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Sex workers, AV actresses tread lightly when searching for a spouse

46 Comments

Ladies who perform before the cameras in adult videos, and those who labor in the sex industry, at some point in their lives make the decision to call it quits and raise a family. Spa magazine (June 1), no stranger to controversy, considers the juxtaposition of the institution of marriage and the world's oldest profession.

Except where noted, the names of the women quoted in the story were altered for reasons of privacy.

"My parents think I'm unlikely to find a partner who is affluent, or who comes from a respectable family, so they've given up on me," Maika, a 27-year-old performer in adult videos, tells the magazine.

"In my search for a marriage partner, I tell them I work in a bar," she continues. "That's not entirely a lie, because sometimes I do work there as well. I would prefer to say I perform in movies, but I worry that a suitor would react by wanting to go straight to bed with me. That wouldn't do, because it would ruin any chance of a love relationship. Being forced to hide it puts me under twice the pressure of an ordinary person who seeks to get married."

Concealing her profession at the start, Maika feels, becomes increasingly difficult as the relationship progresses.

"Since there's a chance we'll go steady, I'll break it to him by saying, 'Actually I perform in adult videos. Does that bother you?' If we were to get married, it would be hard for me to keep lying about it."

Maika says the ideal partner would be an extremely "dry" person (i.e., who doesn't dwell a great deal about what other people think) or "one who isn't after my money."

"If he's worked in the same profession, then I suppose he would understand me, but it turns me off that these guys are on friendly terms with lots of other AV actresses they meet through their work."

"Nami," now 37, has appeared in over 200 films. She tied the knot three years ago.

"My husband is a really serious guy who works in finance," she says. "First we were 'sex friends' for about a year. The person who introduced us told him about my work. He holds official certification, so it took time for him to get used to the idea. There were times when some of the things I did in front of the cameras rattled him, and he'd complain, but I've always been erotically inclined and told him, 'I got into films of my own volition and took pride in my work for nearly seven years!' I hadn't considered marriage at the time I started appearing and took pride in my work, so I think we're getting over the rough spots."

Ena, 33, says her former boyfriend figured out she worked in the sex trade from items she kept at home, like lubricants and Isojin gargle. Learning that she was a sex worker was all it took to break off their relationship.

"I used marriage introduction apps for two or three years, listing my job as office worker," she says. "Not being able to work because of the corona pandemic sort of pushed me toward marriage.

"Six months ago I met a company employee and we've been going together. I felt guilty about my past of working in the sex trade for over 10 years, and started a regular day job. But I needed to supplement my income so I'm still employed at a massage parlor. I feel bad about that. If I can get married, I'd like to be a full-time homemaker."

Junko Takeda, who operates an NPO supporting mental hygiene for sex workers, tells Spa, "It's not especially rare for sex workers to marry customers or men involved in the operation of the places where they work, but presently most of them who seek marriage do it via web applications. They can't list their true profession, so quite a few of them claim to be 'therapists' or 'counselors.' But even if they try to conceal it, when going to a love hotel or during sexual encounters, their skills seem too proficient, and as often as not they'll give themselves away."

© Japan Today

©2021 GPlusMedia Inc.

46 Comments
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You shouldn't lie to your finance or his family.

A proper relationship is built on trust and honesty.

12 ( +18 / -6 )

If you’ve done porn, and you were good, the guy already knows it.

No use hiding it.

9 ( +12 / -3 )

"Not being able to work because of the corona pandemic sort of pushed me toward marriage."

Oh really?? Have no pitty at all for those kind of women. They prostitute their entire life and now they want to prostitute their marriage too. With that kind of thinking no wonder they cannot find a suitable partner.

-1 ( +18 / -19 )

Nice way to start a lifelong-relationship.

- “I tell them,... I lied..., I couldn’t tell..., I felt guilty..., I’ll break it to him..., I friend told him..., He found out ..., Tney can’t list their true profession...,

Even the writers and editors are in on perpetuating the deceit;

- “Except where noted, the names of the women quoted in the story were altered for ‘reasons of privacy”. -

1 ( +7 / -6 )

Oh really?? Have no pitty at all for those kind of women. They prostitute their entire life and now they want to prostitute their marriage too. With that kind of thinking no wonder they cannot find a suitable partner.

this,

take ownership of your decisions, but I guess easier to blame it on something else.

2 ( +8 / -6 )

*This business is full of deceit**, by the predators & producers and, those workers that choose *to be exploited.

