10 things foreign guys do that make Japanese girls fall head over heels

Interesting how the Japanese woman is usually older than the male foreigner in the people interviewed.

Reading this made me feel sorry for the fake guys who will do anything for a bit of action.

“His texts always start with ‘To the most beautiful girl in the world’

and

‘Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes’

Made my skin crawl at the fakeness.

These women are dumb.

9 - he kisses her what?

To be perfectly honest it is not hard for a foriegner to impress a japanese woman way more than a Japanese man can by just giving the woman what the average Japanese male does not. Things like attention, coming home early evening, occasional flowers for no reason, doing things together, saying I love you, physical contact and treating your partner as an equal. Sure as hell works for me.

A real proposal

Yeah, I did the same thing. I was being fake then. I learned not to do it the second time.

Flattering text messages

Easily flattered by Hallmark quotes from valentines cards, eh?

Makeup flowers

Well, it seems to work with women...

Mornings just like in the movies

I hope you get a Godfather morning too.

A flower for every occasion

Yeah, but I bet you're not the first, or the last either.

Leaving his love in a letter

If I tried this , my wife would have to spend the rest of the day deciphering my crippled-spider-crawling-through-spilled-ink handwriting.

Saying “I love you” on the phone

He says that because he wants to hang up and get back to having fun.

The first and last bite

What are you, a wolf?

Eat, sleep, breathe, kiss

Some people are insecure and need signs of affection...

Pet names

See above, but add childishness.

Maria, glad I'm not the only one that had the same thought..!

Some of this stuff made me cringe haha. Their is nothing wrong with the occasional flowers and making breakfast in bed. You gotta love that stuff.... but "Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes" is a bit too corny. I think my girlfriend would eye me off very suspiciously or laugh at how dumb I sound.

Probert, wow, I can see how women can't get enough of your optimism. Give some the above a try, it may lead to a smile, Bob.

Thank you JT for this article. I think I'll print this out and show it to the Family Court judge in my annulment case. With no marriage proposal, no ring, no wedding. I had a monster falsify papers to enter me in a false state of marriage. I did NOT give my consent.

She even admitted in court that I did not propose or give my consent but the judge still has not decided if the marriage is valid or not.

Yet right here in this article, as the #1 thing is the romantic proposal. Everybody knows this. Japan's Family Court cares nothing for the human rights of foreigners.

Long story, won't bore you with all the details.

Probert, wow, I can see how women can't get enough of your optimism. Give some the above a try, it may lead to a smile, Bob.

Haha!

No, I'd rather be honest and treat women with respect.

Probert, we can go back and forth like you and Domi did back in the day, but the above tips on romance have opened my eyes about love in the eyes of a Japanese woman. Very helpful. Thank you JT.

Probert, we can go back and forth like you and Domi did back in the day, but the above tips on romance have opened my eyes about love in the eyes of a Japanese woman. Very helpful. Thank you JT.

I hope you're not serious. And Domi had nothing on Bobby.

Think they should have put "Just not being an herbivore" at number one. I think that's the number one complain I hear about Japanese guys, they are either too passive or way too aggressive.

Probie

Just like the sad and pathetic women who fall for the sad and pathetic guys who do these sad and pathetic things

If you see them as 'sad and pathetic' I suggest you have a problem with sincerity and being considerate of your partner. I have never had any problem showering my lovely wife with affection, whispering sweet nothings and generally doing the romance thing as well as I can manage it. I cooked her dinner on our first real date - and she was floored. I have always found her to be very appreciative of my efforts. She is a lovely girl.

This is funny, I bet none of the people interviewed here are MARRIED or if they are married it is one of those bogus marriages without kids, just living together to save money and to have a legal visa to work and live in Japan, let me see an interview with Japanese house wives who have not slept well for months after having a baby, a drunk gaijin husband who comes home late after getting a bit of action because his J wife is always too tired and not in the mood for sex etc..THIS IS THE REAL JAPAN for our NON MARRIED gajijin friends, and from what I hear from my female non Japanese friends married to Japanese husbands, same problem, NO SEX with their Japanese husband, too tired from too much work (means he already went to SOAPLAND with his Japanese working buddies and is good for about a week) or so, too much work, sure, get drunk with the boss, crawl into some kyabakura, get your willie polished) come home like if you had too much work, ah yes, the old Japanese way to a HAPPY marriage?? So much romance it is making my skin crawl like Probies??

Long story, won't bore you with all the details.

Please do! You got married without your consent - I can't wait to hear how that came about.

NetNinja, how in the heck did a J girl falsify marriage papers, you need to be at the city hall too, I am sure as heck they are not gonna let some dispy J girl walk and say, I wanna get married here are the papers, oh Dispy san, by the way where is your gaijin fiance?? Oh you just have his HANKO so everything is cool here hanko here and here OMEDETOU GOZAIMASU??? Not! No way that can happen, and you need special papers from whatever embassy of your country that only YOU YOURSELF can get and present at your local city hall, been there done that, kind of cool swearing on a Christian bible when I said, hey Mr.Embassy guy, I am Buddhist, sure, just put your hand on the holy book, etc..etc...etc..ok??

Japanese girls are very naive and suckers for a bit of sweet talk. Probert hits the nail on the head with what he says. Anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves.

Elbuda Mexicano. The article IS about unmarried couples. Your description of married life in Japan is very funny however.

9 - he kisses her what?

No Maria, he doesn't kiss her "what" he kisses her "over."

It's a slang term.

Well, there are some Japanese girls that are open to relationships with foreign guys. Most are not. Japanese women get a lot of negative social pressure when they get involved with a foreign man. In general there seems to be a certain degree of coldness to Japanese style relationships compared to Western style relationships. It's a good option for those Japanese women that want something more if they can handle the social consequences and manage the language barrier.

@Probie

Made my skin crawl at the fakeness.

These women are dumb.

All's fair in love, war, and the never ending quest for you know what...

No: 1 thing foreign guys do that make Japanese girls fall head over heels is dont be feminine like the J boys here mostly are.

Girls dont like limp wristed eyebrow plucked makeup wearing skinny wimps, they'd go for their sister if they did like that.

If you see them as 'sad and pathetic' I suggest you have a problem with sincerity and being considerate of your partner.

If you think most of the garbage written about in the article is "sincere", I'm not the one with a problem. Oh, and I'm very considerate of my partner by the way. So, considerate in fact, that I don't have to "(shower) my lovely wife with affection, (or whisper) sweet nothings and generally (do) the romance thing as well as I can manage it".

You see that bit at the end that you said "as well as I can manage it", if you really mean something, you don't need to "manage" it.

I have never had any problem.

Neither have I. Except for my ex-wife. But, she was nuts anyway.

I cooked her dinner on our first real date - and she was floored.

So, did I, and so was she. I didn't do it to impress her either. I like cooking. I cook every time I can still now. And again, not to impress her. I'm not fake like that.

I have always found her to be very appreciative of my efforts. She is a lovely girl.

I imagine you patting her on the head right there.

I'm sure you're a great guy and make her really happy, but when you talk like that, it sounds like you're talking down about her. But, hey, maybe that's just me. No offence intended. Seriously.

This is both nauseating (some of it just has to be made up by the journalist) but also a sorry indictment of what many of the local boys are like.

Beautiful.

Just wonder if there'll be a follow up list of 10 things foreign husbands do that Japanese wives can't stand?

It's a great list and a lot of foreign guys do many on the list - don't seem to crazy. The question is whether they keep doing it after being married.

If foreign men kept doing the list, there'd probably be less divorce back in their foreign countries.

Anyway, affection and romance isn't going out of fashion anywhere. I still do many of the ones on the list except my wife hates my cooking (but that's turned out cool for me), and the first and last bite isn't practical. Not with kids anyway.

"i want to see my self in your beautiful eyes"? Never thought of that one. aha A frenchmen! Who also makes her some exquisite French breakfast? Okay, can't compete with that. But it wouldn't just be Japanese girls who wouldn't mind that.

Damn French!

Reading this article, I'm guilty as charged!

...but the thing is, it just seems that the J-girls are only in it for the "experience". They don't really care if we're just lying or being full of it. They just want the experience UNTIL they're tired of it and want to try the new, latest, "shin-hatsu-bai" romantic experience.

So guys who are worried that they're going to be "found out" for lying... really, it doesn't matter to them. Does that reduce foreign men to the role of boy-toy? Absolutely. We're not really marriage material in the eyes of the Japanese. Just a fun exotic fling. Even though it's somewhat demeaning, I could live with that for a while.

Next, I would like to see an article about what the Japanese women give back in return. Sounds to me that certain people only take, take, take. I had a friend (Japanese in this case) who was chased by at least one Japanese woman, wanted to be taken to expensive restaurants, and basically wanted to live comfortably while future-hubby works his arse off and she can have tea with female friends - that type. I've seen other similar women from other parts of Asia too. And it's usually with very old men. Steer well clear. Just to balance things - I've seen plenty of Asian women who want to work and fend for themselves too.

“His proposal was amazing! He actually got down on one knee and, while looking straight into my eyes, said: “Will you marry me?” Then he handed me a diamond ring!”

I love it how there's an exclamation mark after the words 'diamond ring'!!!

It's not about being a foreigner or any of those things on the list. They surely contribute but it's more about respect and honoring your committment day in and day out. That goes for both parties.

@ELBUDA... you are a Mexican .. probably a 99 percent chance you were raised Catholic and you converted to Buddhism?.... very rare... just about as rare a a Mexican living in Japan.

"one Japanese woman, wanted to be taken to expensive restaurants, and basically wanted to live comfortably while future-hubby works his arse off and she can have tea with female friends - that type."

You mean...there are OTHER types?!?! Why didn't you tell me!!

"love it how there's an exclamation mark after the words 'diamond ring'!!!"

Yeah, and I love it how the 40/50 yr old women I know don't talk to their husbands, don't know much about them, want to sleep in separate beds and rooms, want to go on separate vacations, but are expecting and hinting at diamond rings for anniversary presents.

Probie Well you are the one that said this my friend;

Yeah, I did the same thing. I was being fake then

You see that bit at the end that you said "as well as I can manage it", if you really mean something, you don't need to "manage" it.

Nice try. That's just a turn of phrase whose nuances are perhaps a little too subtle for you,

And again, not to impress her. I'm not fake like that

What is this....kindergarten?

I imagine you patting her on the head right there.

I'm sure you're a great guy and make her really happy, but when you talk like that, it sounds like you're talking down about her. But, hey, maybe that's just me. No offence intended. Seriously.

Yeah, It's just you. You seem to assume a lot about the lives of people based on little snippets and grabs you get from the electronic internet. You know nothing of the people in the artice, yet call them fake, insecure, dishonest, dumb et al. You know nothing of me, and yet you call me all manner of things. So, are you just here to fire off insults and make prefunctory assessments of everything you see? Because that's all pretty lightweight in my opinion and I'm more than happy to take you to task on it.

Probie Well you are the one that said this my friend;

Yeah, I did the same thing. I was being fake then

Hey, at least I'm honest. I was being fake then. That was 15 years ago.

Nice try. That's just a turn of phrase whose nuances are perhaps a little too subtle for you,

Yeah, it obviously is. Because every time I re-read what you said, it still comes across the same way.

What is this....kindergarten?

Did you think I was taking a jab at you or something. I wasn't BTW.

Yeah, It's just you.

I'm starting to seriously doubt that.

You seem to assume a lot about the lives of people based on little snippets and grabs you get from the electronic internet.

Yeah, I do. And I'm correct 77% or the time.

You know nothing of the people in the artice, yet call them fake, insecure, dishonest, dumb et al.

You think these people aren't fake, insecure, dishonest, dumb?!

You know nothing of me, and yet you call me all manner of things.

What did I call you? I didn't call you anything.

So, are you just here to fire off insults and make prefunctory assessments of everything you see?

Nope. It's called "having an opinion".

Because that's all pretty lightweight in my opinion

Really? Ever heard that saying about a pot and a kettle?

and I'm more than happy to take you to task on it.

I need to tighten my boots, because of all the shaking I'm doing.

I don't see how you've taken what I said as a personal attack or whatever. But, I'll apologize if that's the case.

It's not about being a foreigner or any of those things on the list. They surely contribute but it's more about respect and honoring your committment day in and day out. That goes for both parties.

