Being dumped in a different country is heartbreaking and frustrating to say the very least. But, before you cover yourself with your futon and refuse to leave the house for the next few weeks, read on for a few tips that will help you deal with it, eventually helping you return to that fabulous woman you were when the relationship first started.
Breaking Up In Japan
Over my time in Japan, I have done my share of dumping and being dumped. Neither are fun. Like in many other countries, breaking up here tends to either come to you as an unexpected lightning from the sky or simply fade away — in other words, hard and soft breakups.
Hard breakups: This is the messy type. (S)He goes out of his way to be mean to you, picks fights over insignificant things and throws ‘culture differences’ in your face, is unfaithful to you, or, goes for the throat with an “I don’t see this relationship leading to something that aligns with my goals for the future,” and there’s not a single thing you can say that will get them to speak with you again.
My ex-fiance combined the last two and got his co-worker pregnant, so that was a fun breakup to deal with on Christmas Eve (yes, he told me that over the phone on Christmas Eve). This is a rare case though, and I hope you never encounter it. Either way, this is a shocking thing to deal with, but the good thing about it is that you’d know there’s no going back (and there shouldn’t be). Leave the memories behind, and thank all heavens you didn’t end up with a partner like that.
No one is irreplaceable, after all, and if your partner is avoiding you, it’s time to find someone who won’t.
Soft breakups: This is the slow killer. Their phone is acting up, they had to work too late, suddenly they start saying things like “I don’t think it’s necessary to text all the time,” “I don’t have time to message”, “I’ll let you know when I’m free”, “I have to work more overtime now”, or otherwise become less available, less talkative, and less interested in speaking to or seeing you.
This type of breakup saves face for the dumper — they might not technically be lying when they say they’re busy, but literally, they’re saying “I’m not interested enough in this relationship to make time for it.” It’s harsh, and in some ways more painful than a hard breakup, because it can take weeks, even months, for it to happen. You find yourself feeling that something is off, you try to find excuses for them and persuade yourself that they may just need some time off, and that you need to be more understandable. You’ll find yourself thinking about this all the time, wanting to find answers, yes being scared to ask. If you care for that person, give them a week or two to process whatever phase they’re going through and if things don’t change, then you’ll know it’s time to move on. No one is irreplaceable, after all, and if your partner is avoiding you, it’s time to find someone who won’t.
Regardless of whether it was a hard or soft breakup, it will be difficult for some time. But hiding in your room for ages won’t lead anywhere. Here are five things to do to recover from a breakup and move on.
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3 Comments
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cybermate
It ain't easy after all! Whatsoever that one would do, it will come back and memory will always haunt you... such moments spent "supposedly" were heartfelt and honestly.. cannot be easily forgotten or abandoned!! After all... it is life...
Nerakai
Who is this advice for? It's like reading a textbook. It's gonna be hard anyway regardless I know all that or not.
DelBoyTrotter
So, what's the difference between breaking up in Japan and breaking up in any other country? Besides the fact that dating across cultures makes things more complicated. You've just contradicted the premise of your own article.