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kuchikomi

Sexless in Japan

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For 30 years -- roughly the 1960s, ‘70s and ‘80s -- sex was everything. It was bound to fizzle. Ubiquitous things always do. And fizzle it did. Now, Spa! (Jan 12) finds, sex is basically nothing.

Well, next to nothing. The conclusion arises from the magazine’s survey of 1,000 single and married men in their 30s. What’s their sex life like? How often do they do it, with how many partners, with what degree of eagerness? The two most startling statistics among the findings, while by no means the whole story, are at least sadly suggestive: (1) one-third of Spa!’s unmarried respondents (32.7%, to be precise) reported having no sex at all in 2009; (2) one-quarter of the single respondents (24.3%) have never in their lives had a sexual experience.

Those with roots in the more sexually charged past will find their hearts sinking to learn that only 16.7% of married thirty-something couples, and 11.3% of singles, enjoy sexual relations once a week. For two to three times a month the figures are 28.7% and 18.7%, respectively; for two to three times a week, 8% and 7.3%; for once every six months, 10% and 7.3%.

Of course, frequency is not the ultimate measure of quality (though the thought occurs that if it were better, it might be more frequent). Nor is the average amount of time taken up by each sexual encounter a firm gauge. But it cannot be totally meaningless if, as Spa! reports, the average amount of time involved has been shrinking year by year since 2000 -- from 58.6 minutes, including foreplay and afterplay, to 35.4 minutes now.

Infidelity, the traditional fly in the ointment of marital bliss, is no longer what it used to be either. Married men have settled down to a remarkable degree, 93% of them claiming the wife as the overwhelmingly favored sexual partner and only 6.3% seeking fulfillment elsewhere. As for singles, the percentage claiming a steady girlfriend is 42% -- versus 42.7% with no sexual partner.

Much is being made these days of the “herbivorous male,” the rising type as the sexually hungry carnivores fade into history. Let the reader judge whether the following statistic is cause or effect: To Spa!’s question, “Are you sexually confident?” 77% replied “No.”

If one-quarter of single men in their 30s really are virgins, they deserve a representative figure, and Spa! provides one -- a 38-year-old Tokyoite whose work, unspecified, has to do with technology. “It’s not that I’m not interested in women,” he says. “Once when I was 30, a senior colleague invited me to a ‘pink salon.’ After that, however, I could never muster the courage to go back alone.”

We’re not told what happened at the salon; only that he left with his virginity intact. He goes on to describe his “first kiss,” which took place at a club of some sort in 2009. “She was Russian; she was drunk and I helped her out. Suddenly she raised her head and kissed me. My mind went blank...”

Well? Spa! demands. Then what? “Nothing. I don’t know her name, don’t have her contact info. To tell you the truth, I was more shocked than happy when she kissed me. No, if it ever happens, it’ll have to be with someone I really like. Failing that, I guess I’ll be a virgin for life.”

© Japan Today

©2019 GPlusMedia Inc.

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pathetic!

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It is pathetic. Give me a report that says one thing….and I will give another report that says another. This is probably a lot of journalistic wishing and scientific manipulation instead of reality. I find it hard to believe the species has lost interest in sex and reproduction in one generation. Sigmund Freud says sex is a man’s primary motivation for everything he does. I tend to believe that. A man seeks to be financially successful to attract a woman (or women).

I guess they have become so fascinated with electronic gadgets that they forget about living a real life. All this really says is that there a great deal of animosity between men and women in the culture....as there is in America culture….which is deeply entrenched in a War on Sex. The only perspective politically correct in America is a woman’s perspective. A man’s is not allowed.

Sex is extremely rewarding part of life. Anyone who goes through life abstinent is missing out tremendously and will regret it later….when the are too old to enjoy sex. There will be no special marker on your grave.

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My bet is now Spa! will be shipped in a closed bag like a porn. No one will be caught reading the mag of 30 year old virgins in public :p

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Now I know why Adult Videos, Tenga Jackoff toys, and Train toucher's are so prevalent here. read above.

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On the one hand, these kinds of surveys are notoriously unreliable, for the simple fact that men are inherently untruthful about their sex lives.

On the other hand, of course, why would all these men go out of their way to lie about having little or no sex life, rather than trying to--ahem--pump up their meager (or non-existent) experiences?

I think the psychological state described by the last "poster boy" 38 year-old gentleman says a lot. Despite, or perhaps because of, having been raised in a culture where sex--or at least the suggestion of it--is everywhere, these men seem desensitized to it, and fail to see the connection between a fulfilling sex life and a fulfilled life in general. The pervasiveness of the "anything goes" approach fueled by the for-profit sex industry has resulted in a complete divorce of the physical act from emotional satisfaction.

A lot of my Japanese male friends in their 20s and 30s (not that they are a particularly representative lot) give the same reasons for their lack of interest that we've heard for decades here--long commutes and work hours, little free time, spouses working, no privacy, no energy, etc.--but talking to them reveals that, really, they just don't think a barren sex life is anything to get worked up about.

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There is no talk about masturbation in the article. Sexual frustration can be easily satisfied that way, plus you do not have to go through the games of telling someone they are beautiful etc. etc.

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Sex ruins everything! Its more about relationships now!

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Only 16% of married couples in their 30s get it on once a week. WOW. The 30s is a woman`s peak time no? What is the average for 40s and 50s? I agree with @culturechange.This is very hard to believe

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"For 30 years—roughly the 1960s, ‘70s and ‘80s—sex was everything. It was bound to fizzle. Ubiquitous things always do. And fizzle it did."

This is article is absurd. It quotes a lot of random numbers with no enquiry into the social and psychological causes that may be driving these factors. So let's do it ourselves!

Social: Japan is an overworked, overstressed nation where people spend far more time laboring away at the office than they do with family or friends. Work is often sited as the reason people don't have time for relationships or to care of the relationships they have. And stress is a key factor in why people are not managing to focus on their personal lives.

Psychological. There are a couple things here. Japan is increasingly plagued by trends that are deeply harmful including the recent herbavor trend. Instead of society dealing with this development as a dysfunction, it is talking about it as a trendy lifestyle change.

This country often reinforces unhealthy psychological trends. Everything from the insipid masses of kawaii, sexualization of children to the the many distractions that prevent people from getting on with having real relationships. Add this to the work issue and it results in disaster.

Communication. Everyone is communicating here but people are losing their social skills. Why? Online everything replacing real relationships and connections with people in the physical world combined with everyone having their heads in some kind of phone or device instead of trying to interact with people in the real world around them. Is it any wonder people are not having relationships or sex if they are incapable or to socially crippled to talk to someone?

In the end maybe this is natural selection at work. Perhaps something in the instincts of Japanese people has clicked on to prevent procreation and relationships. If it continues the population will continue to decline until we can visit museums where the lost culture of Japan is on display for humans from other parts of a Japanese-less planet.

Change or die out. Pretty simple equasion.

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Talking to married Japanese friends, once a month seems to be pretty normal.

Don't blame it all on the guys either, a lot of people from both sexes just couldn't really care they're not getting any.

5% of the population seems to be having 50% of the sex - the Shibuya guys and gals are Japan's only hope!

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"Shibuya guys and gals are Japan's only hope!"

Apply Darwin to that we have a very frightening gene pool to base a future Japan upon. Seems like the lines that should die out or be outcompeted will be the ones to survive. Darwin in reverse with predictably bleak results.

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Spa articles read like a playboy everytime.

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Another classy article.....

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Go to work in the morning, come home late at night, often drunk, after the wife and family have been asleep for a while, is not conducive to sex in a marriage. Especially if one didn't really marry for love in the first place. The same goes for finding and keeping a girlfriend.

For several generations now, this has been a pattern of Japanese life. It's no wonder that a lot of Japanese men, having been raised by their mothers with little or no involvement of their fathers, don't know how to act as real men. Those of you who have been in Japan for a while know what I am talking about, men who can't talk to women and don't know how to relate to them. So now, so many women stay single well into their thirties and forties (often living at home with Mom and Dad) and end up on matchmaking sites wanting to marry and have kids before it's too late - which it often is. Another result is evident in the ever increasing amount of stories about dysfunctional people here living their lives online or fantasizing about manga characters.

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Shouldn't suprise anyone, even if the source is not 100% reliable. Every year a reputable organization surveys sexual activity levels in all the major countries. And, every year, Japan ranks near the bottom. Believe the latest figure had married couples here only having sex between 35 and 40 times a year -- or less than once a week. So, Spa!'s numbers are certainly believable. Simply one of the numerous reasons Japan is in a serious state of decline.

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The reason is obvious: internet porn. All these husbands and virgins can get by on it. Its like "tru blood" for vampires. Not nearly as good as the real thing, but it gets them by and keeps them out of trouble. And its all free free free.

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KaptainKichigai not only has a cool nickname, but is also right. If you did a survey on how often the same married and single age groups in Japan have sex with themselves the numbers would probably be equally shocking. On the high end instead of low..

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Sex is like air ... it's unimportant unless you don't get it! The easiest way to not get sex anymore is to get married.

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I think I heard in America that sex is non existent after the children are born... the wife doesn't want sex anymore. Maybe it is the same in Japan..so this isn't much of a surprise.

The Japanese are stressed out and when they are finished with stressing themselves over work or study, they would rather just drink a few and go to sleep rather than play the headgames of chasing a girl and wineing and dining her, buying her this or that and telling her she's beautiful blah blah, just to get some companionship and sex, after 12 hrs of work, there isn't time for that. jacking off is much easier prior to falling asleep if you didn't have the money or time to have a few drinks.. before you know it, you're 30 yrs old and the young girls won't look at you anymore. So, it appears guys who play in a band, work as a bartender or some other job that "puts them undeservingly on a stage" are the ones who will get laid. Usually those guys are with low potential also choosing jobs that are easy which make them feel like they are the center of the world.. working behind a bar..

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pespective, it has been the pattern with Americans also.. at least in Japan women and men to an extent aren't pressured to leave home and make it on their own, so women can choose more wisely (even though they don't) in America many young girls feel pressured to marry (not by society but by security concerns). In Japan (Okinawa... where I lived since '69) a job giving a girl $1000-1500 a month allows her a minicar, nice clothes and her same room she grew up in.. no security problems there, especially if she isn't a long term planner.. no need for sex unless you really like the guy.. or like sex a lot.