0 ( +6 / -6 )

Wasn’t a prominent member of the LGBTQ+ community here recently advocating that Japan’s ‘sex workers’ and ‘AV’ actors were ‘choosing’ this as ‘reputable, hard work’? -Doesn’t it seem hypocritical to speak out about patriarchy, misogyny, etc while advocating the exploitation of human beings?

0 ( +7 / -7 )

A typo or, intentional @BB 7:12am “You shouldn't lie to your finance”?

Finance or fiancé?

From the article:

- "My husband is a really serious guy who works in finance," -

... Regardless, she score both, ‘a fiancé in finance’.

-2 ( +4 / -6 )

Again, “Doesn’t it seem ‘hypocritical to speak out against men, the patriarchy and misogyny while advocating the for the chosen sex work professions of these women which further perpetuates the continued exploitation of ‘human beings’?

- @#girl_in_tokyo 8:41am: “...men here critisizing these women A) watch porn; and B) would not even consider a relationship with someone who had been in porn. Talk about hypocrites.” -

Agreed, let’s “talk about hypocrites”. Please take time to run that by ‘the committee’.

4 ( +7 / -3 )

"My parents think I'm unlikely to find a partner who is affluent, or who comes from a respectable family, so they've given up on me," Maika, a 27-year-old performer in adult videos, tells the magazine.

Nice priorities, Maika and Maika's parents. Nothing here about finding a kind man, a compassionate man, a trustworthy man, an honest man, an intelligent man. Nope. Show me the money!!!

17 ( +19 / -2 )

A long time ago I dated a woman who had paid her way through college by working in AVs. She even had a four-page spread in Playboy magazine. Once she got her PhD, she no longer needed to make films. We got along very well for a year and a half. She met my parents, and we got engaged, but we broke it off for personal reasons. My parents accepted my choice, but were not crazy about her. I do not regret our time together, and I wish we could have found a way to work out our differences. We had a lot of affection for each other. Needless to say, she was physically very attractive, as well as smart and loving.

Been married now for over 40 years, and do not regret this relationship, either. Lightning can strike more than once.

12 ( +20 / -8 )

In this day and age.

-3 ( +2 / -5 )

"My parents think I'm unlikely to find a partner who is affluent, or who comes from a respectable family, so they've given up on me," Maika, a 27-year-old performer in adult videos, tells the magazine.

Nice priorities, Maika and Maika's parents. Nothing here about finding a kind man, a compassionate man, a trustworthy man, an honest man, an intelligent man. Nope. Show me the money!!!

She never said they were her priorities. She was only pointing out her parents' feelings in that quote.

-6 ( +3 / -9 )

"Not being able to work because of the corona pandemic sort of pushed me toward marriage.

Guys beware. At the end of the day you don't want to end up as an ATM.

16 ( +18 / -2 )

Not being able to work because of the corona pandemic sort of pushed me toward marriage.

She is so used to being ordered around that it even shows in her choice of words. "Since I couldn't work because of the corona pandemic, I DECIDED to try marriage." (fixed it)

-3 ( +5 / -8 )

RecklessToday  11:23 am JST

Guys beware. At the end of the day you don't want to end up as an ATM.

I'm sitting here laughing because as I was reading this my wife was raiding my wallet for money for shopping.

11 ( +12 / -1 )

I'd love to date a porn star.

5 ( +9 / -4 )

I'd love to date a porn star.

“Please remember...rubber up.”

9 ( +10 / -1 )

What is the kutchikomi on Health risks? Don't want to catch . . . .

5 ( +6 / -1 )

1glenn:

That’s a very good, decent post, a world away from the shallow moralising indulged in by some other posters. There is absolutely no reason why when telling your personal story you should have received any downvotes whatsoever, but the fact that you have is an illustration of the negative attitudes that have to be faced by women such as your former fiancée, and by the men who care about them. Glad things worked out for you in the end - lightning can indeed strike twice.

1 ( +4 / -3 )

Why don't they make dating/marriage app like for 'porn marriage' or 'marriage 4 av idols' ? Sure it will help some in the industry.

After watching several Japanese av long long time ago during my young days, i actually got a Great idea about making one of the best Japanese av but don't think Japanese producer will hire me as a director.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

I'd marry one at the drop of a hat, if she was honest and capable of truly loving. Sex, while important in a man/woman relationship, comes second to trust and true affection.

