9 types of guys who shouldn’t even bother showing up at 'gokon' parties

By Karen Masuda

In Japan, "gokon" parties are mixers meant to set the stage for finding a mate. They are designed to help young adults find at least a relationship, if not a suitable marriage partner, and are often organized by businesses like in the ad at left.

The average "gokon" brings together around three to five people of each gender and takes place at a restaurant or izakaya (Japanese-style bar). Groups are seated randomly, usually with seats alternating by gender so everyone can get to know each other better.

Business organizational skills aside, most women know that the chance of a relationship forming from a "gokon" depends on the efforts of the participants. A certain protocol must be followed if a man wants a woman to give him the time of day. If he is too out-of-place, then it could cause embarrassment all around.

Japanese website Otome Sugoren surveyed their female readers to find out what kind of guy they think shouldn’t even bother showing up to the "gokon" party. Men: be sure to pay attention so you know what not to do at your next "gokon." After all, while you may be there to play the field, women are serious about finding someone.

All the women surveyed were in their 20s.

【1】 Guys who are getting along well with their girlfriends or wives – “Married guys or guys with girlfriends need not apply to 'gokon. You don’t qualify.”

Participants are there to meet new prospects from the opposite sex, so it is not necessary for attached people to be there. It is annoying to have guys there who already have what we are looking for. It subtracts from an enjoyable evening. It is courteous for men with wives or girlfriends to stay away from "gokon." The only exception is if they are needed to make an even number. Then the woman organizer should be consulted.

【2】 Guys who can’t help create a good atmosphere – “It makes me feel silly for trying to liven things up.”

If there is just one guy who is even the slightest bit sulky, it can ruin it for everybody. The bottom line is that both sides have to cooperate to have an enjoyable time. He should keep a good attitude regardless of not having met someone who grabbed his fancy.

【3】 A guy who plays with his cell phone all night – “He is giving off the message loud and clear that there is nobody interesting here.”

If he doesn’t make an effort to talk to the women in the group, with his head buried in his cell phone the whole time, it can make things uncomfortable for the women. If he has something work related which he must attend to, he should explain that it is work related and excuse himself.

【4】 A guy who shows up in sweat pants and jersey – “That just shows how absolutely unmotivated he is. He should be a little more considerate of those of us who took time to dress stylishly.”

If he ventures to take part in a "gokon," he should be a little bit more careful with what he wears. He doesn’t have to be dressed immaculately, but it is good manners to dress up a little more than usual for a "gokon," giving the impression of a hint of good taste.

【5】 A guy whose conversation topics are all geared to the guys in the group – “It is a 'gokon' -- why only make interesting conversation with the guys? Why did you come in the first place?”

The women who are in the "gokon" will want to know why a guy like this bothered showing up. Conversation should be with the women. Guys should take to heart that the main difference between a "gokon" and a regular drinking occasion with friends is the chance to talk to women.

【6】 A guy who declares that he doesn’t need a girlfriend – “Um, you may want to reconsider that statement, this is, after all, a 'gokon.' (laugh)”

This isn’t the place to be making such remarks, seeing as it is a place where you are meant to perhaps meet your next girlfriend. What a turn-off for the women. In organizing a "gokon," it would be best if only guys who are positive about finding someone would participate.

【7】 Guys who drive to the "gokon" so that they can’t drink. “If someone has to stay sober, I can’t get drunk.”

One of the guys not drinking gives the atmosphere a strange tension. The effects of alcohol can be helpful in breaking the ice all around unless someone isn’t drinking. Unless you physically can’t have alcohol, it is better to arrange to be able to drink at a "gokon."

【8】 Guys who will be transferred to another city in their work, or have plans to study abroad in the near future - “Even if you hit it off with one of these guys, it means you might have to try for a long-distance relationship in the near future. That can be quite stressful.”

The exception would be if the guy’s hometown is the same as the girl's or the place he is being transferred to is the girl’s hometown.

【9】 Guys who don’t know how to talk to women - "Why should I have to take care to draw him out of his shell?”

If he is such a poor communicator, a woman may feel like she needs to help him overcome his shyness. Even if the numbers are even, if a guy can’t talk to women, then it is like he is not there. It is wise to find guys who are good at livening things up for a "gokon."

It takes a certain amount of effort for both men and women in order to carry out a successful "gokon." Expectations may bring on disappointment but one thing is certain, that it pays to be considerate no matter who you are.

Source: Sugoren

© RocketNews24

©2022 GPlusMedia Inc.

