lifestyle

Condom maker reveals results of national survey on sex

68 Comments
By Philip Kendall

Known the world over for impeccable manners and social etiquette, yet at the same time home to a thriving sex industry, Japan is a country of stark contrasts. What goes on behind closed doors is seldom discussed in public and yet with risqué manga and adults-only bars and stores in plain view in most city areas, there are likely few urbanites who aren’t plainly aware that behind its deep bows, well-regimented table manners and ceremony surrounding even the seemingly trivial act of exchanging business cards, Japan has a naughty side.

In a recent survey carried out by Japanese condom manufacturer Sagami Condoms, however, 4,100 people from all over the country disclosed the intricate details of their sex lives, discussing everything from when they first started doing it to how often they have sex today and whether they’re completely satisfied in bed.

In the survey, Sagami asked participants aged 20-60 from all 47 of Japan’s prefectures a number of questions about their sex lives. With the answers collated, the company was left with an enormous pool of data to analyze, organize and summarize.

The first time

Sagami’s survey revealed that it’s none other than the feisty Okinawans who are, on average, the youngest when it comes to that magical/awkward/traumatising first time with a partner, with the average Okinawan being just 19.6 years old when they make their initial foray into the world of sex. Coming in a close second, however, was frosty Aomori Prefecture at the northernmost tip of the island of Honshu at 19.7 years. Temperate Kochi Prefecture in Shikoku followed in third place with an average age of 19.8. At the opposite end of the spectrum, though far from being late starters, the guys and girls of Ibaraki Prefecture wait on average until they’re 21.1 years old to express their love physically. Wait, this is a survey about love, right!?

Experience

But after that tentative start, just how much do the people of Japan like to play the field? Well, according the group surveyed, if you’re living down in Kochi Prefecture, you’ll have around 12 notches on your bedpost (providing you adhere to the traditional notching rules and not the newfangled ‘per occasion’ system…). Okinawans also made an appearance in this category, coming in second with 10.2 partners on average, closely followed by the residents of Aichi Prefecture with an eyebrow-raising 10.1. Well, the prefecture’s name does include the kanji for love after all…

Cheating

Your chances of getting a little on the side are highest in Shimane Prefecture in the Chugoku region of Japan’s main island, where a whopping 26.5% of those asked admitted to having cheated at least once. Shock horror, indeed! Toyama and Mie prefectures both clocked in on the cheat-o-meter at 26.2 and 25.6%, respectively. The people of Akita Prefecture in the northwest, meanwhile, showed that they can absolutely be trusted to remain faithful, with only 15.4% saying that they’d ever cheated. Who else wants to give Akita a hug all of a sudden?

Frequency

Issues of fidelity and numbers of partners aside, what we’re sure most people want to know here is which prefecture is getting down to it the most. With the population of Japan steadily decreasing, which region should be commended for helping the country out? (Although, this being a survey conducted by a condom manufacturer, perhaps these aren’t really the people to call on for that particular job…) The people of Kyushu’s Saga Prefecture ranked in at number one, with respondents saying that they had sex 2.79 times each month. Fidelity-loving Akita also said that they had grown-up playtime 2.62 times in the same period, perhaps indicating that a regular sex life can have a positive effect on your relationship overall. For all their passion and bling, however, poor old Osaka came in dead last, with the Sagami’s results suggesting that they have sex just 1.52 times each month.

Satisfaction

We’ve talked frequency, cheating and selfish love, but just where can we find Japan’s best lovers? Interestingly neither Japan’s most sexually active (Saga) nor unfaithful (Shimane) prefectures ranked in the top three, with Kagoshima down in Kyushu taking the top spot for overall sex-life satisfaction with 55.8%. Number two was Yamanashi Prefecture with 55.7%, and in third place quiet little Fukui Prefecture, where 54.8% of those surveyed said that they were happy with their sex lives. Poor old Ehime Prefecture and Ibaraki, who statistically start late and have fewer partners, came in at the bottom end of the scale along with Tokyo’s neighbor Chiba Prefecture.

Source: Sagami Condoms via IT Media

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- Soccer Scientifically Proven to Raise Our Sex Drives -- Google’s 2012 Top Search Results Reveal Saitama Prefecture’s Fondness for Tiny Breasts -- Chinese Website Defuses Diplomatic Tensions by Breaking Down Japanese Stereotypes

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68 Comments
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Interesting

Below are some survey results from "Durex" that compare Japan to the rest of the world...