Absolutely that's important. However, if all you've promised is to " do that thang", it's a little easier to manage the commitment!

Listen guys. Marriage is abhorrent. It's essentially a man trying to "own" his own women, and you CAN'T own anybody, much less tell them who not to hook up with. Anyway, if you go down that track, you should completely expect women to expect payment for life (including a huge expensive rock), and expect you to work for them your entire life because you are "in love". It's only fair!

Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes.

How narcissistic!

Listen guys. Marriage is abhorrent. It's essentially a man trying to "own" his own women, and you CAN'T own anybody, much less tell them who not to hook up with. Anyway, if you go down that track, you should completely expect women to expect payment for life (including a huge expensive rock), and expect you to work for them your entire life because you are "in love". It's only fair!

Wow. The last I heard, marriage was an agreement between 2 people. It's not about someone "owning" someone else; and if it was, that was called "slavery" and I don't think many slaves got "a huge expensive rock" and their "master" working for them their entire lives.

I knew a Japanese guy who did the flowers and presents like the gaijin here, but was kinda ... kimochiwarui...

It's not about someone "owning" someone else; and if it was, that was called "slavery" and I don't think many slaves got "a huge expensive rock" and their "master" working for them their entire lives.

Well I feel no sympathy for the typical Japanese salaryman.

I have to admit that it's a pretty clever trick that Japanese women play. Japan might be a man's world, where men have the money and power.... but then, who do they give it all away to?

Do men REALLY think that by getting married that they'd have their own woman who would always love him and have sex with them? After marriage, where did the sex go? Did they even consider that the only reason the woman is getting married is so she can have her own nest slave, while she goes off and does her own thing with his money?

Who really is running Japan?

If I were to attempt even one or two things on this list, the first word out of the BF's mouth would be "uzai!"

Well what can I say I agree with all of this

Looks like I am doing everything right and my much older beautfull japanese girl friend loves me... I think?

Breakfast in bed?? If I took so much as a cup of coffee within ten yards of our bedroom I'd get a kick in the crotch.

"No food outside the dining room; how many times do I have to tell you!!"

top 10 things that all guys can do to make their j-girl happy:

give her all your money

don't answer back

give her some more money

let her sleep around

buy her bling with even more money

don't get too close except when she's in a narcissistic feed heat-frenzy

enable her manga world fantasy life

sell your parents to the knackery to buy more bling

don't enjoy yourself

find some more money and give it to her

hope this helps.

top 10 things that all guys can do to make their j-girl happy:

That would explain the herbivore-man cum freeter lifestyle. I suspect they're all revolting against the system of enslavement that having their own "darling" Japanese women would otherwise push them into.

So, how would an untypical British woman (me) react to the above?

I have to admit that I would only have a problem with #8 - what am I, your food taster / garbage disposal?

Things like #9, I would find a bit embarrassing and just giggle, but like I said, it would really depend on what he was kissing, and where we were at the time - if it is an arrestable offence, i might flinch a bit and/or run away.

I have to admit that I would only have a problem with #8 - what am I, your food taster / garbage disposal?

I think it's called "being considerate", but OK I'll humour you. Let's view his act from a possessive viewpoint of "what are we?", and "what am I to you?", and "where do you fit into my life?" and indeed you would have a point.

From a non-possessive point of view you'd just go out, have fun, not try to control "own" each other, have lots of sex and have lots of babies in a totally adult, trust-based relationship.

I think most women back in my country would appreciate the above. For my wife, simply saying I love you is enough.

10 Things Foreign Guys Do.... But only 1 in 10 Do it! Probably about the same odds you'd have with Japanese guys. Men and Women are the same everywhere.

10 things that guys do to make woman happy often is not enough to make the damn things happy.

Some of them will never be happy no matter would you do.

I love it how the 40/50 yr old women I know don't talk to their husbands, don't know much about them, want to sleep in separate beds and rooms, want to go on separate vacations, but are expecting and hinting at diamond rings for anniversary presents.

Yasukuni - spot on. I'd like to add my name to the petition for an article following this up, which could give us poor saps who wound up marrying a J-woman precisely some idea what makes them metamorphosise from such easily-impressed sirens into unceasingly-complaining harridans once the ring goes on the finger.

Some of them will never be happy no matter would you do.

Some? All. They are happy for about an hour before looking for something to make them unhappy.

Trying to make and keep a woman happy is one of the most futile pursuits ever foisted on mankind.

If a grown woman (or man for that matter) is not happy, it is their own problem. It is their responsibility to make themselves happy and not rely on another to make it happen.

I am not sure if this list is really the difference between foreign and Japanese men or romantics and non-romantics. I have dated guys from a few countries and have had mixed experiences because gasp all men are different. My husband,always says he loves me, ends his text messages with "I love you" along with other cute phrases (you are the apple of my eyes) and kisses me as many times a day I can wish for. He always mentions it is our anniversery day (the 14th of every month) even when I forget. He often tries to do something nice that day even if it just something small....no need for flowers. For me, he is the perfect level of romantic. Oh, did I mention...he is Japanese!

Japanese women may not know what they are missing out on if they buy into the stereotype that foreign men are the best.

Well, I guess my advice is have fun with but don't marry the ones who fall simply for these superficialities. In the end, if the girl does not love you for who you are, no amount of these things will ever be enough once you are married. There is nothing wrong with being a gentleman, but if two people truly love each other, many of these things can remain unsaid. They are simply understood. Sorry to get all sappy today.

If a grown woman (or man for that matter) is not happy, it is their own problem. It is their responsibility to make themselves happy and not rely on another to make it happen.

I believe that the "unhappy" thing is just a ploy for attention, to get your sympathy, and to working hard to be the sole cause of their happiness.... but it's all a performance act.

Nothing turns off a grown man more than some attention-whoring crybaby.... though the younger, less experienced guys fall for this crap all the time, which is why girls keep doing it.

WOW! There are a lot of extremely bitter people on this site. People will argue over anything won't they?

Either way, I think the secret to any woman's heart is just honesty, being sweet, and sincerity.

I look like a bear and my beautiful (Japanese) wife fell head over heels for me because she could be herself. She didn't need to play a role or act. She could just be herself.

I think for every Japanese girl that are into the foreigner fantasy there are 10 J-girls that aren't. They are totally down with J-guys being shy, feminine, or whatever Westerners think is odd.

I think the list is nice and all you bitter people who love to drag others down with you can keep being salty. My life is in no way perfect but if you think Japanese women are at fault for your unhappiness perhaps your selection process needs some tweaking.

Ain't no happiness anywhere

Thats not quite true. But happiness comes from within yourself. The problem comes when people hope happiness is in material goods or other people.

There seem to be a lot of comments on here from unhappy male foreigners married to/involved with Japanese women. Instead of complaining so much or blaming it on the woman, why don't you change your life? I mean, you criticize Japanese guys for being passive, but you seem pretty passive to me. No one is holding a gun to your head to keep you in these relationships. Although judging by some of the comments about women in general, it might be difficult to find a woman of any nationality that would have you!

Probie: Seems you've got some baggage, my friend, and I'm sorry for it. I agree that a lot of the these top ten things are cheesy, but to say everyone is being fake if they do it is a bit much. A lot of it is genuine, at least at first, and probably even in your case with your ex. After a while it wears off and the person MAY continue to utter words of love just to keep things going, if they don't stop altogether.

Come on, man. You seem too bitter. Take Yardley's advice above.

As to the article itself, I'm curious as to how long these couples have been married. I only say that because I know that for a lot of Japanese (men as well) who date and marry foreign spouses it starts out very much like some of the women quoted in the article talk about -- being swept off their feet, wood and romanced like many Japanese counterparts would not, etc. -- and after a while they get sick of it. Hopefully they don't, but I've known more than a few Japanese women who have dated foreign men and then after a while get sick of all the lovey-dovey stuff.

And lest we forget, while it is a sad fact, it's still a fact that most international marriages end in divorce. I hope all the ladies quoted and their male partners live 'happily ever after' (to add to the cheesiness!).

Instead of complaining so much or blaming it on the woman, why don't you change your life?

I don't think you get it. A revolving door sex-friend policy is actually desirable to a lot of men, despite the caveats.

Although judging by some of the comments about women in general, it might be difficult to find a woman of any nationality that would have you!

No man wants to be "had" by a woman! Plenty of trickery out there as it is.

top 10 things that all guys can do to make their j-girl happy:

give her all your money

don't answer back

give her some more money

let her sleep around

buy her bling with even more money

don't get too close except when she's in a narcissistic feed heat-frenzy

enable her manga world fantasy life

sell your parents to the knackery to buy more bling

don't enjoy yourself

find some more money and give it to her

Sounds like you were married to a slot machine.

Probie it wont kill you to have alittle bit of romance in your life.

Probie: Seems you've got some baggage, my friend, and I'm sorry for it.

No baggage.

I agree that a lot of the these top ten things are cheesy, but to say everyone is being fake if they do it is a bit much.

Yeah, a bunch of women gushing about how great their gaijin partner is. Or rather, how great their gaijin partner is trying to look. Anyone who says ‘Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes’, is being fake, or they have been brought up reading romance novels.

A lot of it is genuine, at least at first, and probably even in your case with your ex.

Nah, I knew I was being fake with her. It wasn't genuine. I feel bad about that, but she was fake with me too. So, I call that a draw. And yeah, maybe some of it is genuine. I'd say the "Makeup Flowers" bit was true. But, not because someone is trying to be romantic. But, because it works with women.

After a while it wears off and the person MAY continue to utter words of love just to keep things going, if they don't stop altogether.

Yeah, they MAY. But I'm better they won't. Try telling your wife that you love her after you've been married a few years. She'll laugh at you and ask you what you've done.

Come on, man. You seem too bitter. Take Yardley's advice above.

I'm not bitter. I'm a realist.

If you think that this list is great and a textbook to live your lovelife by, then great, go for it. I just think it's silly, and the stuff done in it is done by people who want to make themselves look good to their fairytale-viewing partner.

Now, let me get back to listening to This Mortal Coil's "It'll end in tears" album, while eating microwaved french toast with maple syrup and bacon, and crying.

Probie it wont kill you to have alittle bit of romance in your life.

I do!!!

I'm happily married. And I don't have to resort to pulling on the rubber mask of fairytale-gaijin-white-knight-mr.romance because I love my wife and she knows it. I don't have to send her e-mail or leave messages with platitudes; or tell her I love her on the phone when I'll be seeing her in about 5 hours or something; or whatever other silly things people like to dream up.

Do I tell her I love her? Yes. Every day? No. I don't need to because my conduct lets her know I love her. Anyway, enough talk about me and my little pumpkin...

Probie: "I'd say the "Makeup Flowers" bit was true. But, not because someone is trying to be romantic. But, because it works with women."

Can the two not necessarily be mutual? Something that works can still be romantic.

"Try telling your wife that you love her after you've been married a few years. She'll laugh at you and ask you what you've done."

In your experience, clearly, but not for everyone. I tell my wife all the time, and though it's slightly more automatic than it used to be inspired, it's still true.

"If you think that this list is great and a textbook to live your lovelife by, then great, go for it."

No, dude, I think this list is just a crap feature out to score hits, so to speak. And as with everything else in life, I think the people quoted in the article are exceptions -- not necessarily to the norm, but it still doesn't include the fact that the exact same 'pointers' have the opposite effect in many situations. I also think it's cheesy as hell. My point in commenting at all on this fluff was just to say that I don't think you can apply your personal experience and as such somewhat subjective observations on everyone. Again, there are exceptions, and some people are very happy and genuine with their partners.

Sorry I called you bitter... that's just how I saw it. Glad you're not.

sakurala

My husband,always says he loves me, ends his text messages with "I love you" along with other cute phrases (you are the apple of my eyes) and kisses me as many times a day I can wish for. He always mentions it is our anniversery day (the 14th of every month) even when I forget. He often tries to do something nice that day even if it just something small....no need for flowers. For me, he is the perfect level of romantic. Oh, did I mention...he is Japanese!

And do you you consider this to be pathetic, or fake, or signs of insecurity or whatever, which are the only possible explanations some people here seem able to attribute such behaviour to?