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So what should a slovenly, shy, teetotaling, introverted, transient, tech geek do to find a new potential mate?

11 ( +12 / -2 )

Shouldn't 'ugly' guys be on this list?

-2 ( +2 / -4 )

Interesting how JT always runs articles about the "bad" guys but I've yet to see an article about the 9 types of women men should avoid at all costs. Perhaps JT would like to have someone write such an article and balance out of the gender bashing?

Garo, no. Ugly guys with money are okay in this country.

10 ( +15 / -5 )


Why I even read this article, I don't know, but I completely agree with you.

5 ( +7 / -2 )

Did the chap on the right of the photograph just soil himself?

10 ( +13 / -3 )

4 of the 9 "types" all are basically the same complaint. Guy can't communicate.

4 Sweats and a sports jersey? In my long time here,or Canada, wherever, have never seen a guy go out to a social function wearing sweats and a jersey. Never.

In other words, there were possibly 5 different complaints

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

too funny

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Guys who can’t help create a good atmosphere – “It makes me feel silly for trying to liven things up.”

That's why some Japanese still use arranged marriages, for all the guys like this!

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I thought these were arranged for mutual discovery and exploration. To meet people that you might "click" with in order to pursue a potential relationship.

This article makes it sound like they are designed to provide demanding princesses with suitable males to pick and choose from.

How about a list of girls who "SHOULDN'T show up to these?

5 ( +5 / -0 )

How about a list of girls who "SHOULDN'T show up to these?

Gaijinfo - I think you're forgetting something - drunk women are welcome at any party with single men in attendance.

7 ( +10 / -3 )

the jersey thing may refer to "no yak/ chinpira", as that is kind of their work uniform.

jt- this time so disappointing. usually these articles have all kinds of stupid silliness we can make fun of. this time boring. #7 and #8 are kind of dumb, but not funny enough. worst in the series so far!

and like tmarie and tamarama said, get someone to write a bad girls article sometime.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

"a guy who plays with his cellphone all night"

"a guy who shows up in sweat pants and jersey"


1 ( +1 / -0 )

They should include guys who are AKB48 fans in there too...

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Did the chap on the right of the photograph just soil himself?

Either that or the girl next to him just stabbed him in the knee with a fork.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Shouldn't 'ugly' guys be on this list?

Not unless there's a minimum requirement regarding a female attendee's looks.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

why people in japan feel one MUST drink in order to have a good time is beyond me.

8 ( +8 / -0 )

Sillygirl... I was thinking the same thing. Why get hammered? If you're so pished you can't string a sentence together you're not exactly showing yourself off at your best. TBH the one not drinking because he's driving is the sensible one, not the tousle-haired SMAP wannabe rolling about on the floor pished.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

No b.o. should also be on the list. Judging by the smell on the trains I use, that would rule out at least 80% of the men here.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

How about girls who shouldn't apply/show up

Girls who seem to think that getting married is their meal ticket out of work

Girls who speak in that high pitch nasal sound that cause dogs in the neighbourhood to howl

Girls who look like they are playing dress up with mommy's make up and shoes

Girls who walk like a duck

Girls who can't stop playing with their cellphone

Girls who expect guys to create the atmosphere

Girls who expect guys to pay for everything

Girls who are maguro and expect guys to do all the work

Girls who refuse to move if they get married and their spouse gets transferred

Girls who think that a guy should slave all day at work and then come home and look after the kids and help around the house even if wifey is a housewife

Girls who think talento like "Lola" are kawaiiiiiiiii!

I could be here all day with this....

10 ( +13 / -3 )

tmarie - By all means, keep it going!

4 ( +4 / -0 )

slaps self

Anyway, it definitely is true that there a lot of women out there who have lots of high standards who are single, and look to be staying that way. Pricing themselves out of the market so to speak.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Girls who wear granny panties and other contraptions to make them look smaller only to explode once the gear comes off

Girls who wear padded bras

Girls with snaggle teeth

Girls who stop in the middle of the street in the pigeon leg pose, hand limp in the air while they check their mobile

Girls who squeal like pigs - see number 8

Girls who must use the words or phrase as most of their communication with others 'Kawaiiiiiii", "Oishiiiii". "Majide?", "Yada", "Uso", "Eeeeeeeeee!"