" For "sexual satisfaction" the survey put Nigeria in pole position at 67 per cent, followed by Mexico at 63 per cent, India (61 Per cent) and Poland (54 per cent).

The least sexually satisfied people in the world, according to the survey, are the Japanese, with 15 per cent of respondents from that country giving their love lives a thumbs-up.

“On average, South Africans have sex 120 times a year — considerably more than the global average of 103,” the statement read. “It is the sexed-up Greeks who have the most sex, at 164 times a year; with Brazil next (145), followed by Poland and Russia (both 143). The Japanese are the least sexually active nation, being intimate just 48 times a year.”

Another interesting thing that struck me is that the average age for a Japanese person's first sexual experience is almost a full two years older than their peers in western countries.

No wonder the birth rate in Japan is declining....

10 ( +12 / -2 )

Two things that stood out for me in this survey were the very late age that people first have sex compared to the west and how infrequently they have sex - less then 3 times a month.

Also good to see Kagoshima tops the chart for satisfaction - that's where the wife is from so I take some credit here.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

Don't take it wrong, but I think the Japanese need to get laid.

No, I am not kidding. I think that the Japan as a society would fare much better psychologically if people had the time and inclination to share sexual encounters more frequently with their spouses or their girlfriends/boyfriends.

12 ( +12 / -0 )

I found these statistics very interesting. My first time having intercourse was at age 15 (sophomore in high school) and I probably had close to ten partners before I graduated. I am married to a Japanese woman and we average 6-10 times a month and have a 3 year old child while working on our next.

Clearly Japanese don't have enough sex. With long commutes and longer work hours and, what seems to me, marriages devoid of affection...for the most part. Though this juxtaposes with what seems to be a high level of sexual deviancy. If anyone has studied this, I'd be interested to hear some theories as to why.

8 ( +10 / -2 )

Typical Japanese homes and adult lifestyles don't leave much time or space for hanky-panky. You have to live here in a regular Japanese town or small city to fully get this. There's nowhere to go, no privacy inside or outside the house, no time, no spare energy for this, people coming home exhausted and greasy and unfed at 9 or 10 pm and comatose all weekend, moms run ragged doing 100% of everything for home and kids. Young people can't sneak one upstairs in the bedroom since you can hear everything from anywhere in the house. There are major chilling effects. It has to be seen to be believed.

14 ( +14 / -0 )

One reason for the infrequency would be that Japanese parents tend to sleep in the same room as their kids when they are young. My wife and I are the same. Therefore we need to wait until our kid is asleep, lug out the extra futon and lay it out in a different room. Kinda breaks the mood when you have to "prepare" for it, rather than it being spontaneous.

8 ( +9 / -1 )

I wonder if the stats for being unfaithful include visits to the likes of soaplands. I work in a very male-dominated company and talk of the best establishments after a few beers is as natural as talk about the best ramen shops.

5 ( +7 / -2 )

In the 15 years I've been here, it seems to me that married people (mainly men) are doing all the shagging (not with their wives) and the single people, who are free to do it, simply aren't. From my alpha male persective, young blokes doing the sad puppy sleep thing on their girlfriend's shoulder, plucking their eyebrows on the train, or being too interested in whether their hair mousse is holding, probably need to eat less soy and get more sleep and exercise.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

Perhaps it would be interesting to compare notes with "Nigeria" and see what's "lacking" on the Japan side.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

I've been saying this for a long time now. Japan needs a Barry White, a Marving Gaye, or something along those lines to get popular.

Instead you have all these pop music fan boys chasing girls that aren't even allowed to date.

Come on Japan, "Let's get it on"

0 ( +2 / -2 )

It strikes me that the Japanese responses are very honest above and comport with my reality and that of my friends married to Japanese. I suspect other countries may have inflated figures.

Also, the pill is not widely used in Japan that could be another reason the figures are low.

@badman, if you are getting that much sex per month Gosh bless you and enjoy it while it lasts! I have three kids and it takes world class scheduling to fit it in.

6 ( +8 / -2 )

What's the underlying issue here?

Effeminacy.

Men need to be men. You look around, men carrying handbags. Checking their hair in the train. Ads for men's cosmetics on the train. Men looking more effeminate than the women on TV. Boy bands. The list goes on!

Where are the role models?!

-5 ( +6 / -11 )

Sigh, or perhaps it is that women don't want to give it up after kids? Perhps because they are tired? Or perhaps tanshinfunin plays a role... Lots of reasons but yes, like a typical western male, you've decided to place the blame on Japanese men. Bravo.