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sad article, sad comments.. sad state of affairs (or lack their of) in Japan I guess.

"Sex ruins everything??" Really.?? it`s all about love... yes, as sex can (and possibly should) be as well. Is that not obvious?

"The quickest way to stop having sex is to get married..??" Really? Such a "victim" mentality. Although I agree sex is like (I used to say water.. as you can live without it for a while. air.. not long.) ,,it`s like water, money.... things you take for granted unless you run out.

IM shocked by the numbers in the article but agree that the disconnect between sex and relationships might be responsible for why its not seen IN relationships. Good luck boys.. Ill keep on trucking on an work on my end to bring up the numbers!! (The things I wont do for this country)

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Came back to see what people wrote. All depends on the marriage. Each is different. My advice, is do not get married, but go surfing instead. Lots of hot babes in the water all year round.

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I'm Not!

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“Are you sexually confident?” 77% replied “No.” So that leaves 23% of the men (who ARE sexually confident) to take care of all the girls you sissies are unable to handle! I'm up to the challenge!

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So that leaves 23% of the men (who ARE sexually confident) to take care of all the girls you sissies are unable to handle!

Promiscuous does not mean sexually confident. That is an opinion of a person who has not much experience and is not sexually confident (and does not want to be as one partner is enough).

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Wow I am an American Male who has been to Japan several times in the last couple of years. The women in Japan are very pretty and very nice. To here that majority are not having sex or have never had sex by the time they reach there thirties is something that is unheard of in America. You men need to step up to the plate and stop acting like toddlers who are scared of women and handle your business. The Japanese women want men not little boys that are scared of sex.

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Several decades ago, sex in this country was replaced by narcissism.

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sex in this country was replaced by narcissism

... and pets.

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I think first of all you have to define what is 'having sex'. I mean if they are just talking about sexual intercourse then the whole article is really pretty useless. There are many other ways to enjoy sex.

I don't think the stats given for married couples are all that surprising. Perhaps a little on the low side but if both are working or they have kids then sex a couple of times a month doesn't seem so unusual to me. Again, they didn't considered other forms of physical intimacy here.

But the single guys who didn't have sex at all in 2009 or who are still virgins into their 30's...all I can say is 'YIKES!' Did you lose your libido? Maybe you left it under the bed. I agree with what others have said in that many guys don't want to make the effort to have a relationship with a woman or even to have a one-night stand. Much easier to turn on some porn and get off. Plus that way there is no pressure or performance anxiety which they probably already get plenty of at work.

Well, this compliments yesterday's article on 'Where are the babies?' quite nicely. All the 'babies' are these men who have no maturity, confidence or sex drive.

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The red light districts are booming with business by these very men. On the other hand (pun intended) men have been occupied by internet porn such as live webcams and whatnot.

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Wow I am an American Male who has been to Japan several times in the last couple of years. The women in Japan are very pretty and very nice. To here that majority are not having sex or have never had sex by the time they reach there thirties is something that is unheard of in America. You men need to step up to the plate and stop acting like toddlers who are scared of women and handle your business. The Japanese women want men not little boys that are scared of sex.

mate, wrong audience. I dont think many japanese guys read this site. Much less the posts on the articles.

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The Japanese learn so little and so late about sex that by the time they finally meet their partners, they are already deeply rooted in their adult stereotype of salaryman/housewife. Both these "roles" are so intense (long working hrs/stress/little positive feedback/support etc.) that having a sex life seems like just another "task" to fit into the typical week. It would be interesting to interview those Japanese that still have some kind of sex life and query how spontaneous their sex life is...my bet is that its planned days in advance and strictly limited in duration/experimentation.

as an example of the above, an ex of mine had a messed up up bringing regarding sex...somehow she was taught that having too much sex would increase the chance of cancer (wtf?!) She only had sex once a month with her previous bf and is now a career woman with no interest in sex. She just views sex as a chore with no positives. sad really.

btw I think all the posts blaming porn in Japan is just mis-placed and an easy target. Porn in Japan is no more prominent than in the west and it is actually the opposing problem of a lack of sex education.

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mate, wrong audience. I dont think many japanese guys read this site. Much less the posts on the articles.

I do.

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There are two types of Japanese males who are between 30 to 60s. Some are crazy about sex and watching AV movies and erotic magazines most of the times. Japan has produced more adult movies than Asian nations. They are not reluctant to go to Saloon and love hotels. For them sex is just for fun and they are not serious about the serious relationship with an opposite sex. Some are homosexual. Some have both male and female as sex partners. Their life style is unhealthy and risky.

Some Japanese males mostly employee or salary men are stressed out from their works. They are too tired for having sex even they have wives or girlfriend. Atmosphere of living is also not encouraging. They has little privacy in their tiny apartment. Big cities are crowed as sardine. Noise from neighbors are annoying. Visiting love hotels is not always possible economically. Some are also embarrassed about being seen by someone he knew. Japanese expats living in oversea can enjoy more sex because they have larger space, a pleasant and relaxed atmosphere and less people they knew.

Most of these men believe that having sex with someone who he really love or being loved is wonderful and enjoyable. For westerners sex is just a normal activity like sports. Sex can be bought with an expensive dinner or gifts. For true oriental men, it is not desirable. Some will feel like trading without soul. We can not judge all Japanese men as one stereo type.

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Sex is easy, -but love/relationships/family are hard.

The entities that promote sex ($$$) really shoot themselves in the foot by targeting a very young teen audience that turns them off later in life. -Many men are not fooled by the scam anymore and if they see an ad that has sex in it they automatically discount it as being an inferior product.

Real problem: Not enough successful confident people in their 20's-30's that are able to form loving relationships. -Leads to a mental confusion about relationships/love/sex/marriage.

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Stream of consciousness thoughts: I think Japanese people and their society are way too uptight about all the social rules and observances that one must keep. Housewives are more interested in toeing the line and keep up appearances than living a relaxed, carefree life. I don't think Japanese get bent out-of-shape over a lack of sex--I watched a home reform show where the seemingly hip parents showed-off their separate bedrooms. In many households, parents and kids share the same bedroom until 7 or 8. Sir Isaac Newton was abstinent. It seems sex in Japan has two aims: to snare a husband and have a child(ren). Then, you're on your own. Unless you live in a metropolitan area, get a broadband connection and a box of tissues.

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"30061015 at 02:28 PM JST - 12th January sex in this country was replaced by narcissism

... and pets."

And Louis Vuitton bags....

All this is terribly deep, could it not be possible that, after working 100 hours overtime a week,many Japanese are just too tired to engage in such frivolity? As in, they really would rather go to sleep?

Just a thought...

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Shufu: Don’t blame dogs and LV bags, they have nothing to do with human beings.

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Social rules, stress, bad living conditions etc. will be always something to blame. Those who don’t want – will always find an excuse, those who want to change something in their life- will always find solution. Imho: some people are just lazy to find simple solutions even for themselves

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The third paragraph that begins, "Those with roots....", should appeal to the Aussie readers here! A great choice or words!

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Neither men nor women like taking the pill or using contraceptives. It's a bother; which means you always have the problem of unwanted pregancy.

Besides it's too hot in summer, and too cold in winter.

So it's easier just to go without sex.

If you stop short of people and bow, even to your relatives, how clean is that! No need for shaking hands or hugging, or any physical contact at all.

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Not talking about casual sex here but relationships.

I think that a very high percentage of Japanese women are fake and untrustworthy. So if a guy is looking for a partner, it gets hard to find one that you can deem to be genuine.

Most are out for themselves and sex is a tool to get what they want. I would not even give such women the satisfaction of noticing their beauty.

In these times any Japanese women under 30 who likes you should be regarded with suspicion first.

She will tell you what you want to hear, and act how you like in order to extract what she wants. Later she will cheat or move on when her confidence is high and a better suitor comes along.

Next if she is over 30 and single then there are other issues to as if she is in a hurry to get married or really loves you.

Best pic for guys is a divorcee over 30 with or without kids. She will almost definitely treat you right having learned from her mistakes, matured through pain, and being a little desperate just to marry and not to divorce again.

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Simply speaking, not so bla bla theory. Most of the Japanese males are any how satisfying sexual desire by some alternative ways (better you go to akiba sex shop) or become libidoless herbivore. Most of the Japanese women are not so interested about sex, rather their concentration is towards men's wallet to lead a stressless shufu life and do handful of shopping.

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This sounds like the comments of a typical mainland man? I guess you wear glasses too small for your head, side parting and considered a "nice guy" by the women.....stop hiding behind the stereotypical oriental facade and show yourself and live it. I was once like you...

For westerners sex is just a normal activity like sports. Sex can be bought with an expensive dinner or gifts. For true oriental men, it is not desirable. Some will feel like trading without soul. We can not judge all Japanese men as one stereo type.

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This doesn't sound too far off from most other countries I've been, including the US where I live. The difference here is nobody's man enough to admit it in a poll. For example, they poll women on how many times a year they have two person man-woman sex. They poll men on how many times a year they have two person man-woman sex. The two polls never add up by a longshot (men claim almost triple the amount of sex with women than women of men), so one side or both is lying. Common sense suggests the men are simply boasting of triple the sex they're actually getting.

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Japan in the eighties and nineties was a heaven. Growing up and spending time in japan, I remeber the ultra mini skirts of the bubble year eighties. I ws just old enough to enjoy the dying years of hthat decade as a teen growing up. Wow they were good times. I remember my brothers having a blast. The ninties were great times too. Living in HK and travelling around asia, it seems that the good time culture has moved on. HK and China are great, Singapore a fun place to enjoy the expat life. Jakarta is great and who can complain about Bangkok...if you're single or promiscuous, these are great places to be. If you're just promisuous, I'm sure there several places to have fun in Japan too though.

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Just go to Kubikicho you won't need a wife. Basically wives are a pain in the butt.

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What a disturbing poll - kind of cements what I already thought or put together from experience from being here for 6 years; I am quite tall so when I used to use internet cafes I could easily see into the cubicles as I walked past - all of them were guys watching internet porn. I never noticed anyone (but me) doing anything else... From Japanese girls I've known, mostly I've been struck by their extremely high level of superficiality (hobbies such as shopping and driving) and a major lack of character. They openly want a rich guy so they can stop work and take it easy. It's almost like living on the set of the Stepford Wives. Completely different, in my experience, tend to be those girls who have lived abroad; they have lived outside the narrow confines of Japanese society, have lightened up and are consequently interesting AND interested in foreigners. So, if I was on the lookout for a Japanese wife, I would go for those returnees and avoid like the plague those who have not spent much time abroad. A question: do Japanese kids get sex education? Why do 77% of 20s/30s lack confidence in sex? Of course major factors impede sex, such as time/energy/opportunities/money/society but 77% is madly high. I gotta get out of here.

