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kuchikomi

Middle-aged males suffering from epidemic of wife-induced disease

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In Japanese, "kogen-byo" is connective tissue disease (previously referred to as collagen disease), and used to describe systemic autoimmune diseases such as lupus.

But Japanese males may also be suffering from an outbreak of a new disease, and Shukan Taishu (June 17) thinks it is on to something. It has changed the first syllable from "ko" to "sai," thereby altering the name to "saigen-byo," meaning diseases caused by the stresses and strains of being wed to a "monster" wife.

This condition, reports the magazine, may be spreading rapidly.

"I couldn't figure out what was causing it," moaned Mr A, a 45-year-old mid-level manager at a construction company. "I don't smoke or drink alcohol, and on weekends I go to the gym to keep in shape. But from the end of last year, around the time I knocked off work, I'd feel pains in the area of my temples, and while riding the train home, I'd develop a rapid heartbeat.

"My wife, as I see it, is an extreme perfectionist," Mr A complained. "Even the most trivial thing has to be done just right or she quietly fumes over it. For example, if I leave particles of food uneaten in my lunch box, she'll silently dump it into the trash, and then ask me, 'Was there something you didn't like?'"

"In spring of this year, when my train arrived at the station near our house, I suddenly got cold sweats, and in my mind's eye I saw the frosty expression on my wife's face. 'Eh?' I said, startled, and then began to feel dizzy. I thought I was going to fall onto the tracks, when another commuter grabbed me and pulled me to safety." It could have been a disaster."

"The more husbands devote themselves to their jobs, the greater pride they feel," explains Yoichi Shimomura, a veteran company doctor with long experience in mental health counseling. "The more a wife refuses to recognize this, the greater stress the husband feels."

"Many men also suffer from menopause when they reach their 40s or 50s," remarks Michiko Yonekura, a psychiatrist at a medical facility staffed entirely by young female physicians, called the "Joy Total Clinic." "This is caused by a decline in the secretion of testosterone, leading to hormonal imbalances. In this case, they might suffer from vertigo or palpitations, as well as loss of sex drive and erectile dysfunction."

According to Yonekura, the condition makes itself felt after children grow up and couples become "empty nesters," or upon retirement, when spouses begin to spend more time together. Of course, some wives come up with the female counterpart of this disease, "fugen-byo" ("fu" means husband).

"Men should learn to develop a 'playful mind,'" advises Shimomura. "I can't go so far as to recommend they go out and cheat on their wives, but by having a crush on somebody or playing with remotely controlled models, and so on, they are made to feel young again.

"It's also important to show extra deference to the wife's parents, as this develops a sense of gratitude on her part," Shimomura adds. "Even though spouses get on each other's nerves, there are also ways by which they can develop better tolerance."

To see if you might be suffering from "saigen-byo," Shukan Taishu has provided a checklist of 10 items. Answer "yes" to between 1 and 4, and you need to be on your guard. If the score's between 5 and 7, the chances of having it are pretty good. And if the score is between 8 and 10, a completely medical and psychological checkup is recommended.

  • I'm something of a perfectionist
  • I have trouble falling asleep
  • I suffer from unexplained episodes of sweating, vertigo or palpitations
  • I help as much as possible with household chores
  • Our children are financially independent and married
  • I'm often at home since I have already retired
  • I exhibit more fatigue than does my wife
  • We never engage in marital spats
  • As a married couple we seem to understand each other without the need to speak
  • My wife suffers from menopause-related problems
© Japan Today

©2019 GPlusMedia Inc.

145 Comments
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Dear God, is it any wonder this country is shoc full of messed up people, with the garbage these so-called professionals spout.

“The more husbands devote themselves to their jobs, the greater pride they feel........The more a wife refuses to recognize this, the greater stress the husband feels.”

There is clue #1, right there. The more a husband dedicates himself to his job, the more lonely and isolated his wife feels and she gets narky, hence her stress, hence his stress. Its not rocket science. Why do these people seem to think women (and men for that matter) are able to function as robots?

And then they come out with this:

Men should learn to develop a ‘playful mind,’” advises Shimomura. “I can’t go so far as to recommend they go out and cheat on their wives, but by having a crush on somebody or playing with remotely controlled models, and so on, they are made to feel young again.

Yep. Sure fire way to crap up your marital relationship - the source of all the problems - even further.

If husbands and wives actually TALKED to each other, communicated how they feel, instead of having panic attacks on the way home and getting pissy over some leftover bento, imagine what a happier place Japan could be.

51 ( +56 / -8 )

you just try to deflect from the bitter truth, that women, that refuse to recognize their husband's efforts are ingrates.

14 ( +19 / -5 )

playing with remotely controlled models

Is that the same as telling them to go out to their local cabaret and have some fun? What a nut case! This "Doctor" needs a doc!

13 ( +19 / -6 )

Sorry - husband's fault. If they didn't spend wasted time at the office or get wasted with their colleagues and paid more attention to their families while the children are growing up things could be different.

2 ( +20 / -19 )

if I leave particles of food uneaten in my lunch box, she’ll silently dump it into the trash, and then ask me, ‘Was there something you didn’t like?’”

No, Both You and your Wife are suffering from an Epidemic in Japan, Called, "Common-Sense Deficiency Syndrome," Often accompanied by, "The Victim-hood Syndrome" and "Wartime Atrocities History Deniers Syndrome."

It's very common for Native Japanese, that have never studied abroad, in a western / civilized country, to experience all three of these conditions!

2 ( +20 / -20 )

I am a firm believer that, in relationship problems, it is almost impossible for one person exclusively to be at fault.

They are a couple, and it stands to reason that if the wife was really as horrific as these men are portraying, they could have been very easily divorced a decade ago - Im all for people getting out of unhappy or abusive relationships, but it seems these men want their cake and to eat it too. They want to complain about their wife and how they are making their life unhappy, but at the same time are quite able to overlook the positive things the wifes do day in and out - the bento making, the company shirt washing and ironing, the house cleaning and child rearing.

One has to wonder, if the men had to do all these things alone, would they be complaining about that too? I Suspect so.

"Blaming the wife" is too easy a scapegoat - and it speaks volumes about these men, who are not willing to take any responsibility for their own home life and happiness.

19 ( +23 / -5 )

This is what happens when a nation of children try and pretend to be adults.

10 ( +22 / -12 )

Chiba you made all the comments I was going to make.

Or perhaps Japan should stop allowing these "monster" wives to behave this way. It isn't just towards their husband's. Teachers feel the brunt of them as well.

2 ( +8 / -5 )

It is not just Japan. There is a whole generation of men taking medicine for depression-like symptoms. Because men are not allowed to men anymore. Wives of the world. Let your husbands be men. Treat them like men. Don't hen-peck them into some version of a female friend you would like to have.

8 ( +15 / -7 )

Onniyama, there are plenty of women as well - in fact, depression rates appear to be higher in women so....

1 ( +9 / -7 )

Aren't we just forgetting that a lot of women only marry so that they can have a bread winner and don't have to work?

It then gets really easy to see how "monster wives" are created. Lured in by the "forbidden fruit" of happy married life that the woman seems to suggest, or maybe blackmailed by the woman using her unborn child as a hostage to trap him, the man soon discovers that he is being whipped like a slave from his wife to go out to work - while simultaneously being told that he is the one responsible for looking after her and the family. Meanwhile the woman sits around the house doing very little, takes the bulk of his paycheck, and gives him only enough to survive on. Also he is given the carrot/stick treatment in the bedroom. Let's not get started on how the wife is in a position to "rock the cradle" with children at an early age to teach them to look after herself and beat up on daddy... and the fact that the woman's kitchen is her power base to control what the man eats (or doesn't eat) every day.

But yeah ladies... it's all the man's fault. He shouldn't have got married!

13 ( +22 / -9 )

Saigenbyo? Fugenbyo? Seriously?!

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Just had a lifestyle and health survey sent out by the Japanese Ministry of Health Labour & Welfare. One form for me and one for my wife. The rep will be coming round on Saturday to collect the two forms, in one large brown envelope.

