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Cheaters beware – 30% of Japanese women have checked boyfriend’s cell phone

46 Comments
By Casey Baseel

What are the requirements of a happy romantic relationship? A set of shared values is important if you’re looking for anything more substantial than a fun fling. On the other end of the scale, common interests are good to have too, for those lighter dates when you and your partner want to do something other than discuss your life philosophies.

Many people would say the most critical element, though, is trust. After all, no matter how attracted you might be to a person, without the ability to trust one another, your collective jealousy and insecurity will eventually poison any potential you have to be happy together. Of course, building that trust can be a long, difficult, and sometimes scary process, but it’s something you eventually have to do, right?

Not if you’re one of the roughly 30% of Japanese women who’ve secretly checked the messages on their boyfriends’ cell phones.

Match Alarm is a Japanese matchmaking service specializing in what’s known as "konkatsu," helping marriage-minded people who’re searching for a serious relationship. Recently, the company asked 3,277 single men and women if they’d ever checked a dating partner’s phone, to which 32.8% of women said yes.

In comparison, only 20.6% of males asked admitted to the same transgression. We’re not sure if this is because men are nobler, or because they’re just too dumb and/or arrogant to believe that any woman could be dissatisfied with them.

The main justification women gave was a suspicion their boyfriend was being unfaithful.

“I felt like he might be seeing someone else.” “I’m worried he might cheat on me.”

It’s also worth noting that while many people in other countries try to remain on civil or even friendly terms with their exes, for the most part this generally doesn’t fly in Japan, as illustrated by the woman who said she checked her guy’s cell “to make sure he wasn’t in contact with his old girlfriend.”

Sometimes, the boyfriend brought this suspicion upon themselves. “I checked it because I saw him secretively playing around with his phone. A woman’s intuition is always right!” asserted one respondent.

We can understand being concerned if your boyfriend goes outside to talk every time he gets a call or gets upset if you so much as look over while he’s writing a message, but on the other hand, we can think of plenty of times when a guy might be doing something with his phone and not necessarily feel the need to show or explain it to his girl.

Of course, not every woman was motivated by doubts about her boyfriend’s devotion. One replied that she looked at the messages on her boyfriend’s phone because “I love him so much, I want to know every little detail of his private life.”

It’s worth noting that the exact Japanese phrase she used, "suki sugite," can also be translated as “I love him too much.”

Yet another didn’t necessarily think her boyfriend was up to anything, but looked at his phone for what she felt was another compelling reason. “I did it because he looked at mine,” she explained.

While we agree that revenge makes a great sub-plot in murder mysteries and action films we’re not sure it’s such a great fit in the script for a good love story. Ditto this woman’s comment.

“I know it’s wrong to look, but I just can’t help myself.”

We don’t claim to be all-knowing love experts, and having never met this woman’s boyfriend we can’t say whether or not he’s actually deserving of the benefit of the doubt his girlfriend refuses to give him. Still, we don’t think we’re being too bold in suggesting that, regardless of what initially set you down that path, any time you find yourself describing your actions with “I know it’s wrong, but…” at least one of two things is going on.

First, it’s possible you don’t fully understand what “wrong,” means. Second, and this is the one we’re pretty sure of, the person you’re dating probably isn’t the one for you.

Source: Match Alarm

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- Advice from Japanese women on dealing with your boyfriend’s anime girlfriend -- Japanese women dish about being betrayed by their female friends -- Which manga heroines do Japanese comic fans wish they could be?

© RocketNews24

©2019 GPlusMedia Inc.


46 Comments
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This is all a bit rich considering how endemic cheating is here, across BOTH sexes.

1 ( +6 / -5 )

Yeah, and how many have two phones? C'mon...

2 ( +5 / -3 )

If you must cheat, keep your phone locked or use a password protected email account or even better still, one night stands without exchanging any personal information, simple.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

given how easy it is to accidentally open a smartphone, most people should be locking them anyway. I got tired of pocket dialing or snapping photos of my pocket, so i started locking mine...if you're stupid enough to leave it openly accessible and have something going on the side, you subconsciously want to get busted.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Recently, the company asked 3,277 single men and women if they’d ever checked a dating partner’s phone, to which 32.8% of women said yes.

And the other 70% are lying.

3 ( +9 / -6 )

I never lock my phone, I don't need to lock it, the phone is never out of my sight and my wife would never go through my phone, I would never go through hers, we have that mutual respect and even if she did, I would know. But maybe for some out there, they have something to hide and that's why they think they have to lock it. I am not saying that is the sole reason, but definitely a good reason. But I also think that many of these women have insecurity issues if they have to go snooping around to see if their partner is having a fling. Also like "sighclops" said, many have 2 phones. If you can't relax and you feel something, try and talk it out, but no matte what, if a spouse wants to cheat, they will cheat and no technology is out there to stop it.

-1 ( +3 / -4 )

Trust is earned. You get the benefit of the doubt until you screw up. And then when you do, if you want to stay in that relationship, you do whatever it takes to prove you can be trusted again. Including access all areas. And if you cant do that, or cant be bothered - do yourself and your other half a big favor and GTFO.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Nathalie

Few relationships will long-survive the strictures you seem to have placed, because of the violation of trust. it seem the breach of trust for you is insurmountable.