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With all this sexlessness some of us will need to work a lot harder, as we will need to carry the weight of several. I encourage everyone to cooperate with the effort...

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sure we just have sex once a year. Life is just too hard. We are always thinkinging money. I am marrie so i dont want.

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Pretty girls in short skirts are nice to look at......but I am married. Would be nice though. I do fantasise.

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eeeewh magpie, what kind of a lifestyle are you talking about? and how old are you 95? I think the article is talking about a social problem in Japan, not about personal presferences...

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Jonswan, is it your hobby to peek into internet cafe cubicles as you walk past them? Anyway, I chose to marry my wife BECAUSE she lived in the "narrow confines" of Japanese society. In other words, she is very Japanese in a good way - reserved, respectful, kind, polite, etc... unlike a lot of recent young Japanese girls. And yes, she does have an opinion about things ... but she doesn't feel it's necessary to let everyone know what it is all the time.

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bicultural -- good on you. You found your modern-day geisha. But, to the point, how often does she jump your bones? Or is she also "reserved and respectful" and "very Japanese" in that way too? See, since this article is about sex, I tend to agree with Jonswan. Based on my experience, passion, which is different than sex, is almost non-existent in the "narrow confines" Japanese ladies. They grow up thinking sex is like a duty/obligation. But, as he points out, J-women who have lived overseas are likely to be more assertive/aggressive sexually. They seem more able to handle true passion and not just dole out sex on Christmas.

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Kenchan

This sounds like the comments of a typical mainland man? I guess you wear glasses too small for your head, side parting and considered a "nice guy" by the women.....stop hiding behind the stereotypical oriental facade and show yourself and live it. I was once like you...

It is not about a typical mainland man. Mainland has shortage of women and many men from poor social economic background will never get the relationship or spouse. It is a cruel reality. Besides that not having sex is not the life threatening problem. Sex without affection likes eating rice without curries. AV actress has performed very well in their motion picture. In the reality, they are acting without the real feeling or emotional attachment.

Some men want to have many sexual partners as much as they can. Some are not! Being as rich and famous men can attract the girls and women like magnet. However most of them will just get the fair weather girlfriends or fair weather spouses. Some crippled men have decent, attractive and nice female partners. It is obvious that they are not able to please their partner physically or financially. There is a strong bond and emotional attachment between them and their spouses.

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J-women who have lived overseas are likely to be more assertive/aggressive sexually. They seem more able to handle true passion and not just dole out sex on Christmas.

Hanging out in Roppongi trying to snag a foreigner cos you liked what you got on your 6 months in Australia isnt 'sexually aggressive / assertive'. I think that returnees are no more or less likely to be sexually confident than a japanese that has been here all their lives.

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dbung10 -- huh? Where in my post did I speak about, or even imply, I was speaking about the kind of Roppongi queen you mention? Respectfully, I don't consider 6 months in Australia or anywhere else having really lived overseas. On that we agree. I was more thinking about J-women who haved possibly grown-up overseas, or attended college there, or at least worked for a couple of years elsewhere. Enough time to have potentially been involved in one or more relationships while abroad, so that they may have developed a different frame of reference and attitude towards sex.

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sure we just have sex once a year. Life is just too hard. We are always thinkinging money. I am marrie so i dont want.

Is life too hard? Or is it just a matter of perspective? I work long hours at a traditional salaryman complex, ride the same packed trains and eat food from the same restaurants and supermarkets as the natives and yet my libido is still very much intact.

You say "we" as if you speak for the entire population of Japan, but I doubt that anyone elected you into such a position. I know plenty of Japanese people who do not fit into your generalization.

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sure we just have sex once a year. Life is just too hard. We are always thinkinging money. I am marrie so i dont want.

Sorry I may have misread this. In the case that you meant "we" as in only you and your spouse, then my apologies. I thought you meant the royal "we."

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It is sadly ironic if the reason that many of these men are not having sex is they are too stressed-out since sex can be a great stress-reliever. It's too bad that some people can't find the time or energy to make it more part of their lives. I think sex is as important as exercise--good for the body and mind. Creates endorphins, too. If people were having more sex, maybe there would be fewer suicides...Perhaps they should start promoting sex as the latest health-fad! More sex, more babies and possibly a more well-balanced society.

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dolphingirl:Totally agreed :)

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Zenpun> Sorry to sound harsh in my first post, but I stand by my statement that it is attitude such as yours that many Japanese men suffer. It has nothing to do with porn and more to do with men being uneducated about sex and to replace such inadequacy in society, these men downplay sex as part of a loving relationship and illogically places negative stigma to men who do like sex (with 1 or many partners). Please stop blaming (the rich men/nasty girls) others and start doing something about enjoying your life....yes life is cruel, we all suffer but it is upto you to do something about it.

Besides that not having sex is not the life threatening problem. You never heard about the positive health aspects of sex? (http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/10-surprising-health-benefits-of-sex). how about keeping the human race going by having kids? (yes I am talking on a long timeline but this is a REAL threat to human society)

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I read in an anthropology book that Japanese men have the lowest testosterone levels of any group of people,the sex characteristics therefore are less pronounced.. ie.. smaller penis, smaller ass in male and female and smaller breasts, lower sex drives, all functions of sex hormones..

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@alphawolf. I take it the book was not wrritten by a Japanese guy! Makes one wonder how they got the population up to 130 million in the first place doesn`t it

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dolphin girl

More sex, more babies and possibly a more well-balanced society.

You statement is arguable. It is true that more sex is required for Japanese. More babies does not mean Japan is becoming a well-balanced society. It will promote more unbalanced society between have and have not. Japan population is over 130 millions. It has almost no natural resources. Japan is struggling to provide housing, employment and education to current population. If the population reach 1 billion, I think human will eat human because there is not enough seafood for them. There is another concern is environmental effect. More pollution, sewage and sanitation. Sex is enjoyable. However raising kids are not!

Neighboring China is a champion in baby making. Although it is wealthier than before, the gap between well off and worse off are widening. The government is preventing the ticking of social time bomb with huge spending. It is a herculean task ahead. More people means more resources, employment and more spaces should be ready before they come out. If not it is just a imaginable fairy tale society!

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By well-balanced, I meant a couple of things.

First of all, if you're having more sex, you are likely a happier person. People who aren't having sex may also have other social issues. Perhaps they are also not getting enough human contact in their lives. Physical or emotional. Everyone has dry spells but I think having sex is an essential part of one's overall health and well-being.

Second, I don't think it would be so terrible if the population shrank a bit, but right now the old folks are far outweighing the young. A nation needs young people for new ideas, vision, optimism and energy.

As for the testosterone levels in Japanese men...well, ladies, I recommend feeding your J-guy lots of celery, oyster and almonds for a T boost! Bananas and avocado are supposed to be good, too!!

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Seems to be a lot of love hotels. What are they for? Bogus survey.

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bicultural; no, it's not my hobby to watch others watching porn. Think of it like a car crash - you don't want to look but your eyes are drawn to it. Anything happens in your peripheral vision you are drawn to it, if your human or animal. I also used the phrase 'used to' meaning past habit. Thankfully I no longer have to use those places. And good luck to you regarding your Japanese wife. As I mentioned a few times in my comments, they were taken from my own experience.

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Imho: I think most Japanese men are simply to shy to make a first step towards lady. So, they are staying lonely and single mostly because of their shyness

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I read the stats again. I guess I'm lucky to be in that 16.7%

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This survey is about conjugal life after marriage. The rising business of love hotels say the opposite scenario. Japanese couple do plenty of sex before marriage and they don't feel about sex after marriage other than daily routine tasks.

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sure we just have sex once a year. Life is just too hard. We are always thinkinging money. I am marrie so i dont want.

Valmain:Sorry I may have misread this. In the case that you meant "we" as in only you and your spouse, then my apologies. I thought you meant the royal "we."

Sorry to be pedantic but the royal "we" means "I" :)

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fondofi, a lot of married couples, especially older ones, use love hotels.

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hmm...so the article suggest that it is very common for couples to lead sexless lives after marriage, are they bored of their partners?

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This survey is about conjugal life after marriage.

No, it isn't: "...magazine’s survey of 1,000 single and married men..."

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Sorry to be pedantic but the royal "we" means "I" :)

I realized that after posting...and thus smearing egg on my face.

I always find the lack of consistency in comment moderation on this board astounding.

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I feel sorry for these guys, might as well donate them some KY jelly, a sock and a dirty mag

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I guess they did not survey the Japanese men who are getting their jollies on the trains !!!

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This article is just wonderful wonderful news for any red-blooded male with a strong inclination for Japanese women.

The coast is clear! Go get 'em lads...

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Meaningless survey.

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sad to see but not surprising most couples I know through my kids dont seem to be doing it at all and find it gross!!The japanese seem to live a disneyworld/ostrich existence about things.and they keep going this way the country will be like the dodo.wonder if it will be missed!

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Kenchen

Zenpun> Sorry to sound harsh in my first post, but I stand by my statement that it is attitude such as yours that many Japanese men suffer. It has nothing to do with porn and more to do with men being uneducated about sex and to replace such inadequacy in society, these men downplay sex as part of a loving relationship and illogically places negative stigma to men who do like sex (with 1 or many partners). Please stop blaming (the rich men/nasty girls) others and start doing something about enjoying your life....yes life is cruel, we all suffer but it is upto you to do something about it.

It is OK for your apology. Think before you posted. After posting, people have already seen your post. They have already judged your harsh personality with your post. Who care about what they think? I do not care about what you think to me either!

You do not really understand about my post. You are criticizing Japanese men for not having sex. As I posted before,most people from lower social economic background will be alone without sex for rest of the life. Not only in Japan, most parts of the world. It is not their fault. Even they wanted a woman, they are not acceptable and desirable for any girl or woman including prostitute. We can not blame homeless, unemployed people and low incomers for not having sex with women. They are disadvantaged for the competition of opposite sex.

