Ask young women if their attitude toward men is “love ‘em and leave ‘em,” and almost all, says Spa! (Sept 22-29), will protest that they would never dream of being so heartless. But rephrase the question: ask them if they “fade out” after one or two or maybe three sexual encounters, and, to the magazine’s amazement, fully one-third say they do!
We’ve entered the age of the “disposable male,” is Spa!’s melancholy conclusion based on a poll of 100 women in their 20s and 30s.
Reasons for the women’s chronic restlessness vary, 34% saying that the sex in question was (as far as they were concerned) impulsive to begin with and never meant to lead to anything lasting; 28% citing disappointment in the man’s sexual performance; 20% recalling episodes in which they thought they liked the guy, only to discover otherwise after sleeping with him.
Case in point: A 27-year-old journalist we’ll call Reiko tells Spa! of meeting a man at a drinking party and really falling for him -- so much so that she brought him home with her and, drifting off to sleep after sex, thought to herself, “I really want to marry this guy.”
If only you didn’t have to wake up after a night like that. But you do, and she did, to find that that the morning light shining on his sleeping face was anything but flattering. In fact, his puffy, vacuous features bore a disconcerting resemblance to a certain manga character, not one of the superhero variety.
As soon as he woke up, she packed him off, and proceeded to ignore his ensuing stream of emails. “I have one regret,” she says. “The guys got some really good-looking friends, and now I can’t come on to them!”
Risa, a 25-year-old in the insurance business, tells this story: A man she met at a singles’ party was a convivial drinker and a good talker; they talked, laughed, necked on a park bench, kissed in dark places… but why wasn’t he dragging her to a love hotel? Didn’t he see how eager she was to be dragged?
Finally, on their fifth date, after dinner, he announced, “I’ve booked us a room at a city hotel, with champagne and everything.”
Well, she thought, that’s nice, though a little overdone. But, she shrugged, let him do things his way. In the hotel room, she soon understood why he had hesitated so long. Size matters, at least to some women, and he didn’t have it. She doesn’t specify precisely what action she took, but presumably it was not such as to bolster the man’s confidence.
Well, such are the times we live in, muses essayist Shigeru Kashima in a sidebar to Spa!’s main article. In the 1970s, the ideal of going virgin to the marriage bed was swamped by women’s lib and the breakdown of community ties. In the bubble years of the '80s came “luxury capitalism,” in which men flaunted their spending power for sexual advantage. The bubble collapsed, discouragement set in, and suddenly the watchword became “mendokusai” -- everything was too much trouble. Men turned to "fuzoku" -- the erotic entertainment industry -- for sexual gratification, and women to one-night stands.
Get used to it, men, lick your wounds and move on; all indications are that it’s not going to change any time soon.© Japan Today