For 30 years -- roughly the 1960s, ‘70s and ‘80s -- sex was everything. It was bound to fizzle. Ubiquitous things always do. And fizzle it did. Now, Spa! (Jan 12) finds, sex is basically nothing.
Well, next to nothing. The conclusion arises from the magazine’s survey of 1,000 single and married men in their 30s. What’s their sex life like? How often do they do it, with how many partners, with what degree of eagerness? The two most startling statistics among the findings, while by no means the whole story, are at least sadly suggestive: (1) one-third of Spa!’s unmarried respondents (32.7%, to be precise) reported having no sex at all in 2009; (2) one-quarter of the single respondents (24.3%) have never in their lives had a sexual experience.
Those with roots in the more sexually charged past will find their hearts sinking to learn that only 16.7% of married thirty-something couples, and 11.3% of singles, enjoy sexual relations once a week. For two to three times a month the figures are 28.7% and 18.7%, respectively; for two to three times a week, 8% and 7.3%; for once every six months, 10% and 7.3%.
Of course, frequency is not the ultimate measure of quality (though the thought occurs that if it were better, it might be more frequent). Nor is the average amount of time taken up by each sexual encounter a firm gauge. But it cannot be totally meaningless if, as Spa! reports, the average amount of time involved has been shrinking year by year since 2000 -- from 58.6 minutes, including foreplay and afterplay, to 35.4 minutes now.
Infidelity, the traditional fly in the ointment of marital bliss, is no longer what it used to be either. Married men have settled down to a remarkable degree, 93% of them claiming the wife as the overwhelmingly favored sexual partner and only 6.3% seeking fulfillment elsewhere. As for singles, the percentage claiming a steady girlfriend is 42% -- versus 42.7% with no sexual partner.
Much is being made these days of the “herbivorous male,” the rising type as the sexually hungry carnivores fade into history. Let the reader judge whether the following statistic is cause or effect: To Spa!’s question, “Are you sexually confident?” 77% replied “No.”
If one-quarter of single men in their 30s really are virgins, they deserve a representative figure, and Spa! provides one -- a 38-year-old Tokyoite whose work, unspecified, has to do with technology. “It’s not that I’m not interested in women,” he says. “Once when I was 30, a senior colleague invited me to a ‘pink salon.’ After that, however, I could never muster the courage to go back alone.”
We’re not told what happened at the salon; only that he left with his virginity intact. He goes on to describe his “first kiss,” which took place at a club of some sort in 2009. “She was Russian; she was drunk and I helped her out. Suddenly she raised her head and kissed me. My mind went blank...”
Well? Spa! demands. Then what? “Nothing. I don’t know her name, don’t have her contact info. To tell you the truth, I was more shocked than happy when she kissed me. No, if it ever happens, it’ll have to be with someone I really like. Failing that, I guess I’ll be a virgin for life.”© Japan Today