Someone who afford to visit saloon or love hotels are middle classes and business people. I have known many of these men. Some are married men they are not happy or fulfilled the pleasure with their wives. Some are singles who is looking for cheap and grumpy physical relationship with with fast women. In some cases, they got STD because their partners also have multiple partners too. Most of their women are fair weather minded and opportunistic. Some were cheated and conned by their partners. They are not really happy and relaxed men. Their minds are clouded with greed and lust.

Some decent and thoughtful men want to minimize the sexual partners. They prefer the quality instead of quantity. The other reason is they want decent, faithful, pure and honest women or girls. Sadly their dream can not come true too.

All men have their preference and taste! In the reality, very few of them get the one what they want. These men prefer the good heart and honesty than sex. They will enjoy when they can have sex with someone according their standards. If not they prefer not to have sex at all.

Generally speaking I have more respect to latter than former.

you never heard about the positive health aspects of sex? (http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/10-surprising-health-benefits-of-sex). how about keeping the human race going by having kids? (yes I am talking on a long timeline but this is a REAL threat to human society)

There is some benefits of having sex. Too much sex and beyond the capacity is not good for health either. Human can be cloned with embryonic stem cells. These babies are healthy, smart and strong like normal babies too. You worry too much about extinction of human race. Human can have sex any time and any season. There are many ways of strengthening reproductive system for both sex even it is weak.

The world has already over populated. Sex between loving couple is meaningful and enviable. Sex without love is not much enjoyable. Human race will survive until the end of this lonely planet.

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Sex without love is not much enjoyable

I wouldnt go that far.....

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Zenpun: quote" We can not blame homeless, unemployed people and low incomers for not having sex with women."unquote Ok, homeless people it is another story, but where is the relation between low income // unemployment and sexual life? Or you are trying to say that low incomer is de- facto not accepted by ladies?

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zenpun: 'sex without love is not much enjoyable'--Gotta disagree with that statement!

Although there is something to be said about quality over quantity, I don't think that being promiscuous and having sex with many different people is a bad thing. Neither does carefully choosing a partner or having sex less frequently make you decent, thoughtful, pure or honest.

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zenpun> I meant I was sorry for the tone of my original comment, NOT its message which still stands. As for harsh personality...maybe so..or maybe its just your naivety that makes it seem harsh.

As you can see from the responses to your post, your comments are just too black/white. Its like the world of sex/love between men and women comes down to 2 separate groups...the pure/decent/thoughtful men (which I assume includes you) and the other nasty/evil sex mad men who care nothing for others. Who are you kidding? Please understand that you are just dreaming a scenario where you can excuse your lack of progress in this area, which brings me back to my original point of why Japanese men are having less sex.

Having children in itself is not enough to keep society going as you need good upbringing to ensure that these children grow up better people, which is dependent on good parents and their relationship. Can't you see that your separation of relationships/love/sex/off-spring is just utter nonsense? If life was that easy to segregate then we would be a much happier race.

As for your "cloned with embryonic stem cells" comment...you ever heard of darwin?

As for the human race staying on this planet till the end..FAIL

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dolphingirl

Although there is something to be said about quality over quantity, I don't think that being promiscuous and having sex with many different people is a bad thing. Neither does carefully choosing a partner or having sex less frequently make you decent, thoughtful, pure or honest.

I also disagree with your current and old statement. Before you posted one such as more babies mean more well balanced society. In your reply, you changed your comment as shrinking population is better than more babies.

What Zenpun was saying is philosophical. Some Japanese men does not want to get STD with fast and easy women. They will sex with someone, what they are comfortable and affectionate. It is reasonable for average men. Celebrities and rich have more opportunities for having many partners. Just ordinary guy having multiple partners is not much easy.

Oriental men are more conservative about sex. In Middle east and Asia, there is mentality of men about purity and honesty of their bride. They have virginity test on the wedding night. In the middle east, if the girl is not pure and honest after the test, the groom can easily divorce the girl. They can demand the expense of wedding and dowry back. Men can have many partners. Women can not. If she had, she is a social outcast and not respectable.

For the westerners, it is unfair and unjustified. However these practices have been existed for many centuries. Oriental have different mentality, custom and culture. We can not change the past and future. We live for present according our life expectancy. Whether you think it is right or wrong, some of the oriental men will follow their old tradition.

Ancient sex manual Kamasutra and Tao of sex are originated from Asia before the western civilization. Asians and Middle Easterners are more knowledgeable and thoughtful about sex. Because of western sexual liberation during 1960s, many STDs including AIDS was developed. Sex has both bright and dark sides like coin.

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Kenchen

I have said think before you post. Your comment are not related to article and directing to me. It is not very polite and mature. Whatever you think or you feel about me is not related to that article. I am not discussing about me. I am analyzing about the article. So far I have not offended to you anything.

Some men lack the progress for sex. So what? Is this end of the world? There are many reasons as I posted before. Physical strength, physical disability, Stress, culture, Social and economic factor, living atmosphere, custom, belief, confidence, preference, taste and interest. Some men made good progress. So what? Nothing will last forever. They will old, grey and weak one day too. Their spine are more stressed and bended. At the end, black and white will become a one cycle like a Yin & Yang.

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Well well obviously there is a sad lack of sex drive here. Have we lost our humanity? Afraid so!

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Sexless in Japan

I hereby announce my willingness to become a volunteer to help the Sexless Ladies of Japan.

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BurakuminDes:lol:) Voila, one real help is offered:)

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athletes I agree with much of what you say but I take exception to your blanket statement that Asians " are more knowledgeable and thoughtful about sex." I just don't buy that any one culture is more knowledgeable about sex than another, unless they have been living in isolation. For example, I know that sexual norms change over time in all cultures and yes the sexual liberation of the 1960s did increase easy sex in the west but that was 40-50 years ago and as society is not static it doesn’t' mean that what was popular 40 years ago is still popular today. What this “liberation” did to the west and to Japan, to a lesser extent, is to make it so that women could come out and acknowledge that they enjoy sex, something that both western and eastern cultures seemed to not believe, despite the ample number of ancient text from both cultures that stated such an idea. See I believe that the sexual liberation of the 1960s was just one of many sexual liberations that has occurred over time in human history. One only has to read Tale of the genji to see that ancient Japan had open idea of sex.

As far as ease of sex in Japan and China today, it is much more tolerant of men having sex on the side with mistress or prostitute than the USA, which has a schizophrenic relationship with sex, seeing it as both good and bad at the same time. In the end a person should have as much sex as he/she wants. If couples do not like the average tempo they can go to sex therapy or try to spice it up. If they feel they are doing it too much they can slow down. What no one should do is suffer from sex; it is supposed to be a good thing.

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Zenpun>

My comments reflect my opinion that your naive logic for some men to not have sex is that used by many Japanese men and is part of the reason for Japan's low birthrate. Please re-read my previous posts where I always link to the article. Read Drtoro's post on why a lack of progress is bad for the world and thus why this article has been written and why governments around the world are attempting to assist in their nation's sex life.

The last thing I will add is that evolution will weed out the weak...

Some men lack the progress for sex. So what? Is this end of the world? There are many reasons as I posted before. Physical strength, physical disability, Stress, culture, Social and economic factor, living atmosphere, custom, belief, confidence, preference, taste and interest. Some men made good progress. So what?

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I'm surprised that no one mentioned that a lot of these men are hideous and have no idea what hygiene is.

But even if they weren't hideous they need to grow a pair. Here in Osaka with the "Osaka Obachan" mentality that women have. I can see a lot of men being turned off by that way of acting. From watching too much anime and hentai most Jguys want a girl that sounds like she's 12 when she talks and submits to him. In Osaka the girls will be like EHHHHHHHH????

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I remember telling a class that the olympics village gave free condoms and was a big orgy during the games and they all thought I was perverted! Now you dont need to be going at it like bunnies all the time but need to changethe mindset.When a country wins the world cup the population will have a little spike in nine months here nothing!They just fold their japan t shirt and go to bed!!where is the emotion!!

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The reason is retardation of the frontal lobe caused by lack of sleep in teenage years and early adulthood. The frontal lobe is the last area of the brain to mature becoming fully mature at about the age of 21.

During the teen years at least 9 hours of sleep is required for the frontal lobe to develop properly. During this stage of development during sleep the number of neurons are "pruned." Here is a list from wikipedia of the results of damage or retardation of the frontal lobe. It is no coincidence that there are parallels between this list and social problems in Japan. Please take careful note of the last two.

* Mental flexibility and spontaneity are impaired, but IQ is not reduced. * Talking may increase or decrease dramatically. * Perceptions regarding risk-taking and rule-abiding are impaired. * Socialization can diminish or increase. * Creativity is diminished or increased as well as problem solving skills. * Distraction occurs more frequently. * Loss of smell and/or taste. * Orbital frontal lobe damage can result in peculiar sexual habits. * Dorsolateral frontal lobe damage reduces sexual interest.
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Proxy, provided the data on wiki is reliable, yes, I think what you have pointed is right. As a woman, and that too not japanese, I can say that there is something lacking with the Jmen. There are foreign wives of Jmen who are happily married and raising their children here. Their comments would be very appropriate here.

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Maybe the married couples can't afford the added expense of having kids? and if your worried about finances, stress will take its toll with sexual feelings.

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proxy: That's is an interesting theory. Something to ponder...

womanforwoman: I am a Canadian married to a Japanese guy and there was certainly nothing wrong with his sex drive the first few years we were together! Of course as time has passed, the pace of things has slowed. I also had a previous relationship with a J-guy and he was definitely not lacking any libido either.

athletes: I think you are overgeneralizing a bit. First of all, you make it sound like STD come from sexual liberation which I don't think is correct. And it's not just 'fast and easy women' that have STD'S either. STDs come from not using a condom and not practicing safe sex. Second, I don't think that Middle Easterners and Asians are necessarily more thoughtful or knowledgeable about sex. In fact, I have heard about some myths about sex that are still believed here.

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I am sexless -- phantastic sex as long as she wanted kids, and after that, it became too mendokusai for her. Quite a normal story hereabouts, I understand.

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WillB, figure it out. You are man and wife with beautiful children. It is all there. No directions here but to share a shower.

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proxy.. interesting, thx..

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proxy> interesting but is there any evidence that Japanese children do not get enough sleep in their early formative years? I very much doubt that your theory is applicable to the large numbers of Japanese men that is currently in sexual malaise.