5 ( +8 / -3 )

Maybe we should stop putting as much emphasis on sex as the be-all and end-all to any and every romantic relationship:

Do we do it often enough? For long enough? Is it good enough? Are we skilled and caring and adventurous enough? Should we do it now or later or not at all? What will people think of us if we do it or don't do it?

All this pressure... no wonder people prefer to put their time and energy into something more fulfilling!

What other animals invest more time and energy in studying and discussing it than actually doing it, than humans do?

0 ( +5 / -5 )

@Maria

's good though, innit? ; )

4 ( +5 / -1 )

@lucabrasi - Sure it is!

But sometimes, a nice cup of tea and a piece of cake will hit the spot (whatever spot it is that needs hitting) more effectively!

-1 ( +4 / -5 )

With the answers collated, the company was left with an enormous pool of data to analyze, organize and summarize.

Jeez, with the tactful writing of this story I'm sure the above words were carefully chosen to envoke another sort of image of the 'pool' that was collected in the minds of these so called 'naughty readers'.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

MumbaiRocks: It strikes me that the Japanese responses are very honest above and comport with my reality and that of my friends married to Japanese. I suspect other countries may have inflated figures.

Why would they be any more honest than any other group? Someone has to be on the bottom, no pun intended.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

2 times a month?! wow... no wonder...

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Twice a month? Wow!, that's twice as much as I get.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

Japan is one of the world's largest producers of porn. Sex? Mendokusai.

5 ( +7 / -2 )

when you get to my age, what you save on condoms, you can spend on beer!

18 ( +19 / -1 )

with Kagoshima down in Kyushu taking the top spot for overall sex-life satisfaction with 55.8%. Number two was Yamanashi Prefecture with 55.7%, and in third place quiet little Fukui Prefecture, where 54.8% of those surveyed said that they were happy with their sex lives.

Doesn`t mean this sex is with their partners. Could be sex-life period...

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

This story could be entitled, "Japanese men least likely to lie about their sex lives".

Are South Africans getting their end away every other day? Really? Even the single ones or the ones who have been married for 20 years?

A 20-something in a relationship may well average once a day, even more, but this survey goes up to 60 year olds. Have you ever heard about the one year rule?

3 ( +5 / -2 )

Many or most Japanese women, after getting married and having kids, don't want or need sex any more.

Not only that, they feel it is no longer necessary to have an affectionate relationship (hugging, kissing, etc.) with the husband.

Maybe Japanese guys expect this to some degree.

For a non-Japanese husband, it can be a devastating shock.

He can try communicating with her, buy flowers to "put the romance back in the relationship", suggest counselling, etc. But IMHO these are very unlikely to have any effect.

Once she's decided to shut down sex and affection, that whole side of things is gone for good.

In this situation, what's a guy to do?

If anybody has any good ideas I'd love to hear them.

16 ( +16 / -0 )

@choiwaruoyaji

I don't have this problem and I don't think I will face this problem but in my home country if you are not satisfied with your wife and you both don't want to divorce then those who want can go look for another wife :).So I recommend to find another wife, ganbareeeee!

-4 ( +4 / -8 )

@choiwaru-kun.

I hear you loud and clear, bud, though I'd take slight issue with your first sentence. Japanese women don't lose interest in sex after marriage/kids . . . they lose it only with their husbands. Seems to be mutual. Most wives suffer in silence and simply accept their sexless lives as yet another shoganai aspect of their existence. But the standard knee-jerk reasons (too tired, too busy, lack of privacy) are really nothing but convenient excuses for much deeper social and interpersonal problems.

I became quite interested in the prevalence of sexless marriages in Japan, and published an in-depth article in a Japanese monthly mag a few years ago after interviewing nine such women. Most would have an affair at the drop of a hat were it not so "dangerous," cumbersome and difficult to meet the right partner. Many of them were regular readers of a few websites in Japanese for women stuck in sexless marriages, sites that offer tips on finding lovers, masturbation, toys, etc, and serve as a place for women to commiserate with others.

In what I find to be a lovely touch of irony, Mother Nature has created us men such that one of the best ways for us to produce the testosterone needed for sex is to . . . what else? . . . have sex. The more sex we have, the more testosterone we produce, so the longer we go without it, the more disinterested we become. And I imagine something similar is in play with women, especially post-menopausal women who, as you know, can still be quite foxy on the other side of 50.

