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Men in their 20s ask: 'Why are older men more popular with women than us?'

39 Comments

You can hold all the cards and still lose. A good player can play a bad hand better than a bad player can play a good hand. This story’s not about poker though, it’s about inter-sexual relations, and Spa! (Jan 30) is bemused to find that young men in pursuit of young women are being put to shame by middle-aged men, who increasingly seem to leave men 20 years younger than themselves scratching their heads in solitary frustration.

Older men do of course wield some advantages. Money is one, experience another. Still, think of their wrinkled faces, protruding bellies, disagreeable body odor, fading libido. Surely men in their 20s, handsome, trim, fragrant, lusty, have more to offer?

It seems not. Spa! cites no statistics, but the anecdotal evidence is at least suggestive, if not conclusive.

 Wrinkles? “I like wrinkles, they deepen a man’s facial expression,” says one young woman. A pot belly? “It shows his honesty – he’s not trying to hide his age,” says another. Telltale middle-age body odor? “Better a natural odor like that,” says a third, “than the artificial scents some of the younger guys sport.”

Spa!’s usual constituency is middle-aged men, but for this particular article it descends the age scale, adopting the point of view of the increasingly cold-shouldered young. Take communication, for instance. Surely it’s easier to talk to someone your own age than to a man nearly old enough to be your father? There’s also the matter of a young man’s perfect mastery of the latest technology and social media, spheres in which a year is a generation and 20 years an age.

Yes, but that very mastery can itself be a problem. It fosters dependence, and a diminishing of real-world outreach. Who, for example, is more likely to send a woman flowers on her birthday? Not the younger man, surely.

Even online contact can put the younger swain off his game. An exchange via the message app Line will have run its course, you’re ready to say goodbye, but a young man simply won’t get the message, fumes a 23-year-old woman – he’ll persist, where an older man, more sensitive to nuances, will say, “Good, see you tomorrow,” and ring off.

As with conversation, so with sex. “I was too pushy,” admits a 20-year-old man after a failed date. A shame, too – it had been off to such a good start. After dinner and drinks, he was all set to head to the nearest love hotel. She demurred, he persisted. She escaped him at last, and the next day his Line messages went unanswered. An older man, Spa! says, would have taken no for an answer, confident of having strengthened his position for next time.

There’s more to that than the tact that deepens with experience, says Tomonori Morikawa, a writer Spa! identifies as a “scholar of romantic love.” The essential factor, he explains, may well be the fading libido whose prospect and onset can cause such anxiety. It can be a plus, says Morikawa. Less urgent sexual desire can – though certainly it doesn’t always – prevent a man from making a nuisance of himself with a woman who doesn’t want to be rushed into bed. Score another point for middle-aged sexual attractiveness.

© Japan Today

©2020 GPlusMedia Inc.

39 Comments
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From reading many postings re many articles over many moons, i think the apparently older gents would be considered more appealing than the likely 20-something posters.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

The science is clear, due to their many mental and physical differences, men’s sexual market value peaks around 40 and women around 24. Men age like wine...

2 ( +5 / -3 )

Wrinkles? “I like wrinkles, they deepen a man’s facial expression,” says one young woman. A pot belly? “It shows his honesty – he’s not trying to hide his age,” says another. Telltale middle-age body odor? “Better a natural odor like that,” says a third, “than the artificial scents some of the younger guys sport.”

Except when it's TV stars and male idols of course...

A man is just as young and handsome as he's ready to pay.

-5 ( +1 / -6 )

Unless the 20 year olds are dating a smartphone they've got no chance. They grew up doing nothing but texting. No people skills.

7 ( +9 / -2 )

Speed.

Agree often do I see couples, either both faces buried in their keitai or one on keitai the other listening to music. Zero conversation and looking at each other, if they might be sexting each other?

Saw a report on TV call-line that employs pensioners(1/3rd of staff) sales have risen by a. 1/4, reason telephone manners and knowing how to communicate.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

pacint.

Or sexting someone else (like an older man)? (^_^)

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Still on 2nd Coffee.

1/4 should be 40%.

Even 20yrs ago fellow co-workers were complaining that new employees had poor phone manners and little knowledge of Keigo, so 1st was training in those.

On average older man have more money and treat a women better, again nothing new.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

I'm in my 50's and all of the above...except the stinky body!!

Yet, I have been "walking in the desert"... so to speak, for about 8 months.

If this was back in Scotland...I'd score tomorrow.

Here in Japan...Shonan girls ain't easy.

Any advice guys?

3 ( +6 / -3 )

Japanese men are amongst the worst at picking up ladies that I have ever seen.

And I think it makes it easy and wonderful for everyone else.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

Being in my 50's it got some gray hairs, balding but refuse to wear a rug, many woman like that. Potbelly not here, granted I got a hernia mesh in my stomach which causes a bulge?

