“My wife has amazing intuition,” says a 40-year-old Tokyo company employee. “I started going out with this woman I met at work. She’s 10 years younger than me. Anyway, one day I’m at home cutting my nails, and all of a sudden my wife says, ‘What’re you so happy about?’ I said, ‘What?’ She says, ‘You’re humming. That’s not like you.’
“I hadn’t even noticed. But it was true, I was feeling pretty high. Naturally I immediately glummed down…”
Naturally. “Furin” -- the sort of love that’s supposedly off-limits to the married -- has been much in and around the news since celeb announcer Mona Yamamoto was spotted last month at a love hotel with married Yomiuri Giants slugger Tomohiro Nioka. Big deal, you might say, but she (who had been through all this once before) lost her anchor spot on Fuji TV’s new news program “Sakiyomi,” and he was suspended for a time. So in that sense, if in no other, it is a big deal.
What the stars do grandly, many others are bound to be doing modestly. Furin is as old as love, but the ubiquitous cell phone, notes journalist Sanae Kameyama in her exploration of the subject for Shukan Asahi (Aug 15), makes almost easy what once had to be accomplished with a great deal of stealth. Consequently, there’s more furin than ever.
Kameyama observes this difference between male and female adulterers: women grow tense, men grow expansive. Expansiveness feels good but has its dangers. “Don’t despise your wife’s intuition,” warns Kameyama. “An iron rule of infidelity is, if you go to a hotel don’t use the soap -- but some wives say they can even smell a hotel’s hot water.”
There are other “iron rules” too, says Kameyama, if you want to preserve your marriage. Never use your car. Never take photos, or have them taken. That can be awkward, she points out, when your date pulls out her cell phone camera and asks you to pose with her. How do you refuse? Gently, tactfully and firmly, is Kameyama’s advice. For example: “It’s because we want our love to continue that we must be careful.”
Never, never, writes Kameyama in Shukan Asahi, bring your lady friend home. Your wife may be away visiting her parents and seemingly out of the picture; it’s dreadfully imprudent all the same. “A woman may be curious to see her boyfriend’s domestic establishment,” she writes, “and she may savor the tingle of fear she feels upon entering the premises, but the end result is jealousy and regret. it’s a very bad idea.”
The emotions involved can lead to unpredictable behavior. However sincerely a woman may love her married boyfriend, there are times when she naturally resents her position and feels a need to get even. “Once,” Kameyama hears from a 32-year-old Saitama woman, “I placed a hair of mine in the buttonhole of his trunks.” Pity she doesn’t tell us what, if anything, followed from that.
If you basically like your wife and don’t want to divorce her, better tell your mistress early on, warns Kameyama. Here’s a cautionary tale of what can happen otherwise.
“He told me he and his wife weren’t getting along but that their youngest child was still in elementary school and he didn’t want to end the marriage until the child moved up to junior high school,” recalls a 33-year-old Tokyo OL of an affair with a former boss. “He asked me to wait two years.”
She did. The two years passed; still the man made no move toward divorce. Goaded to fury, she “went on the attack.” One day she showed up at the man’s house and introduced herself to his wife: “I’m having an affair with your husband.” Then she visited the man’s boss and exposed him there too. Again, we don’t learn the sequel, but we can guess that the man had moments of wishing he had spent his nights safely if tediously at home.© Japan Today