There is a whole section on how you feel about your spouse and your marriage and who you can consult with when you feel stress. I want to check the boxes that my marriage is the greatest cause of stress in my life and that I can only consult with 'friends & acquaintances'.

I know my wife will read what I have written, so I have refused to answer that section.

6 ( +9 / -3 )

@kimuzukashiiiii

it stands to reason that if the wife was really as horrific as these men are portraying, they could have been very easily divorced a decade ago

If a couple does not have children, I would agree with you. If your spouse is abusive (husband or wife) and creates endless drama and misery, and you have no children, then you should get a divorce and not look back.

But, once children are in the equation, then a man in Japan in particular (Japanese or otherwise) has little choice but to stick with the marriage and endure the abuse/misery if he loves his children and is concerned about their well-being — particularly if the mother is verbally abusive and neglectful toward them as well. Otherwise, if the man takes the other route and escapes the situation in Japan, he almost certainly will lose all contact with the children. I've seen that happen first hand several times.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

I can't go so far as to recommend they go out and cheat on their wives...

I can!

8 ( +14 / -6 )

Women were designed to bitch and complain to their husbands. Men just have to stop being pussies and tell them to can it; especially over dumb things. Did they gey married to their man to control them or to enjoy life with them. Harsh I know but nobody needs that crap i their lives.

12 ( +15 / -3 )

if I leave particles of food uneaten in my lunch box, she’ll silently dump it into the trash, and then ask me, ‘Was there something you didn’t like?’”

Yes: Your sass.

12 ( +13 / -1 )

pointofview. Unfortunately some women get married simply to control a man. Sad I know.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

But yeah ladies... it's all the man's fault. He shouldn't have got married!

Which is why I don't understand why so many here do. Many wives here are parasites. I been saying that for years and when I do, I get thumbs down. I honestly feel sorry for the men in this country when it comes to work and relationships. Some amazing women out there but most are indeed looking for a cash machine husband. Hence, stop allowing them to behave this way.

7 ( +14 / -7 )

The more a husband dedicates himself to his job, the more lonely and isolated his wife feels and she gets narky, hence her stress, hence his stress.

Actually, you are wrong! The woman gets like this if the man doesn't dedicate himself to his work. The role for most Japanese wives is a finance controlling baby maker with bento making skills. I read a report a few months ago that stated 45% of men want to divorce, but are afraid to do so because of their 'monster wife'.

4 ( +8 / -4 )

"But yeah ladies... it's all the man's fault. He shouldn't have got married!" @Neo_Rio. A wonderful poll of same-sex couples in the United States was released last year. The question was how many couples were still married after one year. The results: 93% of the men were still together but only 11% of the women made one year.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

I'd just say those wives have Borderline personality disorder, myself.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

- I’m something of a perfectionist -Nothing wrong with that. - I help as much as possible with household chores -I try to help my wife out as much as possible instead of being a lazy alcoholic panchinko slave. Can't see any problems with helping your spouse out. - Our children are financially independent and married -Don't have kids yet, but this sounds like something good obviously. - I’m often at home since I have already retired -I would assume they earned the right to do this. - We never engage in marital spats -I think everyone would prefer not to fight? - As a married couple we seem to understand each other without the need to speak -This was one of the reasons I chose to marry my wife. Doesn't stop us from speaking with one another though. - My wife suffers from menopause-related problems -A temporary problem that everyone has to deal with.

How do these guys pass themselves off as doctors? This type of excusism is what fuels this countries problems. So you have problems with your marriage? Oh it must be your wife, you couldn't possibly be to blame for any of it, hell let's make up a term for it so you can feel better and realize that other irresponsible people just like you are suffering and not manning up to life.

5 ( +8 / -3 )

A female psychiatrist named Yonekura ?.....At a medical facility staffed entirely by young female physicians, called the “Joy Total Clinic.” ?

Oh my...I think I need to book in for a check up in that clinic as soon as possible :-)...

5 ( +5 / -0 )

It seems the married Men in Japan "suffer" the most. I always though it was the kids being bullied, but actually it is the adult married males in Japan with good jobs. ==> Thankfully they are the ones earning money and can afford the help they need.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Women were designed to bitch and complain to their husbands.

No, we werent. Some of us do though. Quite a few in fact. My husband works incredibly hard for us and I love him to bits for it. I cant work at the moment (complicated story) but I have every intention of doing so in the future when the children are older, and meanwhile I am planning and starting retraining for just that goal. If I ever winge because my husband "left some of his bento" - please, kill me, because I will have become exactly the kind of person I never want to be.

And as for the carrot and stick in the bedroom comment - no comment, just a BIG smile ;) !

15 ( +17 / -2 )

I'm married to a J man. In the beginning he gave me all his income, asked me on how to do this and that around the house and even how to dress up for the day. It was strange to me as I'm his wife not his mummy.

Reading this article makes me more careful. I surely don't want him to be that sort of mid-age husband. He works so hard he deserved to do what he likes. I work hard too and I deserve to do what I like as well.

9 ( +10 / -1 )

Badsey3 - Yeah, they are the ones earning the money, but they are not the ones controlling it. My EX Japanese wife exactly the same. She demanded I give her my bank card and book, credit card and have my salary paid into her account. In return I would get a pissy bento and a few hundred every day for a drink. Of course, I told her to go and jump in the lake, which is probably why she is my EX Japanese wife. The term 'control freak' does not begin to describe the mentality of these Japanese wives. And, don't start me on sex life with one of these monsters. All I will say about it is, it is no surprise why gentlemen's clubs and prostitution are so popular in Japan.

13 ( +16 / -3 )

The role for most Japanese wives is a finance controlling baby maker with bento making skills. I read a report a few months ago that stated 45% of men want to divorce, but are afraid to do so because of their 'monster wife'.

Baby making is only for a few years and bento making pretty much stops after a few years judging by my coworkers conbini lunches. I don't know any man married to a J guy who regularily gets his lunch made by his wife. Many schools here have lunch programs so... Why are women allowed to stay at home while hubby is at work and kids are at school?

I am not surprised if 45% want a divorce. I would too based on the behaviour I see from the wives here. I bet more would divorce if they a) had a better work/life balance b) could see their kids once the divorce was done. Until these two factors change, expect many unhappy married men. It shouldn't be this more, more so when usually they are the sole income winners. Why they put up with it is beyond me.

Chiba, with you on this. I listen to the horror stories from my J hubby's coworkers and I just do not understand it. Grow some balls men and put these women in their place! It would be a huge favour to all those hard working J women as well as they would be paid what they are worth and respected.

2 ( +7 / -5 )

For example, if I leave particles of food uneaten in my lunch box,

There's the sink. Here's a sponge. This is called washing-up liquid. Grab a paper towel or tissues.

Sorted. Now stop your passive-aggressive whining...

3 ( +5 / -2 )

Chin4SailorJun. 06, 2013 - 07:59AM JST

....Often accompanied by, "The Victim-hood Syndrome" and "Wartime Atrocities History Deniers Syndrome."

Huh??? What on earth does that have to do with this article??? Can anybody say "Off-topic"?

It's very common for Native Japanese, that have never studied abroad, in a western / civilized country, to experience all three of these conditions!

Again, completely off-topic. And btw Chin4Sailor, if your "Western / Civilized" country is so much better than Japan.... then why are you even here? and why would you even be interested in Japanese news?

1 ( +4 / -3 )

Another reason to not get married. As a 25 year-old, single male, I'm really not seeing any upsides to tying the knot... but, I won't be telling that to my girlfriend anytime soon. She might stab me, according to one of the other articles published today.

6 ( +8 / -2 )

I'm really not seeing any upsides to tying the knot... but, I won't be telling that to my girlfriend anytime soon.

There are good ones out there, but in my experience they are very few and far between. Also, if they are really good, either way you will end up paying for them if you want to keep them interested over the long term.... otherwise no matter how much they like you, they'll gravitate away from you and to another man who is not being cheap and is offering them moolah.