Perhaps that is the case.

-2 ( +2 / -4 )

I think the numbers are a bit off for men. I think the number of snooping men should be a bit higher.

It is to your benefit to be smarter about technology than women. People who have smart phones aren't as smart as the device they use daily to contain their private lives.

You don't really need to have physical access to your partner's phone.

All programs have backdoors and ways to MIRROR or force the program to divulge the information you seek. In this way you aren't prying secretly but just the opposite. You are exposed to it.

Just an example.

Make a Facebook account exclusively to communicate with your partner. Don't add ANY friends to it. Suddenly....viola.....All your suggested friends turn out to be the people your partner is in contact with. The frequency of these suggested friends is based on how much activity your GF has with them. If you have never heard of this friend...then you have good reason to ASK your partner about that person.

It's good to study the algorithms used on Facebook!!!

LINE is a different story and I'll keep that little secret to myself.

Point is......you don't have to snoop. A cheater can't help but make a mess. You'll get all the info you'll need just by being smarter than your smart phone. Women make a much greater effort to cover up the mess but unfortunately for cheaters we live in the digital age and her passcode just isn't good enough to cover a cheating footprint.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Few relationships will long-survive the strictures you seem to have placed, because of the violation of trust. it seem the breach of trust for you is insurmountable.

Which is why you then GTFO

1 ( +4 / -3 )

Yea reminds me of a first date I went on, not long after I had arrived in Japan. Was having lunch with her and my phone bleeped having received a text, she asked me in quite a menacing way "who is that?". I decided not to see her again.

3 ( +6 / -3 )

Nathalie

People are different. What worked for you does not necessarily work for others.

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

The person who cheat goes low... by any standards...but so does the person who goes check into other peoples phones.

Without mutual respect there is no relationship at all. Some time ago, I caught a former girlfriend of mine checking my phone without my consent, that relation ended in that moment.

Same as Bass4funk, I don't go through my wife's stuff, she don't go through mine. Even when she has my approval to do so when she wants to.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

If you are not confident in yourself or/and in your relationship, you are probably inclined to see your partner's phone. If you can't help and look, that means something needs to be worked on your relationship. I'm not interested in secretly checking my husband's phone.. I am confident he's mine (and I'm his) :)

0 ( +2 / -2 )

I would really hate to be in that "headspace!" Never checked my wife's phone or address book. Never ask her where she is going or who she is seeing, I only ever ask what time she thinks she'll return?

3 ( +7 / -4 )

I'd been helping a female friend of mine through a divorce and had taken to bringing our 子機 upstairs (don't do cell phones). When my wife expressed a bit of jealousy, I actually felt a bit honored: Really?! At my age?!

(She quickly got over it once she realized how ridiculous the scenario would be.)

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Nathalie

Few relationships will long-survive the strictures you seem to have placed, because of the violation of trust. it seem the breach of trust for you is insurmountable.

Perhaps that is the case.

Sounds like a case of one that's already been cheated upon.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

That's why you password protect your phone! Haha.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Have never checked a guy's phone. Sorry but if one is that insecure in the relationship, they shouldn't be in it. I'd also suggest it is way higher than 30%. When chat about this comes up, I am always the odd woman out. I trust my husband and his phone is his and I respect his privacy. Lord, must be a nightmare to date some of the women here.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Gawd! One woman is enough trouble! Why would anybody want two? It reminds me of an old joke: What is the penalty for polygamy? Having two wives!

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Just to add, plenty of men here have two phones. Private and work.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Check a partner's cell phone?

That's old hat...

These days, what you do is surreptitiously install a location tracking app on your partner's smartphone and then track his/her movements in real time on your own smartphone.

Works very well!

1 ( +3 / -2 )

30% is too low!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

”Cheating on" is such a heavily-loaded western concept. It wasn't in the original Japanese text here at Match Alarm 「浮気が心配」、「怪しい行動があったから」.

http://prtimes.jp/main/html/rd/p/000000044.000005816.html

True trust should be deep enough regardless of whatever temporary phase your partner may be going through. If it snaps the first time the other person has a fling, then it was not really trust after all, and divorce rates will shoot up correspondingly.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

I mentioned this story to my wife this morning. She told me she'd love to read my cell phone, except that she wouldn't be able to understand it even if she did go through it (she doesn't speak English).

-4 ( +1 / -5 )

We’re not sure if this is because men are nobler, or because they’re just too dumb and/or arrogant to believe that any woman could be dissatisfied with them.

With the ugly LDP heckling incident not even a week old, what is a journalist doing uttering this kind of sexist garbage?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Try to be open to each other to avoid suspicion. Let him see your celphone!!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Lucky. I don't have a phone. :-)

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Sounds like a case of one that's already been cheated upon.

Yes. It is. And watching the pain and trying to support as best I can as she tries to get over the massive betrayal of trust she had had in him for so many years is horrendous, to say nothing of what it has done to their young children.