Here is what strikes me about the bitterness I see in many of the guys I have seen get burnt by Japanese women, and I stress that it is only based on my observations of what I have personally witnessed. I have seen quite a few guys, some rather inexperienced with women, get bowled over by an attractive, artful Japanese girl who batted the eyelids and laughed at their jokes, gave them some action, and the boys fell hook line and sinker. They didn't spend the time to get to know the girl, they rushed in as quick as they could and were married or had her knocked up quicker than you could cough. And guess what. It didn't work. Because they hadn't spent the time getting to know their spouse properly they hadn't got to know everything about her until it was too late.Turns out they had married a selfish banshee who was the antipathy of their sweet, demure girlfriend. It's a schoolboy error. And I'm sorry, but they were solely to blame. Because not everything that glitters is gold. Doesn't matter how hot she is, take your time. If she is really into you, she will be patient, and if she is really as good as you think she is, time will help you tell.

Nothing wrong with some cheesey moves as long as you are deliberately being cheesey for humour or wotever, but when people start trying to pretend that these moves are genuine... that i find disturbing. I love u so much I am prepared to say/do this kimoi/cheesey thing with a straight face.

It's easy. If you base your relationship on nationality and "exoticism", it will eventually fail. Remember dating my wife back in the day but her being Japanese was never the reason I liked her. Foreigners are no more romantic than Japanese - no way can you simplify the world like that. That being said, I believe the attention some guys from abroad know how to give is a turn on. At least in the beginning.

I too did almost all of those things in the beginning, that was until my, then girlfriend now wife, got sick of it. A japanese girl might like those kind of things, but she'll only keep liking em if you are "perfect" in all the other aspects to. I.E. having a high salary, doing exactly what they say all the time, never get angry, throw away your old life/friends etc...

I understand most japanese men who are always drinking with their bosses and work 200hrs overtime each month.

The only reason a gaijin does the above mentioned things in his home country is because he can (almost always) expect his counterpart to respond to them with compassion and love..

Japanese girls (most japanese girls, not all) sees marriage as a bussines, and instead of keeping their man happy and content they'll manipulate and threat.

I shot my self in both legs and now I'm a cripple for life...

Probie: "I'd say the "Makeup Flowers" bit was true. But, not because someone is trying to be romantic. But, because it works with women."

Can the two not necessarily be mutual? Something that works can still be romantic.

Yeah, you're right.

Is my idea of a romantic night out,which is her coming to watch me play hockey wrong?

My double minor penalties are an expression of the love the 2 of us have; and I backcheck for kisses. When I drop the gloves, my wedding ring sparkles in the florescent lights, it's beautiful...

Anyway,

By contrast, Japanese men are known for being shy and inept at expressing their feelings to women.

I know quite a few foreign guys who are the same.

Tamarama: Great observations. I think my husband is sincere and secure so he is able to be a bit of a romantic. We acknowledge the cheesiness of it at times and have a good laugh about it. However, we are comfortable in how we act towards each other. We show our affection honestly and that makes us both happily married. Maybe it is just because we have only been together for 3 years or maybe it is because we both take the time to consider our feelings for each other. Now, we are thinking of having kids which would change the dynamic, I am sure. But I hope that he still kisses my forhead before bed everynight (our cheesiest of all cheesy rituals) and I can still call him my kuma (bear).

@Neo_Rio:

I don't think you get it. A revolving door sex-friend policy is actually desirable to a lot of men, despite the caveats.

If that's desirable, then why so much complaining?

sakurala

Good for you! Long may it last.

"...had one friend get married to an American and another to an Australian. Both of them moved overseas with their partners."

Thats all it takes for girls who will actually marry a foreigner to begin with. Any guy who they think will get them out of here can skip all but #1. And #1 isnt a way to make a girl fall head over heels unless you are proposing to someone you just met. Stupid list of fake things guys say or do to get laid.

10 things foreign guys do that make Japanese girls fall head over heels

Trip them on the stairs! That'll get the head over heels thing rolling pretty well ...

Some of the bitterness on here is, as always, very entertaining.

@Yardley

If that's desirable, then why so much complaining?

If not complaining about my lifestyle... I'm complaining about the cult of marriage and romance!

The only downside to the rotating sex-friend model is that inevitably a lot (but not all) of the women use you for sex and then tire of you. I can certainly live with that because in the relationship/romance cult, the situation is a lot worse! In addition to being covered with lies and nonsense, you're stuck with one at a time, and then you're an emotional wreck when they're done with you. Perhaps they drained your wallet too.

Anyway, I still love Japanese girls. When they're done with you they just don't call up and book you for bootycalls, as opposed to fight an argue with you.

Tamarama: "They didn't spend the time to get to know the girl, they rushed in as quick as they could and were married or had her knocked up quicker than you could cough. And guess what. It didn't work. Because they hadn't spent the time getting to know their spouse properly they hadn't got to know everything about her until it was too late."

Again, that's the stupidity of an article like this, and worse are the posters who take it as some kind of gospel. I'm not saying that's you at all, but there ARE people who would eat up this drivel and try to use it even. As to your comment, it goes both ways. Before getting married I dated numerous Japanese women and the majority of them wanted me to say "I love you" after the first date. One was furious when I wouldn't call her my girlfriend after our second date, when I barely knew her but was trying to get to know her. In fact, try explaining the difference to a Japanese person between "dating" and "being a couple" and they simply can't fathom it.

It's also a cultural thing. How do you get to properly know your partner fully in a culture that doesn't generally 'allow' people to live together before marriage? Yeah, some guys do indeed fall head over heels for the cute J-girl batting her eyes, as you say, but my point is that it goes both ways, and again that's why nobody should take this kind of article seriously. There are exceptions to everything.

Probie: "Is my idea of a romantic night out,which is her coming to watch me play hockey wrong?"

I realize you're being sarcastic, which undermines your comment, but truth be told your idea of a 'romantic night out' might not necessarily be wrong; just depends on how passive the female is vs. what seems to be self-centered.

Stop saying everyone and everything is fake based on your experiences. You cannot possibly know how others feel, simply because you are you and other people are other people.

"My double minor penalties are an expression of the love the 2 of us have; and I backcheck for kisses. When I drop the gloves, my wedding ring sparkles in the florescent lights, it's beautiful..."

Is your love of hockey fake? I think it is... or wait... could it be possible I don't know how you truly feel because I'm not you? :)

If you met your J spouse outside Japan you wouldn't need to go overboard in wooing her.You can generally be yourselves without worrying like many do in Japan. It's the lifers/eikaiwa teachers/ marrying their students that need to go all out to prove their worth.

stealth_one: "You can generally be yourselves without worrying like many do in Japan."

Bit of experience in the matter? Who says these people are going out of their way to woo anyone? I think any person who is not him or herself in any situation is rather sad -- especially those that try and pinpoint eikaiwa teachers as an example; smacks of extreme insecurity.

Farmboy: "Yes, all the doofuses who have been totally rejected in the USA and elsewhere can come here and get married."

Another angry poster. People will fall for this cheesiness anywhere -- it's not a Japan-specific trait. People want to be wanted -- it's human nature -- and to assume no one anywhere else would go for attempts at romance (cheesy as they are) is simply stupid.

"In other countries, they see you, the doofus alarm goes off, and people run away as fast as they can, but in Japan, you will seem shy, cute, romantic, and charming."

You're probably a fan of the 'Charisma Guy' comic strip. There are truths to what you say, but it's also a pretty blanket generalization.

Stop saying everyone and everything is fake based on your experiences. You cannot possibly know how others feel, simply because you are you and other people are other people.

I still don't think anyone in their right mind would act like that way though. I've been REALLY, deeply in love with people, and I still am, but I'd never act like that.

"My double minor penalties are an expression of the love the 2 of us have; and I backcheck for kisses. When I drop the gloves, my wedding ring sparkles in the florescent lights, it's beautiful..."

Is your love of hockey fake? I think it is... or wait... could it be possible I don't know how you truly feel because I'm not you? :)

No, it's true love. I'll try and get my wife to tape my blade. Toe to heel, and waxed! Although if she does it from heel to toe, she'll have to buy me "Makeup Flowers".

Pet names

“There are many different words to express affection in his language. Even when simply addressing me, he tenderly calls me ‘my love’ or ‘my treasure’. (34/Japanese, 38/French)

Yeah, you can say anything and it sounds romantic in French. She'll get sick of it after his 5th affair.

smithinjapan: 20 years of living here in Japan has shown and have seen what I said.And no need for extreme insecurity because I'm happy for the most part,but your reaction would indicate that insecurity you mentioned. Not knocking anyone's hustle in the search for love.Just find yours.

My precioussssssssss

It's the lifers/eikaiwa teachers/ marrying their students that need to go all out to prove their worth.

Yes, all the doofuses who have been totally rejected in the USA and elsewhere can come here and get married.

Are you making these ridiculous comments just to feel better about yourselves? I hope it is working. These comments serve no other purpose.

Probie: "...but I'd never act like that".

And that's YOU. Bottom line. Some people do... doesn't mean it's fake.

stealth_one: "And no need for extreme insecurity because I'm happy for the most part,but your reaction would indicate that insecurity you mentioned."

Not at all. It's your comment that smacked of insecurity, because you (I mean people in general) cannot seem to comment objectively on this thread. Doesn't matter if it's 20 years (and I've been here nearly as long) or 2, your opinion does not fit society as a whole -- it's a subjective generalization.

Farmboy: " I don't mean to imply that everyone who came here and got married was a nerd, but look around, and you will see quite a few couples where the husband or boyfriend is decidedly odd, and the wife or girlfriend hasn't realized it yet at all."

Therein lies the rub: it's really not that different from anywhere else, it's just more noticeable because noticeable foreigners are fewer and farer in between. Last time I went home I saw a bunch of 'odd' couples walking around holding hands and what not. For flings or short relationships, yeah, maybe there are more 'nerds' with hot J-ladies, but when it comes to marriage it's hard to say.

Probie: "No, it's true love. I'll try and get my wife to tape my blade. Toe to heel, and waxed! Although if she does it from heel to toe, she'll have to buy me "Makeup Flowers"."

nah, it's fake. You put on that equipment to impress others. I know because I once faked putting on the equipment and playing the game. :) (you get it now?)

There is a certain sadness in the way that some men will read the above tips and immediately dismiss their own behaviour under the guise of honesty and worldliness. With a roll of the eyes and a somewhat smarmy attitude, they will derisively comment on the foolishness of those who actually believe romance is anything other than a way to get into a woman's pants.

Newsflash for the cynical: Women aren't idiots.

Women are perfectly capable of telling sincerity apart from deception (at least, as well as any other person blinded by love). Nor are women deceiving themselves into mistaking romance for true love.

Romance isn't an emotion. It is an art. It is a dance. It is the flattering and embarrassing reminder to the receiver that they have the power to make someone act like a fool in love. Like any other art form, it has its time and place, but (again, like any other art form) there is no reason why it must be formally practiced at all times; one does not need a ballroom and a fancy gown to enjoy a sudden two-step in celebration of a successful business negotiation.

If you are not the romantic type, more power to you. If you are the type that genuinely does not understand the appeal of romance, try considering the appeal of any shared emotion, be it the thrill of competition, victory, or simply the quiet satisfaction of the company of a friend, and frame it into the context of a relationship.

If you are the kind that actively derides romance in its various forms and has difficulty in seeing anything beyond nefarious purposes...well, perhaps at that point you might consider that it isn't romance itself that is the problem.

nah, it's fake. You put on that equipment to impress others. I know because I once faked putting on the equipment and playing the game. :) (you get it now?)

Hahahah! Touche!

Probie

A real proposal Yeah, I did the same thing. I was being fake then. I learned not to do it the second time.

If you where being fake then why even bother proposing. You where only cheating the one you where proposing to and yourself. I guess thats why you learnt second time around.

Flattering text messages Easily flattered by Hallmark quotes from valentines cards, eh?

No its called using your imagination and spicing things up a little and having some fun. My wife and l still after 14 years of marriage send flattering text messages and write funny cute things in them. Its called having a laugh and a bit of fun and after 14 years l can still say my marriage is fun. Can you say the same?

Makeup flowers Well, it seems to work with women...

And men. I remember my wife and l had a silly fight one day and she felt so bad she sent me a bunch of flowers at work. While it was embarrassing it was also one of the sweetest things ever. Its was hilarious to have the women l work with making comments about how lucky l was to have such a great wife.