3 ( +8 / -5 )

Can't help but wonder if the actress named "Nami" is the currently-on-hiatus AV actress, Namiki Touko? The first four letters of the pseudonym, her age, the amount of works and the fact that she is now telling her fans on Twitter that she is married kinda points to her. She's cool when engaging with her fans on Twitter and I wholeheartedly congratulated her when she made her announcement about slowing things down and doing only "pink" films primarily now. She did a lot of daring things in her movies which no doubt would've bothered her husband but I respect her choices and she laughed when I said that I was jealous of her husband in having her as a wife LOL! At the end of the day if the actress isn't being exploited, abused and got into the industry of her own volition, who are we to judge? When I last checked, empowerment does not equal ridicule.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Ewww, sorry but not for me. I could never get out of my mind what she used to do.

1 ( +9 / -8 )

All that these out of work prostitutes want to do is downsize from many anonymous johns to one rich one. Nothing else changes.

9 ( +14 / -5 )

Tough situation... there would be guys champing at the bit to be with such girls, but only for the sex, and that would quickly die out. Then there are others, who would enter such relationships without knowing the woman (or man's) past, and might resent the lie when it comes out, or even if they don't, might not be able to handle it over time (especially if he/she is still engaged in the industry). I mean, imagine if you wanted to be intimate with your partner and he or she said, "Oh... sorry, sweetie, I've done that with two or three guys today and I'm exhausted. Can you just rub my feet and we go to bed?"

It would take a very understanding person of either sex to have a partner in that industry. If they can make it work, I have no doubt it would work in the long run so long as the two were honest with each other about everything, including feelings.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

Thanks BigYen.

We loved each other, and the reasons we broke it off had zilch to do with how she paid her way through college. Coming from a broken, poor family, her options were limited. As long as we were faithful to each other, what she did previously mattered not at all. If anything, it made things better. She had no illusions about sex. She was not against it, it was just something that people engage in when they feel like it.

By the way, I knew socially a few other women who engaged in sex to pay for their college expenses. They did not do drugs, and were wonderful people. They actually were among some of the most well-adjusted people I ever met. I do not doubt that there are horror stories surrounding the sex trade, but fortunately I did not get exposed to that sort of thing.

3 ( +6 / -3 )

Given the judgmental tone of some of the comments on here, I guess all of these folks must have married virgins, as virgins and have both stayed loyal.

Does it really make a difference to you if your partner used to be paid after shaking the bed springs with previous partners, or not?

Paying for sex is like a PAYG phone contract - what you want, when you want it. Marriage is a subscription - some additional perks but a lock in, that can prove to be expensive.

Another difference is the sex. Pros are often very, very good at it. The rest of us are unlikely to be as good as we think we are. I wonder how many couples talk about that honestly?

Do folk fear losing a partner to one of their film star colleagues on the grounds of familiarity, shared interests or technical merit? Pros are generally expert at separating business and pleasure - much more than Hollywood sometimes suggests.

The STD issue may concern many, but I wonder how many folk begin a relationship with a hand-in-hand trip to the clap clinic for tests. And once in a relationship, do you just continue on trust?

Perhaps we just hang far too much baggage on the sexual component of our lives. That alone may be damaging to our 'mental hygiene'.

-7 ( +3 / -10 )

Marriage is a subscription

I truly hope you aren't married. If you are, I feel bad for your partner.

My god, if my wife and I had thought that way, our marriage wouldn't still be filled with love 20+ years later.

6 ( +8 / -2 )

Given the judgmental tone of some of the comments on here

The story itself describes lots of judgements being made, about parents wanting an "affluent" partner from a "respectable family" and an actress not wanting a partner "friendly with other AV actresses".

In an ideal world, folks in porn would just be really into sex, to the extent that they don't give a flying one about what anyone else thinks. I'm sure some people like that exist, but in the Japanese AV world, it sounds like they are rare and the people in it are just as jealous and materialistic and hypocritical as everyone else, with the added bonus of an occupation that raises red flags for some and ends up being lied about. I don't know if I could have married an AV actress or a sex worker, but I certainly didn't want to marry a liar.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

I know personally someone in the business and she got a nice marriage after retiring, I always thought this was something unusual, but never as much as described in the article.

-4 ( +0 / -4 )

like lubricants and Isojin gargle

Wow, we have bottles of isojin and wd40 all over the place,in the bathroom, kitchen, garage.... I wonder what my wife is up to when I am out all day starring in adult videos?

3 ( +6 / -3 )

Wow, we have bottles of isojin and wd40 all over the place,in the bathroom, kitchen, garage.... I wonder what my wife is up to when I am out all day starring in adult videos?

