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As I was recently browsing through my SNS feed, I came across an interesting ad. It was a notice about a cruise trip around Japan and South Korea put out by a travel agency, but what made me curious was the unusual catch copy: “A cruise not to be missed by girls who are doing konkatsu (spouse hunting)! A chance to go on a cruise trip for free!” Clicking on the ad led me to a page with a big image that said: “Be one of the 26 selected princesses. Enjoy a free cruise trip♡”
I scrolled down the page, not because I was interested in looking for a spouse, but I wanted to find out how so many girls could embark on a gorgeous six-day cruise, free of charge. There must be some kind of catch, I thought.
Lower down the page, it said that all ladies interested in participating must first be screened. Only 26 girls who passed this screening process were to be given a privilege to enjoy the free cruise trip. The deal was that if they were selected, they would have to sign a contract and have their pictures taken – which would be printed on flyers as well as put up online, along with their nicknames.
Konkatsu matchmaking parties are usually held at various upscale hotels, restaurants and venues across Japan.
This screening was only required for women. The cruise organizer would start accepting registrations from men after all female participants had been determined. In other words, men would get to examine all the pictures of their potential future spouse and then decide whether or not they’d like to pay to take part in a rather expensive cruise trip. To sum up, women are allowed to participate for free, but won’t have any idea who else would be attending until the day of the cruise. Men, on the other hand, must pay to board the ship but can check in advance all the faces of female participants.
I left the website with mixed feelings. It seemed like this cruise trip – which is supposed to be a place where you look for your true love/future soulmate – is merely reinstating the classic stereotypes: men want beautiful and young women, women want men with money and status.
Konkatsu (Matchmaking) Parties in Japan
The konkatsu movement has been big in Japan since the late 2000s, with the word konkatsu (婚活) going as far as to be nominated as one of the best buzzwords of the year in 2008. That was the year I graduated from college in the States and moved to Bangkok, Thailand, where my family lived at the time. While I was there, I was (rather closely) watching the konkatsu trend in Japan, debating whether or not I should join the crowd. I was in my mid-20s and sort of in a rush to find a significant other as I wanted to marry and have kids before 30. After returning to Tokyo in 2011, I didn’t know anyone aside from my classmates at a translation school I was attending at the time (most of them were either married with kids, or single women), and the chances of meeting a potential future spouse naturally, seemed to be close to zero. So I started considering konkatsu parties as a potential option.
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- External Link
- https://savvytokyo.com/
15 Comments
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ArtistAtLarge
A story as old as time.
Haruka
Money and status come with age and maturity. Money alone inherited usually leads to a spoiled boy.
Bintaro
I heard soooooo many times women around me saying "I want to get married" (note : not find a good relationship/partner/love of their life).
It's simple :
Step 1 : find someone who wants to get married.
Step 2 : get married.
The problem is these people are incredibly picky. They are desperate to get married , but won't if they can't find someone with the exact criteria they're asking for.
Seriously, if they want someone 175cm or taller, you can't be 174cm. If they want 10 millions a year, they won't settle for 8.
And in the end they will buy a dog and ask themselves why they are still alone at 40.
In my experience, people participating in konkatsu are not worth the time or effort.
nedotjp
If I had a dollar for every woman the found me unattractive, by now they would find me attractive.
kohakuebisu
As Bintaro, people are picky, but I think it is because they don't actually want to get married. They only want what they think is an ideal marriage with a dreamboat partner and plenty of money.
Marriage, like life, is all about muddling through. The value in this should be celebrated. The other elephant in the room is that marriage and child rearing in Japan are not very much fun. Couples with kids never leave them and go on dates, a full half of marriages end up sexless, parents with school age kids never go on holiday for a week or more like Europeans, and dads with soccer mad kids never play it with them. The kids just play it in a club supervised by someone else. Interactions with school age children generally revolve around "have you done your homework/packed the ten things you need into your satchel/brought home yet another a letter from school I have to read...." There is little time for "could Wonderwoman take out Spiderman?", "if you were reincarnated as a vegetable, which would you choose?", "can you roll your tongue outside your mouth?" or any of the million other normal things you can ask your kids. I don't want to listen to my kids reading aloud when they come home from school and then sign their book. I'd rather play Twister or throw stuff at them on Mario Kart. Add in all the rotas parents find themselves on in Japan and you end up with lots of drudge that probably only looks bearable if you have Mr Perfect and his salary or the world's sweetest girl-next-door lined up.
Madden
Well said Bintaro, I know so many women who literally have nothing to offer. No career prospects, no ambition, not exactly from well-off families, yet expect all the men to flock to them because that's just the way society is supposed to work, right? They expect to be pampered to and live the good life with their fellow housewives eating cake sets and spending the husband's money, and they reject any guy who doesn't match their checklist. Little do they know that most guys in that kind of position would only consider a women of high-class, sure they'll have fun with a nice young girl but they won't consider them to be serious marriage material. Well, soon enough the list of potential suitors for these women keeps going down as they age and remain in a dead-end job and eventually they just give up and decide to live a life buying luxury goods as a substitute for happiness and turning into an old hag, complaining how guys are only looking for younger girls these days.
I've actually been to many Konkatsu events as a guy with means and indeed most of the girls I meet there, I can see they're just looking for a meal ticket and have nothing to offer the man. Of course, the Konkatsu events also are to blame, like the article states for men you have to fulfill all these conditions but women just have to be young and attractive, reinforcing the stereotype that a women need not offer anything besides looks. Disgusting.
Strangerland
That is how society works here. It's still a traditional male/female role based society (役割分担 - division of duties). When the majority of Japanese men are looking for a spouse, they are looking for a feminine woman with good values and who looks to become a good mother.
There is nothing wrong with that if the woman is ok with it. There is also nothing wrong with not wanting that, nor with being a woman who doesn't want to live that life. The problem comes when anyone is forced to any role that they do not want to fit into.
Strangerland
How could it count? They're not working. They're sitting around the house or going out for coffee with their friends and eating cake. [/end sarcasm]
Bintaro
@Educator60
Normally, I would agree with you. But in case of konkatsu, Madden is pretty much right. These are the women who want to marry so they can stop working, or so that people will stop asking when she's getting married.
This is not a secret : for those who don't know, konkatsu (婚活) or matchmaking, is about marriage ONLY. This is different from koikatsu (恋活), which means searching for love.
Konkatsu is nothing more than voluntary arranged marriage.
blahblah222
Konkatsu parties is only for the top 1% of guys. Essentially a waste of money and time for most.
You must be either:
Be above 180cm and extremely handsome
Have salary above 10 million yen, with assets above 100 million yen.If you are not one of the above don’t even bother.
yellow07
i just remember the song “Something Just Like This” by the chainsmokers & Coldplay while reading this article. “ I’m not looking for somebody with some super human gifts..some super hero..just something I can turn to..someday I can kiss”. Money is nothing without love. Just thinking.
Madden
I just don't like the double standard applied, if the girls are of low status then they should be satisfied with guys in a similar situation and not only consider guys who are way out of their league. For someone like me who does have career ambitions and a good path, I'd only be interested in girls with class and wants more than to just be a housewife. If the konkatsu events also had similar requirements for women as they did for men then I would be fine with it. There's plenty of nice guys who may not be terribly wealthy, but shouldn't the idea of these events be to find a compatible partner and personality should triumph over all?