Thing is, there are many useless women in Japan who won't do anything for you in a relationship, but think that spending a man's money + spreading their legs and lying there = you owe them commissio.... ahem .... commitment.

What do does everyone think? Does the environment encourage that, perhaps?

2 ( +5 / -3 )

"I'm really not seeing any upsides to tying the knot..." I don't think there are upsides to marriage in Japan unless you need a Japanese spouse for visa/citizenship reasons. Years ago you needed to get married in order to have consistent sex, have/raise children, have a stable life but ---for better or worse---marriage is no longer required to have/do those things in this day and age. Downsides to marriage? Well....

5 ( +5 / -0 )

These are men, right?

7 ( +8 / -1 )

The main problem for this was feminism forced onto society by the elite which has turned many men into girly men without the ability to be look after their own home. Instead of being in charge of the house or at least have equal status, the wife is allowed to rule and bully the husband. Another reason for this is that many of these men were too spoilt by their mothers, mummies boys we used to call them. Men who stay boys and were so smothered by their mothers that they did not grow up knowing how to be a man. Some of the blame for this also goes to fathers, too busy or too lazy to bring their boys up to be men not metrosexuals without proper identity.

However, let's be glad that Japan has not gone into full feminine mode like the west were it is considered a duty for women to work, for all to work as sheepie consumers. We can see the mess that has caused in the west as the family breaks down, the economies fall as do I.Q scores.

-9 ( +5 / -14 )

Break it off boys-stop being a pussy!

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Men who stay boys and were so smothered by their mothers that they did not grow up knowing how to be a man. Some of the blame for this also goes to fathers, too busy or too lazy to bring their boys up to be men not metrosexuals without proper identity.

Close, but not quite IMHO.

It's boys who are raised by their mothers to be just as much a subservient slave as their father is, and who will eventually turn into a mirror image of their father, being the well-trained slave.... and so the cycle of life repeats. Eventually society breeds a whole generation of buys genetically predisposed to be herbivore men -- which is what we all see prevalent today.

As for the absent father--- again, he is too busy working and making money for his wife to be present in his children's upbringing, and perhaps give them an education on how to break free of impending domestication. Again, the father is a subservient man himself and doesn't really have much of a clue anyway.

So... if there's a patriarchy in Japan, can someone please point it out to me?

2 ( +5 / -3 )

I reckon the person bringing cash home is the one to be cherished in any way possible. all depends on which tasks both fulfil.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

indeed this place is FULL of parasite women!! Unless they have small children to watch, women who doesn't work are as useless as an white crayon!! There's nothing as SEXY as a busy, independent woman! Some j-girls even got mad at me when I simply asked them to have their own way of thinking, their own world. do you believe in this?

1 ( +5 / -4 )

Sadly, we see the posts appearing where it is thought that women have to be in paid employment to be real women, to be independent etc.

This is part of the feminist agenda swallowed hook line and sinker by most in the west, which is instigated and promoted by The Rockerfella Foundation 4 decades ago. The problem is those who are in the rat race are less likely to have their own thoughts than those who are out of it. That is another reason why these Japanese men are the way they are, and this applies to men or women!!!

-3 ( +5 / -8 )

This has got to be one of the stupidest articles/ideas I've read out of all the fluff 'features' articles. I want my time back.

It's called STRESS, not some disease specifically related to menopause, male or female. If you're not happy in your marriage OF COURSE you're going to be stressed about going back to a cramped apartment and having to face your partner. While there are, I believe, genuine problems with relationships here in general (husband all day at work with a small 'allowance' while wife goes out to a 'gorgeous' tabe-houdai lunch to gossip with friends and then do some shopping), some of the guys in this article sound pathetic. No, it's not made clear HOW the wife asked, but Mr. A saying, "Is there something you didn't like?" as a complaint is rather pathetic. She no doubt woke up early to make him his lunch because he's unable to do it himself, and so it's natural that in an unhappy marriage there is something to gripe about, if it's not just a genuine question in the end.

"My wife's cheating", "We never have any physical intimacy", "we're in shocking debt", "she beats me in ways I don't like".... THOSE are valid complaints.

11 ( +12 / -1 )

"My dream is to marry a kind guy, support him and don't have to work, not even a 3h part time, I want to be treated like a princess" Sorry babe, I'm not this lucky to have a princess at home, btw I don't live in medieval ages.

1 ( +5 / -4 )

I reckon the person bringing cash home is the one to be cherished in any way possible. all depends on which tasks both fulfil.

It's just then that marriage is no different to being legal prostitution (which really, it is) where the woman isn't even obligated to have sex, and the man still has to pay for her, for the rest of his life! If he tries to escape a bad situation he cops the financial penalties in divorce (and in the west, divorce is 60% of the time initiated by women).

Doesn't matter if the woman works or not herself. Her money is her money, and his money is said to be "our" money!

Where's the "love"? Anyone?

3 ( +7 / -4 )

@Thunderbird In the middle ages both men and women had to work due to a very low standard of living. When the devolped nations became richer many women chose to stay at home to look after the kids and home because they could, because society had reached the stage which made the family unit stronger. It was only when the elite wanted to further their agenda of controlling the masses that we reached this stage. Feminism was about equality and the right for women to work with equal conditions. Now feminism says women need to work as part of their duty to society and stick their kids in paid for care places subsidised by the rest of society.

Let's be normal and stop allowing ourselves to be brainwashed and we will not see the kind of problems mentioned in this article. Do what you think is best; men tell your wife where to go if she bullies you, stand up to her and demand equality. Women, don't let the western agenda take you away from your kids and make you unhappy in the rat race.

-2 ( +5 / -7 )

So it's okay for Japanese men to work all hours, go out and get drunk and basically act like samurai lords at home, but it's not okay for a strong-minded woman to take the upper hand? Whatever happened to gender equality?

Some of these quacks seem to think that this is still the 1950s... where pretty wives were expected to greet their hard-working husbands with his pipe and slippers, pour him a tall drink and make his dinner, all the while smiling sweetly and not having a thought in her pretty little head. I have the feeling that a lot of Japanese men want that scenario.

8 ( +11 / -3 )

@Thunderbird 2

Sadly, you an almost only see a picture of this in the way you want to, in the way that most do, in stereotypes. Of course it is not ok for men to act like that but did you read the article?

There is and should be a choice for men and women, the 50's thing you are talking about are outdated stereotypes that help you to feel better about what you are posting. Of course in the 50's "all" families were like this. Of course "all" Japanese families in 2013 are like the ones in this article, of course not. We can have pre conceived thought which are parts of others agendas or we can think for ourselves without fear or ridicule or hatred. One option is far harder than the others, i do not take the easy option unlike the men in this article who need to be.

-3 ( +4 / -7 )

falseflagsteve: I'm sorry, but Thunderbird is right -- you talk about an 'introduction of feminism' as the root problem, then back track and talk about stereotypes from the 50s. The men interviewed are definitely weak, but being strong doesn't therefore mean being Pater Familius and ruling with an iron hand. You work together, as equals, or not at all. There should be no 'power struggle' at all. Granted, some people are stronger than others, regardless of gender, and so long as the couple agree on a level and a limit who are we to say "the man should take charge!" or "feminism is the cause!"?

It's pretty obvious the men mentioned in this article were chose to push forward the idea the article is trying to suggest.

12 ( +13 / -1 )

As Abe would say, "Women are the future of Japan!". Wake up people, you don't even have to work at a busy factory or at a paddy field, simply WORK. It's depressing when I have a blessed yasumi at an weekday and see hordes of women gathered everywhere with plenty of time talking bad about their husbands.. I would never want a woman like them! Btw I know about 4 to 5 housewives that cheat on their husband because they want "some action" in their bored lives, but would never go out to find a job, god forbid!

6 ( +9 / -3 )

It's pretty obvious the men mentioned in this article were chose to push forward the idea the article is trying to suggest.

smithinjapan@you have, in a nutshell, summarized the essence of modern-day journalism!

2 ( +4 / -2 )

@ ThunderBird and Smithinjapan

I always want equality and free choice. It is others here who are defining what makes a women or man worthy, usually those who say they are for equality but just like the US Govt say freedom for all what they mean is what their definition of equality, you are with us or against us, etc.....