Saying “I love you” on the phone He says that because he wants to hang up and get back to having fun.

You sad sad little man. Maybe he is saying it because he feels it and wants his partner to hear it. There is nothing wrong with saying it (as long as you mean it and also show it)

Eat, sleep, breathe, kiss Some people are insecure and need signs of affection...

No some people are just secure in their relationships and like to show affection for each other. maybe if more couples put more effort into their marriages then maybe divorce rates would be lower.

Pet names See above, but add childishness.

LOL well arnt we just the uptight type. Nothing wrong with pet names. We still do that after all these years.

You get out of a relationship what you put in. You put no effort in and its a waste of time, you make an effort make it fun even if others see it as childish and you have a good relationship. As l said l have been married 14 years, been together 19 years and are still l can safely say l love my wife more and more each day. We dont need to tell each other we love each other but we do, we dont need to do all the "silly" little things but we do and its not fake its genuine and it makes a big difference in a relationship. Maybe you should give it a go instead of scoffing at it.

Just wondering, and this is a serious question that I mean absolutely no offence by asking btw, but how is it that so many people here appear to have been conned into getting married with a Japanese person? How did this happen? Have they really changed that much since you married them? Some examples perhaps, if it's not too personal? I got married last year and my wife is Japanese. Couldn't be happier! But in reading what a lot of other foreigners have written, most of whom's relationships have apparently gone to hell, I'd like to be prepared for any potential 'surprises'.

And in regards to the article, yes, I can agree with a lot of that. I was never fake about it, and my wife does let me know how much she appreciates the little things we as foreigners seem to take for granted.

cabadaje: "With a roll of the eyes and a somewhat smarmy attitude, they will derisively comment on the foolishness of those who actually believe romance is anything other than a way to get into a woman's pants."

Agreed. It is kind of sad, isn't it?

Ted Barrera: Caveat Emptor! haha. No, seriously, don't take this article, or the posts, as any guideline for your own relationship and happiness. No J-lady is the same, the same as no other woman in the world is the same based on nationality. Some relationships go to hell, regardless of nationality. You've come onto a thread that is based on foreigners with J-ladies, so naturally you're going to see a lot of comments both ways on the matter, but it needn't apply to you necessarily. Don't spend your time anticipating 'surprises', spend it doing what makes you (and hopefully your better half) happy and don't ask questions.

smithinjapan

I understand what you are saying and I know exactly what kind of article it is. I just get tired of bitter foreign guys who call the girls dumb and stupid and gullible when they fail to realize that they get played just as well, if not better by the girls. I met lots of Japanese girls who may not have been the most worldly of people, but they sure as hell weren't dumb and many of them were absolute virtuosos when it came to playing a man. And I think Japanese women are very pragmatic when it comes to marriage, so some of those interested in foreign men, or cute halfu babies (met plenty of these), or living in a foreign country have no qualms in choosing a slightly nerdy guy if it means they get what they are after. Farm Boy says this:

In other countries, they see you, the doofus alarm goes off, and people run away as fast as they can, but in Japan, you will seem shy, cute, romantic, and charming. Cross-culturally, you won't seem nerdy at all, and none of that focussed oddness that has been scaring people away will be noticed

But in many cases, I don't actually believe this to be true. I think many of the Japanese women are perfectly aware of who and what they are hooking up with - it's just that they make pragmatic decisions as a means to an end. My wife was telling me the other day that her best Japanese friend here in Perth basically admitted this very thing to her. She married a nerdy, geeky guy here in Australia because it provided her with what she wanted. They have had a child, he has a great job and provides well for them all but she does not find him attractive, thinks him a geek, they fight non stop and she watches a quick bit of porn to get in the mood whilst he has a shower before the show starts. I'm not making this up. But she knew exactly what she was doing and who she was marrying long before the ring slipped onto the finger.

In your case, you obviously took your time and waited until you met the right person, and that's what I'm advocating here.

Ted Barrera

I've been with my wife for 10 years and she is just one of the best people I could ever have imagined meeting, let alone marrying. A quality human being. I'm a lucky man.

"precisely some idea what makes them metamorphosise from such easily-impressed sirens into unceasingly-complaining harridans once the ring goes on the finger."

It's very simple. She wanted to marry you.

Many, BUT NOT ALL (not I said that...) Japanese women really want to get married to the best guy they can get, so they pull out all stops to show that they are great cooks, gentle, sexy etc etc. The goal for many is marriage. You'll notice how a proposal line for many japanese man is that they will make the woman happy.

So it seems to me that for most the deal is that the woman shows herself to be worth marrying - but then from there after it's the man's job to make her happy, and the family happy, and for many the main way he does that is by bringing in the money. That's his main responsibility.

Which is interesting. When I first heard about men losing their jobs but not telling their wives I thought they were absolutely proud and arrogant and that of course their wives would want to know what happened and comfort them and encourage them etc. But the reality for many (NOT ALL so don't attack me) is that a man losing his job and not being able to find another one with the same income changes the ball game completely.

Unfortunately, many foreign men were raised in a completely different culture and naively assumed that a Japanese woman who wanted to marry them wanted to live like a foreign couple. Well some of them like the foreign romance style, but once their married with kids, they revert to the expectations that were raised with.

LIke I said - not all, but this explains the situation many foreign men got themselves into.

Plus the fact that a lot of girls were brought up in the bubble era and expect to live like princesses, forgetting that things have changed.

So, a total difference in expectations. Which is why it's probably good to have quite a few deep and meaningful conversations about money, children's education and lifestyle and not just fine dining, flowers, songs and sex.

marriage is great. Any fool can have fun times with a girlfriend/boyfriend - it takes character, brains and guts to have a happy marriage.

marriage is great. Any fool can have fun times with a girlfriend/boyfriend - it takes character, brains and guts to have a happy marriage.

Mostly guts.

Wow, there are some very, very, very bitter people in the comments section here. Believe it or not, there are guys there who don't mind doing these kinds of things and in fact, even enjoy doing them. I used to be one of those "this is so cheesy" types. Until I met a woman I fell hard for. Over a year into our relationship, I'm still doing these things -- and she returns the favor as well. And it's not something I'm "trying" to do -- it just comes naturally.

And some of these "watch how J-girls will turn into vicious money-grubbers once you slip the ring on" people -- stereotypical much?

Wasn't there a similar article on JT sometime ago? except, the breath-taken Japanese damsels in love..were not necessarily damsels but investment bank managers and their exhilarating and brilliant foreign admirers were their ambitious security analyst subordinates.

Just face it people, non-Japanese are not necessarily great lovers, they are good at talking sincerely.

Another unscientific "study" from an air-headed Japanese magazine.

Foreigners are romantic? That means every man who is not Japanese is romantic and Japanese men are the only unromantic people on Earth.

This article is a load, simply put.

If Japanese men are really as the article says they are, maybe there is a healthy pool of Japanese women who are shy, unromantic and asexual who hate foreign languages and are disinterested in foreign cultures. Or those with romantic tendencies who are ultimately pragmatic: foreign to bed, Japanese to wed.

Joking aside, it just might be possible that most Japanese women like their countrymen the way they are, whatever that is.

At least this article did not exploit genital size myths. Maybe in the next issue.

There is a certain sadness in the way that some men will read the above tips and immediately dismiss their own behaviour under the guise of honesty and worldliness. With a roll of the eyes and a somewhat smarmy attitude, they will derisively comment on the foolishness of those who actually believe romance is anything other than a way to get into a woman's pants.

Assuming you are a man, and have the right to lecture other men about this:

You still want to get into a woman's pants, don't you?

All I'm saying is that people like you own up to it instead of dance around the issue, pretending as if that's not what you really want. Men aren't stupid either, and I don't buy it.

DP812Jul. 09, 2012 - 08:10PM JST Wow, there are some very, very, very bitter people in the comments section here. Believe it or not, there are guys there who don't mind doing these kinds of things and in fact, even enjoy doing them. I used to be one of those "this is so cheesy" types. Until I met a woman I fell hard for. Over a year into our relationship, I'm still doing these things -- and she returns the favor as well. And it's not something I'm "trying" to do -- it just comes naturally.

DP812 you sound just like me, I was going to write pretty much the same thing.

Lighten up people, every one has their own style and some of us are more mushy than others, if it is not you or doesn't work for you that's OK. Personally after having been widowed (after 22 1/2 wonderful years) and then lucky enough to find love again I find it important to let her know how I feel as often as I can. And although the article specifically mentions J-girls as I can attest there are women in every country that find foreign men interesting (and men that find foreign women interesting too).

If you where being fake then why even bother proposing. You where only cheating the one you where proposing to and yourself. I guess thats why you learnt second time around.

Yeah, I know. And I am the first to own up to it. So what?

No its called using your imagination and spicing things up a little and having some fun.

Using lame old cheezy phrases? Knock yourself out.

My wife and l still after 14 years of marriage send flattering text messages and write funny cute things in them. Its called having a laugh and a bit of fun and after 14 years l can still say my marriage is fun.

Good on you.

Can you say the same?

Yeah. My marriage now, I can, yes. Hasn't been 14 years yet though. But hey.

And men. I remember my wife and l had a silly fight one day and she felt so bad she sent me a bunch of flowers at work. While it was embarrassing it was also one of the sweetest things ever. Its was hilarious to have the women l work with making comments about how lucky l was to have such a great wife.

Good on you. You do seem to have a great wife.

You sad sad little man. Maybe he is saying it because he feels it and wants his partner to hear it. There is nothing wrong with saying it (as long as you mean it and also show it)

Hahahahahahahahahaha. I'm not the one being an internet toughguy. Someone has a different opinion to you so they must be a sad little man. Were you bullied as a kid?

No some people are just secure in their relationships and like to show affection for each other. maybe if more couples put more effort into their marriages then maybe divorce rates would be lower.

I'm sure that's the reason for growing divorce rates. Well done.

LOL well arnt we just the uptight type.

No. I talk to my wife like an adult.

Nothing wrong with pet names. We still do that after all these years.

Good on you. It obviously works if you've been together 19 years. I just know it won't work for me and my wife. Also, my wife doesn't speak a word of English and Japanese pet names are even more annoying.

You get out of a relationship what you put in. You put no effort in and its a waste of time, you make an effort make it fun even if others see it as childish and you have a good relationship. As l said l have been married 14 years, been together 19 years and are still l can safely say l love my wife more and more each day. We dont need to tell each other we love each other but we do, we dont need to do all the "silly" little things but we do and its not fake its genuine and it makes a big difference in a relationship. Maybe you should give it a go instead of scoffing at it.

Great point and I agree 100% about getting out what you put in. The whole "silly" little things just wouldn't work with us. It works for you, obviously, so all the power to you.

The less you say "I love you" the more it means.

You say " I love you" not in words but in actions and gestures.

A little bit everyday means more than a lavish gift or dinner.

And what would "my treasure" like with her coffee this morning? Yikes! Run away, quickly!

Not necessarily run away, but that should raise a big, glow-in-the-dark, red flag. Once they start talking about you like a posession, things can get scary.

The less you say "I love you" the more it means.

OR, it means you need to ask a favor and feel you have to "butter her up" before asking.

I do call my missus "my precious moonbeam" because Arthur said it when pissed in one epsiode of the old British social documentary On the Buses.

Probie Wow 13 of the first 110 posts from you and so much feels negative. But I applaud you for you happy marriage. Unlike the other responses to your posts I do not wish to argue after all every one is entitled to their opinion. But every one has their own style when it comes to attracting a woman. And women have different attitudes about what they like from a man. During my widowhood I dated a lady who absolutely despised foreigners (funny she was only second generation in the U.S.) and I met a woman who wanted nothing to do with American men she only wanted a mysterious foreign man. Where I am now (Armenia) it is pretty much the same way, well over 90% of the people only want to be with their own kind. I came here to honor my late wife's memory in her "homeland" although she was 4th generation U.S. But I went and fell in love with my landlady and here I am married to a beautiful foreign woman who adores my romantic mushiness apparently a behavior that is very hard to find in the men here, not that they are bad men, just not very romantic, I've only found two places in this city of 800,000 that sell romantic cards.

I am happy that you and your wife are happy in your style of love, please be happy that the other of us are happy in our style of love.

