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The age of the disposable male

63 Comments

Ask young women if their attitude toward men is “love ‘em and leave ‘em,” and almost all, says Spa! (Sept 22-29), will protest that they would never dream of being so heartless. But rephrase the question: ask them if they “fade out” after one or two or maybe three sexual encounters, and, to the magazine’s amazement, fully one-third say they do!

We’ve entered the age of the “disposable male,” is Spa!’s melancholy conclusion based on a poll of 100 women in their 20s and 30s.

Reasons for the women’s chronic restlessness vary, 34% saying that the sex in question was (as far as they were concerned) impulsive to begin with and never meant to lead to anything lasting; 28% citing disappointment in the man’s sexual performance; 20% recalling episodes in which they thought they liked the guy, only to discover otherwise after sleeping with him.

Case in point: A 27-year-old journalist we’ll call Reiko tells Spa! of meeting a man at a drinking party and really falling for him -- so much so that she brought him home with her and, drifting off to sleep after sex, thought to herself, “I really want to marry this guy.”

If only you didn’t have to wake up after a night like that. But you do, and she did, to find that that the morning light shining on his sleeping face was anything but flattering. In fact, his puffy, vacuous features bore a disconcerting resemblance to a certain manga character, not one of the superhero variety.

As soon as he woke up, she packed him off, and proceeded to ignore his ensuing stream of emails. “I have one regret,” she says. “The guys got some really good-looking friends, and now I can’t come on to them!”

Risa, a 25-year-old in the insurance business, tells this story: A man she met at a singles’ party was a convivial drinker and a good talker; they talked, laughed, necked on a park bench, kissed in dark places… but why wasn’t he dragging her to a love hotel? Didn’t he see how eager she was to be dragged?

Finally, on their fifth date, after dinner, he announced, “I’ve booked us a room at a city hotel, with champagne and everything.”

Well, she thought, that’s nice, though a little overdone. But, she shrugged, let him do things his way. In the hotel room, she soon understood why he had hesitated so long. Size matters, at least to some women, and he didn’t have it. She doesn’t specify precisely what action she took, but presumably it was not such as to bolster the man’s confidence.

Well, such are the times we live in, muses essayist Shigeru Kashima in a sidebar to Spa!’s main article. In the 1970s, the ideal of going virgin to the marriage bed was swamped by women’s lib and the breakdown of community ties. In the bubble years of the '80s came “luxury capitalism,” in which men flaunted their spending power for sexual advantage. The bubble collapsed, discouragement set in, and suddenly the watchword became “mendokusai” -- everything was too much trouble. Men turned to "fuzoku" -- the erotic entertainment industry -- for sexual gratification, and women to one-night stands.

Get used to it, men, lick your wounds and move on; all indications are that it’s not going to change any time soon.

© Japan Today

©2021 GPlusMedia Inc.

63 Comments
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Great news. Gotta love loose women, of all nationalities!

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Then in their mid 30's 35 or so they suddenly wake up and realize, heck I want babies I desperately need to get married. By then most J dudes cast them off as being Obasan.

J chicks are so stupid and material. Ever try to carry on a intellectual convo with one? They are so much more attractive with their mouths shut.

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Thats why you got to keep there mouths full!

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Goodness, what is wrong with the ladies? I feel ashamed of my forum name now. I am sorry but i don't want to believe what Spa says. Or is it true? Sorry guys, this is just some women. Not everyone is like that. I really hope so. Them thinking that way is one thing and openly proclaiming that is cruel, absurd. Size does not matter. So what!

These girls are losers and they don't realise that.

You cast your men away and they go for fuzoku or they will run away with women from other poor countries and what will happen to the nation? And your pride?

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i agre 100% with furuigakko. thats why you see so many more single people out there with 0 social skills. Once things get involved they feel too lazy to keep going and just move on to the next disaster. This will have terrible social implications for Japan in the coming 5-10 years.

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it's all about people not adapting to be more compatible with others...

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I think the last laugh is on these kinds of women. Once they lose their youth (and accompanying looks) they probably realise they shouldn't have treated those men so badly, because they will be so alone ...