Having been pretty much in the same boat as you, it's clear that you have three choices: a) get a divorce and find a new wife; b) continue your present situation and resign yourself to a marriage void of physical affection; or c) stay married and find a "sex friend." I chose the latter three years ago, a married woman, and we meet once a week for a full afternoon of fantastic sex. Seems to work just fine for both of us.

Good luck in your search for intimacy. It really is crucial for our overall mental and physical well-being.

2 ( +7 / -5 )

@choiwaruoyaji My married coworkers are connoisseurs of soaplands. I could ask them to point you in the right direction. When in Rome...

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

I can report that I did my darndest to up those stats in every place I spent time in Japan. Now I'm hitting home runs for Saitama prefecture every chance I get. My lovely wife.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

48 times a year!? That is not too bad. Considering women are out of commission for 12 weeks out of the year, that means they are getting some more than once a week on average. That is way better than me or any guys I know (both in Japan and Canada). I am maybe 30 times a year at the most and I am doing better than almost all the guys I know. I am lower than the lowest average in the world!? I am suddenly very depressed. Most guys I know are lucky to get it once a month while others have gone several years without any. I am just hanging around the wrong people or do these numbers seem exaggerated? Seriously, I dont know any guys who get it once a week. I am not at all happy with my 30 times a year. I just didnt know that I was so deprived. My wife plays Dragon Quest until after midnight every night. I think it is high time I found a hussy on the side. choiwaruoyaji. I really feel for you man. Do you have kids? If not, leave. ben4short. how did you go about setting things up with your hussy? did you tell her you were married from the get-go? They seem to back off when I tell them I`m married. If you can help us out, we would appreciate it. Any tricks of the trade?

2 ( +5 / -3 )

Most would have an affair at the drop of a hat were it not so "dangerous," cumbersome and difficult to meet the right partner.

Gee... much like how many feel about having sex with their husbands, right? And yet, the men continue to get blamed. Unreal.

0 ( +5 / -5 )

The Greeks are really doing it 164 times a year? So with the 12 weeks off for a woman`s period, they are doing it 4 times a week the other weeks? I do not believe this for a second. I think you are right Ah_so. The Japanese men are just less likely to lie about it.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

@Onniyama

how did you go about setting things up with your hussy? did you tell her you were married from the get-go? They seem to back off when I tell them I`m married. If you can help us out, we would appreciate it. Any tricks of the trade?

I'm not going to get into an "advice" thing, but I will say two things:

1) ditch the word "hussy," along with the judgmental attitude. I'm not talking about some slutty street girl. Morality is non-gender specific, so if one chooses to play that card, I'm as "slutty" as she. But we don't go down that road. Our 3-year trysts are mutually exploitative, so I'm cool with that part of it;

2) never lie about being married. Honesty rules.

@tmarie

And yet, the men continue to get blamed. Unreal.

I don't think it's fair to "blame" either the husband or the wife. Sexless marriages in Japan are simply the natural result of the dynamics of Japanese male/female relationships, starting way back in childhood.

@Onniyama (again)

Don't get hung up on the numbers. The old cliche was custom-made for sex: quality over quantity.

5 ( +7 / -2 )

ben4short. sorry to offend your sensitvity. thanks anyway.

-1 ( +3 / -4 )

I don't know if the higher ups are exaggerating their numbers, but I am not surprised it is low for married couples in Japan- as others said, the work week, the commute, no energy and small houses, thin walls etc. and the weird tradition of women putting on the housewife uniform after children, and refusing to take it off for a romp. Just look at birthrates, marriage rates and suicide rates here, I think it backs up the sex rates, which shows one's, er, "lust" for life.

Everybody is comparing on this thread. I remember I was a 4 or 5 times a week batter with 4 or 5 different girls in my twenties. Amazingly no one ever broke up with me and several of the consecutive relationships lasted for years. My thirties suddenly saw the breaks go squealing. Now, I am at zero times in two years, helping to keep that national average low. No better than the kids with gameboys who say mendokusai. Who was it above talking about how to get your testosterone going?

2 ( +3 / -1 )

ben4short. Dont you ever make fun of the way your grandmother used to talk? Hussy, harlot, tramp, homewrecker. Cant you tell when someone is being facetious?

-6 ( +2 / -8 )

The problem with Japan is that they worry too much about what people will think or say. Just do it.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

@ben4short

Cheers for the response.

To be honest it was more of a rhetorical question.

I've also been following "option c" for some years.

It does work out fine, doesn't it?!

More than fine, to say the least...

Japanese women don't lose interest in sex after marriage/kids . . . they lose it only with their husbands.