You are out all day starring in adult videos? You must be exhausted by the time you get home.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

Well, lying about the profession is probably the worst, imagine marrying some sweet, shy girl (who somehow is very good in bed), the after a few years you find her on redtube doing gang bangs... Even worse, your children, or their friends may... Now, make-up makes some girls completely unrecognizable, so there may be a chance of getting away with it; after all, I remember some statistics saying that 1 in 10(?) Japanese girls tried the business at some point (I don't remember is this statistics was only about porn, or it included prostitution).

If you know she is in the business, then it's up to you. I knew a girl who was doing prostitution, and her husband had no objections, because he could not earn enough to sustain the family...

3 ( +4 / -1 )

This kind of reminds me of the old joke about a newlywed groom who, while on his honeymoon, challenges his bride to a race in the pool, and she, uh, figuratively blows him out of the water. "Darling, why didn't you tell me you were a champion swimmer?" he asks, and she replies, "Actually I was a streetwalker in Venice."

1 ( +3 / -2 )

This kind of reminds me of the old joke about a newlywed groom who, while on his honeymoon, challenges his bride to a race in the pool, and she, uh, figuratively blows him out of the water.

While I didn't find the joke particularly humorous, I well appreciated your correct usage of the word figuratively.

-5 ( +0 / -5 )

Watching porn seems to be even more widespread here than anywhere else. A lot of the titles that are on sale here wouldn't pass muster anywhere else. Watching is great, but dating the actress over which the guy fantasizes in the movie is yuck yuck, gross gross, eeewww.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

> StrangerlandMay 30 10:17 am JST

Marriage is a subscription

> I truly hope you aren't married. If you are, I feel bad for your partner.

> My god, if my wife and I had thought that way, our marriage wouldn't still be filled with love 20+ years later

Amen!

0 ( +1 / -1 )

The isojin gargle is a dead giveaway. All the delivery health girls carry it in their second bag.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Marriage is a subscription

I truly hope you aren't married. If you are, I feel bad for your partner.

@strangerland, perhaps a little unfair on the original comment. It may depend on how you define "subscription", but the word does suggest commitment as opposed to a one off experience or a casual declaration of love. You sign up and make it work. After a 37 year subscription, I think my wife and I know it still requires effort and commitment.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

no way no thanks...

2 ( +3 / -1 )

I would love to marry one of them. I frankly don't care, and they are also more open-minded and easy to get along with.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

I would love to marry one of them. I frankly don't care, and they are also more open-minded and easy to get along with.

I would not be able to get over the thought that my girl had been hosed down by a multitude of men. But that is just me. It’s good to know that there is someone for everyone. I am very lucky with who I have.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I've dated a few South American strippers here in Tokyo before but I never considered marrying one! It was fun while it lasted put it that way.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

That relationship is going to die quickly when the partner realizes there's nothing they can do sexually that their partner will enjoy. Let's not even talk about the psychological damage these types of industry workers suffer from. Just another failed and destructive marriage.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I would marry a sex worker/AV actress. People have different reasons why they took a profession. whether its for the money to buy lavish items, Love for intercourse, Pay off debt, or if its the only thing they were good at. I don't see why it's necessary to judge people for making that decision. As long as it's your choice and you are content with doing it, then that's fine. It's a personal choice of theirs, I wouldn't hold it against any woman who choose that profession when it comes to moving forward with out relationship or not.

I understand it would get awkward when friends and family members stumbled across or were shown past videos. At that point I feel this is where the couple should put their foot down on the rudeness of said members actions. That is something between the couple and if they decided to move on, then anyone who has a problem with that needs to be cut out of their lives. That is just my personal opinion on the matter and how I would treat it. As long as my partner truly loved me and was faithful. I wouldn't care about her AV history.

A little about me. I am an integrity field engineer that make 180k-240k usd a year. I consider this salary to be decent living. This isn't a flex on other readers and I don't care about a salary war, this is to let any sex workers know that their are people in the world like me. My wife (Japanese) doesn't work and get a weekly allowance from me. she has zero expenses, she has her own car of her choosing, cell phone, fancy purses and clothing. She is free to do what she want. She takes care of the house while I am working on the road most of the year. Anyway, her hobbies is being a rescue foster mom for the strays/injured/sick dogs found on the street in Houston, TX.

That being said, don't lose hope or let these negative comments keep you down. People are people and some are extremely disgusting at heart and would rather see you suffer than happy and financially. Stay away and ignore those people, you will excel beyond them if you focus and work hard on whatever you truly want in life. No matter how farfetched something is. if you want it bad enough, you will get it.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

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