Times change, as do many things. Even dating norms now look wildly different to what they used to be; what would have once been totally normal now might seem bizarre, and vice versa.
A great example of this is Japan’s dating and marriage scene over the last century. Japanese dating app Omiai has released a special review of the evolution of love in Japan, breaking it up into five distinct periods, so let’s take the opportunity to explore how the romantic trends and dating customs have changed through each of them.
● Wartime and Postwar Period (1926-1940s)
During this time, marriage was a matter of national policy, heavily promoted by the Ministry of Health. There was the famous slogan of Umeyo fuyaseyo, which means “Be fruitful and multiply,” or more simply “Everyone, have lots of babies.” However, people weren’t just popping out children willy-nilly. In fact, marriages were almost always arranged marriages, based on the partners’ social status and whether the potential bride would be suitable for birthing healthy children. Getting married for romantic love was essentially a non-existent idea.
Back then, boys and girls were discouraged from sitting next to each other after the age of seven. If you had been hoping to sit next to your crush and nonchalantly brush their arm with yours, you’d sadly be out of luck, unless you wanted some judgmental gazes aimed your way. Non-married couples tended to favor places away from large crowds and prying eyes for dates, such as shrines and riverbanks.
● The High-Growth Economy (1950s-1970s)
After World War II shook everything up, Japan went through some major changes, including in its approach to marriage. Omiai says the government decided that a little less control was necessary, and stopped proactively asking people to marry. In spite of the newfound freedom, arranged marriages didn’t exactly disappear. By that time, the roots had been planted quite deep into society. After all, arranged marriages have been around for centuries. The typical practice was to have a neutral third party, such as a professional matchmaker, bring together a couple depending on social status, education, and other factors.
However, a sparkling new alternative was on the horizon: love. With a greater reliance on social networking, people started picking out their own partners through their workplace connections and friendly neighbors. Finding love at work became more common.
Even so, marriage wasn’t only for love: for men, it could also be a status symbol. According to Omiai, a married man had much more credibility. With the economy thriving, single-income households became the norm. While the men were out working, the women were running the home. Of course, this led to a number of traits being desirable in a prospective partner, which included social status, a stable paycheck, the aptitude of a housewife, and a willingness to obey the husband. Despite all the talk of how romantic marriages were the ideal, love seemed to take a backseat to practical considerations in the end.
For dating advice, a lack of internet search engines resulted in all of the best tips coming from friends or seniors in the office. Cafes, parks, movie theaters, amusement parks, and department stores were all popular dating spots.
● The Bubble Era (1970s-1990s)
With the money flowing and TV dramas setting romantic expectations high, the dating culture exploded. People started to take a “seize the moment” mentality, choosing to date people they met through social gatherings, at matchmaking parties, or even approaching people they saw on the street or other public places.
Even though love was thriving, Omiai claims that what people were searching for in a partner didn’t change a great deal: women wanted financial stability from a husband, and men wanted a good mother for their children and skilled around the house for a wife.
Heavily inspired by all of the TV romance, couples threw themselves into dates at fancy nightspots and city hotels, and went on skiing getaways and overseas trips. Going for long drives was another popular date activity, and so guys having their own car had a leg up on their competition in the dating scene.
● The Age of Female Independence (2000-2015)
Casting off long-held beliefs, women secured better jobs and became independent. Financial security and marriage were no longer joined at the hip, and the old-school ideas of “women waiting to be chosen” and “serving their husbands” faded fast.
Omiai mentions that men have shown themselves to be slow on the uptake of women’s new place in society, resulting in a disconnect between the genders that can sadly be said to still be seen in some places to this day. With greater autonomy for women, the old desirable traits were thrown out of the window, focusing instead on whether their sense of values aligned and their compatibility as a couple as the deciding factor on whether to get married.
While internet searches were increasing, people turned to the TV and magazines for the hottest dating information, with a notable increase in wallet-friendly domestic getaways.
● The Present (2015-Today)
Nowadays, dating apps like Omiai and social media have made meeting new people easier than ever: you could even discover your future partner while you’re sitting on the toilet (not that you should ever tell them that). People look more at values and interests than ever before, and society is opening up to the idea of romance beyond the traditional man-woman pairing.
Dating was once all about getting out of the house, hitting those trendy spots, and trying the latest food craze. Now, Omiai remarks that more people are content to stay home, order takeout, and stream something for a date.
A century can turn the dating scene on its head, so who knows what is next? Will the next 100 years be full of VR dates and AI soulmates? The future of love is a mystery waiting to be explored.
Source: PR Times
Read more stories from SoraNews24.
-- More Japanese are marrying friends and acquaintances because they don’t want to bother with dating
-- Young Japanese adults show lowest dating experience level yet in annual survey
-- Roughly 40 percent of single Japanese men in their 20s have never been on a date, survey says
- External Link
- https://soranews24.com/2025/03/22/a-century-of-love-how-dating-and-marriage-have-evolved-in-japan/
13 Comments
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Yrral
Same as it was in the feudal days,, loveless
Negative Nancy
This is very interesting. The relative recency of people being able to make their own decisions goes some way to explain the current problems with people matching themselves up.