I think this is true for some married Japanese women but not all.

Some have told me that they have no interest in sex at all, so there's probably a mixed bag of reasons for Japanese women shutting down sex and affection after marriage and kids.

Whatever, it's the poor old husbands who suffer (or find other options as we have done).

(BTW I would like to see that magazine article (no problem if it's in Japanese). Any link or any chance of getting a scanned copy?)

Overall, I think it's a cruel and reckless thing for a partner in a marriage (m or f) to unilaterally decide to withdraw sex and affection.

It severely undermines the marriage... in fact, it's an outrageous thing to do!

No partner should meekly succumb to that.

All married people in this predicament... go for ben4short's 'option c' !

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Condom maker Sagami is worried about there sale of condom nothing else

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Sagami, what a depressing name for condoms...

Overall, I think it's a cruel and reckless thing for a partner in a marriage (m or f) to unilaterally decide to withdraw sex and affection.

Sex, I can imagine some physical and psychological reasons that render a person unable,,, and some couples live well without. A relative was happy 2 decades after her husband got an accident that left him unable to lift a finger, but they still enjoyed being together, exchanging tenderness by other means. Ending the affection, no, that's not acceptable. That''s why divorce and separation exist. Unless you're trying to become a philosopher, that is.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

It's kind of...disturbing how many people are advocating cheating as a good 'solution,' here.

It's not even a matter of putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. You're cutting open a new wound to distract you from the one that's currently bleeding.

2) never lie about being married. Honesty rules.

Does your legal wife know about this arrangement? After all, honesty rules.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

@Onniyama

four times a week is normal for us. No kids though.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Huh. The Japanese would be shocked by my hometown of Harlow then. The average first time is around 12 years old. Cheating is 87% likely, with some guys (or girls) having 3 or more partners. Bedpost notches are on average 27, though there are some individuals who claim to have over 100 notches. I was surprised by the Japanese frequency. 2 times a month at the most? In Harlow 2 times an hour is considered the norm. In a month, your looking at 500 times at least. Satisfaction on the other hand is something that can't be calculated. Getting an honest answer is difficult, but the estimate is somewhere around 54%, based on reliable sources. No surprises that Harlow has a massively high teen pregnancy rate. About 90% of all teens are either currently pregnant, or have been in the past.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

holy crap on average every 11 days, man no wonder Japans birthrate is doomed, im married with kids and a both parents work, but damn I can do a lot better than 3 times a month

1 ( +1 / -0 )

@Onniyama

The Greeks are really doing it 164 times a year?

Well, let's not forget "the Greeks had a word for it..." !

1 ( +1 / -0 )

The Greeks can't afford to do much else these days!

8 ( +8 / -0 )

Sagami only interviewed those who bought condoms, ie, active people.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

The Japanese (in general) are the most repressed people I've ever known, sexually and otherwise. Is that because they stick to stringent societal rules that often make no sense, molly-coddle their male offspring, and educate their children to think and act alike rather than allowing them to become independent? It makes for a seemingly well-run, safe, polite society, but underneath there is a state of unhealthy attitudes and behaviour. This is especially prevalent in male attitudes towards women.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

I think it's the stress lifestyle in japan with work and no play scenario. My ex (japanese) when he lived in the states were active almost everyday!! A lot of japanese families that I know that live in the states, gave birth 1-3x more than in japan. It gives me the impression that stress has an effect on a person physical n mental state of health.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

"Sex"? If it were not for the fact that this survey were carried out by a condom manufacturer, I would still be wondering what they meant when they said "sex." There is such a broad spectrum of definitions that I would otherwise have still been left perplexed by this article's reported data. After all, my Japanese dictionary defines "sex" as just touching sexual organs which then "may" include sexual intercourse. Yet, that would classify many doctors as philanderers. Mentioning "sexual intent" would go a long way in helping to delineate the word, but alas, it is not found. Lexical confusion and its practical consequences aside, good job to the condom maker for conducting such a clear survey in spite of it all.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

@choiwaruoyaji -

Not only that, they feel it is no longer necessary to have an affectionate relationship (hugging, kissing, etc.) with the husband. He can try communicating with her, buy flowers to "put the romance back in the relationship", suggest counselling, etc. But IMHO these are very unlikely to have any effect. Overall, I think it's a cruel and reckless thing for a partner in a marriage (m or f) to unilaterally decide to withdraw sex and affection.