Also, I never had 9 hrs sleep during my teens and none of your points apply to me.

Thx for an alternative view on the subject.

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I was reading the article and replies thinking about the severe shortage of babies in Japan. Although not much mentioned here, it would seem that mostly Japanese women and girls don't want babies. After all, one guy can get 50 to 100 girls pregnant. So there are enough guys out there. I've heard that the marrage rate in Japan is quite high, but most married couples have no offspring. The Japanese are quite poor, considering how little food and housing they get for their money, but still better off than third worlders, who have much bigger families. Some have written that the poor in Japan have fewer kids than the better off. Is it true? This is very different from the U. S. In the U. S. the poorer off have more kids. You can see it primarily in the number of single teen girls in poorer neighborhoods that get pregnant and carry their babies to term. Is this not true in Japan? Having a baby gives a girl a feeling of fulfillment and purpose. Why are not more Japanese girls interested? They once were.

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As I posted before,most people from lower social economic background will be alone without sex for rest of the life. Not only in Japan, most parts of the world. It is not their fault. Even they wanted a woman, they are not acceptable and desirable for any girl or woman including prostitute. We can not blame homeless, unemployed people and low incomers for not having sex with women. They are disadvantaged for the competition of opposite sex.

You are generalizing too much. "Most people from lower economic social background ..." "Not only in Japan, most parts of the world..."

what you said about people with these upbringings (lower economic social background) can result in sexless life might be true for Japan, but it is not for "most parts of the world" and neither is most of the poor people, in fact, sometimes it tends to be the opposite, that people with lower backgrounds have much more sex than people with steady jobs or are richer (they tend to be stressed out frigid bitches or way to busy entrepreneurs with no time for sex). This is more common in LatinAmerican countries where I am from, in fact, we have a say here "Nobody lacks of God" meaning that you can be ugly or fat or poor and you can still have a partner and various quantities of sex.

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kenchan I have seen many studies on sleep in Japan, here is one of the first ones that pops up on google:

http://www.dims.ne.jp/rankingresearch/101_150/102/001.html

It shows only 4.4% of Japanese people getting more than 8 hours of sleep a night.

Here is an abstract of a study that shows a significant link between sleep and impulse control (frontal lobe) in Japanese junior high students:

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6WH0-4XXNXRN-1&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&_docanchor=&view=c&_searchStrId=1168205132&_rerunOrigin=google&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=ae999c378e0e5dcb42a0cdc68b46c81c

I have read many journal articles on sleep in Japan and brain development but most journal articles on the internet require a log in or purchase so it is hard to find a link for you.

Anyway, the average amount on sleep for high school students in Japan is less than 6 hours which is VERY ironic as every study done on sleep and test performance has clearly shown that students that sleep 9 hours consistently do better than students that sleep only 6 hours.

Other studies have clearly shown strong links between sleep deprivation and mental heath problems, suicide and clinical depression, and retardation of brain development.

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Why are things like sexual purity, virginity at a late age, and "sexlessness" treated as a disease? I waited until I was 34 to have sex, and since being married, it has only been with my wife. Yet, I'm pretty sure that people will likely think that there's something "wrong" wiith me for having done so.

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Kenchen

My comments reflect my opinion that your naive logic for some men to not have sex is that used by many Japanese men and is part of the reason for Japan's low birthrate. Please re-read my previous posts where I always link to the article. Read Drtoro's post on why a lack of progress is bad for the world and thus why this article has been written and why governments around the world are attempting to assist in their nation's sex life.

The last thing I will add is that evolution will weed out the weak..

It is a bit like a fairy tale like dolphin girl posts. The real life story is unpredictable. Something in life is beyond our control including the sex life of Japanese men.

Pls read the article of Athletes posted at 08:02 pm on 13 Jan. Japan is over populated and crowded therefore lower birth rate is welcomed. It has no natural resources and limited land space. Many third world nations have high morality rate. The reason is Mal-nutrition, unhygienic and poverty. Many of babies were born with birth defect too. For encouraging every nations to increase the birth rate is economically irresponsible. Who will feed and educate them? How about health care?

You also need to re read your own posts and my own post. I may be naive and negative however I did not criticize bluntly to someone as inferior and weak. I will replay your own sentences now. Such as

Please stop blaming (the rich men/nasty girls) others and start doing something about enjoying your life.

I guess you wear glasses too small for your head, side parting and considered a "nice guy" by the women

Please understand that you are just dreaming a scenario where you can excuse your lack of progress in this area,

I realized that these comments more directed to me instead of the article. It is like a teen drama TV series. Of course, Teens have hot blood about sex. They do not concern much about others because they do not have responsiblilities.

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As long as your happy, it shouldn't matter, if, or when, or how, you get your kicks, as long as you aren't hurting anyone else. Its the same all over the world for everyone. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Some girls/guys go for an ideal man/women, and overlook the sensitive guy/girl, that would really love them, constantly getting used up. We all have friends like that, and they are never happy.

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dolphingirl, thanks. Libido is not the problem. But I think what is lacking is the romance and something a little bit more. Maybe it has to do more with the culture because to me it looks like they work like 'clockwork chicks'. Even with women here, it is like at this time, i must do this, this and thi and then that. Weekend activities of a couple, 2 hours at the love hotel, lunch 40 minutes, shopping 3 hours- does not work.

Before 30 marriage, and then the baby and then what? when it does not work that way, they are frustrated. Why don't they slow down a bit, enjoy and relax what they have?

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dolphingirl

athletes: I think you are overgeneralizing a bit. First of all, you make it sound like STD come from sexual liberation which I don't think is correct. And it's not just 'fast and easy women' that have STD'S either. STDs come from not using a condom and not practicing safe sex. Second, I don't think that Middle Easterners and Asians are necessarily more thoughtful or knowledgeable about sex. In fact, I have heard about some myths about sex that are still believed here.

You are a bit over positively commented about sex. It is a bit unrealistic about the real nature of sex too. Nothing is perfect. Therefore Sex has both plus and minus sides. Everything has to be balanced according the wisdom of ancient ancestors. I think discussion about sex should be honest about the reality. Not only about pleasures and enjoyment. Pain and suffering too.

According your post, you are from Canada and married. You encouraged others to have multiple sexual partners. You said it is nothing wrong about it. Sound like you are encouraging other married couple to have affairs. A few years ago, one Saudi woman was stoned to death. The crime she committed was an adultery. Most of oil rich nations has similar punishment. If the middle eastern women follow your encouragement, the price is too high.

You are fairly educated about sex and preventing STDs. No all condoms and safe sex practices are reliable. Having more sexual partners will be riskier for health than having less partners. Man is a real performer of the sexual activity. Woman is just a contributor. Women do not really understand about the Male anatomy and functions.

There are many rules and restrictions about sex according the ancient Taoism. In Shanghai, they have a sex museum about the healthier aspects of sex and evolution. Before the westerners research about the sex, Asia and Middle east have recorded countless portraits, manuals, poems and generated the education for newly married couples. India, Egypt and China have thousand years of long and proud civilization and physical evidence of sex nature.

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Athletes - " Women do not really understand about the Male anatomy and functions", yet Asians are so knowledgeable about sex, more so than Westerners? You contradict yourself, and I'm not exactly sure what your point is.

I don't think dolphingirl was encouraging married people to have affairs. If you are single and safe, there is nothing wrong with having multiple partners. Of course, we don't live in a perfect world and not everyone is safe. But sex is a natural human desire and function, and we should express it when we can!

To the topic at hand, I am an American woman married to a Japanese man. He's the only Japanese guy I've been with, so I can't comment too much from experience being intimate with Japanese guys, but being a blonde, blue-eyed foreigner in Japan definitely attracted a lot of guys, and at least in Tokyo on a Saturday night I had to deal with a lot of horny guys! But in general, I think at least in the U.S., we have such strange ideas about sex - we talk about it constantly, yet people caught having affairs or "extreme" sex lives are immediately shunned (Tiger Woods anybody?). I think people in Japan are more indifferent to it. Whether you're having it or not, nobody really cares all that much.

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pandaclair

Pls read the post of dolphin girl on at 07:28 PM JST - 14th January.

She did not mention any single word in her post. You will see I don't think that being promiscuous and having sex with many different people is a bad thing . For some culture and belief, it will be an offense. Not all partners are tolerate about their partner has another partner even they are singles. It is up to the individual tolerance. The downside is jealousy will promote the crime.

Most Eastern Men are happy about having many sexual partners before they settle down. However they do not wish their spouse had many partners before them. If they are happy they may come from another planet.

I did not mention that sex should be avoided at all. However we have to be open and honest about risk and benefit too. Some comments are out of touch with the reality. They are not reasonable.

It is true that many blonde and blue eye girls attracted to Japanese men. There are very touch competition for them. One disadvantage of Japanese men is belong to homogeneous society. If they become the multicultural society like US, they will have more opportunities for opposite sex.

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Athletes: Let me clarify that I did not say anything to the fact that cheating on your partner was okay. I'm not encouraging married couples to have affairs. I simply said that being promiscuous or having multiple sex-partners when you are single is perfectly fine as long as you are having safe sex.

Having a lot of sex does not make you a bad person and having little sex does not make you morally superior. Everyone should choose for themselves how much sex they want to have. However, I do find it surprising that this article says so many young guys are not having sex. The question that comes to mind is why. Sex, like eating, is a natural and healthy desire.

I would be curious to know why you seem to believe that the man is the 'real performer' and the woman is 'just a contributor'.

Why shouldn't I be positive about sex? Sex is a good thing. Of course if you are not careful there can be negative consequences. But it's kind of like driving a car. Fun & enjoyable. It's only painful if you have an accident.

Of course Asian and middle eastern countries have more ancient information recorded about sex; they are older countries than America and Canada. China and India have way longer histories than many Western countries but it doesn't mean they are necessarily wiser about sex.

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Who said J-men are sexless? J-women? You mean the same women who, according to some posters are sexless after kids, are complainning about their husbands? Jeez... Somebody is lying. The question is who.

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Athletes: Yes, some cultures and religions do view promiscuity differently. But the article isn't about sex in Christian, Muslim, Middle Eastern, etc. countries - it's about the sex, or lack thereof, in Japan as reported by Japanese men. Whether or not you or others agree on pre-marital sex, there are still married men who, according to this article, reportedly don't even have sex with their wives once a week. Sex inside marriage is healthy, fun, and a great way to not only relieve stress but most importantly build intimacy with your spouse. And that isn't happening in Japan, and that is a problem.

