8 types of men you’ll meet on Japanese dating sites

By Hilary Keyes

If you're just getting into the dating scene in Japan, you have plenty of options to choose from when it comes to meeting men — only if you can set your filter high.

So it may have been a while since your last date in Japan and you’re looking for something new. The guy from Tsutaya isn’t your cup of tea and you’re now moving on — to the world of online dating. While this is a world on its own and yes, there are chances you may find your ideal man out there, there are a few species you should rather trade for the elderly lady next door.

So who are the black sheep behind your screen? Here’s my list (based on some careful and very dedicated “field” research…)

1. Decent guys looking for a relationship


Okay, they do actually exist, so let’s get this part out of the way before anyone says anything about “not all men.” Keep hoping: there are decent Japanese guys that use online dating. Some are simply too busy to go out in real life, some are quite shy about approaching women in public, some aren’t confident in their ability to speak English enough to make a Western woman happy … the list of issues they might have had meeting women in the past can be extensive. They are hard to find, and you need patience to sift through the rest of this list in order to find them, but you might find someone particularly special if you keep at it long enough.

2. Serial online daters

Generic profiles, standard headshot, and waist-up photo, brief and perfunctory messages are the hallmarks of multi-site users. Yes, there are men who think that one isn’t enough and for whatever reason, they are on multiple sites, meeting and chatting with numerous women on the daily. They seem to think that “multitasking” will make it easier to meet their “perfect wife,” although none of them seem willing to quit the sites once they’ve met someone. Several of the men I spoke to were appalled at the thought of a woman wanting to shop around for a man to meet her own standards, and many were all too willing to “mansplain” my own life to me, so this is a category I would probably warn against dating — unless you’re a fan of arguing.

3. Quarter men

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© Savvy Tokyo

©2020 GPlusMedia Inc.

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I don't think foreign women are looking for Japanese men on online dating sites.

If it is foreign men looking for Japanese men, oh well.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

The only mention of foreign men is the entry about people seeking visas lol I'm leaving the country with my Japanese partner, she's wanting to leave more than me!

5 ( +6 / -1 )

A married Japanese guy I know uses these sites to take advantage of women looking for a marriage partner. I hope none of them fall for it.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Beware when entering this swamp.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

An online magazine that discusses issues relevant to women is fine, and I can’t imagine anyone in this modern age arguing otherwise.  But try this thought experiment; an online magazine with a focus on men’s issues. Then, an article entitled “8 types of women you’ll meet on Japanese dating sites”.  For want of a better expression, this article is an example of “reverse sexism” that is so damaging to the whole point of Savvy Tokyo and empowerment of females. It seems people unwittingly have one foot in the past.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

A male friend was dating so many different women on different dating sites that he kept a spreadsheet to keep up with all of them, their preferences, schedules and monthly cycle.

Eventually, he found "the one", asked her to marry him, and was turned down.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

First off, I am a man. A foreign man and I have heard the complaints before that most foreign guys are taken and the Japanese guys are, well, like you mention above. I have heard that online dating is the thing these days, but I don't know. I see plenty of Japanese men taking part in hiking clubs, cycling clubs, working out at gyms, having coffee in coffee shops, eating by themselves in restaurants, that are probably no.1's as listed above. The question is how to meet them. I met my Japanese wife the boring way, in an empty Starbucks in the states on a rainy day where we were both taking shelter. Somehow we started talking about what I was working on and after an hour, I realized the place was full and I had to go, but I knew I met someone special. You can't ever know that by pursuing photos online. Get out there, sign up for classes, workshops go to art galleries, whatever and wherever the kind of person you want to meet might be. Find a way to make eye contact, flirt, start up a conversation. That's how it's done. It must still work.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

I met my wife of 8 years from some dating site that used to be part of JT. Went on like 10 different dates with different women, and hit it off with this one. What is cool is that we don't cling to each other and both pursue different hobbies and interests. Keeps things mellow so we enjoy it so much more when we go out together.

We do cook together daily etc. And we both do the wash.

I wish I could recall the name of the site.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

A male friend was dating so many different women on different dating sites that he kept a spreadsheet to keep up with all of them, their preferences, schedules and monthly cycle.

Eventually, he found "the one", asked her to marry him, and was turned down

That's ok, plenty of other women in his spreadsheet for him to choose from.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

They forgot the Mama’s boy, Shy boy, the Frugal “Ketchi,” the “A-hole, “ etc.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I'm a no. 3.

I love listening to girls say, "I don't usually do this." or "No, I shouldn't." or "dame" (but pull you closer) or "You... you want to?" or my favorite, "I'm not so easy." (yes you are!)

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Summary judgements is definitely high on the list of things I find extremely annoying and counterproductive in so many women and that article is chock full of them. It even goes so far as to recommend extreme action on the basis of "vibes".

0 ( +1 / -1 )

This one is kind of funny to read. I mean this whole hook up culture would NOT exist unless women were willing participants LOL!!

And now some "warn" about it...….ok...……...

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I have tried them all, gotten fwb, one night stand or nsa hookup on a few, but this dtf hookup app, KinkDr, has far exceeded my expectations and given me hope in the possibility of finding singles, swingers or fetishes to hookup or BDSM. And also many singles and swingers like japanese.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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