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Once things get involved they feel too lazy to keep going and just move on to the next disaster.

PepinGalarga have to toally agree with you. What people fail to realize is that a relationship is a commiotment and not a matter of convenience. A marriage is a step further and also just the beginning. Often at my expense and due to my crass behaviour, i've relaized that a step too late in my own marriage and have to remind myself that with a thousand and one apologies. That said, marraige and parenthood have their uncomparable joys, when one does try to make it work.

In this age of self, its a pity that people dion't try harder to make it work.

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I am often under the impression that Japanese people feel envious toward the natural spontaneity by which other nationalities tend to interact. When Japanese try to emulate it impulsively they usually fail, mainly because relationships in this country are just too dependent on the uchi-soto equation.

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A severe lack of honor and pride in the one you are with. Honor needs to make its way back to Japan... It's become common place to use one another and toss each other away. Living the good life like hostess girls servicing men, practically for free.

Yeah, it's great if you're a guy who doesn't care and wants to enjoy as many women as you can before you marry, you can get married to a girl 15 years younger than you and still have kids. It doesn't go well vice versa though, and is why women must be careful. I'm not saying its right, I'm just saying that's a fact and has been a fact for millions of years. Japanese women are now finding themselves at this dead end.

Women keep men in check by keeping themselves in check. Removing that ideal creates a bunch of chaos.

Strange thing is, people seem to be on one end of the spectrum or another. Either get into relationships and have sex the first date and keep bouncing around from person to person or they don't have a relationship at all and are alone. I don't know which is worse!

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Honor needs to make its way back to Japan

Japan never had any deep sense of honor. Just a social facade for Japanese and stereotypical myth upheld by gaijin.

In short, Japanese people in general are untrustworthy, secretive, and deceitful. From the outside looking in via my job, I hear and see a lot of cheating and usury. Rampant cheating by women and of course men. It would shock you.

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Men deserve this attitude. Their behaviour is much worse. these women look pristine to what men are able to do.

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I'd be interested to see if anyone debunks this whole article. It sounds like a front-page attention grabber meant to sell magazines, and also sounds like the TV show Sex and the City. Correct me if I'm wrong. I've never actually watched Sex and the City.

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Men should be disposed only in case they did something bad against moral which they more often than never do.

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J chicks are so stupid and material. Ever try to carry on a intellectual convo with one? They are so much more attractive with their mouths shut.

Congratulations: elitist, mysoginist, racist and downright cruel in one paragraph! That's tough to manage. And 'chicks?' Puullleeaase. Good luck finding the thoughtful conversationalist and frugal paragon you seek. Perhaps, just as in the article, she will dump you once your attitudes becomes apparent. Still, as Magpie notes, we can address our issues before it is too late...

I'm not sure that the article content denotes male disposability - individuals are surely free to check eachother out before making a commitment. Perhaps the level of respect and consensuality involved is more relevant than whether it is the man or the woman driving it. If you like someone and they reject you that is always a bit dissappointing, but most people will experience that from both sides at one time or another, and move on.

More urgent content under the heading 'Disposable Males' would address the way that Japanese fathers are sidelined after divorce. Crucially, children's rights to maintain loving relationships with both parents are ignored here. 'Lone' mothers receive some support, lone fathers none, as I understand it. I met one grieving father yesterday who hasn't seen his daughter for five years and feels he would not even recognise her in the street, and that she has been taught to hate him by her mother (parental alenation). Does anyone know of a Japanese organisation or group that is addressing this that I could refer him to for support and advice?

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Hahaha, "intellectual convo".

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Ever try to carry on a intellectual convo with one?

they are way smarter than you because they have deceived you into thinking that they are dumb. Actually, you are the one being taken for a ride. She is probably on with someone in your group..... oh and learn Japanese if you want to have a good conversation.

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@ bobbafett there you go assuming. How do you know I don't speak the local dialect?

The intelligent Japanese women I have met and dated were the ones in grad school the ones that have left Japan. The posting is addressing the Japanese women written in the Spa article.