Foreigners fawning over their J-wives, how low can you go. I've been married to one for12 years and I never say anything remotely debasing such as the head-wagging comments in the article. Treat'em mean, keep'em keen. Not saying anything violent but less is more in the wife-fawning dept. Besides, after the first few years she told me "We've been married long enough so I'm no longer doing, this, this or this. I'll let your imaginations do the walking. We've been sleeping in separate bedrooms since then. She's happy as long as the dough rolls in.

For as many couples as there are out there, there are also just as many "perfect" formulas for getting and keeping the love of your life. I tend to avoid telling anyone they're doing things "wrong" because for them, it may be what works best. You'll note what the article DOESN'T say: It DOESN'T say these are the 10 best ways for foreign guys to make Japanese women fall in love with them. All it says is that these are 10 different ways that worked for the particular 10 women they interviewed.

funny she was only second generation in the U.S.

Wait, so she was a foreigner dating a foreigner or was she a native dating a foreigner or a foreigner dating a native or a native dating a native who hated the foreigner and also hated the native?

I came here to honor my late wife's memory

Save your money and sanity next time with a trip to Glendale.

Look like men and wear less makeup.

Holy stereotypes Batman! LoooooL~

lol those are pretty weak :/ all you really gotta do is be yourself with a little bit of confidence and wemon will like you alot more than what these ladies say.

women*

DentShopShe was second generation in the U.S. her grandparents all from Western Europe. It was her attitude that the U.S. had too many foreigners.

Save my money by going to Glendale, LOL. California has to be ten time more expensive to live in that Yerevan, plus I wouldn't have gotten to see Mt. Ararat, Karahunj (the Armenian Stonehenge) and many structures that are more than 1,000 years old. I am assuming that many foreigners there in Japan have the same thoughts about what they have seen there.

True love is where you find it, for a great many it is there in Japan, for me it was here.

Funny story: I used a Japanese~English dictionary to write my wife a romantic letter. It read "Pronoun adverb verb adjective pronoun . . . ."

@CapnSinbad:

Treat'em mean, keep'em keen. Not saying anything violent but less is more in the wife-fawning dept.

So how's that philosophy working out for ya?

Besides, after the first few years she told me "We've been married long enough so I'm no longer doing, this, this or this. I'll let your imaginations do the walking. We've been sleeping in separate bedrooms since then.

Oh, so not very well then...

No white guy, however dumb or ugly he is, should need this guide for most Japanese girls, getting a white guy is a status symbol of walking around Tokyo. If you skip tourists, the only white people you see are fat, balding, ugly white dudes with sexy Japanese girls. The only thing you need is money and this was not on the list. Same goes if you're Japanese. The Japanese women would rather have money more than flowers anyday.

Assuming you are a man, and have the right to lecture other men about this:

I am and I do. In fact, being single, 38, and with a fairly decent income, I navigate the sincere vs. casual relationship waters fairly regularly.

You still want to get into a woman's pants, don't you?

Of course. Sex is the primary motivation for pretty much all male impulses.

All I'm saying is that people like you own up to it instead of dance around the issue, pretending as if that's not what you really want.

Who's pretending? As previously mentioned, women aren't idiots. Those who didn't figure it out by age 12 had their mothers or friends informing them about what most men are really after (whether the men themselves knew it or not).

I've read in quite a few places that the divorce rate in Japan is close to 80%. I would submit that the primary reason for this is complacency: The idea that a marriage is the final step in a relationship. At its core, marriage is really not much more than a business contract. Getting to yes, regardless of the nature of the proposal, is only the beginning. If one does not follow through and ensure the contract is maintained, there is every chance that it will fail. No, the true pleasure of a relationship is not to be found in the legal or pragmatic environment created by marriage. Romance is an art. Like many arts, it is also a means to happiness through creation. In the case of romance, it is the creation and maintenance of an interpersonal relationship, one which is in constant flux and endlessly interesting. Romance is the key to continued interest (and, by way of interest, passion)

If you skip tourists, the only white people you see are fat, balding, ugly white dudes with sexy Japanese girls.

The above is not true.

I've read in quite a few places that the divorce rate in Japan is close to 80%

You need to revise your reading list. The divorce rate is 22%, about on a par with Europe and roughly half what it is in the US.

http://www.divorcerate.org/divorce-rate-japan.html

Actually, I'm seeing more white girls married to Japanese guys these days.

The weird thing is that while I'm married to a Japanese woman. when I see a white girl with a Japanese guysI instinctively think how strange it is. So, how strange am I?! :)

"the old British social documentary On the Buses"

So that's what it was..? :)

Actually, I don't often see fat, balding, ugly white dudes with sexy Japanese girls at all. Where do you hang out?

They're probably just normal guys who wear wigs, don't go to the gym, and the sexy Japanese girls are probably just at a normal weight for Japan.

"I've read in quite a few places that the divorce rate in Japan is close to 80%"

80%? And you didn't question that figure..? Maybe it's the sexless marriage rate! :)

"The only white people you see are fat, balding, ugly white dudes with sexy Japanese girls." Looks like someone has spent too much time in Roppongi.

@Cabadaje - spoken like a single male. It's so easy to know everything about romance and passion when you "navigate the sincere vs. casual relationship waters fairly regularly."

cleo Jul. 10, 2012 - 08:18AM JST You need to revise your reading list. The divorce rate is 22%, about on a par with Europe and roughly half what it is in the US.

What if Japanese women have a child with a foreigner in Japan and gets divorced? A real problem? In a recent years, Japan is experiencing a dramatic increase in the number of international marriages between a Japanese and a non-Japanese. There is an increasing trend in other countries to shift to shared parenting and joint custody. Enforcement of custody orders is also an issue in those countries that usually award sole or primary custody, as it is in Japan. The law in U.S. provide for joint custody in divorce cases involving children, Japanese law does not provide for this arrangement. The practice of sharing child custody after a divorce is "alien" to Japanese and not found in Japanese culture or history, which may help to explain its absence from Japanese law. In Japan, when a marriage with children legally dissolves, full parental custody and authority is awarded to only one parent.

The real difference lies in the two cultures diverging conception of social parenthood. The American parent remains a legal parent at least in part because he or she remains a social parent, while the traditional Japanese view is the opposite. In Japan it is seen as preferable that children make a permanent break with the non-custodial parent because creating a legal "right" for parent would cause conflict damaging to the welfare of the child. The typical 'deal' in Japan is that, upon divorce, the father pays nothing for the child's support, and he never sees his child. It is noted that the decision by family courts in Japan with regard to both visitation and child support are unenforceable. The view of the Japanese system of divorce is that it favors a ‘clean break’ so that the divorced parties have little or nothing more to do with each other after the divorce. It permits the spouse (usually the husband) keep most of his assets, avoid payment of alimony and provide little or no child support, but the price he pays is the abandonment of any relationship with his children, while the other spouse is punished economically, but keeps her children.

The world is changing and interracial marriages are just a natural part of that change, get used to it!!!

I know white girls who love Japanese guys because they also have a stoic charm to them...... people like Abe Hiroshi or Ken Watanabe.

Nice article... but how about writing the opposite piece now... how Japanese women often disappoint their foreign husbands/boyfriends?

I generally have found Japanese women to be cold, non-expressive and asexual. No hugging or kissing in public please, we're Japanese. Also no flirting, no romantic banter, nothing.

If they can find time for you amid their 20 hour-a-day work schedules, you might be lucky.

I navigate the sincere vs. casual relationship waters fairly regularly.

Well that sounds awfully duplicitous.

Anyway, sure "men are after one thing", but hey, guess what? Women can be too! They can actually ENJOY sex! Who woulda thunk it, hey?

...and so what if the man makes an effort to tell the woman things that she wants to hear in order to enjoy a good time together? What really is the problem? "You are beautiful" is a highly subjective thing to say. It can't possibly be considered as a lie. Why would the women accuse the man of lying, unless, of course, she hates herself and has low self esteem. Maybe she doesn't respect that the man is at least making an effort for her (which she clearly doesn't deserve if it comes to that).

Anyway, let's play devil's advocate and call BS on sweet talk. Well perhaps some people can't enjoy works of fiction for what they are either. I didn't see anybody upset, or fail to enjoy watching "the avengers" because the events portrayed in the film weren't real! Romance is no different and enjoyable too IF you have your head screwed on!

My ex-bf was like this, and then two months into the relationship, he realized that he was Japanese and reverted to being cold and distant.

top 10 things that all guys can do to make their j-girl happy:

1.give her all your money

2.don't answer back

3.give her some more money

4.let her sleep around

5.buy her bling with even more money

6.don't get too close except when she's in a narcissistic feed heat-frenzy

7.enable her manga world fantasy life

8.sell your parents to the knackery to buy more bling

9.don't enjoy yourself

10.find some more money and give it to her

hope this helps.

LOL, LOL, LOL...

But I totally agree with you!! That's what J women are all about. And yet, most guys here are so head over heels about those superficiality in those women.

Actually, I'm seeing more white girls married to Japanese guys these days.

@Yasukuni. You are right! my friend is married to J men. She told me that her husband had enough of those 'fake' J women...lol.

According to her, this is what her husband said: J women do all the nice things (with smiles) in front of him, but the minute they turned away, the smiles are gone and they go date another man...

His texts always start with ‘To the most beautiful girl in the world’. I think being able to use a phrase like that naturally is something only foreigners can do.”

That's what it's called flirting language. When another J woman comes along, he'll just drop you off like a piece of rag. On the other hand J guy texts with only 2 or 3 words when you expect more, but the love is consistent.

You need to revise your reading list. The divorce rate is 22%, about on a par with Europe and roughly half what it is in the US.

I would say the issue is a bit more complex than implied by a single "Divorce Rate" number. I will, however, grant that if one looks at the number of officially filed divorce proceedings (and the number of post-houmous divorces), the number is likely to be around 20%-30%. That said, the number of divorces compared to the number of marriages, and the number of non-divorced couples who live separately are likely not included in that figure.

80%? And you didn't question that figure..? Maybe it's the sexless marriage rate! :)

I certainly did question it. I do consider it a working number of effectively divorced couples.

@Cabadaje - spoken like a single male.

Ah...thanks? I'm not really sure how to speak any other way.

It's so easy to know everything about romance and passion when you "navigate the sincere vs. casual relationship waters fairly regularly."

Easy? Not really. There is a lot of trial and error involved in the actual practice, and that doesn't even bring into account the academic training that I have put to use. Anyone can learn to be romantic, but like any art, you have to be willing to put in the time and effort to practice if you ever want to be good at it. Most people have a loving partner and are happy at the level they are at, and more power to them. People like me, I have to work at it to keep a lady interested in me.

"@Cabadaje, If you have to work at it to keep Japanese ladies interested in you when you are just dating, I'd hold off on give marriage advice.

You'll need to upgrade that "academic training" you mentioned to a Phd.

top 10 things that all guys can do to make their j-girl happy: 1.give her all your money 2.don't answer back 3.give her some more money 4.let her sleep around 5.buy her bling with even more money 6.don't get too close except when she's in a narcissistic feed heat-frenzy 7.enable her manga world fantasy life 8.sell your parents to the knackery to buy more bling 9.don't enjoy yourself 10.find some more money and give it to her

Well this mostly bollocks.

You can still have romantic liasons with Japanese women without engaging in humiliating nonsense. The only valid rule from that list is #6!

"Makeup flowers"

Pfft! The only way to makeup is to kiss! Kiss and makeup!

Something is forgotten in all this. The reality is that the vast majority of Japanese/non Japanese marriages are between Japanese men and foreign women. The J-girlforeign guy combination is relatively rare, only about 25% of the total of international marriages.

As for the list, they are just standard shibboleths trotted out in womens magazines.

One stereotype DOES seem to hold true, though. Seems as though in many cases, the Japanese woman is older than the foreign guy. Wonder why....... perhaps the guys are immature, and seeking a 'mommy' type to guide them through their Japan experience. Perhaps the women have realized that they are reaching the age that they are "off market" for Japanese guys, so they have to resort to foreign men who don't care so much. I've seen it myself on many occasions. It's quite rare in J on J relationships for the woman to be the older of the two.

Looked over the list again. Nothing wrong with most of them - flowers, "i love you"s, letters, signs of affection - none of that really goes out of style. Chicks are different. My daughter sends little letters in hiragana to her friends all the time. Baffling to me and to my son who'd rather punch his friends or throw mud at them to show affection, but girls like stuff like that.