As for pre-marital sex, yes, there are some people who either look down on it, or those who do not practice safe sex, but it's still socially accepted in Japan. I've haven't heard of, in this day and age, a man divorcing his wife because she's not a virgin - in Japan. This article reports that single men in their 30's also aren't having regular sex, or have never even had sex! No interest in sex in itself is not the issue, but problems like these are just the symptoms of a generation of men who are becoming more and more apathetic and passive.

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dolphin girl

I simply said that being promiscuous or having multiple sex-partners when you are single is perfectly fine as long as you are having safe sex.

I am glad that you used the word "safe sex" finally. However you never know whether they are really having safe sex or not. Some may lack the knowledge and skills. Many adults got infection of hype B and C after having many partners. The reason is they may use oral sex or french kisses. They are deadly as STD too. The word of "single" was not existed in your post of 07:28 PM JST - 14th January. You mentioned this word at 04:05 pm 12 Jan. However it was not related for multiple partners.

Having a lot of sex does not make you a bad person and having little sex does not make you morally superior.

As long as someone did not transmit the STD and Herp B, C... he or she is innocent. However someone can not check his or her blood daily or weekly. He or she never known they got infected or not. In Some cases he or she transmitted to the someone. If he or she did it intentionally, it was same crime as man slaughter. If they did it accidentally, they are morally irresponsible.

However, I do find it surprising that this article says so many young guys are not having sex. The question that comes to mind is why

One reason is their living condition as I posted before. Some married couple or defecto live in tiny apartment with little privacies. If they want to have sex, they can visit to love hotels which have more privacy. It is not free. Most of them wish to live in Mansion with the big garden.

Another category of men are homeless, hopeless and unemployed. For them, some of them have 80 yrs old virgin not only 30 yrs old virgin. Encouraging to have them sex like French Queen comment during the french revolution. The comment was " If they have no breads to eat, why not they try the cakes."

I would be curious to know why you seem to believe that the man is the 'real performer' and the woman is 'just a contributor'.

Male likes a incest flying and stinging of flowers. Female has little action like flowers. She can be passive too. If we neglect the fertility outcome, there are minor role of female performing in the activity. Something like a supporting actor!

Why shouldn't I be positive about sex? Sex is a good thing. Of course if you are not careful there can be negative consequences. But it's kind of like driving a car. Fun & enjoyable. It's only painful if you have an accident.

I never said that sex is bad and ugly either. Sex is enjoyable and gift of mother nature. However I did not wish to go back to stone age which I have to share my partner with other men. I feel like an animal who has to share the mate with others. It is true that some men are happy and tolerable. Some are not! In politics, there are liberal and conservative. Sex should have an opposition party for blocking of over spending of budget.

China and India have way longer histories than many Western countries but it doesn't mean they are necessarily wiser about sex.

Whether Asia is wiser or not, I do not wish to debate about it. they had simpler life style in the ancient time. Many western tourists are touring in India and China for ancient sex therapy. The reason is they are unfulfilled even they have multiple partners.

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Athletes: I'm not sure where you got your information about hepatitis B&C, but they are both blood borne viruses and are most commonly spread with blood to blood contact. Although they can be passed on through sexual intercourse, it's highly unlikely that a person would catch them by french kissing someone.

I don't know what kind of sex you are talking about when you say the woman's role is minor but as far as I'm concerned a woman has an equally active part in sexual intercourse. Of course a woman can be passive if she so chooses but the woman can also take the dominant role. We are not insects and flowers but human beings connecting in mind and body.

Perhaps it is that connection that is lacking in Japan and that is why these men are having infrequent sex. A small apartment could be a problem if you have kids, I suppose, but a bigger issue is that men are often coming home late after work; too tired to have sex with their wives. And I've heard that some wives aren't really interested in having sex after they have children.

Assuming that a single guy in his 30's lives on his own, there should be no reason why he couldn't bring a lady home to have sex. It wouldn't cost anything at all. I can understand that an unemployed guy might have trouble dating but those who are underemployed may actually enjoy more sex than those who are working since they have more time and energy. Homeless are not even part of this survey so that is irrelevant.

In short, I think male and female relationships need improving in Japan and this will then lead to more and more satisfying sex.

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a lot of nails getting hit on the head in this discussion. my 2c:

it's a problem pretty much everywhere on this planet, especially industrialised nations, but especially so in japan: people don't learn to live. they're taught to fit into a social role but they're never taught how to actually live a life, or rather pointed in the direction whereby they can learn it for themselves. so it's no surprise that people don't know how to enjoy the simple things in life (sex, for example). to do that would detract from their proscribed social role

but, as i said, this is not only japan, but seems to be a particularly developed affliction there

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As I have stated in previous commentaries, I (and my friends) are doing our bit to help out the Japanese ladies who need a lot more lovin' than they are getting from the locals. We are at your service, J-ladies.

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When life is shaped to put everything else first but sexual fulfillment then people will have less sex. I agree with you griff, this is not just a Japanese problem. For the 50-60 hour worker under deadline and often traveling for business a healthy sex life is very hard to "fit" in, (pun intended) to the schedule.

As I said before if people feel that they are not getting enough they should seek to get more and vice-versa. I do not agree that the sexual attitude of Japan is shaped by Eastern only influence nor only by Western ideas of sexual liberation. These ideas, and history proves this, were around in all parts of the world at various times. At times the West has been very open sexually and conversely at other times it has been very closed. This is true of the East as well. Muslim run countries today often force rape on a woman who has crossed lines of sexual taboo. In Dubai right now, a British couple have been arrested for having sexual relations before marriage. Yet we know from ancient text of 1001 Arabian Nights and from various texts from China and Japan that show many sexual techniques, including bestiality and homosexuality that modern attitudes of sex in the east and middle east are not static and also prone to change.

My point is that sex has been a constant for humans from even before we stood upright.

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"I agree with you griff, this is not just a Japanese problem."

I hate to disagree, but yes it is... a Japanese problem. No other nation is seeing the combined effects of the overworked and disinterest that Japan is. Birth rates are at record lows. Statistics show Japanese men and women are no longer getting married, dating, or even communicating with each other like they did a mere 20 years ago. All due to Japans economic difficulties. A very shallow reason to give up family life and sex if you ask me. The Japanese need to take a very close look at the society they have created, and quickly-before it's gone !

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Branded:

You sound like a Japanese politician. Get real. Birth rates are below replenishment level at the moment, which means the population is shrinking. But not forever, eventually it will stabilize at a lower level. And look at the starting point -- 110 million on these small islands! Historically, that is still a lot.

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"Branded: You sound like a Japanese politician."

and you sound like...

"Birth rates are below replenishment level at the moment, which means the population is shrinking. But not forever, eventually it will stabilize"

some wishful thinking head in the clouds "lets kumbaya" around the campfire Pollyana lovin' call me "WilliB" reality escapin' Japanophile !

Oops, did I say too much ? Sorry WilliB, birth rates are down because of the Japanese lifestyle... and that will not change anytime soon, try decades !

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I wonder how much of the low birth rate is due to how women are treated in the workplace. From my observations I see women giving up a career or staying single to keep one. While women seem to keep a career when they first get married they seem more inclined to quite after they have their first kid. What is driving this? I think it is culture norms of how a mother is supposed to behave. Mothers are supposed to dote on their kids and put them first. So out goes mom’s ambitions at the office and instead of professional fulfillment she picks up a needle and thread and sows her kid’s clothes for school. (not that it is a bad thing to be a stay at home mother.)

Being as the birthrate is calculated by adding all women 16 to 45 and then counting births it seems to show me that if women were able to still be able to have a career after giving birth to a child perhaps Japan would not be in such bad shape. My bet is that if we look at the number of births occurring in a marriage Japan is about par for the course. The problem is that it is a cultural attitude that needs to change and that is never easy.

Does anyone know the law in regards to maternity leave and job security?

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The lack of communication between the spouses is part of the problem in Japan. The main focal point in the lives of men becomes the workplace and work itself, while for women, it’s the home and children. They end up sharing so little. In U.S., for instance, men are active in the children’s schools or within the local community. That experience likely leads to stronger ties within the family and between the spouses. In Japan, however, many fathers can barely attend the child’s sports day event once a year. The husband works downtown and his center of activity is rooted in that area. The wife’s radius of activity is confined to a small area, perhaps a few kilometers, around the school. No wonder husbands and wives begin to drift apart.

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dolphin girl

We are not insects and flowers but human beings connecting in mind and body.

I have never said that we are insects and flowers.Just describing the action as polite and infomal way. Sexual activity can be described as dominant role and supporting role. Traditionally female are participated as supporting role. Now a days they can become dominant role. If both sex want to have dominant role at the same time, there will be conflict. If I have to have sex with the complete stranger I can not control my mind and body together. My body may be in the action however my mind is somewhere else. The truth is there is no soul for sex just a body. Sex in the relationship and swinging party is different. Swinging party has multiple partners and demanding role. It may be copied from animals sexual behaviors.

Assuming that a single guy in his 30's lives on his own, there should be no reason why he couldn't bring a lady home to have sex. It wouldn't cost anything at all.

Very few woman in Japan will give her body for free. Someone said that they are not from charity organization. For having attractive girlfriend, there is some price to pay. Such as showering gifts, having romantic dinner and touring somewhere etc.. Japanese men with low income are dreaming about the volunteers. Sadly it can not come true.

those who are underemployed may actually enjoy more sex than those who are working since they have more time and energy

Sound like this comment come from another planet. Underemployed have less time and energy because they have not enough food to eat. They are worried about paying their bills. They are more likely less socialized and less intimate friends. They are under the eyes of big brother mentality of their landlord. They are less attractive to opposite sex. Homeless is not related to survey. It is true. However they are also Japanese men and human being too. We can say that they are forgotten category of men. I wish there is an equal sexual and relationship opportunity for every Japanese man including the homeless and disabled men.

In short, I think male and female relationships need improving in Japan and this will then lead to more and more satisfying sex.

In western nations, they have developed sex Guru TV talk show, sex and relationship counseling and sex and relationship seminars. Japan may have some of them however market is not fully developed. It is time for opening the college of sex and relationship from someone who has expertise and solid knowledge.

