Today is the age of online everything — online shopping, entertainment, research and arguably the most important, online dating. Thanks to traditional dating websites like eHarmony and the ever-infamous dating apps like Tinder, society is starting to lose one of its most basic social skills: having a face-to-face conversation. Am I the only one here who misses simple things like that?
We’re human beings and I think it would be hard to argue that human beings are not social creatures. Our ability to express our thoughts, feelings and emotions through verbal communication is one of the unique characteristics that set us apart from every other animal on this planet. That and opposable thumbs. So why are we limiting this basic human skill to mere digital messaging where our words are oftentimes misinterpreted anyway? I’ll tell you why: We’ve become so used to digital communication that a face-to-face conversation is now scary and uncomfortable.
So am I doomed in my search to meet that special someone via photoshopped pics on my phone?
That’s when my roommate told me all about Aisekiya.
What is Aisekiya?
Aisekiya (相席屋) is a combination of the words, 相席 (aiseki; “sharing tables”) and 屋 (ya; “shop”). Take Tinder and speed-dating, mix them together and throw them into a 居酒屋 (izakaya; “Japanese bar”), and you’ve got yourself one Aisekiya. Walk inside and you’ll see a dimly-lit restaurant filled with table booths. However, the main purpose of these booths isn’t to order a meal. It’s so you can chat it up with your assigned pair. And the bonus is that a buffet and drinks are available as well. #score!
If you’ve ever heard of 合コン (gokon, joint dating party), this is very similar to that group dating concept, but Aisekiya is different in that the pairs meeting each other are totally random and have no connections whatsoever. Sit down at the booth, paired with a couple of guys, raise your glasses and kanpai (cheers) to a hopefully enjoyable night.
How Aisekiya Works
No need to set up a reservation here! You do have the option to download the Aisekiya app (new male customers can receive a discount on their first reservation), but as this is a more casual way of meeting new people, most people go without one.
The first thing you’ll be asked is how many people you’re with (most people will go as pairs) and then wait to be seated in a booth. While you’re waiting, the waiter will ask for your photo ID (no one under the age of 20 is allowed in) and what you’d like to drink. For the ladies, you’ll be handed a red card (blue for boys) with a letter on it—this is like your group ID card. Once a booth has opened up, you’ll be seated in an empty booth to await your pairs or be seated in a booth with a pair of guys already sitting down.
Grouping
Grouping is done according to the time that you enter Aisekiya. If there are a couple of guys who enter right before/after you, chances are that they are the guys you’ll be paired up with. Keep in mind, this is group dating so if you go alone, you won’t be able to get in (go to one of “The Single” locations instead.) If you go in a group of three or four, they will try to group you with another group similar in numbers. That being said, pairs are the most common so I recommend going with just one bestie linked to your arm.
Something worth mentioning is that I was the only foreigner in the entire izakaya. If your Japanese is a bit rusty, I highly recommend going with one of your Japanese friends. Chances are the men you’ll be paired with are Japanese, so this is a great opportunity to practice your language skills!
Changing Partners
Here’s where the Tinder aspect comes into play: although you can’t literally “swipe left” the moment someone you’re uninterested in sits down, you do have the power to change partners whenever you want. Unlike Tinder, however, the people you don’t want to talk to anymore are sitting right in front of you, so you can’t just be a savage and yell, “Next!” Aisekiya requires you to be a little sneaky in your tactics: “Go to the bathroom” or “get yourself another drink” and while you’re up, secretly hand your group ID card to a waiter. Within 5-10 minutes, the waiter will come to your table and say that it’s time to switch and voila! You’ve successfully swiped left.
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- External Link
- https://savvytokyo.com/
6 Comments
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factchecker
Basically speed dating. So nothing new. At least you can see the ladies faces this way and not stupid profile pictures of food.
Zaphod
factchecker
Agree. There is a market for this kind of thing, and FTF is definitely better than some smartphone app.
kohakuebisu
The story describes how staff will try to do stuff to break the ice, like magic tricks. Me having to feign enthusiasm for magic tricks or any "America's Got Talent" type routines would likely destroy any chance I have of making a favourable impression with a lady. All of the studio audience jumping up with the "Oh My God!" in response to usually cliched entertainment on those Simon Cowell shows just strike me as self-centered idiots.
fwiw, the book by the Motley Crue biographer, Neil something, about pickup artists says routines about horoscopes and magic tricks are very effective at picking up ladies, again, it will be a certain type of lady. That book is a very depressing read.
Speed
This is a very culturally self-centered Western point of view. Japan's cultural norm has always been (until recently) that married men, especially those who've been for a long time, engaged in extra-marital liasons outside the home.
My Japanese parents and granparents generations' women used to resign themselves to the fact that their men drank and partied outside with mizushobai women. It didn't seem to bother them that much and they even seemed to enjoy getting them out of the house.
As long as their men didn't bring any of it home or have any real attached feelings to these women, it was fine. Home and family and "the outside" were two different spheres.
syniksan
Not sure it's totally western. French women think there's something wrong with their husbands if they don't have a bit on the side. Out of sight out of mind is still in play for Japanese married people though.
Zaphod
Speed
Spot on! Judging a different culture with standards of ones own just shows ignorance.