"My wife was a kindergarten teacher, and a real looker," Yuto Inoue (a pseudonym), a self-employed man in his 20s, tells Spa! (Oct 30). "It was love at first sight. 'Let's get married and start having kids right away' she urged me. We got hitched within six months."
Unfortunately, the couple has yet to be blessed with their own offspring. But Inoue's bride wanted to care for kids, even other peoples'. So she began inviting neighbors to drop off their children at their home, and before long, the place began resembling a nursery school.
"I do it because I like it," she said, when explaining why she refused to charge the neighbors for her babysitting services. Never mind that her "volunteer" activities were running up expenses for the kids' food, electricity and other utilities. Equally if not more annoying, these young interlopers infringed on Inoue's personal space, making him feel like a stranger in his own home.
"Everything she cooked was for kids -- I couldn't even enjoy my evening 'banshaku' (cocktail), one of my few pleasures in life," he complained bitterly, shoulders sagging. "There was always somebody ahead of me in the bathroom, or in front of the TV set. I felt unwelcome in my own home."
Still, Inoue tolerates his wife's compulsive behavior, out of fears that perhaps that people might start saying, behind his back, "His wife loves children, but it appears she doesn't care for him very much."
To describe such women, Spa! takes the word "kaku-sage" (downgraded), puns it to "kyo-sage" and adds "tsuma" (wife), creating a new term -- "kyo-sage zuma" -- whose characters suggest "wives who bring down misfortune upon their husbands."
After surveying 100 men who thought they were getting a raw deal from their spouses, Spa! identified a number of common characteristics. One, stated by 56%, is that that the marriage took place within less than one year from the time the couple started going together. In 73% of such cases, the wife remains a full-time homemaker. A full 80% of the husbands in such unions feel their wives pays little attention to what they say to them. And no matter how hard they try, lament 72% of the hubbies, nothing they do ever seems to satisfy their wives.
In another of several similar "damage reports" that accompany the article concerns such females' remarkable lack of a sense of shame. One wife in her 20s posted "cosplay" photos of herself on her Facebook page. One, in her 40s and certainly old enough to know better, passed out from drinking too much at a party, leaving her unmentionables exposed.
When engaging in gabfests with other homemakers in the neighborhood, one man's wife goes so far as to reveal peculiarities in the shape of her husband's procreative organ, or air other dirty laundry among the neighbors, e.g., "His shoes stink like natto"; or "He's scared of spiders"; or "He likes to watch adult videos involving nurses."
"Once I admonished her, saying, 'When you spill family secrets like that, you're breaking the rules,'" a husband told the magazine. "She retorted, 'Well it's not like a husband's some kind of stranger, is he?' Eventually I became resigned to her incessant blabbing."
Spa! notes that some of these downgraded wives go so far as to demand that their husbands pee sitting down, so as to avoid odiferous splashes -- this despite the belief in some medical quarters that this practice, when prolonged, might result in an enlarged prostate, impotence and even testicular cancer.
"When such inequalities or absurd situations occur, and you resign yourself, 'Well, that's just the way things are,' you need to keep in mind that your own case is not particularly unique or special at all," psychiatric counselor Takehiko Kasuga points out to such husbands. "It's just one pattern among a huge number of similar family situations."
Kasuga advises patients that as difficult as things may seem for husbands, life is by no means all that easy for their wives either. So to work things out, they also need adopt a more tolerant view so as to empathize with their spouse's situation.© Japan Today