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In short, Japanese people in general are untrustworthy, secretive, and deceitful. From the outside looking in via my job, I hear and see a lot of cheating and usury. Rampant cheating by women and of course men. It would shock you.

I agree with you, yes was shocked too.

Just a social facade for Japanese and stereotypical myth upheld by gaijin.

Along with western media and pop culture. One quote that I remember well was from the movie "Heaven and Earth" when Tommy Lee Jones' character stated "What I need is a good oriental woman". How deceived he was (the charater in the movie) and how the audience is naive to believe that.

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Hmmm comments raise many questions. How many of those, who state "J Chicks" who of course should be respectfully called "Japanese women" are not capable of intelligent conversation, can converse with them in more than childish/survival/pickup lines Japanese? The article itself seems like a troll, I mean one case is a post drunken party sexual encounter and the other implies that a mans penis is the determining factor in a relationship. Honestly, what sort of rubbish article is this they are publishing for us?

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I honestly don't understand men. It's so obvious to spot these kinds of girls. I thought men liked women like this for one-night stands and such? At least my male friends do...

If a guy is dumb enough to think a tramp wants to date him then it's his own fault for making himself disposable.

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This article is a joke. It sounds like those cheesy surveys that I used to read in Cosmo or Glamour. Besides, there is nothing shocking or amazing about it. Women in their 20's and 30's searching for a good man and good sex. No surprise there! Why do people make such a big deal about women being promiscuous? I think they used the term 'chronic restlessness' as a euphemism for 'horny'!!

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You can recognize the real and smart man from the loser once you dump a guy. The guy who accepts his defeat wiht dignity is the real men, he will never stalk and cry and will understand that it is over. The loser will continue to stick around even if he is unwanted and he knows it.

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Size matters, at least to some women, and he didn’t have it.

no it does not matter. Women prefer always the intelligent man, brain matters

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You can recognize the real and smart man from the loser once you dump a guy. The guy who accepts his defeat wiht dignity is the real men, he will never stalk and cry and will understand that it is over. The loser will continue to stick around even if he is unwanted and he knows it.

Well put!

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I see the women in Japan have finally caught up with the men in one area of endevour....

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Point one: In any group of people you will have people on either sides of the bell curve, whatever it happens to be measuring; height, weight, intelligence, number of sexual partners.

Point Two: Promiscuous women generally don't attract men of quality character. Nor do men sorting through crowds of females for one night stands identify the one's that would be good mothers for their children.

Point Three: Any journalist that didn't flunk out of journalism school can write any article that supports any angle about society by simply knowing whom to select and interview that will support their particular angle.

Point Four: An article about promiscious women and throw away men cater to both men (because men like the idea of a society filled with easy lays) and many women (they can feel morally superior to both Women AND Men at the same time) it is truly win/win topic from a publishing standpoint.

Conclusion: While entertaining, this article is far from an honest slice of reality. The only thing that was disposed was the authors objectivity.

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The loser will continue to stick around even if he is unwanted and he knows it.

Well they both ended up "dumped" and therefore of no further value to you. What do they or anyone else for that matter - care about how you feel about them? What are you going to do? Pass on the good news to your single friend that the guy you dumped is a real man and took it like a good sport? Grow up.

Believe me - judging from a lot of your comments, getting dumped by you would not be a defeat by a long shot. Not by a long shot.

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well well well... I enjoyed my life and girls until I got 30's then got serious. Before you get 30, the game is just a little bit harder. Then you'll benefit from your hard experiences. "disposable male"? Let me laugh. Your are disposable if you think and believe so.

Spa! finds you an excuse to not find a partner and golf clubing your parents.

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"women's chronic restlessness"

They need more exposure to blue light.

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While not knowing much about how Japanese women use and abuse men, I do know form having taught mostly girls and women in my 11+ years here that not all J-women are stupid, airheads, nor prettier with their mouths shut. Are there J-women/girls that are ditzes? Even a superficial perusal of Japanese Primetime and late-nite TV will answer this question easily enough. Are there J-women that make terribly choices with regards to their relationships? Yes, and several of my former students messed up theirs by sleeping around. However, are all Japanese young women like this? By no means. There is a great percentage that seem, from my own experience in dealing with them, to want the traditional family and home, and are waiting and hoping and praying to find the right guy to share all of that with.

