A foreign girl’s guide on how to discuss sex with your Japanese guy

Sex is an essential topic that will — better sooner than later — come up in your romantic relationship, but when it involves international couples, language, and cultural barriers may make one (or both) of you uncomfortable at times. What language should you talk dirty in, and how do you express your fantasies without turning each other down? Is it culturally okay to ask your guy for a stop by at a love hotel — or how the heck do you comfort your guy if he’s worried about his size? These are situations that many foreign women dating Japanese men may be going through. 

Let’s go through all of them one by one.

1. What language to speak in the bedroom

Thankfully, sex is a universal language which requires fewer words and more actions. But you’ll still need to talk about it at some point and you may be wondering what language is the best, especially if your Japanese isn’t perfect. If you’re worried about language issues, start by saying something vague like “I’ve never done this in Japanese before… (日本語では初めてだから… nihongo de hajimete dakara). This will make your guy realize where you’re heading to and will make him supportive — he may even offer to teach you how to talk dirty in Japanese.

Words like “stand up” (立って, tatte), “sit down” (座って, suwatte), “on top” (上で, ue de), “from the back” (バックで, bakku de)”, or “hand job” (手コキ, tekoki) are common and useful as a start. Other terms to remember include: “it feels good” (気持ちいい, kimochi ii), and if you want him to stop, say “ちょっとやめて” (chotto yamete, “stop for a minute”). If you don’t feel comfortable using Japanese, however, there’s no need to — approach the matter in your own language. Your guy will most probably love it anyways!

2. Size Matters

This is a discussion that I have had more times than I care to remember over the course of my dating life in Japan.

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