And if there isn't much of that before you get married, it probably won't increase. So banzai for guys turning on the romance/signs of affection.

@sftp. I think you wrote a great explanation of Japanese thinking and practice re divorce and children, and it's good for foreigners to read that.

So that's the way it has been, but I'd submit to you that regardless of who is paying for what, children would like to see their mother or father sometimes. Don't you think so? I don't think there's a Japanese child gene that makes people not want to see their father from time to time.

Just because something is Japanese culture doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever.

@Cabadaje, If you have to work at it to keep Japanese ladies interested in you when you are just dating, I'd hold off on give marriage advice.

I, on the other hand, would point out how many people here have derided not working on their romance, and the subsequent consequences to their marriage.

You'll need to upgrade that "academic training" you mentioned to a Phd.

...not sure where you were going with that.

In all cases, I stand by my position: Romance is a delightful thing in a relationship, at whatever level the players chose to play. Complacency inevitably leads to boredom, and boredom is a relationship killer. To assume the players do not know that they are playing a game is a fairly weak conclusion that can only be drawn by assuming that men are are being motivated solely by sexual desire and women are not intelligent enough to recognize it. To deride others because they enjoy playing a game is fairly boorish behaviour.

I agree with Elbuda Mexicano. Of course,what's written in this news article are not in general, Japanese women married to foreign guys are intimate only with their hubbies in the first few years of their marriage. Personally, i know some American guys married to Japanese women who complain that their wife ignore them and so they start to play around...

I think you are all doing it wrong.

I do SOME of those things on that list (breakfast, flowers for no reason, PAY ATTENTION TO HER) with my JN wife, and after 25+ years, we are still going gangbusters in every way.

Maybe you just ain't the mack daddy you think you are. Which may explain some of your posts.

And if you're wondering "who me?".... it's you.

Ok... Not "ALL" are doing it wrong. Just those obviously disenfranchised posters.

Romance is an art. Like many arts, it is also a means to happiness through creation. In the case of romance, it is the creation and maintenance of an interpersonal relationship, one which is in constant flux and endlessly interesting. Romance is the key to continued interest (and, by way of interest, passion)

YES!

I don't do any of these things but I reckon I'm a good boyfriend, I'm not a domineering bully or a shy, mummy's boy like most Japanese guys. I wonder how many of the blokes in this article have to do these things in order to just keep a girlfriend since they only came to Japan because they couldn't get one in their own countries....

Sounds like a lot of work. Just order delivery health and sweet talk her into putting out the honban, then get on with your day. Cheaper and simpler.

@James

good advice for perverts, not good for those of us with morals who want a lifetime relationship.

@Cabadaje, I was baffled that you had to work at keeping women interested in you when you were single. I had the opposite problem. () that's not meant to sound boastful

And that someone who isn't married but thinks they're knowledgeable about romance because they're having lots of romance, needs to know that it's a lot easier when you're not married.

I agree that those who are married still need to work on romance, but not being married and having some girlfriends doesn't qualify you.

And like I said, I'm surprised you have to work so hard to keep women interested. Esp if you're a foreigner in Japan. Just being a foreigner should make you interesting enough.

@Loki, It's a mistake to think that because you are married to a person of a nationality and have a great relationship, that those who don't are at fault. Maybe you got a better catch.

You can't judge other by your own relationship. Some women are just easier to get on with than others. Just like some men are easier to get on with and please than others.

good advice for perverts, not good for those of us with morals who want a lifetime relationship.

Buying a woman as a slave through marriage, or paying her off to keep her interested in staying around isn't exactly moral to some of us either. If some people were smart about going down that route, they'd find that routine prostitution is cheaper over the long term.

...but to each their own.

Reading the comments on this article reassures the "bitter and lonely" vibe I get from a lot of commenters on this site. Funny because I bet quite a few of them have JP spouses lol.

@Cabadaje, I was baffled that you had to work at keeping women interested in you when you were single. I had the opposite problem. () that's not meant to sound boastful

It doesn't sound boastful, but it does sound rather complacent.

And that someone who isn't married but thinks they're knowledgeable about romance because they're having lots of romance, needs to know that it's a lot easier when you're not married.

I disagree. You act the way you act with the one you love, regardless of marriage. Marriage imposes new responsibilities, to be sure, but if you use marriage as a reason to slack off the romance, the relationship is going to get boring (incidentally, I am using the general "you", not you, personally).

I agree that those who are married still need to work on romance, but not being married and having some girlfriends doesn't qualify you.

You are certainly entitled to your opinion on the matter. Myself, as I said, I do not consider marriage to be a disqualifier for romance, nor any particular advantage. Just because someone chooses to claim that the game is over does not mean that any of the other players weren't playing just as well or better.

And like I said, I'm surprised you have to work so hard to keep women interested. Esp if you're a foreigner in Japan. Just being a foreigner should make you interesting enough.

Makes for a rather shallow relationship, don't you think?

Well, no matter what each one thinks, cheesy stuff is nice for some people, not everyone and that's ok. Don't mock japanese girls, not only japanese girls can like those things. And for the guys that think 'those cheesy things' are too much, well some guys actually like to treat their girls like princesses, and some others don't. As long as they feel fine and happy, I don't see the problem.

Is anybody satisfied with Japanese women after married? I know we all think they are hot but do they have anything worth being with for many years? I seriously have never seen any gaijins that are married to Japanese talk about how their marriage is positive. It seems everyone is taken to the cleaners and get no action. Is this true? You end up getting moved to a separate bedroom, given an allowance and not allowed to spend your own money the way you want?

@Probie Clearly you are not the Romantic type, but many romantic men can and do exist. Im sorry you are lacking in that deparment but I dont feel it gives you the right to judge and call anyone who does it fake. I personally use pet names, always leave on "love you" and compliment my love regularly, but I guess thats because Im not just in it for the sex.

A Japanese who has read only a few of comments will comment: We have fewer skills for expression than others do. Most of us aren't given enough from our families or schools. Although some boys (and girls) get such skills, the others remain poor. I think it's quite easy to get J girls.

The old saying: "Flattery will get you everywhere."

snackswithbeer: You got it!!!!

Nothing wrong w/being romantic.

You should be able to feel the love without needing to be told it every day. You should be able to see it everyday in the things they do- actions are louder than words. If you say "I love you" because the other person demands it rather than because you feel like saying it, the words mean less.

Schmuck lessons anyone? Those are not ways to get a girl or keep one. They are wonderful ways to make her think you are a needy schmuck and get what she wants out of you until she finds someone with some confidence to dump you for.

An awful lot of mysogyny being posted here. I find there is nothing that radically different between men and women when it comes to relationships. There are plenty on both sides of the gender fence who would drain their partner dry of whatever resource they find desirable (money, sex, business contacts, etc.), then dump their partner and move on to a new relationship when the opportunity arises. Men are just as opportunistic as women.

As for why foreign men appear to marry Japanese women who are older, perhaps that is because Japanese women seem to age more gracefully than women in other countries. Though admittedly an extremely small sample of 1, my nihongo sensei (originally from Tokyo) is probably in her 50's but still looks very nice. I contrast this with the women around here in their 40's and she has them beat 9 times out of 10.

Just out of fairness how about a list of "10 things Japanese women can't stand about foreign men." If you don't have any ideas check a couple of Korean dating web-sites. Those girls don't pull any punches.

Most Japanese women are very boring. If you get married to Japanese women, they become a witch after a while. you get tired of the compulsive whining, and no matter how good they look, they start to get real ugly. Taiwanese women are more flexable and feminine. The educated Taiwanese have soft qualitites in communication and natural expression skills that very few Japanese women can match. Even Hispanic women are more fun to be with.

The examples above are too complicated or... Too much drama?

I'm just being polite to her, be myself and appreciate what she does for me. That's all I've done so far to make my love intact inside of her for over two years.

@ sfjp330

That depends on what J-girl you date. If you got one like mine, trust me, that's one of the reasons that keep my sanity intact when everything else seems completely insane in the land of rising robots. If it wasn't for her, I've already gone batsh!t crazy a long long long time ago.

From experience, most Japanese women are easier to impress with romantic gestures and a general show of affection. I think that a lot of Japanese women (women in general maybe) become materialistic from an early age and the only thing they believe shows love is dinners, brand name stuff and vacations etc. As if they are saying "if you believe I'm worth it then prove it", but of course you can also make a materialistic person happy with creativity and expressing your feelings. I have also found relationships with Japanese to be a one way street. Take, take, take and an overly high expectation for a man to work until he is dead. This is probably feeding a stereotype, but for at least 50% it is true.

Let me be very frank about the situation! Don't be a sucker ladies! Have you heard "sweet talking jerks"? If you have never been to America or to Europe, you probably are not familiar with those losers. It's pretty common practice to hook young women not because you are beautiful or rich. The guys have their own reasons: wanting to marry because they like to have a residency visa, marriage visa or a citizenship or your MONEY! Google their names and find out as much as you can about them and read about Nigerian 419 or people from that continent. I have heard that some of them are divorced and are collecting money from the Japanese government! Just be careful and don't be a fool and regret.

I think it lacked: "He talks to me every day, IN ENGRISH" (35/Japanese, 22/English Native Speaker)

Frank Vaughn sez: "True love is where you find it, for a great many it is there in Japan, for me it was here."

After 45 years together I have to agree with Frank. Maybe I am just lucky but I'll take it. A lot of people said it was a match made in heaven but we both knew that it was a match made by working at it and enjoying that work.

I don't know about the stereotypes mention here with regard to Japanese women. I only married one so I honestly couldn't say. As far as a Japanese woman being married to a western man as a status symbol. I guess Japan has changed because 40 years ago it was more like a cross to bear for the Japanese woman living in Japan married to a foreigner.

Being materialistic beyond the pall? Not in my experience but handling money well, Yes. If you are not doing well with Japanese women after. as some here, so many tries well maybe that's just not for you. Or maybe you need kids.

After a guy is married for 10 years he thinks he's the boss. After 20 he knows his wife is the real boss. After 30 years you both realize that your kids have been watching and now they really run the show.

Wow !... of course those 10 things can mean a lot to Japanese girls. Mostly dumb girls hahahaha. Men are sweet talkers when they flirt and wanted to get laid. Although there are some exceptions. ;)) It's all "gomansuru" (s/p) big time hahahaha

Meh. In the end, what makes a successful marriage is a mystery. There are all kinds of people; all kinds of marriages.

I got lucky. I can't tell you why I love my wife. And can tell you why I like her a hellava lot. And respect her. And appreciate her. But love? Who knows....

It's just that kind of magic.

This reminds me a good episode of the Simpsons getting to Australia: flushing toilets and the coriolis effect...

That post deserves a sequel:

now that Bart got married and divorced because he either cheated on his wife because she got uggly after she got her hair cut (after getting her first baby), lost his job after running away because of Fukushima or forgot to bring yuzu koshu at home one day after a 14 hours working day..

Bart discovers how the same future ex wife he used to love and cherish abducts his kids using Koseki and a good lawyer and asks him to pay 1/3 of his salary until kids get 20...

For those to whom this happened please check http://sos-parents-japan.org/

And of course Club 21 in Shibuya

Sometimes it just seems that we're about to forget that there are individuals living in every country and that there is -- despite of all their possible similarities -- no such thing as "the Japanese girl." There are some and there are some. What a comforting thought, isn't it? Too easy to get a little racist on that topic.

It's easy to woo any woman in a foreign country. The theme is "no play for the local." Japan is easier because the guys are mostly raised to be spoiled brattty (chonan-like) from pre-school on up while in "our" countries we are told to respect women as our mothers and GROW-UP. The women seem to be raised as "kawai flirts" who are expected to "please" a man (gone were those days). Japan seems so stuck in the fifties-sixties where competing with the "Jones's" comes to mind. they don't "fall head over heels" they are just more apt to stick it to their girlfriends. I have found that both the males and females in Japan seem bound by the "pre-school to university classmates and co-workers get-together" and quite a lot of functions that excludes their significant others (wedding invitations, nijikais, etc.). Put alcohol in the mix and ...la la lah. There isn't anything wrong with the article other than the title. I would have called it "examples of creativity among foreigners" in Japan. Whatever you do that's perceived as nice to a Japanese woman goes through the office, girlie group, bars/snacks, and moai like wildfire...advertising their men to other women. If you treat any woman with respect and dignity, your relationship has a chance in any country. Neither guys or gals respect privacy and the most cherished experiences these days.