Fairly active in Sports, which many youngsters are not after school..,

Honest this is me. WYSIWYG.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Glanced through and thought, 'Not in my life', 'Young woman as commodity', an invitation to #Metoo, then flipped it all wondering if the same attitudes were true for older women into younger men, then down the LGBT path.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

maybeperhapsyes - I'd advice you to ditch the J-game and head back to Scotland, if it is indeed easier yonder as you so claim. Really, why waste your time in a "desert" when life is passing you by.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Jalapeno. Thanks for the advice but...

To compare Japanese and Scottish ladies. How can I put this?

There's an apple tree. Half the apples are on the tree. The remainder are on the ground.

You'll pick one from the tree because they are sweeter, juicier and full of color.

Sorry ma bonnie lassies out there.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

It's true, I am 47 married and still have women in the late 20's early 30's approaching me. Been with 72 ladies to date, but getting married in 2014 put a end to all the fun.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Been here 30 years, and Japan is the gift that keeps on giving. Though I am no longer accepting these gifts, it's nice to know they are there. I have to concur that a lot of the younger guys are pretty useless (or should I say pretty and useless?).

9 ( +9 / -0 )

I think it depends on what women want from their men. Young women looking for nothing more than a quick hook-up might prefer a youth, some of the time. Let's face it, most young men are pretty immature.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Many younger men have poor social skills and are often self absorbed.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

If all this is true, the answer is simple. Older guys have more money.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

if the same attitudes were true for older women into younger men, then down the LGBT path.

What? You realize that it's not a choice, right?

If all this is true, the answer is simple. Older guys have more money.

Girls I've talked to who prefer old men prefer that they have more experience, are more stable, and more mature. Money is only part of 1/3 of that equation.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

At 40, I can definitely say this is true. Even married guys. I don't know, maybe because we treat the young princesses as a gentleman, polite and caring, interesting conversation, a fine dinner and a good wine? And we get all the good stuff in return.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

While us oldies may feel a little smug by the article, which of us doesn't wish we were 25 again?

6 ( +7 / -1 )

"While us oldies may feel a little smug by the article, which of us doesn't wish we were 25 again?"

You may to wish to add, "and knowing what we know now".

11 ( +11 / -0 )

This is simply the way it has pretty much ALWAYS been, as a young gent in my early 20s most women my age I knew QUICKLY gravitated to older & older men for dating, that meant a couple years older to start & then it expanded as women got into their later 20s.

For many men the pool of women is smaller in their 20s for just this reason, BUT as time passes the dating pool for men increases & for women decreases, simple biology & primitive urges mostly but $$$ can figure into it in a big way, if you make good coin the ladies will sense it, it has ALWAYS been so.

> Girls I've talked to who prefer old men prefer that they have more experience, are more stable, and more mature. Money is only part of 1/3 of that equation.

Strangerland,

I would hazard to guess that money is a lot higher than one third, BUT that is not because women make it sound like a third, their actions often betray their words, often they don't even realize it. I say listen to what a women says, but WATCH CLOSER her actions, they often do not jive!

2 ( +3 / -1 )

I think the key is money and looks - not just your biological looks but fashion.

If you're 40 and can't pull in women like mad, you need to overhaul your physical image. Change your fashion to something Japanese women like. If you want to date OL's, dress like the type of guys OL's gravitate toward.

If you are fat you must lose weight. Fat men are not well received by younger women. Deal with it.

Also keep in mind that young women expect older men to have more money and spend freely on them. JP men typically have salaries equal to their age (If they are successful men anyway) - 40 years old, 400k or more per month. 50 years old, 500k or more per month. If you're not meeting these numbers, find a way to get closer - either change your job, start a side business, whatever. You'll find it hard to entertain the lifestyles these girls expect if you aren't pulling in those figures.

Also be very wary of papakatsu which is becoming a disgusting plague in this nation.

If you're 50 you can still get 25-35 year old women interested in you, but you need to know how to talk to them. Things a 40 year old might get a pass on (I.e. generation gaps) will no longer fly for you. You need to be very fashionable. Foreign fashion does not fly well in Japan unless it's the fashion that is raging in top circles in NY, Paris or London. Khakis, polo shirts and a backpack do not cut it. If you have no hair, look at bald Japanese celebrities and see how they handle their baldness. Take a cue from them, manner your fashion after them.

If all else fails, a well made suit and good shoes goes a loooong way. Don't wear a typical JP salaryman suit - get something flamboyant even if it's subdued. If you are thin, wear tight cut suits. If you're big and muscular, get something that's perhaps sporty and consider wearing lighter colored fabrics. If you're fat, wear clothing that conceals it, not accentuates the fact. Change your wardrobe to match the seasons. Have a few different pairs of nice leather shoes. PSFA (Suit Factory) etc. sells pretty nice leather shoes made in Japan, and order-made suits can be bought in Hong Kong either online or by just going there for a few days and getting them made for you. India is another option if you need to economize. You can have 12 suits tailor made for under 120,000yen in India. They will be of the utmost quality.