There is nothing wrong with feminism until it becomes what it has now which is demanding women do what they want. To be worthy you must work, you are equal in all ways, you can put down men in a way that would be sexist the other way around. Women and men should be free to do any work they wish, to not work if they wish, to do what they think is right without being influenced by other peoples parroted views.

-6 ( +3 / -9 )

falseflagsteve - you say it's a stereotype, but that is exactly what my ex had to put up with when she was married. Her husband was like a samurai lord... he expected her to wait on him, forced her to quit her job when they were married to have kids (then left her when she had her son)... he was basically as I wrote above. You call it a stereotype if you like, but as far as I can tell it's pretty much the way some marriages are. Media (TV sitcoms and dramas) also presents this 'perfect' view of married life in Japan... so you might as well accuse the Japanese media of reinforcing those stereotypes.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

"Sengyou-shufu" -"full time housewife" is not a profession! The only men that would like their woman to be at home are those spoiled guys that probably don't know how to iron a shirt!!! Wgen I have kids, I would never let my wife to work! Maybe an arubaito after the child reaches 3 or 5. If it's not the case, why would I like to have a young, healthy woman at my place like a maid with the only purpose of life to serve me?? It's beyon depressing!! Nothing as good as to be welcomed by a female clerk at a restaurant, hotel or everywhere else. Why some women can't even stand to be a receptionist or any other service worker?? Simple, because they are LAZY. End of discussion.

-4 ( +4 / -8 )

@Thunderbird2

I am not saying people are not like that and when i make my points, people always bring up individual cases to make a point. Anyone who basis any of their life values on tv dramas or comedies in any country gets what they deserve i am afraid. Most of it has an agenda and bias of the corporations who make them, this is why i do not watch television any longer.

There is nothing wrong with a man being a man and a woman being a woman and acting like one. They don't need to be one of "the boys" and hold their own at drinking binges. Men and women should make the choice about their roles in marriage before wedding. Maybe TV could educate people this way instead of filling their heads with junk. The problem i have is where feminists facists (including males) make women think they are worthless if not in paid employment.

We need free will not the will of the elite or pressure from the majority.

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

falseflagsteve: "I always want equality and free choice."

And yet you say shortly thereafter:

"There is nothing wrong with feminism until it becomes what it has now which is demanding women do what they want."

No one is demanding anything here but you -- and that's a halt to feminism. Doesn't seem to me it's feminists demanding anything at all, but you demanding there are limits to what they want.

"Women and men should be free to do any work they wish, to not work if they wish, to do what they think is right without being influenced by other peoples parroted views."

Agree with you there, save for your parroting and suggesting feminism be limited. I hear you in that I despise when a person takes advantage of their partner, but that's not limited to sex, and women should not be charged as a whole.

Thunderbird: ""Sengyou-shufu" -"full time housewife" is not a profession!"

Have to disagree with you in part, there. It actually is a profession. Like any profession, though, there are a lot of people who don't do their jobs and should be fired, but that's no different than the guys that don't do their jobs either.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

Nothing wrong with independent woman ( and very nice to meet one ) but living on a husbands salary aint independent so should be acting accordingly or divorce and find a better path in life ( older parents live in?)

2 ( +5 / -3 )

@Smithinjapan

II shall rephrase better what i meant to say "There is nothing wrong with feminism until it becomes what it has now, some women demanding other women to do what they want".

Alex; A marriage should be a partnership and the money is used by either partner so they can do what they wish. Having a personal income and independence has little to do with paid employment. I am the sold breadwinner in my family but my wife has more time for her hobbies and spends more on her self than i do but we are fine with that. Married couples need to talk and listen to each other, not shout, One size does not fit all.

-6 ( +1 / -7 )

A symptom of the much vaunted system of O-Miai and by extension the general pressure to get married and reproduce by a certain age. There are just too many couples who married for reasons other than love and now can't stand the sight of one another.

Japan 'boasts' one of the lowest divorce rates outside the Muslim world. But what that really means is the number of people trapped in unhappy marriages is sky high.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Jesus there are a lot of stereotypes about Japanese wives here, and no one dishing out any accurate information.

I've been married to a Japanese girl for a decade, and she's been an amazing wife. She's a stay at home wife, and she does all the cleaning and cooking, and picks up our boy from kindergarten evey day (I drop him off). She doesn't spend money excessively, she regularly approaches me for sex, and she rarely complains.

I married her for the same reason I would have married any woman - companionship in life. And she's been a great companion - she makes me laugh, and even after 10 years we still always have something to talk about.

All you people taking about how Japanese wives are so bad are clueless. All wives everywhere are bad if you marry the wrong woman. And all wives everywhere are good if you marry the right woman. This has nothing to do with Japanese women, and everything to do with women in general. Sure, the manifestations of a bad marriage will be uniquely Japanese when one/both partners is Japanese, but if you marry the right person for the right reasons in the right circumstances anywhere, you will have a good marriage. And the converse is also true.

Hint: if you are having relationship issues before marriage, she's not the right one. Or you aren't.

12 ( +15 / -4 )

Everytime I meet a young, pretty, healthy woman without kids and she says she's not a student neither works I think with myself "mottainai na~"

-4 ( +0 / -4 )

Thunderbird - ever heard of unemployed people? You know, the ones who can't get a job? Pretty young women without kids can find it just as hard to get a job as anyone else... you know you sound just like a stereotype yourself.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Sadly, we see the posts appearing where it is thought that women have to be in paid employment to be real women, to be independent etc.

Um, you do get that you can't be independent if you aren't in paid employment right?

I think one of the main issues we're overlooking here is the rate of shotgun marriages. About 50% of marriages in this country are DUE to the woman getting pregnant and trust me, many are NOT mistakes. The guy steps up to look after his kid - because if not, the kid will be screwed in the long run - and thus are trapped in loveless marriages from the get go. I had more than a few J female to tell I should "trapped" someone when I was single - frightening to say the least. J women know J guys usually will step up so... they get a kid, the expensive wedding and the free ticket to stay at home and bleat on about how they are mothers so they can't work. Indeed, why would any man want that?

As for why get married? Well, I'm happily married but my marriage is based on trust and honestly - and I'll be honest, Japan doesn't make it easy to live together and have kids together if you aren't married. Heck, J couples here HAVE to pick ONE family name for FFS so imagine the pressure if you aren't married. I highly doubt I'd be married to my husband if we lived in my home country. Marriage is a piece of paper to me. It doesn't equal eternal happiness like it is advertised here. It also isn't a sign of commitment forever. If it was, people wouldn't cheat and Japan wouldn't be full of whore houses.

I also disagree that the divorce rate is low here. It isn't. It's just that people don't talk about it much because of the stigma. I know many, many folks who are divorced. They tell me but they don't tell the locals. Not unusual now to have a class of 25 kids and have a few who haven't seen their dad in years - which is why many men will suck it up. J guys get a bad rep but in the end, they really do put up with a lot of abuse in the name of family.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

@Tmarie

You are repeating the definition of independent used by the media which they call financially independent a person does not need to be creating money to be independent. In a "proper" marriage both partners have access to monies whetehr male or female, saying a woman cannot be independent unless a breadwinner is painting women as only useful is making money which is wrong and sexist.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Jesus there are a lot of stereotypes about Japanese wives here, and no one dishing out any accurate information. I've been married to a Japanese girl for a decade, and she's been an amazing wife.

Nobody's saying that there aren't agreeable women in Japan, but you can only marry one (at a time anyway), and maybe you did OK out of that. I just tend to believe that the exceptions in your case prove the rule. Some of us have really been "around the block" so to speak in the dating department, and I know that women that are truly suitable for marriage are rare. "A good woman who can find?" as a certain religious book makes a point of saying.

Her husband was like a samurai lord... he expected her to wait on him, forced her to quit her job when they were married to have kids (then left her when she had her son)... he was basically as I wrote above.