Is the marriage rate in Japan declining any faster than in other developed countries? And does that have anything to do with the fact that there aren't enough foreign male prospects to meet the demand of young adult women in Japan? I don't see the connection.

I think the lower marriage rate has more to do with a general dislike and lack of economic wherewithal for what marriage means to most young heterosexual adults today ... in all of the developed countries.

My comment might get lost in the heap here but I wanted to say that I think a big part of the problem is that Japanese women expect all the love and romance to come from the man's side. They don't seem to want to do any work in the relationships. Yes, Japanese men are known to be shy but so are Japanese women and its no secret that Japanese couples lack communication skills on both sides. Plus plenty of foreign men know they can win over Japanese women with just a little sweet talking, but we know that kind of treatment won't last forever, which is why I think they Japanese woman/foreign man divorce rate is pretty high. On a side note my fiance is a Japanese man. He is very affectionate and openly kisses/says he loves me, even in public. That might be rare in Japan, and we certainly get some strange looks, but I think young Japanese men just need a partner who is open, encouraging and affectionate with them in order to show their romantic side too.

yasukuni, I notice you don't have those same words for the vast majority of the side of that coin.

Like I said... the disenfranchised.

Japanese guys need to wake up and start treating their dates better, stop being so ordinary in the way they treat women. As for age, I notice a world wide trend of women going for younger men often. Both of my sons have older women, wife and girlfriend. My ex wife liked younger men too, but I was several years older and it didn't work well for us.

Interesting comments... From the guy that got married unaware (very curious fact) , the one that says it is fake - which I agree - to the journalist itself, that painted the foreigner as a knight and the Japanese girl as a princess. In the end, it all depends on each one. Of course there are those super romantic guys but there are also those J girls that does not care about love, but cares about a comfortable life. We can never generalize.... Not all foreigners are super romantic and not all of them, when acting like that, are being real. As not all japanese women would fall for a guy like that...

No: 1 thing foreign guys do that make Japanese girls fall head over heels is dont be feminine like the J boys here mostly are.

Japanese men are not "feminine". That's a myth overweight North American men with manboobs like to expound in order to feel less inadequate.

"foreign" men aren't especially more romantic for the fact of being foreign. They do however want to secure a visa, fast.

(so they deserve all the trials and tribulations their Japanese wives make them go through, as described in some of the comments...)

i really love this blog... coz its really true , .. foreigner is really different than japanese man , a man that not just a japanese woman dream about , but every woman in this world , looking for .. ....

Do not force these other culture to Japanese men . They have a different way to treat a woman , they shower you with food , things that yOu need , helps your extended family financially lots of times . Just want you to be home & he does the rest of providing for the family . You're allowed to work if you want to but that money is for your own disposal , you do not have to share your money for utilities , etc. They have a different way to show their affection , anyways , we are entitled to our own opinionbut there's no perfect mate in this world except when it's 6 feet under the ground cuz you do not say bad things to dead ones. Well, every marriage or relationship has flaws, what is important is , you feel that love even by just the look in his / her eyes , how she / he take cars of or look after you , treats you . Words are flattery to add to a relationship but it's not the only thing that counts .. Just find someone who can take both the good and the bad ,side of you & vice versa . It's easy to be attracted to someone and get married but to be committed to someone & be with ****it forever , takes a lot of energy , passion and losing yourself and be happy about it ..

Some of that stuff is true and what most in the comments say are true to, but from all the sweet talk, yea I can say many good compliments and Japanese women will highly interested in me. Then its kinda sad cause some I knew felt like they were in heaven one day, then cheated on the next and depressed like no other, cause they fell for the sweet talk one liner so easily from guys.

I ❤ men in uniform... so HOT!!!

@Probie, you are so bitter, why are you so hard up on guys who want to express their love in so many ways, how would you know they are fake? Have you done it , if so you are a fake! But you can not generalize all men from your own, there are still lots of sincere guys who would do as the article says.

Probies 2nd post was in complete jest. Great humor in my book.

But Japanese women just want what any woman wants if the men aren't giving it to them. Just depends on the cultural difference. Heck, one would be lucky if they didn't end up like US married couple back in the '50s which wasn't such a great era for the gals. I feel that generation ruined American women for us... "Where's my dinner! Bring me my slippers and the daily news! And while you're getting me my beer, shut that kid up!"

These are such painfully naive statements. Men all over the world (including the Japanese) do similar things like this until they get comfortable and get what they want. Very few of them actually continue these kinds of behaviors. And most of these are meaningless fluff. How many men have these women dated? 1? 2? I'm a bit embarrassed for them.

Years ago, I left my American boyfriend for a Japanese man and now we're married. My ex was a boy who didn't know what to do with me, he was insecure about my education and career choices. I was always encouraging him to find his path in life and he was too busy feeling sorry for himself to notice. He tried to say similar things to me, as these women mention... but it was all fake and short-lived. One of the straws that broke the camel's back was he screamed at me for making him a painting for our 4th anniversary. We were both low on money at the time and we agreed not to buy each other presents, but make them, instead. I brought the painting and he flipped out on me, screaming and throwing things, all because he apparently didn't make me anything. I told him that I was perfectly ok with not getting anything and then he didn't talk to me for a week. Instead, he sat in his room, playing video games. I couldn't take it, anymore and I walked away.

On the other hand, my husband filled his apartment with lights and roses when he proposed to me (only after driving 6 hours one way to ask my entire family for their permission), he makes me hand-written/drawn cards even though he can't draw to save his life, kisses me and tells me he loves me several times a day, brushes my hair every morning before we shower (and gets very sad on the rare ocassion that we miss our morning shower together) and does all sorts of other really sweet things for me. He gave me flowers every month for the first year we were together and he never forgets dates like anniversaries and birthdays. Years ago, he was so excited to have me start staying at his place that he had a toothbrush and a new pillow waiting for me when I came to see him. It was adorable.

To be honest with you... in the beginning of our relationship, he was so romantic that I called my mother, crying, and told her I didn't know how to respond. I was quite close to actually getting scared off over it! She told me I was being an idiot and "This is how real men treat the woman they love and you've only been with boys, so you aren't used to it. But you deserve it. So don't run from it, be thankful that you found a good one and keep him around", which helped snap me out of it. She's been happily married for almost 40 years, so I took her word for it. And thank heavens I did, because I'm so happy, now.

By the way... HE COOKS AND DOES HIS OWN LAUNDRY. Willingly. I never have to ask. And he is my biggest fan, he is helping me reach a dream I had but was afraid to try a few years ago. He looks at me as a partner, a friend, an equal. Something the others were unable to do.

All of this is a far cry from my American exes. And, unlike most of the stories in this article, my husband has continued to do these things and many of the romantic things he does are also functional, they make my daily life easier and more pleasant. My husband is also very socially intelligent and he made me aware of his feelings in a rather direct way- tickling me and then kissing me. He was so smooth about it, I nearly fell over (damn knees). My ex didn't respond to months of my flirtation and I finally had to ask him out, myself.

I feel bad for these women in the article, I truly do. They just don't get it. They've shunned their own men for something that more than likely isn't real. There are plenty of good and bad non-Japanese and Japanese men, but they aren't seeing that. They're falling for some of the oldest tricks in the book and it's because they aren't familiar with our cultures the way that we are.

The first thing that I find curious here is that the article takes the fact of the increase of international marries with japanese girls, focusing in talk about why japanese girls can be interested in foreigners; when we all know that the boys are who have the iniciative in the court and decide to go to a foreign country with the express desire of marry a japanese girl. The reason to see more japanese girls in relations with foreign men is because foreign men are struggling hard to get a japanese girl. I could say that japanese girls are maybe one of the most desired women in the world, and not only for the beauty they have, but because occidental people see in japanese women, these strong traditional values that teach the girls how must be a girl and a good one; unfortunately and dangerously these values have been wrongly and absurdly harmed in occidental developed nations and here is one of their colateral, in other cases terribles, consecuences. Of course I dont telling that there arent many occidental girls with a similar kind of traditional values, but the problem is that the number have decreased dramatically in the last 10 years as a result of stupid and harmful feminist policies of occidental goverments. The consecuences of it have been that bad, that the decline of occident, even the expansion of men without scrupols, are consecuence in big part of it

What I admire more of japanese marriages, as far as I know, is that even though they like and look for love, they dont depend of it in order of build a strong marriage, that is based in commitment, responsability, sense of duty, devotion and clear, well acepted and rigid rules that let trust and build to the future. Besides I appreciate too that the job of woman its really clear (more clear, clean and admired than in some occidental countries) serve and make happy the family, control the money, be service minded, take desitions inside the house, but in other hand let herself be easily leaded by her husband in all the big and trasecendent matters. While the husband in other hand, can concentrate in work with all his force, without worries and having clear that his family always will be there.

And talking about the "advices" for conquer a japanese girl, I ll say 3 things:

First, as I said before, these kind of attentions are cool but they are not that much essential in marriage, what is really essential is what makes a man reliable.

Second, as we can see these are things that made different persons, noone of them do all the list, each of them have their strong points.

Third, I think that is not complicated make some of these points, even more I m sure that some of them are natural and spontaneous for many people when they are in love with a girl.

I was thinking of this and it was very clear; the more intense love in no way have to mean any of this list. The way to express the love is cultural, all are different and have their particularly customs. Its a fact that a boy that do many of this list could be totally less in love than other that dont do any of this, but other things more attached to their own culture. And honestly, if japanese culture werent as great as it is, wouldnt be the most popular and prestigious culture in most of the world.

Most Japanese women want to marry a Japanese man... and most should. International marriages are not simple. There are a lot of cultural issues that take time to work out. I also think children have a harder time because they do not share the same traditions as their school friends. People will choose and live with their decisions. I have.

Most Japanese women want to marry a Japanese man... and most should. International marriages are not simple. There are a lot of cultural issues that take time to work out.

No marriage is simple. Sometimes coming from obviously different backgrounds can make if easier to accept and deal with the inevitable differences. Any 'issues', cultural or otherwise, should surely be worked out before the knot is tied, not after.

I also think children have a harder time because they do not share the same traditions as their school friends.

If they grow up in the same environment as their school friends, they share the same traditions and have a few extra from the non-native parent that makes going to their house interesting for those friends. As far as I can see the haaf kids I know have all had a childhood that was enhanced by their bicultural background; now they're grown, well-balanced, socially active, successful, happy individuals.

look at the media. most of the men wear more makeup than the women!

blame the 草食 revolution for this...

snackswithbeer Your attutide smells more than my farts. So your basically saying that all Japanese women are like that? Sluts? Sleeping around? Money grabers? I find this highly offensive as I am married to a Japanese woman. She works more than me and has shown me more love and dedication than I could have imagined. You need a reality check, why are you so bitter? Can't get a girl? If you think Japanese women are like this then go home....

And to everyone else this article is good. It does make sense, just because you don't agree with it and you cannot put in the effort to show a girl she is loved it does not mean it's all lies. If your hating on this article, your a sad human.

This article is correct.... I know for one, as I have been in the same situation.

This kinda makes me feel bad for Japanese guys. Somehow I guess the culture machine turns 'em out where they can't even express emotion readily.

@Probie - you sir have obviously no manners! It seems obvious to me that perhaps you are just not good at having a romantic relationship with a partner! Your posts are insulting and degrading to both sexes!!

@NetNinja - I feel ya buddy! I found myself in that exact same position! I did NOT consent to the marriage, but she blinded me with lies and unfounded "rules" of society. I dealt with her crap for many years before finding the strength to man up and end it! It wasn't easy, but I just kept reminding myself of the lonely nights and days, no wedding service, no friendship, no communication and certainly no affection of any kind!

I have since met a wonderful Japanese woman, 15 years my junior and we're the best of friends and do virtually everything together! Unlike Probie up there, I do whisper sweet things to her in the mornings and it makes her whole day! I never want for anything mentally, physically or emotionally! I said I would never get married again but it would be a mistake not to marry such a wonderful and beautiful woman!

According to the information below (for wikipedia), the overwhelming number of international marriages in Japan involve a Japanese husband a foreign wife. So if this article explains why Japanese women prefer foreign men, why are foreign women falling for Japanese men?