I'm not from that culture at all, but I actually think there are some benefits to arranged marriages in certain cases. People from similar backgrounds do tend to find themselves on the right footing because they will share similar experiences. I'm not sure how this works in the present day, but I think in the simpler times of days gone by it probably helped a lot, and communities were tighter in those days anyway. My own grandparents in northern England were not at all from an arranged marriage, but the families will have known each other to some degree and they might have discreetly worked out a way to get grandma and grandad to meet. They were so happy together.
I find it interesting that it says that men are 'slow on the uptake of women's new place in society'. I think that's true, but its not an easy thing to admit to in the modern world. I think we would have preferred a more traditional martial life with my wife able to take care of more things at home, but 21st century financial constaints mean that it is no longer feasible.
kohakuebisu
The financial constraints are artificial/man-made in that the government will pay for a hoikuen to look after your baby but it will not pay you to stay home with your child. The truth in Japan is many parents (mothers) will place a baby in child care and then go to a job that pays less than the cost to the government of providing the child care. The actual cost for a child under two is over 350,000 yen a month, and even more for a baby, a child under one.
We do not have care responsibilities but I would imagine that it is the same with some disabled or old people who need care, Families may be forced to use a facility, which gets funding, because the government will not pay a family member to provide an actually superior level of care at home. Most mothers provide superior childcare to a hoikuen too, but pointing that out just upsets people and makes you sound like a "tradwife" fan.
Millions of men work jobs they do not like to support their families. The jobs themselves do not give the men validation or satisfaction. Making both parents do this rather than just one is hardly "progress".
Negative Nancy
I absolutely agree with you, well said. On the subject of child care, the two-class system behind youchien is plain discrimination. Only those who can afford to have someone at home to recieve their child when they finish youchien will have the educational benefits. If you can get a place in hoikuen (not guaranteed), the kids are not formally educated in the same way. I've seen youchien kids who can read and write before they begin school, while hoikuen kids are starting at zero.
I think men here have a thankless task of having to pull in the lion's share of the salary and they're now expected to be a full-time housekeeeper and child carer as well. The result is poor quality of life for the man, who can no longer directly benefit from his hard work because he doesn't draw the salary of previous generations. Everyone loses out because dad/husband is not there and is burned out when he is!
So, in summary, we have both parents in work but still struggling to make ends meet. The kids are not spending time with their parents in their formative years, and by no fault of their own they are in sub-standard care by well-meaning people on the minimum wage. The parents are tired and burned out from working and commuting etc, but the housework and childcare etc etc is still there. It makes all the talk of dating seem quite futile and pointless. What a bleak situation!
Wesley
Truth is, it's the women who are "slow on the uptake of women’s new place in society". They claim they want "independence" but still expect the men to foot the bill.
They still want a man who earns more than them.
For all that talk about being modern, strong and independent, they can't handle being truly independent.
Negative Nancy
Beware of the leeches!
Yrral
How can a Japanese woman find happiness in a loveless marriage, from a Japanese men that cannot help her grow spiritually, personally and emotionally
Abe234
YrralToday 06:15 pm JST
Let's reverse that "How can a Japanese man find happiness in a loveless marriage if a Japanese woman cannot help him grow, emotionally, personally and spiritually" too. And all he is, is work more overtime; we need more money, I want to quit my job, have lunch with my friends, and kick the husband into the spare bedroom as she sleeps with the kids. It takes two!
iron man
I am wary about commenting. BUT, a typical definition of a family with filial duties, does not apply anymore.
Mothers and fathers can decide to have a child and do it their way, no marriage just an ever lasting love and affection. ok finances need to be ok, triple happiness time. mmh time-out- W update in ,,,,millisecs
iron man
NN and others, It does depend on the parents agreement (oops thro love in there big time), lady got business ambitions(non-corp.) but wants child early so that she does not spend 12 hours a day on her business, radical, why? mmmh fortunately we could afford to 'cos we both earned well but spent frugally. it's not what you earn , it is about how it is spent.
travelbangaijin
Dating apps have given women the false reality she has options; she doesn't. She have a limited window to find a man who truly loves her before she turns into a Christmas cake. Women can meet the right man in the real world but waste her time chasing illusions on a phone dating app,
Cephus
travelbangaijin,
"Dating apps have given women the false reality she has options; she doesn't. She have a limited window to find a man who truly loves her before she turns into a Christmas cake. Women can meet the right man in the real world but waste her time chasing illusions on a phone dating app,"
Interesting, on X, someone said if she is past 25 years and not taken, guys think twice before taking her in.
Jeremiah
Reading the last paragraph informed me that dating and marriage is now devolving in Japan, not evolving toward stability.