Whose to say that women can't make bad decisions about future husbands too? Without knowing all the details it's difficult to judge. Did she drive this guy around the twist and not give him the peace he wanted? Did she not understand that he wanted kids and for her to eventually look after them? Maybe the man had mental problems beforehand and she ignored them for his paycheck? We just don't know..... but let's get one thing straight: Men aren't domestic pets, and as such, they are not burdened by pregnancy or sticking around to look after kids. In fact, if they are treated like crap and have a backbone, they may just decide to up and leave!

I want to puke every time I meet some women who says "all men are terrible". Really? All men? Have they met ALL men? In the world? No? Then shut up....!

The whole "It's all men's fault" is a cliched nonsense argument in these times of supposed "equality" where both sides need to assess their own role in the problems. (although one wonders how "different" sexes can truly be "equal" anyway)

3 ( +5 / -2 )

this is what happens when readers take kuchikomi articles too seriously.

10 ( +11 / -1 )

In a "proper" marriage both partners have access to monies whetehr male or female, saying a woman cannot be independent unless a breadwinner is painting women as only useful is making money which is wrong and sexist.

You need to look up the meaning if you think it is what you've described. These women could NOT survive on their own. The men on this story could. Nothing sexist about what I said. Works both ways if a woman is working and a man is not. Hence how these women are covered in the "dependent" clause and get their health care and pension paid. I'm married, I have a job and I am not covered because I am not dependant on my husband. If my husband were to stop working, he's be MY dependant. Gender has nothing to do with it.

And yes, there are some wonderful women out there just as there as some wonderful men. However, based on the complaints of J and foreign husbands vs complaints from j wives and foreign wives, it seems the foreign wives "win" as they complain the least about their marriages. I can count on one hand how many happily married foreign men/J wives marriages I know. I need two hands for the later.

1 ( +4 / -3 )

However, based on the complaints of J and foreign husbands vs complaints from j wives and foreign wives, it seems the foreign wives "win" as they complain the least about their marriages. I can count on one hand how many happily married foreign men/J wives marriages I know. I need two hands for the later.

This is what we call "Sampling Selection Bias."

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Indeed it is but seeing as how I know more western men/J women marriages than I do western women/J men, I'm pretty happy to be biased. Then I read posts on JT and listening to J men complain.... Pretty happy that "my lot" seem to be happier.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Bfg4987

Indeed the poster has a bias which is very sad as it taints the thought process. Marriages need work now and then, comprimise and more. Young people should be taught this and let them decide what roles they want in the marriage. They should decide without any biased influence from society. There should be no bullying or threats made by either couple, living in fear is wrong.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Did she not understand that he wanted kids and for her to eventually look after them?

Gee, welcome to the 1950s

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

False, coming from you that is a joke. You blame working moms and feminists for everything. I 100% agree that marriage needs compromise and young people should be taught this. Allow them to decide the roles. However, let's be honest, this isn't happening here. More so when you have a government that supports a 1950's ideal of family life that clearly is not working these days.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Reading all these comments that are so true to me, I get stressed out. Some of the observations actually happen to the exact details! My solution to all these familiar domestic happenings is to get involved in house work. Miraculously, so-called problems start to disappear & my Japanese wife became so nice to me! So guys, learn from this and help out at home.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Isn't "housework" the stay at home wife's job? You supply the money, she tends to the home front? If you want to help out, by all means but I think this is the issue. These women want their cake, want the men to pay for it and then expect the men to also wash the dishes when they've finished the cake. Hardly seems fair to me. Wife has a PT job and helps with the bills? By all means, help clean. And help with the kids.

5 ( +9 / -4 )

this is a joke right? how sad, grow up -__-

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Just having this discussion makes me angry! I hate LAZY women and will never engage with one again!! Go out and support yourself!! Lazy, spoiled, complacent and dependent women that manage to make up every excuse to stay at home at husband's (or parents') expenses are the ruin of this country!! Believe me, I almost gave up and tried to convince myself that as a man, fully supporting the home is the natural course of things! In other words, lazy women are the lowest, even prostitutes have honor and support thenselves!

-2 ( +4 / -6 )

I don't understand why the men have no balls here. My Japanese wife and I had a very short conversation about finances about ten years ago. She very quickly understood the concept of housekeeping money when she realized the alternative was to leave. Now we have 2 kids, 2 houses with no loans, and half a million dollars banked! She thinks leaving me in charge of the money was a really bloody good idea, as I give her 300,000-yen a month to do what she wants with. Mind you, no sex for 5 years and counting, well, not with my wife anyway. I also read the figure that 45% of men want a divorce but are too afraid to pursue one. I reckon the main fear is losing the children though, not the fear of the woman herself. Japan must be alone as a first world country in which people only stay married because of the severity of the divorce court rulings.

0 ( +5 / -5 )

I'm seriously lucky.

My Japanese wife is loving, fun, loyal, kooky, hard-working, motivated, thoughtful, affectionate, considerate and just a really cool person.

But then, I chose carefully and wasn't in any hurry to marry at all. Make sure you know who you are saying 'I do' to.

Otherwise, you can't complain too loudly.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

My friend has a perfectionist wife. After they got married and built their house her entire life was consumed with having the "perfect" and presentable home. For him, keeping up with her demands is like having a boss. It's a full time, thankless job. And it never, ever, ever ends.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Light reading for the summer maybe if a book is about to be published about this? Like that book about women being from Venus and men from Mars.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

In my original neck of the woods (Midwest US), there's a saying: "if a tree falls in the woods, ... is it the man's fault?"

1 ( +2 / -1 )

And so it goes...........

Japan China USA _ Europe ...no different. Some men are toxic as well as some women. But only women use sex as a weapon. If she does that ... find a caring woman who enjoys sex and is caring and not vindictive. If trapped, get ... Revenge... another lover.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Don't let it happen.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

hilarious! Stop complaining and get yourself a mistress like all other Japanese men.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Its because Japanese guys don't know how to treat their women. If you do, they won't be flocking towards guys like me.

I have had lots of Japanese girlfriends and none of them have ever caused me any stress. You people just have to know how to treat a lady. Show her a good time and satisfy her needs, physically and emotionally.

I think the same can be said of most women. The cases listed in the articles are extremes anyway. If the guy is willing to put up with that crap or vice versa, then they made their own beds. They are not perfectionist, they are just anally retentive and compulsive. They are looking for a channel to vent their frustrations since they can't stand living with you Japanese men. Work isn't everything. You can be working hard but working inefficiently. That doesn't make you any more dedicated.

3 ( +6 / -3 )

“I can’t go so far as to recommend they go out and cheat on their wives, but by having a crush on somebody or playing with remotely controlled models ....

Oh yes. I'm so sure that remotely controlled models will be just the thing for your relationship. That would be a great thing to bring up at the divorce hearing, too. The judge will no doubt favor you in the settlement, since you were trying so hard to improve things at home. Be sure to bring lots of pictures. Judges love pictures.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Its because Japanese guys don't know how to treat their women.

Funny, I guess all those unhappy foreign guys I know married to them don't know how to either. Lord, free rent, food, clothing, cash, health care, pension... those horrible, horrible men.

-5 ( +3 / -8 )

Vile people making their spouse's life miserable exist everywhere, but in some countries it might be easier to leave a toxic relationship.

I don't think it's a problem of "growing balls" Here in Japan, people consider themselves trapped and accept that situation. Divorce is still seen as something so unconceivable to a lot of Japanese, so people just stick around. As stated by some posters above if there are children involved, a divorce is a clear no-go. But even without children, people here might feel they "cause trouble" or "bring shame" to their relatives or at the office. And they might even think divorced people are somewhat damaged goods. This country doesn't believe much in second chances, which is a real shame as life is not perfect and we all do mistakes such as picking a wrong partner or failing an entrance exam.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Michiko Yonekura, a psychiatrist at a medical facility staffed entirely by young female physicians said: In this case, they might suffer from vertigo or palpitations, as well as loss of sex drive and erectile dysfunction.”