Girls who think that looking helpless is cute and attractive

Girls who shuffle around in their shoes and make that very annoying sound once relates to school children

Girls who do the "look at me, I'm so busy" walk/run/shuffle

Girls who dislike cooking, cleaning, laundry... yet want to quit their jobs once married and become a housewife

Girls who ask others how much they make and how much their boyfriends/husbands make

Girls who know the price of everything, the value of nothing

Girls who think melting down a chocolate bar and stuffing it in some heart shaped paper cup is "making" chocolate (doubly stay away if they prance around while giving out said chocolate)

Girls who get trashed after one drink

Girls who stalk and think it is okay

Girls who have their nails all made up and look like idiots because they can't do the simplest of things like hold a pen due to said nails

Anyone else care to join in or are you all just going to sit there and nod in agreement? ;)

12 ( +14 / -2 )

I swear to good I had them numbered correctly and it changed when I hit enter!!

0 ( +1 / -1 )

"Guys who dont know how to talk to women." Ah. If he could approach women and smooth talk them he probably wouldnt be at the gokon. And I thought at least half the guys at those things WERE married or attached and looking for some extra action. Come on girls. Don`t be so hard the guys.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Back on topic please. The subject is guys, not girls.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Glad to see "foreigners" was not on the list.

But perhaps it doesn't need to be.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

tmarie, you sound like a woman after my own heart... but I guess you're taken :)

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Tmarie, you forgot duck lips. Any female OR male who makes duck lips when a camera comes out shouldn't be allowed out of the asylum, much less anywhere where couples congregate.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

A guy who shows up in sweat pants and jersey – “That just shows how absolutely unmotivated he is.

That's providing a honest sample of what he'd look like as a hubby.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Tamrie - you have made this article worth reading...Many, many thanks.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Other guys to avoid;

a/ the ones who still play fantasy card games like Duel Masters, even though they are of legal drinking age.

b/ guys who spend more than15 seconds in front of the bathroom mirror after doing their business.

c/ guys who smell like they gargle with natto and fish semen

d/ guys who own more hair care products than the average of the girls at the party

e/ at the other end of the spectrum, those who appear not to own/know how to use a comb.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

This article is better summed up like this:

Girls don't want real guys at gokon.

3 is easily be contradicted by this:" If he isn't talking to you because the phone is better company, it's because you are boring him to death with your stupid topics"

7 is easily be contradicted by this: "If he's only good drunk, what the hell are you going to do when he's sober? Sober guys can be great" --- Also: "I only drink to make YOU more interesting!"

9 is easily contradicted by this: "If he knows you don't want him there, it's YOUR fault he isn't good at talking to girls LIKE YOU"

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Am I the only who has traits from all nine types?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Girls with snaggle teeth A woman with bad breath/ smokers breath and/or snaggle teeth.

Isn't that's like saying you want nobody of such color of skin or hair, or of a certain size, or with any physical particularity you see as a defect, or, of course, a disability ? I don't say you have to fall in love with people regardless of appearance, but you guys, you're stating they shouldn't get invited nor try to get married.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

No that isn't the same at all Coz. YOu can change bad teeth and bad breathe, you can't change your skin colour (unless you're Michael Jackson). If the girls can't to be picky, why can't the guys?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

And they wonder why this country has a declining birth rate... tmarie you made reading this worth my time Kudos on your list.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Tmarie......lmao, snaggle teeth...hahahahahaha......

1 ( +1 / -0 )

tmarie - awesome ,you are definately on a roll - I nominate you for the "best JT contributor -ist award"!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

If everyone took a shower and got dressed on site, everyone would look and smell nice. The organisers could provide lockers so all phones etc could be locked safely away. Everyone to dress in the theme of the night ( costumes provided) Ninja/geisha night Toga night Beach party night Police ball night Adam & Eve night Zombi night Harry Potter night Gangster night Pimps and pros night Make it more fun by getting people out of their normal comfort zone and play roles in a theme orientated party atmosphere. Dress up is a good equaliser and mood changer. Have some fun.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

One type of guy that probably shouldn't turn up is the good looking confident type that is only looking for a one night stand and has absolutely no intention of forming a relationship.

I've met and known so many of those guys. They leave a trail of lonely girls until one turns out to be a stalker...

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I just don't believe on the "Gokon". Women who participate there are just targeting men with BIG yearly salary so that they could retire from work and let the man pay for everything even her weekly get together with her girlfriends..

If you watch the television and see anything about Gokon, asking about his yearly salary is the biggest factor of all.. Even if you are a nice guy ,i f you don't have the salary they want then you're out... Yes checking how much he earns is not a bad thing, but if that's what you ONLY want then it's just totally wrong.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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