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many men get really upset when they see women behaving like them.

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If the women want to sleep around it is their choice. They made their bed now they will have to lie in it. I would say for those guys who want to keep this types of women they either need a lot of money or improve their skills in bed. A girl will tolerate a lot of crap from a guy if he is really good in bed. The money is obvious.

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They only surveyed 100 women, yet this was a large enough sample to declare that we have entered "The age of the disposable male?" Even for a trashy rag like Spa! this is a new low. On the plus side, I can now start my morning off with a laugh.

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I have one advice for dumped men. Please behave with dignity. Move on and be happy. Maybe you had hurt the woman and she could forgive you for something and that is the reason she dumped you. And it is irreversable/

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could not forgive

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What there a point to this article? it doesn't offer any conclusion, solution to the issues or what even is the problem.

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Seems like the "disposable-man" problem is limited to the very large cities in Japan. Drinking parties in the large cities are not good place to find wonderful men. Women need to stop looking for men based on their appearances. Handsome men are intended to be disposal and run to many other women.

If women are searching for lovable men, I suggest them to get out of Tokyo, Osaka, and other large cities to seek for men living in the smaller cities and towns which don't have many erotic entertainment industries.

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What there a point to this article? it doesn't offer any conclusion, solution to the issues or what even is the problem.

It is just another article on JT... But I love it that men and women become equal in disposability.

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BuddhismTech at 03:06 PM JST - 23rd September Handsome men are intended to be disposal and run to many other women.

The "many other women should not exist". Not just handsome men but others also go to them. Sad.

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A man or womans sexual history is important.. if you don't like the type of person the girl or guy has been with in the past (if they are not like you) they you shouldn't deal with that person. A partner that discriminates toward your own type is the best.

aw

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All I would say to these girls is that if you dance with the devil, remember to expect your toes to get stepped on and bruised! And no I am no religious zealot. I just think that this trend will simply reverse and go back to the old traditions of where the woman will end up as the "disposable woman". Whether we all like it or not things really haven't fundamentally changed that much from the early 20th century.

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The real question is "how is this a bad thing for men?" The article seems to assume men would be bothered by this. Marriage is an antiquated religious construct. Men don't gain anything by marriage as opposed to having several girls to suffice the various needs they may have for companionship. I say, dispose all you want, ladies.

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Perhaps...but you ar ein Japan where in otehr parts of the world are not known for their sexual prowess and right size matters, of course, only if you also want to please the partner you chose. And Japanese men (in general) fall short on all 3 from my understanding.

I know a Japanese American that says he is in a losing situation all the way around. Becasue he is American raised the is seen as non-Japanese and because he is Japanese all the perceptions of Asian men in the sexual sense is not a good thing as well. I'm a girl and was not sure what to say to him.

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I think many Japanese women are just beginning to gain their sexual freedom as Western women did a few decades ago. In the past, little girls were raised to believe that they should find a good man and get married. Now these women have more options. That means being free to date and/or sleep with men as they please.

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My Japanese girlfriend is just fine with her mouth open. Competent, good company, funny and always appreciative of things we do together. Sure, plenty of man hunters out there who have nothing to offer beyond a decorative value and a quick good time, but that isn't all women here. They may be nuts, most may seem a little dumb by gaijin standards but they have all sorts of differences that are just as good as dating a western woman.

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I know a Japanese American that says he is in a losing situation all the way around. Becasue he is American raised the is seen as non-Japanese and because he is Japanese all the perceptions of Asian men in the sexual sense is not a good thing as well. I'm a girl and was not sure what to say to him.

That could be the explanation for my losing streak :(.

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And Japanese men (in general) fall short on all 3 from my understanding.

From my experience, Japanese men are great!

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so women are going to stop trying to cling on to men? sounds great to me!

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I wouldn't necessarily believe in what a magazine like Spa! has to report.

