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New consultation service aims to assist 'second virgins' in revitalizing their sex lives

9 Comments

From several decades ago, the expression "second virgin" came to be applied in various contexts, one of which referred to women who found their first sexual experience so traumatic that, figuratively speaking, they reverted to their previous virginal state. Another usage is applied to people of both genders who for whatever reason forego sex for an extended period.

Writing in Shukan Post (April 5), Momoko Kawai introduces "Sese," a women's support group established last October in Tokyo's Asakusa district. Kawai sees Sese as the modern-day equivalent of a kakekomi-dera, a nunnery in pre-modern times where abused women fled to escape cruel treatment from husbands.

Sese is staffed by a team of four women, who are introduced in the article only by aliases. Makkii, 38, is a certified nurse who posts female-related information on YouTube. Natsueri, 33, is a graduate of Waseda University's Faculty of Law. She produces information on genital care and maintenance. Mayunamu, 39, researches the connection between diet and sex. And Matsuda, 35, creates contents concerning specialty products for women.

"Initially our group was established as a 'fem-tech' service (for resolving women's problems), and as a service for regular usage of self-pleasuring items," Makkii explained. "While developing items for 'second virgins,' we've added counseling as a service for members. The number of people coming to us for consultations has been increasing day by day."

Earlier this month, reporter Kawai sat in on a counseling session, held in a conference room at the group's office in Asakusa.

One of the participants -- we'll call her Miwako -- was a 41-year-old woman working at a restaurant. Since giving birth to her second child five years ago, she had ceased having sex with her husband.

"I was tired and worn out every day, and wanted to flop in bed as early as possible," she said. "I continued refusing my husband's requests for sex, and after a while he stopped asking. We still get along all right, but I feel uncomfortable watching sex scenes in movies or dramas. I'm wondering what I can do to overcome this situation."

"It's self-evident that you have no place in your life for sex after giving birth," Makkii told her. "It was the same for me. You shouldn't blame yourself."

"Yes, that was true in my case as well," Mayunamu remarked. "I was really brimming with sexual desire. And then after giving birth, that desire vanished."

Miwako asked, "So what did you do then?"

Mayunamu: "I talked things over with my husband, about at what times I felt like making love. We proceeded with light skinship at first. I would ask my hubby, 'Would you like me to give you a shoulder rub?'"

"Sometimes I'd leave the kids at a friend's place or with my parents," said Makkii. "Many people might feel a sense of guilt, but moms need to take measures to keep up their health."

Kanagawa Prefecture resident Takako, 53, seemed embarrassed to discuss her situation with the other women. She had not engaged in sex with her husband for over 10 years.

She admitted she was unable to bring herself to telling her husband she desired sex. Instead, she had engaged in online encounters via a deai-kei application.

"As part of the aging process, it's natural for sexual desires to change," Makkii explained. "During my 20s I suppressed my desire and feelings of sexual satisfaction tended to be low, but by my 30s, the orgasms become stronger."

"Temporarily in their 50s male hormones take priority over female hormones, and at that time more than a few women feel an upsurge in sexual desire. Women shouldn't be embarrassed by these changes. But we can't recommend infidelity," Makkii said with strained smile. "First a woman should masturbate vigorously to relieve sexual urges. Then after that she can talk things over with her husband."

"The relationship between a woman's biorhythm and her sexual desire is complex," Natsueri added. "So she shouldn't feel any shame over masturbation. I might reminisce over some enjoyable past sexual experience and then pleasure myself as a 'follow-up.'"

Matsuda advised Takako, "Masturbation's completely okay. You should get with it from today, without delay."

The two clients departed bearing expressions of relief, looking as if a great load had been lifted from their shoulders.

"We'd like to help these 'second virgins' lean on us for support as soon as they can, so they can 'graduate,'" Makkii told writer Kawai.

As word keeps spreading, Kawai's convinced Sese may very well become a place where women will need to queue up for a turn to pour out their woes.

© Japan Today

©2024 GPlusMedia Inc.

9 Comments
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Matsuda advised Takako, "Masturbation's completely okay. You should get with it from today, without delay."

Wonder if this article might soon inspire a Japanese version of Portnoy's Complaint...

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

This is fantastic that these ladies are learning to talk about sex and masturbation candidly. It's good to see women claiming their sexual autonomy.

That said, I do feel bad for their husbands. I think this is why many men (and women) have affairs. They can't seem to talk to one another openly, so when their desire drops or their libido changes they aren't able to talk and work out compromises. People should be open with their partner and honest. That may include ethical non-monogamy rather than cheating.

5 ( +8 / -3 )

"I was tired and worn out every day, and wanted to flop in bed as early as possible," she said. "I continued refusing my husband's requests for sex, and after a while he stopped asking. We still get along all right, but I feel uncomfortable watching sex scenes in movies or dramas. I'm wondering what I can do to overcome this situation."

This is a common problem among couples. For many men, sex is something they need to get off their minds, so they can get to other stuff. For many women, sex is something they can only think about, after everything else is taken off their minds.

Men who aren't having sex with their wives should take a deep, honest look at how much they help with the household, and how much they leave to their wives to manage, and if she's the one handling the bulk of it, how do you ever expect your wife to want to have sex with you when she has all that other stuff to take care of?

-3 ( +5 / -8 )

A man is rejected enough he will go elsewhere and he won't be coming back.

7 ( +12 / -5 )

"I was tired and worn out every day, and wanted to flop in bed as early as possible," she said. "I continued refusing my husband's requests for sex, and after a while he.....

found himself a mistress or started visiting prostitutes...

Fixed it.

6 ( +11 / -5 )

Sex and marriage go hand and hand. When couples stop have having sex, monogamy, at some point, no longer exists - by definition. It’s now celibacy. If it’s one-sided it raises all kinds of questions about who’s breaking the wedding vows.

-2 ( +3 / -5 )

If the wife has gone off sex, is it bad for the husband to get some elsewhere or should he be held hostage to her hormones for ever? And vice versa. Discuss.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

Lots of American women are degraded in sexual relationships,by men ,acting no more than a booty call , American women generally can have sex at their choosing ,but are hesitating because of bad experiences

-4 ( +1 / -5 )

Selling sex toys,do not make you an expert,this should be left to professional counsel,these women just wasting their time and will end more confused

-4 ( +1 / -5 )

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