............. Loss of sex drive and erectile dysfunction: Well.....any foreigner married to a Japanese woman will not need to worry about a loss of sex drive or sexual dysfunction since we ain't gettin any anyways!!!! LOL!!!

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Boys (and girls), hey, we all need help! Been married over 40 years to same woman, but, hey, don't ask me how to do it! I do know one thing - jealousy is a cruel master!! That's about all I know, I'm a slow learner...

3 ( +2 / -0 )

Saxon Salute as I give her 300,000-yen a month to do what she wants with. Mind you, no sex for 5 years and counting That does not sound healthy at all. She is probably getting nailed by one of those skinny rats at a host club.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

Why do you think the Japanese are reluctant to marry AND have kids now? After observing their own parents, they're desperately terrified of commitment! Sad but true!

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Anna, I agree. Kids learn a lot from their parents but sometimes interpret things the wrong way. I had parents that liked to bicker at each othe and as a result I feared the very thought of marriage. I still get nervous at the very thought of being trapped in a marriage where there is psycological conflict.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I think in a marriage, the key is to not hear, but listen to each other, and communicate. Both have to do so. I might be biased because I come from a family where paternal presence suddenly came to miss, but I want to say this to all the J-fathers out there, please, please please if you can take time off to spend quality time with your kids, do it. They will appreciate it, honestly. A daddy is as important as a mommy, getting money home is not enough, please take time to listen to your kids, to their dreams, also please don't pin those dreams down. Having said that, a husband to a wife should be very important, both have to mature together not become kids right? Also, getting a mistress?? That's not solving the present problem! It is avoiding it and creating a bigger one! But I am thinking in my western mind maybe?

3 ( +3 / -0 )

The Japanese society's customs are to blame. Wives take hold of the husbands' income and learn to control them, to the last 1000 yen bill they have in their pocket! Soon they want to take control of everything and treat them like slaves.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

ensure not to get stressed, as psyche is one which stresses yr drain leading to giddiness that will impact on heart beats that is cardiovascular pumping over excited then you what happens. so in the past people used to feel home is safe place unlike today as both spouses run to work and 0ver work,naturally home is no longer home but turns out to be hell for both as both will quqrell on trivials meaninglessly that way stress builds up sirs!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Are these men NOT men! Get out of the marriage if its that bad and stop blaming the women!

2 ( +2 / -0 )

If this article is even a bit true, I guess it explains why hookers, soaplands and hostess bars are wildly popular with Japanese guys!

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Thank god my J wife in nothing like this!! How do these guys put up with this kind of crap??? Makes a bento and can not finish every thing?? BIG DEAL!! Anyway, these articles always want new scandals, not everyone is this bad but then again not every wife is this good, so how can we find peace in this world?? NMRK!! IMHO!!

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I'm living with my in-laws, in their late 60s. It's hilarious; she starts every sentence with "warui kedo..." then asks him to take out the gomi, get the washing in etc. He replies with "Urusai!..." has a little grumble, she nags a bit more, he storms out and slams the door. I get another beer out the fridge, and wait for the next instalment.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

many here are tired. In late middle age, everyone begins to exhibit the same cancer and the same medical explanations. The truth is always hidden with stories and many die. Too much use as an example the strongest. Everyone is getting tired.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Does "Hello, Kitty" ring a bell?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

“Men should learn to develop a ‘playful mind,’” advises Shimomura. “I can’t go so far as to recommend they go out and cheat on their wives, but by having a crush on somebody or playing with remotely controlled models, and so on, they are made to feel young again.

That explains the hoards of 40 year old men that are AKB48 fans!

2 ( +3 / -1 )

"remotely controled models" ? WTH? Is he talking model airplanes? Cars? dogs? Vibrators? Blow-up dolls (battery included)? This is just beyond stupid, beyond civilized, beyond intelligent human life form. This country is just seriously backward. A joke.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

@ highball7

you are so right! my jp ex bf was horrible to me, so controlling, selfish and complained so much T___T they become cold, and they don't want to share how they're day went etc. glad i'm outta his life ha. pretty sure if jp men were more kind to ladies over there everyone would be happier. did i mention no romance in jp men lol no wonder jp women are out for foreign men. of course not all jp men are like this...are they? lol

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Wow! There are some horror stories of marriages to Japanese women on here. I'm going to give my wife a kiss and thank my lucky stars. We have been married for for 5+ years and have a 3.5 year old son, rarely fight (unless you count her getting angry because I can't understand when she uses poor English:) and still have sex 4-6 times a month.

I've had many friends ask me how I did it and I tell them all the same thing. I heard all these stories before we got married and I talked with her about it 100 times. I set my expectations from the beginning and I hammered them over and over. I said I would never give up control of the family finances, as I believe that is the responsibility of both husband and wife together and I told her how important sex is to a good marriage, as it affects intimacy. I also expressed how important it is for your children to see mutual affection and that the marriage should always be the primary relationship, even after having children.

By addressing all of these issues before we got married, the expectations were clear and, to her credit, she has been everything I could ask for and more. The key to a good marriage is good communication (especially good conflict resolution) and lots of patience.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I'm not middle-aged yet but already feeling the stress of a j-wife. Well it wasn't really bad until the kid was born. Some women can have 4 kids and not complain at all, but in my case even 1 is too many for her. Even though my kid started preschool and she has a lot of time for herself since she doesn't work, she still is in a bad mood every day.

And of course everything has to be done in a certain way, so if I get home late after a long day at work, my day gets even longer because I now get stuck cleaning the sink, etc after I finish eating dinner.

Now she complains even if I order something on Amazon because it is too stressful for her to answer the door, lol.

9 ( +9 / -0 )

therougou, this is exactly what I was talking about!! lazy women are the worst!! Doesn't work and stil complain about every little thing.. do we really need a woman like this?

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Seems by the attitude of some who moan about Japanese women, they get what they deserve. You are in Japan now, not at home. Most women want to be at home raising the family, keeping the house decent and enjoying their hobbies. Most do not want some snotty git coming home stinking of booze demanding dinner and then maybe expecting his missus to work as well. No wonder blokes like me get the decent women here,loyal and reliable with mutual respect. Most blokes want their cake and eat it, then moan that their missus loses interest.

-1 ( +3 / -4 )

It seems to me that the "Japanese diplomacy" in couples relationships is the predominant pattern... What I mean, is that when couples get married and in the marriage one of them is the "monster" then the relationship wasn't completely honest from the beginning... There are women that are lazy and they want a life of luxury and comfort from the "provider", so they manipulate the "provider" with sex and him getting more money. There are also the "stay-at-home" wife that wants the husband to spend more time with her but the husband is the obsessed with work, or the perfectionist wife that everything have to be perfect, but the husband is not up to standard in those cases, there are a feeling of "resignation" when they got married... in order to not lose a spouse they "concede" some things but later on they become intolerable in the marriage...

I think the feeling of what the society think is the most influential part of this "diplomacy" if you get pregnant you have to marry, if you are working and you get married it is expected most of the cases to quit your job or quit your job when you get pregnant, the husband is the provider, so the family is in dire straits when the husband loses the job, housewives are not supposed to have part-time jobs, a divorced woman is the worst image because "she is not wife material"... even the feminism is twisted, the women think that they have be stronger than the men.. so the marriage becomes a power struggle.

The men of this article are a bunch of hypocrites, if they are married to a "monster" wife it was because they chose to, (and don't tell me they "didn't know", they CHOSE not to know their future wife better), also they say those things because they are stressed over work, over the family, or other things, and they want the excuse for "bad conduct" (cheating, gambling, whatever activity that allows the to escape their wives)

Now tell the with the usual "Japanese diplomacy" that I am wrong... I really hope so.... otherwise it will still look pathetic to me...

0 ( +2 / -2 )

"and we still have sex 4-6 times a month"

I'd consider that sexless.

This articles and many like it aren't really deep sociological research. Just a fun piece to give people a smile on the 2 hour commute home.

