This guy’s got it all – brains, looks, income. His sex life should be a breeze. In fact it is. It’s non-existent – just the way he wants it.
That’s less unusual than you might think, says Spa! (Aug 25). Sex, once a major preoccupation among young people – often an exclusive one – no longer is. At least, those among whom it is not are not exceptional, the magazine finds. It polls 500 men aged 20-34 who have been sexless for a year or more. It asks them, “Do you want sex?” Not at all, say 22.4 percent. Not particularly, say 21.2 percent. Well, kind of, say 35.2 percent – leaving a mere 21.2 percent who say yes, they do.
It is actually possible to write this story – as is the case with very few nowadays – without mentioning the coronavirus pandemic. Fear of COVID-19 has very little to do with it. The well-favored young man referred to above is a 30-year-old systems engineer whom Spa! calls, pseudonymously, Masato Kudo. As a child he attended a boys’ school and grew up with little contact with girls. In college he became smitten with “idols” – female starlets who radiate cuteness. What ordinary woman could offer what they did?
True, ordinary women did have one thing going for them. As an ordinary man, you could have a real relationship with them – soul to soul, body to body. But if you don’t want to, that’s no asset. And Kudo, evidently, doesn’t want to.
It’s a question of “risk management,” says “Fumiaki Komatsu,” a 31-year-old freeter. Sex, he explains, leads – when it doesn’t lead to pregnancy – to either marriage or break-up. It’s too strained. Why bother? “You can love someone without sex,” he says. To him, the ideal relationship is dating. A quiet coffee shop, good coffee and lively, flowing conversation – who can ask for more than that?
“Once,” he says, “when I was in college, an older friend took me, more or less by force, to a ‘health’ club” – “health” being a euphemism for commercial sex. “The woman and I spent the hour talking. I was afraid of the risk of (venereal) disease.”
He’s currently dating a woman four years older. They’re growing close. They kiss. That’s nice. It’s enough. What if they have sex and she gets pregnant? “I’m a freeter,” he says; “I make 200,000 yen a month.” Risk management. “If I got married,” he says, “it would rob me of my life.”
“Junta Kanei,” 26, is 10 years into his “second virginity.” His first virginity ended in senior high school – rather early. That gave him confidence. He thought he had it made where women were concerned. He finished school, found a job in e-commerce, socialized mainly with male colleagues, and basically lost the knack for being with women.
Years went by. One day by chance he met a woman he’d known as a child in elementary school. They went to her place, drank, talked of old times, of new times – what would be more natural than a sexual finale?
It didn’t happen. “I was too nervous,” he tells Spa!. “I’d been out of it for so long. I was afraid to show myself awkward.”
How she felt we’re not told. As for him, he didn’t take it too badly. “Drinking with men friends is better,” he says.© Japan Today