If he didnt want to be there he should have done the right thing and left before starting all this nonsense. Yes, she caught him through his phone. So sue her. Sometimes the signs are so clear shes not going to just bury her head in the sand and pretend its not happening. Nor is she going to just walk out and break up her family without proof. Which she now has.

She wasnt a a "crazy wife" But shes not an idiot either. You people joke about cheating like its entertainment and anyone who suspects it is happening is crazy. Try watching someone you care about go through it and see the effect it has on the children.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Trust is given to a degree and needs to be earned as NathalieB suggests. Being a guy and knowing how most guys are that I have known most of us are dogs. I have always earned easily and remained loyal simply because I did not want to be cheated on.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Cheating is no worse here than anywhere else.

1 ( +2 / -2 )

The first thing that comes to mind when you read this article is "Seems legit, shes just checking if her bf is cheating which in some cases he is." The reality, as I have experienced it, is girls accusing you of sleeping with every female in your contact list/e-mail/facebook/ etc including 50 year old co-workers with families. "This girl is hot, did you sleep with her?" "This girl is pregnant, is it yours?" Japanese girls take jealousy to a new level.... (NB: Purely anecdotal)

1 ( +1 / -0 )

All these comments about "Put a password on your phone then" and "Let her see your phone"

How about don't cheat? Yes, I think that's a pretty good idea.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

If you have to check your mates phone you don't trust them in the first place, so why would you be in that relationship in the first place?

Find someone you trust and then your hearts will never get broken.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Japanese girls take jealousy to a new level....

I really don't think this is a Japanese thing, though lol

I think people who have had a bad experience in the past and/or people who are insecure in their current relationship tend to want to get some sort of "security" by checking their partners phone but the reality is, that the piece of security they are looking for is never found by checking partners phone.

instead of checking partners phone, they need to work on their relationship first.. for those who suggest password block, well, if your partner is that insecure, the fact you pasword block your phone makes her feel even more insecure.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

That is more like 30% of women HAVEN'T checked their guy's phone(s). Many of the Japanese I know, especially the married ones, check their menfolk's phones on a regular basis and even discuss what they find on there! Many seem to think it's their right to because it's ALL in the family, whereas many couples allow each other to check out each other's phones to show how honest they both are. In my culture, this would be like going to someone's private drawer and opening up their snail-mail or peeking into their diary. I guess trust and respect for people's' privacy is a hard rule to follow here!

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

@Fishy Checking your phone is worldwide but I have never had accusations of sleeping with 50 year old married women and pregnant girls until I visited Japan.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Tim_Fox: Cheating is no worse here than anywhere else.

Strongly disagree.

-4 ( +0 / -4 )

If you have doubts about your partners fidelity, then that person is not right for you. Everything else is just an excuse.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

My phone has password-protect because I've had my phone stolen before. But anybody I don't mind borrowing my phone I share my password freely.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

This is really just common sense. Protect your phone, delete the history. Do whatever is necessary. And that's the least of it. Don't forget to make it a regular routine to shower at odd hours and do your own laundry. Smells, hairs, lipstick, unusual behavior, unusual schedules, being seen in unusual places... the list goes on. Don't cheat unless you are ready to cover your tracks - and that takes a lot of work, a good memory, a high tolerance for stress and constant vigilance.

That's why I don't do it.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Whoah. I've been in quite a few relationships in my time, but not once ever have I felt the need to check up on a boyfriend's extracurricular activities like that. Perhaps I just don't tend to date very appealing men.

Japanese girls take jealousy to a new level....

Yes, they really and truly do. You would be horrified if you knew the lengths that some of them go to to keep track of their boyfriend's actions (if the boyfriend is a foreigner it only makes things worse, as they can them accuse him of sleeping not only with every Japanese woman in sight, but with every foreign woman as well).

In one case, my colleague went as far as secretly stalking her boyfriend from Osaka to San Francisco just to make sure he wasn't seeing other women. Fortunately for her, he definitely wasn't sleeping with other women. Unfortunately, he definitely wasn't sleeping with other women.

Another colleague was friends with a travel agent, who was able to track the unsuspecting boyfriend's moves across Japan as he went about on his business trips.

Boys beware, hell hath no fury like a Japanese woman scorned!

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

I agree with the posters above - a lot of Japanese women are mental when it comes to irrational jealousy.

I overslept once because my alarm didn't ring.

"Why no alarm? What happened?" began my fruitful vine. "I don't know - maybe the batteries are loose"

Ominous silence. Then

"Why are Ruth's batteries in your clock?"

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

I suppose it depends on what you want to keep private. If it's an app to your bank then yes, I suppose there could be concerns, but if you are cheating on your partner then getting caught is the risk you take.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Just 30%? I thought for sure it would be closer to 60% or more!!!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

My wife and I both have pass-codes on our phones...this is in case someone steals our phone then has access to all the things you usually have on a smart phone. We know each-others pass-codes but yet we never check each-others phones. Trust is a very important thing in a relationship. If your checking your partners phone often, it might be a good idea if you just man up and talk to them about how you are feeling.

Cheaters in my opinion are one of the lowest forms of society. If you are going to cheat, then break up.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

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