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

Many young Japanese view the traditional marriage as unappealing. But they also view it as inflexible, conformity, and unchangeable. When Japanese marriage is undesirable but socially conpulsory, people will do it because they have to. The traditional marriage may be killing traditional marriage because of the persistence of inflexible and undesirable roles. Majority of single Japanese women still live with their parents, and use their free rent incomes to shop. Their mother stays home, cooks her meals, cleans her room, does her laundry, domestic chores and caregiving that they’d otherwise have to do for a husband. In comparison, the traditional marriage script in Japan is extremely unappealing. Modern Japanese women who have jobs don't want to spend their lives cooking and cleaning for traditional thinking Japanese men.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

@therougou.

stressful to open the door?! lol!!

@JoiceRojo i agree

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Modern Japanese women who have jobs don't want to spend their lives cooking and cleaning for traditional thinking Japanese men.

No but when it comes to them having a traditional husband who pays for everything while wifey stays home, they want a traditional husband. The women here claim they want a modern husband who cooks, cleans and helps with the kids but the "modern" women don't want to give up the tradiational lifestyle of staying home with the kids (and sending them to kindy), cooking dinner (pre cooked food from the store) and having lunch with their friends (complaing about how useless their husband's are). They also don't bother to raise their kids to look after themselves so you have a cycle of usless women who want to be housewives who have never cooked a full dinner, cleaned a toilet or washed a load of laundry. Why would any man, traditional or not, want to marry someone like this? Oh, right, they don't. Which is why there are so many shotgun marriages these days.

-7 ( +1 / -8 )

@Tmarie

Any evidence that Japanese have never cooked a meal,, cleaned a toilet or done laundry? I doubt it. Militant feminism has turned the west into a dump and we have ever grown unrest in society, Japan is different and why should it change to please the elite who want more consumers and who care nothing for anyone but themselves.

I don;t know any women that cannot or do not know how to cook, wash clothes and clean. Mind you i am not saying there are not any, however i do not have an agenda or stereotype a whole section of society.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

@falseflagsteve I think you missed the point, @tmarie was quite rightly pointing out a double-standard when it comes to married women that want to stay home and not contribute to the family income but at the same time expect their husband to not only be the bread-winner but also do half of (or even higher % of) the household chores and child-minding. It's physically exhausting, unsustainable, unrealiatic and at least parly responsible for marital unhappiness, infidelity and divorce.

As a personal side note I'm well aware of the feminist agenda by "Rockafella where it hurts" type organizations and the various post-war thinktanks that emerged to control humanity through government, public policy and images portrayed in the media; however looking at it objectively, I'm still for gender equality but only when it means relationship equality and responsibility equality too, seems pretty simple to me.

So what does that leave for lifestyle options in my mind, (whether you are male or female, with a member of opposite sex or same):

be an equal partner (modern roles) be an unequal supportive partner that puts the needs of the income earner and hard-worker first (traditional roles/sacrifice) be single (i.e. never grow up lives with parents type, or a cat lady / ojichan)
1 ( +1 / -0 )

I nearly snorted out my breakfast of laughter reading this article. The number of people commenting only adds to my immense amusement. I don't know why people like to comment on this drivel but by all means keep it at it... ahahahahaha

0 ( +1 / -1 )

God damned, people are sexist here. This is scary.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

@NeonFraction Just laugh, neon. Because if you're not laughing at how absurd it is, you should be crying.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Breaking News: Japan is now hiring marriage counselors and sex therapists in rapid succession. More to follow at 11.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

“Many men also suffer from menopause when they reach their 40s or 50s,” menopause in man ?

0 ( +1 / -1 )

One aspect of daily life in Japan that stands out for me is the degree to which tradionally masculine endeavour has been engineered out of existence. The country, especially in the cities, is so "safe" and "convenient" that it's often a complete bore. Pain in the arse though they may be, activities like shovelling snow, fixing a leak, changing a tire, building a fire, repairing a roof, chooping a fallen tree, etc. are rewarding, for men especially. I suspect many guys here feel emasculated and coddled. The buildup of frustration from this leads them to engage in all sorts of negative behaviour. Japan really needs a Fight Club.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

**Any evidence that Japanese have never cooked a meal,, cleaned a toilet or done laundry? I doubt it. Militant feminism has turned the west into a dump and we have ever grown unrest in society, Japan is different and why should it change to please the elite who want more consumers and who care nothing for anyone but themselves.

I don;t know any women that cannot or do not know how to cook, wash clothes and clean. Mind you i am not saying there are not any, however i do not have an agenda or stereotype a whole section of society.**

Evidence? Plenty. Why not ask any student or office worker who still lives at home if they can cook a meal - not a dish, a meal - and if they can clean the bathroom and washing clothes, hang them out and iron them. I think you'd be in for a shock. Nearly all of my students admit that they can't do any of the above, nor do they "have" to because mommy does it all for them. Not sure what "military feminism" has to do with being able to look after yourself. Indeed, Japan IS different. I'd suggest that most westerns have learned to look after themselves from an early age. Here? Not so much - though indeed, there are the rare few that can.

Seriously, do you actually have these conversations with people because judging from your comments, you don't. I do which is why I smirk at the your comments of a) how women here can do such things and b) how feminism is to blame. We aren't talking about feminism here at all. We're talking about people, be it men or women, who can't do the basics of looking after a family. Rather well known that J women here learn how to cook, clean, and the like once they are married because they never do it while they live at home. Many men don't learn because they go from parents house to having a wife who does it all for them. Lord knows my husband was the same.

-3 ( +2 / -5 )

@Tmarie

Unlike you, i know people in my village, quite a few who i visit and enjoy dinner with, those meals don't cook themselves. The clothes on the line don't get there themselves. Most of the ones who can do nothing in the house are the men, but saying that is against the feminist agenda. The men in this article may be spoiled mummies boys but most women here know how to keep house properly. The men in this article need more than just to come home late stinking of beer and demanding dinner. Women also like the man to be able to surprise her with a surprise meal from time to time and be capable of helping out with the chores if need be. Being equal in a relationship does not mean both have to earn, nothing more deserving than a woman looking after the family and not putting kids in child care which are a magnet for paedophiles and child abusers. Just hope Japan doesn't go down the route of the west.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Indeed "most" women know because "most" women in this country are married and are housewives. If they didn't know how to do it after years of marriage I would worry. I am referring to the young folks who are not married. No one here as suggested that being "equal" means both earning. You're obviously missing the point of the article and my comments if you think I, or anyone else, has suggested such a thing.

And you're right, I don't know the people in your village but I do know many that like i said, couldn't put a meal together if their life depended on it. Men and women.

Not sure why you wouldn't want Japan to go the route of the west. Based on the happiness index, it would be much better if Japan did. Glad you're happy in Japan but many are not, most of them being Japanese.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

nsv JUN. 12, 2013 - 08:43AM JST “Many men also suffer from menopause when they reach their 40s or 50s,” menopause in man ?

Yeah I've heard it is also called "andropause" but it's more noticeable in males of 50-60 rather than 40-50. Since there is less male hormone testosterone, I guess that's why this article brought it up, but andropause, where I live it's nothing related with the symptoms that the men of the article are referred to, the men starts to feel tired, they work more, not for the wife, but to feel pride that they are still part of the workforce, change eating habits because the delicious dishes before are not the same now that there is an hormonal unbalance, and worst of all they develop an irritable temper!!!!

My father and the father of a friend suffer from that... and I really hope so they phase out soon!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

JoiceRojo, This is happening more since the feminisation of men. Men "have" to be metrosexual and cannot be proper husbands or fathers any longer. Bet the men in this article went camping with their kids, taught them about the countryside or stuff like that. Nope, they hardly see them and the kids sit in front of tv like zombies soaking up how to be consumers and metrosexuals like a sponge.

