fan - which it does in any relationship.

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alphawolf

if yr as good at reading people as you think you are maybe you shud the "talent" thing on tv haha

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What? Japanese women want men with cash to spend? Well, blow me down...

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Oh no. Not foot rubs. I know I am supposed to do that, but... anyway.. a supportive mother in law... hmm... I would settle for neutral... like Switzerland. And my problem is that MY network of girlfriends sounds off too much... haha. Just kidding.

Anyway, it DOES sound like you lucked out there. I am lucky too, but in different ways.

I think I should come out and say that money is a serious distraction. Basing a relationship on money is like... what... ? Someone help me out here...

I tried to do that when I was poor, and it just got stupid. You try it when you are not so poor, and it is just a waste of time. If I can go even further out on a limb, one thing I liked about Benjamin Button is that it shows ... in a very strange way... that you cannot even base a relationship on time.

The bottom line, corny as it sounds, is that money cant buy you love, and love is timeless. Learning that is an important life lesson. Young Japanese women can play it any way they want to, but I think that looking for money is not the best strategy. Maybe it is the best they can count on.

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Hmmm - it`s a really interesting subject - money or love?

I cant honestly say money is not important - in that, it would break my heart if I couldnt buy my kids an ice-cream as a special treat, and I would hate not to be able to relax at Starbucks once in a while because "we can`t afford it" - I think it is where you personally set the bar that is the key.

I think - not to defend them at all - but in some ways I can understand the Japanese women`s drive for financial security, given that it does seem to be much harder for them to set themselves up independantly here than it was for me and other western women in our culture.

But bottom line - I could never marry a guy for money if there was no deep love and connection there. It wouldn`t feel right. In fact, thinking about it I never thought I could ever marry anyone at all until I met my husband!

Basing a relationship on money is like... what... ? Someone help me out here...

I would say building a house on sand. It looks nice and steady for a while, but the foundations it is based on are just not stable.

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There is some sense in this because it's not cheap to live, and isn't Tokyo an expensive city to live in? Each partner in a relationship needs to be able to pull their own weight, that's how hard the world is right now. When I hear about a couple where one partner has been off of work for 2 or 3 years because of illness, I cringe in pain for them. The cost of living is just too high to live on one partner's salary alone.

Women who are using their husband as a cash register - stop that. You have to be able to support yourself in case there comes a day, and there's a good chance there will come a day, that you need to live on your own income. Make sure you can take care of yourself.

I've been married 4 years and have known my husband for 7 altogether. When we found each other we were broke students just getting out of college. Don't throw in the towel! There are a lot of things two people can do for an inexpensive date. My husband offered to cook dinner for me when we were still just friends and I was very impressed by that. Sure, he's not the world's best cook but the care and effort really said it all. Especially the offer of a ride home from the emergency room afterwards. (Just kidding.)

So, while it's crucial these days for people to have enough money to live on, it's silly to suggest that the poor can't find love because they're poor, or that EVERYTHING revolves around money. The desire to work toward a decent income is also important, as is the get-up-and-go that needs to come with it.

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I think National Geographic shud do a documentaryon this, wud be a great watch!

I think many here are missing what these gold diggers want, they dont want love, they want the security to never have to work again, any love etc that may occur is a fluke/bonus. These $$$ marriages are the ones where the husband & wife live under the same roof but live virtualy separate lives for the most part, if thats what they both want, thats what they get

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This is literally academic. In all cultures, women tend to operate the same way. When they are young, they want the "bad boys" because it's fun. When they get more mature (at whatever age), they want security - either financial or emotional. In this day and age, there is no greater indication of whether a partner can provide financial security than their salary. This is not a superficial reaction - but rather a very understandable and deep-seated human need to ensure protection of future offspring.

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Kadokura has astounding trouble with basic arithmatic. Their own survey says 46% of women require 4 million yen - no surprise. That means 54% of women don't have such an income requirement. They then pull out of their ass the claim that every woman who doesn't get a 4 million man is compromising. Typical tabloid reasoning.

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Exactly jqsjqs, this is simple common sense. Darwin takes care of men and women who don't care about money at all.

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had never experienced sexual intercourse.

Thus, while on the one hand

oh, I get it JT, very funny

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Men look for cute women without brain, it is a fact

Not quite. Study after study has shown that for short term relationships, men indeed prefer brainless beauties. But for long term pair bonding, men prefer women with at least some kind of intellect. Although many times a guy will hook up for a brainless beauty for long term pair bonding, only to realize too late what a horrible mistake he's made.

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OK, let's do the math. 44,000,000 yen is about 45,000 US approx. That is a lot even by US standards. I feel sorry for the J-guys! J-Women really need to quite being so shallow. Money is important but it won't guarantee you anything especially happiness. If these statistics are correct how do Japanese men make it? Japan is far more expensive to live then US by a long shot which maybe the exception of New York but overall J-men are screwed. It would take me likely 3 years to make the cutoff point for what J-Women consider average. Wow, and I thought women in US had high standards lol.

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