In 2003, there were 740,191 marriages in Japan, of which 28,831 involved a foreign bride, and 7,208 involved a foreign groom. Foreign-born women who married a Japanese-born man were predominantly born in China (10,242), The Philippines (7,794), Korea (5,318), Thailand (1,445) and Brazil (296). Foreign-born men who married a Japanese-born woman were predominantly born in Korea (2,235), the United States (1,529), China (890), UK (334) and Brazil (265)[115]

In 2006 there were 735,132 marriages in Japan, of which 40,154 involved a foreign bride, and 8,708 involved a foreign groom. Foreign-born women who married a Japanese-born man were predominantly born in the Philippines (12,150), China (12,131), Korea (6,041), Thailand (1,676) and Brazil (285). Foreign-born men who married a Japanese-born woman were predominantly born in Korea (2,335), the United States (1,474), China (1,084), UK (386) and the Philippines (195).

I think except for 7&8, Japanese men do the rest of those as well. For 7, I agree "I love you" is not something that you should easily say it, not on the phone. His cuddle is 100times warmer than words, East Asians have a mutual understanding of keeping our emotions in silence, we don't think there is anything wrong with it. For number 8, first bite to let, is caring and romantic, the last one?! Even if the guy takes me to a 2michelin-star, I wouldn't want to see him again, it's basic manner. Btw, Japanese man makes "movie scenes" ten times better than Frenchman, even sex. Go figure;)

I don't agree to this article. My boyfriend is a japanese and he mostly does what is on the list. Or is it that I have a rare gem of a japanese? :P

the things guys will do for sex

Many women are insecure and need this attention. Seems these guys would get tired of this bs after a while and if they didn't, it would be because it became a habit and meaningless.

Japanese women are naive for the most part. Fact - 80% of Japanese women who marry gaijin end up divorced.

Women want security and men want booty....

?? Hey '80% of J women who marry a foreigner end up in divorce' where did you get that figure anyway? If it is so I blame 50% of it on the outright outcasting and discrimination of the J culture onto foreigners. I have been married 10 years to a J woman and have never been invited for dinner by the family. I still havent met most of them and if I do they just walk straight past me like they don't even think I exist. Then comes the bull...t the parents talk about behind our backs and the secret bank accounts they open for their J kids and Wills that don't include the ''Foreign dude husband'' I think we might win the affection of J women but in the end it is this country that wins the rest. Best thing is GET out of J as soon as you can if you marry a J woman or be ready to fight to keep your head above water with non sense that goes on here. And just to say, the article on the top is exaggerated, I only used a couple of the points and they were preety natural to me just like my mother taught me. In fact you dont need much if your a decent foreign guy to impress a J girl, its not because they are naive, its because they have evolved so much faster than the J men, they just want what every normal women want (except of course for the money hungry ones, be smart guys!) They just want what their guys don't give them, simple love. And yes, if your Japanese guy gives you all this too, good, make sure it doesnt stop when you have kids, haha. Its a common sickness here to abandon the wife after she has kids ( too much like the mother now!)

I have a 19 year old son who married a 20 year old j girl and they live in the usa and they are happy but her parents are not and they want them to divorce all because my son doesnt have a ged or we dont have lots of money we are trying to help them as much as possible her parents want her to go back to japan as she is in college and will be grad in 2014 so they told us as long as her visa is not ran out she is good and we can work on getting her a green card she loves my son and so does he loves her and they are trying to get pregnant now what can we do to help them please i need advice because she doesnt want to go to japan

I think if someone proposed to me saying

will you make me miso soup for the rest of my life?

I'd think it's the cutest thing ever! ; u ;

its embarrassing that not even one african man was interviewed on this subject. even though there are numerious africans dating or married to Japanese...

Probie: "No, it's true love. I'll try and get my wife to tape my blade. Toe to heel, and waxed! Although if she does it from heel to toe, she'll have to buy me "Makeup Flowers"."

No wonder you do not get the whole romance thing, you are doing it all wrong.

It must be from heel to toe!

If a man loves a woman why would he not do these things? Life can be very short. Do not waste time.

Tell her each day that you love her with all of your heart.

Hold hands like you did when you were small. It's a wonder of life we have too long forgotten.

Bring her flowers "just because".

Cook for her. Make her miso if she likes it. Why not?

Hold her in your arms like she is the most precious thing in your world....because she is!

Remember how cold and lonely life was before she came into your life. Treasure what you have.

Showing love and attention to your partner is the way to go, of course, but the problem in Japan is that Japanese women take it from granted when you're a foreigner ... and they don't return anything back in exchange. It's not a problem at all for men who are happy enough with giving. But, call me a pusy if you like, some men like me want to receive too. I think that the unhappy guys in Japan are the ones who (rightfully) expected to receive what they happily gave to their women.

where did you get that information? few are true, but mostly not, i have been in japan for 22 yrs ,ive got 5 japanese gf, havent experience like that,

Look, what's the truth I don't know, perhaps every girls are different. Believe it or not I do sex at least 2 times a week with my most amazing girlfriend for last 3 years. She has a job too. They love sex, but you need to spark it and give her 100% satisfaction. Dont forget to tell her, you are beautiful or amazing and taking care. They will love beyond your imagination if you are confident, intelligent and brave.

Wow O.o people have very bland and negative views of affection. Either it's a fantasy, temporary, or a redirection...a lot of people are very insecure about their relationships and of others. If they are happy than that's fine. There will always be fights and trials in marriage, it's a part of the deal. You need to form and mold to each other. My great grandparents would fight like no other, but they stayed with each other for more than seventy years until my great grandmother died. He still goes to her grave and talks to her memory (it's a comfort thing, I bet anyone would do it if you truly love your partner). I don't have many friends, only family and they fight, but still do all the sappy stuff that my aunts love. Every girl wants to have their partners attentions and that isn't insecurity, but need. EVERYONE needs someone to notice them and if you say you don't than you're a horrible troll. Humans in nature are social and you are no exception, be it a cat, dog, girl, boy...game, social sites and anything in-between. These are basic things that people want, but don't say they do. Just like a good hug by someone they trust. After reading this pull your honey into a big hug and kiss her/him (the way she/he likes) and whisper in her/his ear "I love you". See what becomes of it, I dare you!

Wow, it's AMAZING how many "men" on here are soooooo cynical. "it's fake, they are full of it, etc...".

MAYBE there ARE men out there who find WONDERFUL women out there who are worth all that they do for them. Just because you're a jealous 16 year old in your mommy's basement or for that matter a 3 time divorcee in your mommy's basement doesn't mean that 1) there aren't women out there that are great and 2) that there are men that love them that much. You little peckerweeds are stupid and have bad attitudes.

Good blog. The behaviour of the foreign partner could be seen as fascicle. Often the foreign male is labeled a fetishist, both by Japanese and compatriots alike. The JPN female sometimes holds exaggerated fantasies of marrying out, flying blind. Age disparity. Sometimes the foreigner is plan B. You know the crude joke about women and Xmas cakes, after the 25th...

I was w/ one for 12 years. It ended in tears, disappointment and heartbreak, the scar remains. Sure I made mistakes. All she wanted was the social status of a married woman, children and a provider. I wanted more. Affection, communication, shared goals... When she erroneously concluded I was no longer her best shot, she was gone. And she was unkind about. My blunder was naively, even cavalierly on the surface, assuming that she knew I couldn't imagine living out my life w/o her. But I did feel it in my heart. My parents warmly welcomed her on dozens of occasions. This was their new daughter. I lived an hour from her family home for over 6 years and was received once.

Ended up w/ another gal. Now I am saddled w/ a wife who cannot bother to learn the lingo here after 17 years, negligible communication, precious little emotional affection, but am blessed w/ a wonderful, bilingual son. Smattering of a few more languages. He is the reason I stay. I little bit of unprompted affection goes a long way, I don't get any. A hug, a peck for no reason. Yeah, I used the "miso shiru" line. Well received.

Actions and deeds do speak louder than words. Talk is cheap.

The J woman is extremely good w/ cosmetics, you can get a shock the morning after. Japanese women do age gracefully but many allow themselves to get frumpy, bachan-ish prematurely. In the interest of expediency I am doomed to speaking Japanese in my own home. And I have to manage all outside contacts.

I did feel like the "monkey in the cage" when I was on the dating scene. A novelty. Didn't like being viewed in that light. Or the raised eyebrows and the preconceptions aren't much better in California. I am cool with my Kyoto okaa-san. Says I treat her better than her own kids.

the article has a lot of truth to it. people can joke about this or be rude, but here are the facts. Times are changing... the world is evolving... and the days of hiding your self and your emotions will soon be a thing of the past. Today's world requires a certain level of openness... a certain level of transparency, communication and truth. As the world continues to meet each other, and merge... more and more we are learning about other cultures. The fact of the matter is that it is not just the Japanese women that are seeking liberation when it comes to expressing themselves (or being expressed to...), but it is also the foreign men who appreciate their not-forgotten femininity and respect for their boyfriend or husband's role as the man in the relationship. In the US, for so many years women have fought for their rights, fought for equality, fought for the right to be just. like. men... and to a certain degree it has backfired. Japanese women love the attention that, in this day and age is rather normal in other parts of the world. Foreign men love the feminine and respectful qualities of a Japanese woman, something that women from the US and other parts of the world have perhaps forgotten. So this "trend" if you will is no coincidence. It's the Japanese women, and other foreign countries... finding that much needed balance that each country on its own is perhaps having trouble finding at the moment... The Japanese women are rightly seeking something they deserve in this evolving world... I think it is certainly true that the Japanese men are perhaps not seeing the signs, or are pridefully hanging on too tightly to tradition... and in some cases... they may be missing the boat. We can say the same perhaps to the foreign women who are clinging too tightly to this concept of equality and women's rights... be careful what you wish for... because you may win the battle... and lose the war.

Japanese or no, women are women, and we like to be made to feel special once in a while. Not too much to ask, anymore than a man asking for sexual needs met. We have emotional needs.

I would like to see a follow up survey of these women after a couple of years. My concern is that these guys could be batterers. Warning signs are: Get too involved too quickly; cycles of fighting and making up; overly affectionate; always need to know what she's doing; puts her on a pedestal; isolates her (has her move away from country/family/friends); rarely calls her by her name (uses pet names); many of these women are older than the men. Some of these guys may BE great guys OR they are guys who know how to ACT like great guys. I urge anyone in this situation to search the internet for "warning signs of batterers" & information of domestic violence before moving halfway across the world with him.

I wish that guys would act like that some times, and it is sweet that they do this for their partners, honestly if a guy was honestly able to treat me that way then, I wouldn't care if he was a foreigner or not.

This list makes me so depressed...

"saying I love you on the phone" -- really? Japanese men can't say "I love you" to their girlfriend / wife??

"kisses me over 10 times a day" -- This is sad, if she's happy about 10 kisses a day does that mean kisses between couples are rare in Japan?

The flowers, pet names, proposals and other things are material or superficial. I personally wouldn't care if I got them or not, but not being kissed or told that I am loved, those things would really depress me.

what a joke, i dont believe they cant say i love you to their girlfriend or wife. Is it really important to japanese girls the confessions being given by us foreigns, what about true love. Anyways japanese girls are dumbs and are being deceive by foreign looks, its so easy to tell that the looks are what they are after not about romantic expressions.

Japanese culture still has more traditional gender roles than the west in many respects. Heck, many Japanese men still expect their wife to do all the cooking and cleaning. It's not just spouting romantic lines that is appreciated. It is being willing to openly show and tell your partner just how much they mean to you.

Being able to do that goes far in any language.

Not sure what I did when I met my wife but what ever it was we have been married 46 years we are the same age.neither one of us were looking for what we found but it is all good and true love.some of these stories sound real fake to me

HHmm I am reading this and thinking. This is the stuff I love to do... Maybe not the I want to see my reflection in your eyes bit. I also enjoy doing the dishes Together. I enjoy leaving love notes. It not every morning in my last relationship. But I enjoyed it alot. I like to give flowers often it is not for firsts I give them to mother also. As long as I have money in my account. I don't however like to clean. if I'm bymyself I don't purchase stuff and slowly get rid of stuff if I'm in a relationship. It drive me nuts to have lots of stuff. Disorganized.

Anyways i enjoy cheesey romance.