Learn about good restaurants in both your home station area as well as a few other areas so you always have an awesome place to take your lady when she accepts your invitation to go out. When the bill comes, pay for it nonchalantly. Are you carrying a good looking wallet? If not, get one. Use point cards or miles cards if you're dating a lot, it adds up. Are the places you're taking her interesting? Do they allow for conversation? Are you mixing up both quiet time and noisy "waiwai" time? Consider making a date-game plan - i.e. first date: Cafe-Photography walk-window shopping, second date: quiet dinner-billiards or darts-karaoke (then hotel if it's gone well) etc. etc. Women will appreciate if you wait til the 2nd-4th date before making a move, but don't usually like to wait longer than that if they're into you.

Never say ANYTHING negative in front of Japanese women, it's an instant turn off. If you start telling her your troubles it's highly likely she's going to friendzone you at best, cut you out of her life at worst.

Hope this helps. Take this advice or leave it, but I assure you I have had unbelievable success with this way of dating.

-1 ( +4 / -5 )

"While us oldies may feel a little smug by the article, which of us doesn't wish we were 25 again?"

You may to wish to add, "and knowing what we know now".

I'd love to be 25 again even not knowing what I know now!

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Been married for 25 years, so my come-on radar is badly rusted. Times are, though, I'll suddenly realize with astonishment, "She's trying to pick me up!"

I do have many platonic relationships with younger females. We'll go for walks or have a meal, often with my wife. The reason they like me, as I've been told on several occasions: I listen.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Even in college many of the women students preferred older men. I asked one female friend why she was hooking up with a much older man, since I knew it wasn't because of money, and she flat out told me that it was because he was mature, and that young men didn't treat her the way he did. She eventually married someone her own age, but that is another story.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

LagunaJan. 28 01:41 pm JST

The reason they like me, as I've been told on several occasions: I listen.

Seriously listening so they are all that matters to you is a serious turn on for girls of any nationality, wish I had learned it a lot earlier than I did!

4 ( +4 / -0 )

The reason they like me, as I've been told on several occasions: I listen.

Being outnumbered means you have only two choices, listen or daydream, perhaps both depending on how long you are hanging out LOL!!

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Older man more popular with women in a country that is brand conscious and where branded things cost a lot? Gee, I wonder why? $$$$$$$$.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

Thats very nice of you sevicing lady's at 72 years old Nick in Japan.

As a 50 something man im sick of being treated like a peice of meat by younger women !!

Im a human being not a machine! Sometimes i feel so used..

4 ( +4 / -0 )

It's hardly a wonder is it when you see how 20 something year old guys behave together out on the town. Embarrassing bellends!

1 ( +1 / -0 )

The reason is quite simple. The majority of Japanese women are only interested in your money and financial stability. Older men have significantly more money, than younger men. The lack of sexual desire is not a problem because the majority of Japanese women are not interested in physical relationship.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

The majority of Japanese women are only interested in your money and financial stability.

No, that's not right. While it is true that most Japanese women place a high value on stability and ability to support, for most Japanese women, that's not all that matters, they are interested in someone they like as well.

The lack of sexual desire is not a problem because the majority of Japanese women are not interested in physical relationship.

That's not right either. It's just that they lose sexual interest in guys who don't take care of them in bed.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Haha, SLand sometimes I wonder if you really live in Japan :)

I am partially joking. The overwhelming evidence about ladies here wanting "stability"(that is a code word for more than decent amount of ca$h!) & great number of sexless relationships seems to contradict your observations.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

This reminds me of the old English fable about the young bull and the old bull stand at the top of the hill overlooking all the heifers. The young bull said, “C’mon! Let’s run down there and get it on with one of those heifers!” The old bull replied, “Nah, let’s walk down and get it on with them all!”

Young men men all over the world have their brains in their pants. This makes the term ‘grow up’ especially pertinent to young men. It takes many years for their brains to grow up to their heads from their pants.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Telltale middle-age body odor?

Is this a real thing?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Telltale middle-age body odor?

Is this a real thing?

Yes, though it hits some people earlier than others. It's also partially dependent upon genetics, the food one eats, and their overall health.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I would point out this article refers to Japanese men and younger Japanese women. The foreign posters above should keep in mind charisma-man, meaning just being different by race and culture will often give you an advantage, so it is your game to lose so to speak.

Second point, my experience is that you can get the numbers, but time spent with Japanese women who are fluent in English and get the humor, and who work (even part-time), is usually much more enjoyable for me than a woman who does not speak English or does not speak it well, and who does not work.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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