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pandaclair

But the article isn't about sex in Christian, Muslim, Middle Eastern, etc. countries - it's about the sex, or lack thereof, in Japan as reported by Japanese men. Whether or not you or others agree on pre-marital sex, there are still married men who, according to this article,

Japan is becoming the immigrant nations. Many lower paid works are dominated by the people from these particular nations. Japan has got many influence about the foreign culture and custom including middle east now. I do not think married men is responsible for not having sex after their work. The reason is lack of willingness from their spouse and lack of privacy. Animal can have sex straight away. Human need some stimulation, privacy and pleasant atmosphere.

I've haven't heard of, in this day and age, a man divorcing his wife because she's not a virgin - in Japan. This article reports that single men in their 30's also aren't having regular sex, or have never even had sex! No interest in sex in itself is not the issue, but problems like these are just the symptoms of a generation of men who are becoming more and more apathetic and passive.

Have I commented the Japanese men divorced their wife for not being a virgin? I have re read all my posts and I did not find it. Japan have the longest life expectancy. Many of them live more than 100 yrs. Some men may think they will live long. For them 30 is not too old. Japan had lost decades of prolong recession and mentality and life style has changed. It is true that Japan need to reinvent itself not only sex life but also almost everything. Japan has lost the energy, stigma and competitiveness. So far no politicians have found the solution yet.

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fact is...Japan is not a sexy place, with sexy people (the natives, I mean), or have a sexy atmosphere.

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Sexual desire can not be taught or learned because it is an instinct like appetite. So, the sexlessness among Japanese can not be explained by long and hard working hours or youngsters not given proper sex education. When time comes, it will be aroused, won't it? Then the real cause is physical. I agree with someone in the above who mentioned the low testosterone blood levels in Japnese men. Low testosterone means less libido, less aggressiveness and less ambition. When chemically castrated, sex offenders can not see women as sex target and he will not arouse sex.

I believe modern Japanese hard working urban life style lowered their sex hormone blood levels. Long sitting at school or at work while wearing those tight pants will impair circulation and raise the temperature of the testicles. Then the production of both sperms and testosterone decrease. Another reason is that Japanese consume too much soybeans or their products such as soysauce, tofu, etc. The soybean has estrogenic chemical that reduce testosterone hormone in the body. It is not surprising to see soy-eating Japanes male has lower male hormone level. But as a result, Japanese maen have less prostate cancer as there is a close relationship between testosterone and prostate cancer. Another theory is that the origin of nihonjin is northern China, Manchu, Mongolia and Korea where people were nomads. They used to ride horse, which caused lower male hormone production because long horse back riding squeezes testicles imparing their circulation. In fact, the reproduction rate among northern asian countries such as Korea and is less than 1.2 children per couple. Even underdeveloped Mongolia has the reproduction rate 1.4 per couple. I believe northern Europeans has low reproduction rate as well.

In summary, sex is not influenced by social environment. It is a human instinct, only controlled by sex hormone level.

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AHH! I have to stop my husband from eating tofu!

Athletes: Sorry, but I still have to totally disagree with your statement that women only take a supporting role in sex. If the man is 'the star of the show' while having sex, clearly this is very unbalanced and suggests that the penis is the center of the sex act and the woman is only there to please him. Not!

You said--'Very few women in Japan will give her body for free'--Honestly, I don't have an insiders view on what dating in Japan is like but I would certainly hope there are some Japanese women who are not just out for a man's money but unfortunately you may be partially right about this. Women here are still socialized that they are supposed to find a husband with a high income to support them.

I do agree with your idea of having more relationship counseling and sex gurus available. Certainly, proper sex education and open discussions about sex is a good place to start. The gap between the girls and the boys also has to be narrowed. More mingling of the genders would help and better understanding & respect of the opposite sex would promote better male-female relationships too.

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dolphin girl

If your husband stop having the Tofu, he may have higher sex drive and hormone level. However he will have prostrate problem, heart decease and high cholesterol level. Tofu is a major contributing factor for Japanese longevity. If you care about him, let him eat more. As far as you look young and attractive for him he will be horny.

One businessman get horny when he see an attractive AV model however he said his aging wife is so boring. He also think she does not care about him too. The reason is she can not please him as he like.

One factor of male high sex drive was female youthfulness and appearance. Another factor is selflessness of each partner. He or she has to concern about his or her fulfillment and peak timing.

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I was kidding about the tofu!

You seem to be saying that it's up to the woman to stay attractive so her man will be horny and it's also the woman's fault if the man gets bored with her and she can't please him anymore. I think this is very one-sided. Sex is a two-way street. Both people in the couple are responsible for keeping the passion alive and keeping their sex life exciting and fresh. If a man is bored, then it's up to him to tell his partner what turns him on. We can't stay young and attractive-looking forever so it's important that sex between a committed couple involves the mind and all the senses rather than just sight.

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Marriages in the west are also declining, and have been for several years. the main reason is people are starting to question the reason. People hook up, have fun, and that's that. The social pressure to get married is slowly decreasing.

But in Japan, you have a completely different dynamic. There is still a huge social pressure to get married, but the social skills of the average person here are absolutely horrible. So the people that do end up getting married don't have much physical lust for each other to begin with. It's just another societal duty.

If guys would simply bust out of there shell and learn some basic game, they'd realize that good sex is fantastic, and all that "economic" excuse is just that - an excuse. all the girls here don't dress provocatively just because it's in fashion. They want to get seduced, but nobody knows how.

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sex between a committed couple involves the mind and all the senses rather than just sight.

Absolutely. It is the mind.

Some of the theses quoted by other posters seem irrelevant. Especially about the diet, Japanese eat plenty of food classed as aphrodisiac by different nations. As for the nomadic life and the low production of sperms, testosterone how did Japan manage to have such a dense population?

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Hello, womanforwoman, I am sorry that I do not agree with you. The information I have given is very relevant to the human sex behavior. Can you tell me what aphrodisiac food you are quoting about? Even if it may briefly raise the testosterone blood levels after its consumption, by no means you can eat them almost daily like soy products. I am not discouraging those healthy soy food. I just quote the real fact that certain food is related to low sex activities among Japanese. I rather live a longer life having less sex than living shorter enjoying sex every day and night with help of testosterone injections. No wonder why Japanese live longer.. However, watch out! Japanese eat too much Tuna and Whale. The meat has high mercury content that again suppresses testosterone and sperm production and lowers sex drive and reproduction. You can easily google it to find out the fact. If Japanese cut down Tuna consumption, it may help sex life and produce more babies. 80% of world Tuna go into the mouths and stomach of Japanese, and then to their testicles and loss of libido... Is it the curse of Tuna or the natural balance? For the Tuna species to survive, less Tuna eating Japanese are preferred.

Why Japan has a dense population? It has nothing to do with sperm counts and hormone levels. A 90-year old man can make babies as long as he is given a chance to have sex with young woman in her peak reproduction age. Look at billionaire Kirk Kerkorian who is in his 90's and was in court dispute with his young ex-wife for the 3-year old daughter. If you have one active sperm, it has a potential to make a baby. The main reason why Japan has such a high population is that Japan is geographically protected from foreign invasion and enjoyed less wars and less human sacrifice and suffering, this nation has abundant seafood and rice due to humid climate. For rice farming, the number of children, the manpower,means their asset and property. They tried to produce as many as children in the past. Having been nomads in origin, Japanese adopted agriculture as there are not much prairies to roam as nomads.

In summary, Japanese food can lower sperm counts and testosterone blood levels, which in turn reduce the sex drive and reproduction rate. Those soy products (high in Estrogen chemicals) and Sushi, especially Tuna (high in Mercury content that lowers reproduction by damaging testicles) are examples.

A high population has nothing to do with sex hormone levels and low sperm counts because 90-year old Kirk Kerkorian who obviously has low testosterone could produce a girl 3 years ago. However, he could have used Viagra that does not increase the testosterone level.

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I really could care less if the Japanese stop having sex, stop having kids and slowly die off.

Whatever.

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highhope hi there. As for the aphrodisiacs- different countries claim different food to be aphrodisiacs; ginseng, oysters and other seafood, avocado, milk, almonds and the list goes on. I am not sure if this is proven. As for the mercury content and fish, loads of other nations eating shark, tuna and the many varieties of seafood. This again, where is the proof that this is the reason for the Js sexlessness.

My own observation is that it is all in the mind. If your mind is constantly occupied with material pursuits, you tend to pay less attention to the needs of your own body.

Lostinnagoya is quite right about it. Having cuteness,pink and quasi sex related stuff, and fooling yourself with the different kinds of bars for this pleasure and that pleasure is not helpful at all. Imagine the tired 30 yearold working men, not having the real sex but just geting satisfied with the sweet talking (bluffing :)) hostesses.

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Man are from the Mars. Woman from the Venus. Men are also visual animals. If their wives are no longer attractive, they lost limbo. Depending on their wives gentle persuasion and changing appearance(cosmetic surgery), they can be horny again.

I agree something about highhope comment. Male sexual energy will never die until they drop inside the coffin. There are some exception for some men. Diabetics, cardiology problem and prostrate cancer patient. They can not perform to have off spring like other men. Men have no menopause like female. In Okinawa, some century old men are still longing for sex.

Female sexual desire like fire crackers. It is explosive and unsustainable. Male sexual desire like a gentle breeze. It is slow, gentle and long term movement.

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quote: Man are from the Mars. Woman from the Venus. Men are also visual animals. If their wives are no longer attractive unquote Omg: so many clichés. Why women can not be visual animals? Why men can not keep themselves attractive for their spouses? I strongly believe in equality between man and woman, this applies in sexual field as well. Food, social conditions etc- all these elements are in fact irrelevant, the most important for human being is to realise and admit his problem ( in this case lack of sexual life) and find an appropriate solution. No need to have a phd degree to find out it;)

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Zenpun: "Man are from the Mars. Woman from the Venus. Men are also visual animals. If their wives are no longer attractive, they lost limbo. Depending on their wives gentle persuasion and changing appearance(cosmetic surgery), they can be horny again."

So the only way to get your man lustful is stay young forever and have cosmetic surgery? Well considering this is a new phenomenom, and in the 60's and 70's when cosmetic surgery was hardly affordable or safe, how do explain men being so horny then?