I cannot understand these henpecked husbands, put your foot down and demand at least equality in your own house but you must also be a proper part of the family not just the breadwinner.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

I was talking with a fellow Japanese English instructor yesterday. I was telling her my plan to maybe buy a house 16 miles out of the city to a more country area. Her reaction.."oh, I couldn't do that. I need a supermarket, a dry cleaner and drug store within 1 kilometer". I think this is true for most city dwellers all over the world. But I believe, in Japan, they have perfected the art of convenience to the point where even lunches are mostly bought , not made. It bugs me that there are no deli shops here where you can buy your own sliced meat. Costco just came, so now I can FINALLY get a Turkey sandwich (Subway sucks). As one of my favorite music artists once wrote.."Shopping is a Feeling"

So I leave you with this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqCp_cmQ-IE

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Nope, they hardly see them and the kids sit in front of tv like zombies soaking up how to be consumers and metrosexuals like a sponge.

They hardly see them because they are busting their balls at work because they are the only income maker. Perhaps if wifey had a FT job once the kiddies were in school, the men of this country wouldn't have the need for make money by doing overtime work.

Sitting in front of the TV? Isn't raising the kids the mother's job in your mind? Why is MOM allowing the kids to sit in front of the TV for hours on end?? If you're going to complain about the men in this country you have to blame the women who raised them to be the way they are.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Why is MOM allowing the kids to sit in front of the TV for hours on end??

Maybe she's out at the job the majority (over 70%) of Japanese wives have?

the men of this country wouldn't have the need for make money by doing overtime work

Many men don't get paid overtime. They' stay at work to keep their job in the recession, not to earn more money. (That's why wifey is also working).

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Cleo, the "majority" of those working women have PT jobs that most do during the day when the kids are at school. You know that just as I do.

And indeed, many DO worry about losing their job because they have to support their family. Wifey who actually does work usually makes less than 1.3 at her PT job so... you've proved my point with another example. Thanks.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

tmarie, most of the shops round my way have pt housewives on the tills, and they're open till 9 or 10 at night, including Saturdays and Sundays and holidays. The job market being what it is at the moment (abysmal) the pt ladies in many cases have to take what they can get, or get nothing at all.

With the 1.3 million ceiling in place (earn more than that and become liable to pay pension, health insurance, income & local taxes, and lose hubby's spousal tax benefits/allowances) they'd be stupid (and poorer) to work longer hours, unless they could more than double their earnings. You want them to work for nothing, just because you work? We've been over this so many times, you and I agree that the welfare/tax system needs a complete overhaul; but until that overhaul happens, you're not going to get women working longer hours for less on the bottom line.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

and we wonder why the birth rate is way down in Japan?

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Women in Japan. especially married ones need to eat a chill pill. They unleash. That's the problem. Instead of talking they unleash.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

@ samwatters

I don't think there are upsides to marriage in Japan unless you need a Japanese spouse for visa/citizenship reasons. Years ago you needed to get married in order to have consistent sex, have/raise children, have a stable life but ---for better or worse---marriage is no longer required to have/do those things in this day and age. Downsides to marriage? Well....

Everything you said applies to marriage across the board. No need to pretend that these issues are particular to Japan. I think we all know that Western countries have higher rates of divorce, cheating, domestic violence etc etc. Lets face it, marriage is an old and tired institution that should have been put out to pasture long ago.

@ nandakandamanda

I want to check the boxes that my marriage is the greatest cause of stress in my life and that I can only consult with 'friends & acquaintances'. I know my wife will read what I have written, so I have refused to answer that section.

That's harsh man :( I hope things start looking up for you .....

Its because Japanese guys don't know how to treat their women. If you do, they won't be flocking towards guys like me. I have had lots of Japanese girlfriends and none of them have ever caused me any stress. You people just have to know how to treat a lady. Show her a good time and satisfy her needs, physically and emotionally.

You da man highball ... you da man.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Lets face it, marriage is an old and tired institution that should have been put out to pasture long ago.

Hear hear... .... and I'm not ready to go into an institution!

Marriage was originally invented so that men could purchase and own wives to ensure that he knew children would be his (to work on his farm). Wives, being unhappy about being treated as property, twisted the meaning of marriage and the social order by and introducing concepts of love, romance, and chivalry to trap a man into willingly being her slave and working his entire life to make her happy.... if she was going to get married at all.

Since then, societies where marriage is predominant the world over have a terribly broken concept of male-female relationships, and it's no surprise that a lot of people can't figure them out and don't understand why they often fall apart.

Why gay couples are recently wanting in on this disaster is beyond my comprehension.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Women in Japan in the beginning are foxy, kind and loving. But don't be fooled. Once they have their sharp claws around you, you will one day wake up to the brutal reality you are in. Like a leech they'll squeeze every single yen you have and then spat at and thrown out like a garbage bag just so that you can get your sorry butt back to the office for a 12 hour shift only to be treated worse at home than at your office. And they say Japan is a man's world? Forget about having conversations. Rather think of ways not to make the wife unleash. Husbands are tiptoeing on egg shells at home.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

tmarie, most of the shops round my way have pt housewives on the tills, and they're open till 9 or 10 at night, including Saturdays and Sundays and holidays. The job market being what it is at the moment (abysmal) the pt ladies in many cases have to take what they can get, or get nothing at all.

And in my area, which is urban, the tills are staffd by uni students in the evenings, not older/married women. The same can be said for wait staff in cafes, rests and bars. Guess our Japans are different because I don't see the women you are speaking of.

And in the case of where I live, the women are "taking what they can get" unless you want to refer to their husband's pay checks.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Married women in Japan are lazy. Not everyone but most. They sit home all day and watch TV, go shopping, meet friends at cafes. They are at the same time control freaks. They control their husbands credit and cash cards. Despite their husbands slaving 12-15 hour shifts at the office if they are not satisfied with their husbands salary they unleash. Instead of actually thinking of contributing to the family economy by actually going to work. If the husband wants divorce the wives can threaten to take custody of their children and never let the husband see their kids. People who think Japan is a male chauvinist country are completely clueless. It may appear so to an untrained newbie.

-4 ( +2 / -6 )

@ultradarkmelvin

You've obviously had a bad experience and I pity you; but don't make massive generalisations on the basis of your own life. My (Japanese) wife is caring, loving and loyal to the point of madness. How the hell she's put up with my selfish stupidities over twenty years, I'll never know. But we're still together, and it's wonderful....

0 ( +1 / -1 )

tmarie -

the tills are staffd by uni students in the evenings, not older/married women. The same can be said for wait staff in cafes, rests and bars. Guess our Japans are different because I don't see the women you are speaking of.

I live outside reasonable commuting distance of any unis, so not many university students available to run the tills. Not a different Japan, but a different part of Japan.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

@lucabrasi

It´s great that you have a good marriage. I congratulate you with that.

I was reading this article. This article is about worn out husbands and I do believe there are many of them. They are the great unsung heros of Japan. They are doing 12 hours plus shifts just so that their wives can go around shopping for brand handbags and giggle at cafes with friends. To all the hard working salarymen out there. I salute them. The days when wives are mindlessly glued in front of their TV sets consuming more than the family can afford should be over. When wives start to ask what they can do for the family and not what they can get from the family they will become much happier because of it.

For better and worse. Most Japanese wives DO NOT want to work. This is the overall mindset of women in this country. They work because they have to not because they want to.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

and then they turn into wrinkled hunchbacked old bags, scurrying around in garden hats, facemasks and hauling 'depaato' shopping bags as they shove and bump everyone on the subway. They're not even human - just some sort of wrinkled little white vampire-corpse that subsists on pickled bamboo chutes and miso soup that drains the life out of the economy and everyone around them.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Most Japanese wives DO NOT want to work.

Yep. I've been saying this over and over again. Japanese women are quite simply, lazy. They marry because they want to guarantee a steady and convenient source of income. I don't know why men buy into it, but I can only imagine that they've been indoctrinated into it by their lazy and spoiled baby-boomer mothers.

Guess our Japans are different because I don't see the women you are speaking of.

I guess all our Japans are different, because where I live most of the supermarket cash registers are staffed by non-Japanese!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@Tessa

I find that in most instances you get from a marriage what you give in, and that is in discussions, comprise and empathy. Something very lacking in many of the posts i read here, no wonder we have so much bitterness.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Self Induced Disease? Japanese women are no longer maid wives and have opinions now? Japanese men must be envious of old time when the men had mekakes (mistresses) and a maid wife.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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