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The point in this article is to try to convice all, that J women are sluts.. Spa seems obsessed with this ideal. Maybe they are trying to make the news rather than report it. As far as the article, if a woman finds the man they are dating is not ideal, why should she stay with him? Move on to the next and hopefully learn from past experiences and experiences of her friends.

aw

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Haha! I have never read a single Spa article that even remotely sounds credible. Anyone that lives in Tokyo and has an ounce of common sense would just disregard this stuff.

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Gotta love Reiko's coyote morning!

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Whatever, some women play the game and so do some men. This is hardly a cultural trend or shift in society. Makes me miss Wai Wai though.

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"but why wasn’t he dragging her to a love hotel? ..."

The magazine seems to have interviewed a variety of shallow people with no clue about how to go about having a rewarding relationship.

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So this means girls are less clingy to men. And that's...bad?

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I can see both sides of card. I see all kinds of situations and hear all kinds of stories at work. Japanese women are MORE than capable of having intellectual conversations. My wife and I are very happy and I never get bored with talking to her and her subjects are never shallow especially compared to all of my American ex-girlfriends. On the other hand, at work I witness the pathetic and some of my wife's friends are also quite pathetic when it comes to dating. Kanpa after failed kanpa.... Some of my students are bored housewives that hate their husbands. Some are whipped salary men scraping by one their allowance from their wives. Some guys go off to Taiwan with their gf's while their wife is at home. There are plenty of failed and miserable here but it's the same everywhere. I also see plenty of very happy people. Just like others said this magazine is just trying to sell and doesn't report anything.....If you look for it, you will find it. If I go to the right parts of the cities of course I will find these types of girls.

As far as penis size and Japanese girls if you've seen an AV here you know it's not even a problem and WE ALL know Japanese girls can't act.

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I really have zero sympathy of these women. They want their cake, they want to eat it and they expect some man to buy it for them. When the clock starts ticking they take whomever they can get and I don't feel sorry for the ones who end up unhappy in the end. Karma. When Japanese women stop acting like airhead princesses who think they have a right to everything they want, Japan will improve greatly.

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The point in this article is to try to convice all, that J women are sluts.. Spa seems obsessed with this ideal.

So are a lot of gaijin in Japan, male and female.

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Jeez, you'd think nobody had ever heard of a rag magazine before, judging by the amount and intensity of comments.. Anyways, I still don't get this conceit that many posters have had against Japanese women (and women in general for that matter) who have had multiple partners. Why should women be viewed more negatively than men who do the same thing? And have you even considered the fact that people can change? It's very possible that these women want to experience as much sex as possible before marriage (or maybe even during marriage) just like many men do, "sowing oats" and so forth. In my opinion, we are smack dab in the middle of the female social/sexual revolution in Japan. We are living in a brave new world folks!

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I find the shortcoming of the contemporary Japanese male to be cultural. Not physiological. When I started making JPN male friends in college, many of them looked like men. comparitively broad shoulders. Short hair. facial hair... After moving to Japan I am hard pressed to find guys like that. Most guys look like girls. Not because they arent as physically big as thier western counterparts, but because they NURTURE this look!! Look at SMAP, or any current Johnnys pop group, or most all TV personalities in their 20s. When I ride the trains most of the guys are frail and waiflike! It honestly looks like if a fist fight broke out between the men and the women of any given train... the women would clean up handily!

Whats more is that most JPN women seem to like that. They buy the CDs, they watch the TV programs... they seem to support this!

I dont have issues with homosexuality. If a guy wants to be with a guy, or a girl wants a girl... hey, you do what works for you.

But I dont see how or why hetero people want to ride the fence. guys who looks like girls and girls who look like guys (breastless, hipless women being the JPN standard of beauty...)

JPN people wanna say they are unhappy in the bedroom? Reap what you sow.

Wait until you reach old age and theres no foreigners to help with labor. Better start studying Mandarin now...

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Exactly Jason, well said. This is a rag magazine and a good one at that. Very entertaining just don't take it for real.

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This sounds like an ideal situation to me.

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