I completely agree that this lack of sexual appetite in men can hardly be blamed solely on them - sex is between two people, and both need to be held accountable if the desire wanes (unless for health issues, of course). But to say husbands don't want to have sex because their wives are ageing is ridiculous. If this were even the case (which I seriously doubt it even is considering how widespread the drop in sexual appetite is in Japan right now), I would think it's more the men having unrealistic expectations that their wives will look like 20 year olds and stay the exact same weight their whole lives.

Athletes: "Japan is becoming the immigrant nations. Many lower paid works are dominated by the people from these particular nations. Japan has got many influence about the foreign culture and custom including middle east now. I do not think married men is responsible for not having sex after their work. The reason is lack of willingness from their spouse and lack of privacy."

I'm sorry, but Japan is not an immigrant nation. Here are the stats that make up Japan's population from the CIA World Factbook (https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/ja.html): Japanese 98.5%, Koreans 0.5%, Chinese 0.4%, other 0.6% note: up to 230,000 Brazilians of Japanese origin migrated to Japan in the 1990s to work in industries; some have returned to Brazil (2004) Where do you see an influx of Middle Eastern people in there in a size large enough to influence Japanese thinking about virginity and sex?

And of course sex in a marriage can't be blamed SOLELY on the husband, but it's not just the wives' fault either. The important part is compromise, which is obviously not happening on either end because the Japanese have never really been known for their good communication skills. It took me forever to get my husband to be able to open up to me and tell me what he really means and really wants, and for me to understand what he means by different actions and phrases, and we're both much better off for it.

"Have I commented the Japanese men divorced their wife for not being a virgin? I have re read all my posts and I did not find it. "

I didn't mean that you said Japanese men divorced women who weren't virgins, wheat I meant was you brought up that that was a practice in Asia and therefore women shouldn't have too many sexual partners or any at all before they're married. Bringing up another cultures' customs does not add to your argument, because it's irrelevant in Japan's case. What do these practices have to do with men's waning sexual appetitite IN Japan?

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Zenpun: While I agree that male and female sex drives are very different, I think it's way too simplistic to say that one is 'explosive and unsustainable' and one is 'slow, gentle and long term'. Women, too, can keep their sex drives high after menopause through hormone replacement therapy. And throughout their lives, men and woman have different peaks in their level of desire.

There has been lots of research on mens' sex drive and arousal but hardly any on womens'. There is still much to be learned but what they seem to know so far is that a man's sex drive tends to be more direct and straightforward than a woman's.

If a husband's libido is so dependent on his wife's attractiveness that cosmetic surgery is necessary for him to be horny...well, all I can say is I feel sorry for that guy! In a long-term relationship it's up to both to keep things sexy and as I said before this usually comes from the inside out.

pandaclair: Thanks for the tip on J-husbands!

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No wonder Don Quiote has that little corner of toys in it!! I almost bought a can to find out what was inside it. Not knowing it was expecting me to fill the can.

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bushlover, lolol.

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After all these years in Japan I noticed the following: Usually when: 1. a marriage where both spouses are Japanese: poor sex, nobody complains. Or looks like "no complains". 2.a marriage where a wife is Japanese, a husband is a foreigner: non-stopping complains from a foreign husband about his sexless wife. 3. a marriage where a wife is a foreign and a husband is Japanese: regular sex, again nobody complains. What possible logical explanations can all this stuff have?

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0letstalk: "After all these years in Japan I noticed the following: Usually when: 1. a marriage where both spouses are Japanese: poor sex, nobody complains. Or looks like "no complains". 2.a marriage where a wife is Japanese, a husband is a foreigner: non-stopping complains from a foreign husband about his sexless wife. 3. a marriage where a wife is a foreign and a husband is Japanese: regular sex, again nobody complains. What possible logical explanations can all this stuff have"

I can't speak for all foreign women married to Japanese guys, but for us, I think it has to do with the fact that my husband isn't an ordinary Japanese guy. He's definitely not a "vegetarian" guy. When we first met, he approached me and talked to me with the same confidence that many Western guys have and other Japanese guys seem to lack.

I think most Japanese guys who marry Western women (I'm not sure about Japanese guys who marry other Asian women) are more confident in themselves, which spills over into the bedroom. I mean, most Western women were brought expecting men to be more "carnivorous," and usually don't date or marry your average Japanese man.

Women are usually the "gate keepers" when it comes to sex. No matter how amorous the husband is, if the wife says no than it means no. For Japanese couples, sexlessness is normal. So for a Japanese woman married to a foreigner, perhaps she doesn't think there is anything wrong with denying him. Western societies are more open about talking about sex, and most women have watched enough TV and read enough magazines to know that a happy marriage is a sexed marriage. For Western women/Japanese guy couples, the "gate keepers" are much more receptive to their husbands advances.

This is the only explanation I can think of!

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Pandaclair: very good point, thanks. I was very surprised when I learned, one of my Japanese girl friend asked her European husband to sleep in different bed only after… 3 month after marriage.

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My final conclusion: Single guys are having sex cause they have no idea how to approach women or have a relationship with them. Married guys aren't getting any cause their wives aren't interested. Many Japanese men, married or single, work too much get too little sleep are too stressed and tired to have sex. Very sad.

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that's 'aren't having sex'

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I can't speak for all foreign women married to Japanese guys, but for us, I think it has to do with the fact that my husband isn't an ordinary Japanese guy

May be your husband have experienced for carnivorous activities. He may have special charm for you. However another woman may think he is just an ordinary guy. It is depending on individual taste and preference. Some Japanese women crazy about African men because they think they are more powerful for sex. Not all western or eastern men or men are same stereotype.

I mean, most Western women were brought expecting men to be more "carnivorous," and usually don't date or marry your average Japanese man.

If Russian and eastern European women included in Western Women definition, this statics is not accurate. These nations are exporting many mail order young brides into Japan, Taiwan and South Korea. When I was in eastern Europe, the girls even bought the drinks for me. They can speak some Japanese too. The main reason is they want to move into greener land for better opportunities. Not because Japanese men are more attractive and charming. They do not concern much about the sexual prowess of men either.

For Japanese couples, sexlessness is normal.

In most cases, it is according your gatekeepers theory. Japanese men prefer western women who are more open and receptive. They are more sociable. However they are not something special either.

The other factor is crowded living condition in cities. In country side, there will be more sex between couples. If the gatekeeper said no, true gentlemen will follow their wish even she is his own wife. I agree with one Zenpun statement of female sexual desire. It is just lightening on the sky before they reach their prime.

When the woman is horny, they will be pushy and demanding. For other way around there will be a different story. It is not easy for both man and woman are horny at the same time. Men are just scape goat in this one sided article.

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Flyfalcon, I heard in the coutryside they still sleep together in one room: grandparents, parents and kids. So much for sex. Not in all houses of course. I hope.

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How can u have sex when your child is always in between. Where do we go. to the toilet or back of the house.

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It's been 20 years here, but she seems quite happy.

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guys who are fit enough have a big problem to take care of single mothers. I myself face that problem everyday.

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If my wife says no with a valid reason, cool. If my wife says no just "becuase" there are plenty of younger, sluttier, and hornier girls willing to do things my wife wouldnt consider. She knows this, so I dont have to put up with so many no's. If she really cares about you, she wouldnt want you to go elsewhere. If she doesnt care, time to sign those divorce papers and go to the college girl's hangouts. :-) There is really no excuse for being sexless in Japan.

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This story reminds me of a New Yorker cartoon where the wife says "I'm too tired to do it tonight but awake enough to argue about it for the next 5 hours."

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wow so many sexua;y frustrated people in Japan reading books, poetry, or doing favourite things is so much better than sex.

lol I cannot stop laughing at the guys here crying for sex. Most probably you are not good enough that is why you are refused.

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Japanese Govt needs to give incentives for people to be more active sexually and produce more kids. I think providing parents of two kids some special facilities like lower taxes and extra allowance would be good for a start. Within the next 50 years Japan will have disappeared or changed totally due to the young foreigners who will migrate in. It is hoped the Japanese will maintain their population with the same diligence that they rebuilt their country after WW2.

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We should have a once a month "go home and procreate day" as kind of a paid vacation with purpose!!

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IMHO if a wife (Japanese or otherwise) turns off the sex tap then I think that gives any man the right (yes the right) to seek satisfaction elsewhere. And if the wife finds out about it then, tough cheese... she needs to be told that it was her fault.

For a foreign guy in Japan there's absolutely no need to suffer a sexless life if your wife has decided she doesn't want it any more. Put yourself around town a bit and you'll find plenty of ladies (married and single) who will be more than willing to get together for some mutually rewarding experiences.

It will give you a boost and allow you to get one over your wife who isn't fulfilling her conjugal duties.

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imacat: Does you theory also work in reverse? Does a woman have the right to seek satisfaction elsewhere if her husband turns off the 'sex tap'?

People usually assume if a couple isn't having sex then it's because the women is saying 'No'. However, I don't think it is as simple as that. I think if a couple is sexless then either a) the couple is having troubles in other areas of their relationship or b) one or both are bored and therefore they need to make an effort to keep things fresh and exciting.

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Dolphin, I would say that it is POSSIBLE, but ive never met a man who has every said "I dont feel like sex" nearly as often as women do. But yes, I would say if the male completely cuts off the female without reason, she has the right to go elsewhere. The problem with this logic, is that men typically always want it. Women cannot always provide, and beyond that week of the month, Ive met very few women with a sex drive like my male friends. So when people assume its the woman saying no, I think its safe to say that in 97%+ instances, that is the blocking issue, not because the male isnt interested.

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Does you theory also work in reverse? Does a woman have the right to seek satisfaction elsewhere if her husband turns off the 'sex tap?

Of course... in this case the husband isn't fulfilling his conjugal responsibilities so the wife has every right to look elsewhere.

But I agree with darkknight, it's a rare case. It's much more common for the woman to switch off the sex tap.

And woman who do so are very mistaken, imho. They have thought nothing about the consequences and effects... just acting selfishly for themselves.

But in Japan if you're a foreign guy in this situation there is no need to suffer in silence. Get out and about and before long you'll find a nice lady who is eager for the affection and intimacy that your wife refuses to provide.

And if your wife finds out about it then tell her clearly and firmly that it is her fault... her selfish behavior has provoked this situation.

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It sounds like the men need to practice expressing their bravado. But what about the women's side?

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