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Online dating can be a hellish experience, but in these modern, impersonal times, what other choice do most people have? In Japan, with the custom of parents setting up omiai (organized marriages) for their children dying out, many are taking matters into their own hands, using modern methods. But online dating websites and apps seem tailor-made for adulterers, time-wasters and players to run amok unchecked, leaving those who are actually seeking a genuine connection having to wade through a sea of nonsense in order to potentially find love.
For Japan’s single women in their 30s, an extra layer of “marriage desperation” can make this search even more fraught. While Japan does have several apps dedicated to serious dating, even they can find it difficult to filter the frivolous fish through their net. We recently chatted with “A-san”, a single, 30-something woman who’s been through the online dating mill, and she told us about five of the worst time-wasting, self-serving offenders she’s encountered through the course of over 30 in-person dating-app dates.
1. That guy who… asked her to split the bill (by text the following day)
“I don’t expect a man to pay for everything in this day and age. I’m fine with splitting the bill. But it’s true that when the guy pays, it makes him more appealing to me. It’s best if they casually pay while I’m in the toilet. I like that kind of smooth move. Okay so what happened one time, I had a guy send me a message by LINE the following day, saying ‘About last night’s bill, is it okay if we split it? I need 5,000 yen from you’. He did say I could pay the next time we saw each other, but I just asked for his bank account details and transferred the money! Can you believe that guy?”
We think A- san may have almost fallen prey to a type of “game” that involves trying to make a woman feel obligated to a second date! Smart move asking for the bank account details, A- san.
2. That guy who… was totally married and didn’t even try to hide it
“It’s a dating app, so isn’t it just kind of a given that married people won’t be on there? But there are actually a LOT of them! And since they’re already married they don’t feel any pressure, so they can be much better dates than unmarried ones… There was a guy I was on the verge of falling for, so I made my “move”… but he turned out to be already married! Then he sent me a message saying, ‘You’re a good girl, and I don’t want to hurt you’. Well duh maybe don’t make an online dating profile in the first place! I just want all these married players to stay off the dating sites!”
Well we suppose this fellow deserves points for coming clean. Perhaps messing with the hearts of single ladies is a kind of sport for these types. Did you check for tan lines on his wedding ring finger, A-san?
3. The guy who… shaved a few years off his actual age
“Say what you like, but at 33, I prefer younger guys. I just can’t help it. So I usually only look at younger men’s profiles, but a lot of them lie about their age! This has happened to me so many times. I go on a date with a guy who says he’s 30, but I smell a rat. Then when I ask, he’s actually 39! He looked young so I had no idea at first. I’m brave enough to use my real age on my profile, so they should quit the dumb games!”
It can be tough playing fair when others are playing dirty. We feel A-san’s frustration, since as we all know, 33 is practically a hag. She’s so honourable to be so open about that.
4. That guy who… managed to make himself look hot in his picture, when in reality…
“The profile picture is totally important. I myself use one particular ‘miracle shot’ of myself. So perhaps I’m not in a position to judge others. But I dated this guy who looked like a total ikemen (hot guy) in his pic, but in reality, he looked like Shinichi Shinohara [judo champ, above pic]. I was shocked! It was just so different from the picture, and I panicked. Sure, I maybe wasn’t expecting him to be as hot as his shot, but Shinichi Shinohara?! It’s just hard to get past it if someone looks different from their photo. I know I do it too, though.”
Look, A-san. There’s more to life than looks. We’re losing sympathy here.
5. That guy who… had very specific rules for sleepovers…
“I’m 33. I don’t play innocent. I can roll with the dirty jokes. But this guy sent me a LINE message saying: ‘We don’t have to make love on our first date sleepover, but let’s join our bodies on the second, okay?’ Oh my God, isn’t that totally gross?! Of the 30 guys I met, this was one I actually liked the most. We met several times in person, and we had nice text chats. But what grown adult says ‘Make love’? or ‘Join our bodies’ like that?! In that instant my attraction for him totally dried up!”
So we’re confused here… is A-san offended by the sleepover suggestion, or the guy’s ineloquent phrasing?
It certainly seems like A-san has been through the wringer when it comes to online dating, but we can’t say she’s being her own best friend with some of her choices. Maybe she should lay off the apps and try to meet someone in the real world. What do you think?
Read more stories from SoraNews24.
-- “I think I love you…”: Romantic confessions from around the world
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-- Japanese woman arrested after drugging dates with chocolate, robbing them blind
- External Link
- https://en.rocketnews24.com/2017/11/10/where-are-the-normal-men-a-japanese-woman-tells-of-five-online-dating-woes/
35 Comments
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Toasted Heretic
First world problems. Everyone has different needs, expectations and ideals. There is no such thing as "normal".
gogogo
Shoot me now.
Alex Einz
Burning Bush - perfectly phrased! ;-)
Strangerland
Some of us have class, and still do.
Mocheake
The normal men are probably not looking for a date online. They are also probably doing normal things and shying away from shallow women like her.
Black Sabbath
Maybe the trouble is with the gal too.
wtfjapan
'Where are the normal men?' where all married to the normal women, abnormal well that takes a bit more time
lucabrasi
Why does A-chan appear to be channeling some particularly stupid airhead from the West Coast? (And I don’t mean Morecambe).
goldorak
Haha, naaa just 'almost' everything! Well it looks like her 'tactical' bathroom break doesn't always work then! Oldest trick in the book my friend.
PerformingMonkey
I've done the casually pay while she's in the toilet.
The next time, she grabbed the bill and took it with her.
roughneck
Legend says, she is still searching.
ebisen
Now that is a smooth move for dumping someone. You don't want to ruin the athmosphere of the night, but the "morning after" is the eye opener. Asking her to pay sends that clear message AND gets you a bit of your wasted money back. She makes it sound so heroic that she sent it via bank transfer, but I bet the guy didn't really wanted to meet her again anyway.
lucabrasi
@ Monkey
The next time, she grabbed the bill and took it with her.
Mmm... the “bill”, as in the “check”, the demand for payment?
Or the 10000 yen bill which she’d placed on the table, specifically to pay for everything? ; )
Thunderbird2
Luckily those of us over 25 still have class and believe in romance and treating women like ladies.
I will always pay the bill... call it being a gentleman.
lostrune2
When a lady insists dutch, say you're paying this time but next time, we'll have it your way (see what you did thar)
thepersoniamnow
Japanese men get babied by women their entire lives.
thepersoniamnow
Burning Bush
Casual sex leaves women empty and heartbroken?
Lol maybe your girlfriends man, speak for yourself!
englisc aspyrgend
Pretty much nailed it.
A-san has over developed expectations and does not even stick to her own criteria. Confused or what.
As to No3, women have been lying about their age for millennia, get over your self!
While I am of an age that I agree with Strangerland and Thunderbird and was brought up to behave in that way, the world has changed and we just have to accept it, male and female, the rules of interaction are different.
goldorak
Hmm I have a few female friends who would beg to disagree with this statement. Not my personal experience either.
Women aren't 'genetically programmed' to sleep with 1 bloke (nor 1000) in their lifetime, same as us blokes. Either happens or it doesn't. I know a few men (not too many thank god!) who married their HS/Uni sweetheart and dunno what casual sex means/is.
lucabrasi
I know a few men who married their HS/Uni sweetheart....
Agricultural College, by any chance?
Jeff Huffman
PerformingMonkeyNov. 15 02:05 pm JST I've done the casually pay while she's in the toilet. The next time, she grabbed the bill and took it with her.
And flushed it for a dine and dash? ; )
Raleigh
The normal men are in Canada and the USA. Since I'm half Japanese I am constantly ask what my heritage is. And to this end they express their desire for a Japanese woman, which, at least historically, is not surprising in the least. So, come to Canada, or at least with online dating, express an interest in meeting someone from overseas. Despite the media's portrayal of Canadians and Americans, most are not like you see on television.
k07mei
Nowadays, the Internet is very convenient but also is very dangerous. I think girls should not believe men who know each other on the online. They will not only deceive you, also they possible deceive your money. Because you impossible to know they’re really single or fake and they’re good person or bad person.
Andrew Crisp
Obviously you haven't heard about all the Japanese women lining up to be short term porn stars.
BeowulfOkami
Basically women don't want nice guys...esp college going girls. The only time they want a nice guy is when they hit their 30s and are looking for a walking ATM.
nandakandamanda
Wish I had read this advice column of comments when I was back in high school. It has completely changed my image of the fairer sex.
Toasted Heretic
LOL @ some of the "nice guys" here with their casual misogyny.
Just treat the opposite (or same sex) as your equal. As you would no doubt wish to be treated.
Leave all your preconceptions, bad experiences and fear at home.
Dan Lewis
"let's join our bodies" Now, THAT'S sexy!!