I'm sorry to suggest this, but maybe your wife just doesn't love you anymore. Affairs will take care of the sex, but I doubt they will help you (or @ben4short) find the true intimacy or affection you say you are looking for and missing in your marriage.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

@Yardley

I'm sorry to suggest this, but maybe your wife just doesn't love you anymore. Affairs will take care of the sex, but I doubt they will help you (or @ben4short) find the true intimacy or affection you say you are looking for and missing in your marriage.

Though I can’t speak for Mr. Choiwaruoyaji, your over-simplistic post requires a bit of enlightenment. Perhaps the result of bad childhood experiences; perhaps the result of a hormonal imbalance or some other biochemical factors; perhaps the result of an anatomical anomaly that makes intercourse painful . . . there are more reasons than you or I can count why some women just simply don’t enjoy sex and never have, while others seem to live for it (as is also true of men, by the way).

I could tell you what my wife’s reasons are but they’re really none of your business. Wouldn’t life be dreadfully boring and predictable if we could so simply distill something as mysterious as human sexuality, without knowing a thing about the parties, into an explanation as naïve as “maybe your wife doesn’t love you anymore?” Watching too many movies, dude.

My wife and I have a great relationship after twenty-some years, communicative, caring, sharing the joys of our kids, vacationing, and all the rest of it. We both want to maintain the integrity of the family unit and neither one of us thinks of divorce. And like Choiwaruoyaji, once her passageway south of the border was sealed off, there is nothing in the world I can do to reopen it.

Furthermore, I resent your pretentiousness in “doubting” a single aspect of my life, in this case your silly comment about “true” intimacy. Quite frankly, you don’t know what you're talking about and are in over your head when it comes to love, sex and intimacy. Please try explaining to me the difference between “true” intimacy and the regular old type. Are we now at the point where we can qualify human emotions based on some arbitrary scale?

1 ( +3 / -2 )

The Greeks lied big time about the state of their economy when they entered the EC, hence the major problems there. Maybe they mean they think about sex a lot, but they don't actually do it.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Affairs will take care of the sex, but I doubt they will help you (or @ben4short) find the true intimacy or affection you say you are looking for...

No... they're helping a lot.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

So much for the the oft heard comment about how Japanese women age better than Western women. Even if it were true, what good is it doing them? The Western women I know who are postmenopausal say that that's when sex is the best; no worries about getting pregnant, no monthlies to worry about and feeling freer and more confident = better sex.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Choiwaruoyaji, Ben4short, you guys are scaring me. After our baby was born about one year ago, I have started experiencing the same, the family life itself is fine, but no more intimacy. I was hoping this is a postnatal situation that will solve itself in time and with some effort on my part, but your experiences suggest otherwise... I still hope, and I have not used option c (yet). Any advices highly welcome

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

It's kind of...disturbing how many people are advocating cheating as a good 'solution,' here.It's not even a matter of putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. You're cutting open a new wound to distract you from the one that's currently bleeding.

I don't quite agree with this.

If we use the medical metaphor, I prefer to consider it as "getting effective treatment for a chronic condition."

In fact, two have actually been nurses!

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Ian Robertson-

Sorry have to disagree. I am American and really love and respect "western" education and individuality, more so after spending two decades here. However that does not mean I look down on J culture as a whole, think it is worse, nor do I think any one of a number of societal problems that currently happen to be occurring have to do with any deep cultural practices being just "wrong" or "horrible".

Your analysis sounds an awful lot like the nice J ppl who will reveal to you after you know them that all westerners are outspoken because they are childish and selfish, and that that is why horrible and unthinkable mass murders occurr there. It's just a bunch of stuff tangentially related made into a simplistic cause and effect by an outside observer without enough understanding.

And frequency being low according to this article notwithstanding, actual attitudes toward sex here are much less repressed than in America anyway.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

If Johnson & Masters carry the survey I'm sure the results will be different. Secondly the sample size is not representative of all of Japan. Therefore reaching conclusion on sexual behavior in Japanese population is not confirmative from this unscientific survey.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

@timeon

Any advices highly welcome

Sorry I can't give any advices but can offer this tidbit of advice: keep making babies, whatever it takes (even if you have to convert to Mormonism). In your case that may be the only way to keep your wife's love spigot open.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Reading this survey reminded me of a time when I was talking about relationships in class with a bunch of 20 year olds. We were contrasting attitudes to relationships and sex. In short the students were saying the ONLY reason for sex was to have children, and once that was accomplished there was NO more reason to have sex. When I mentioned sex was fun, I got a 'No', from both the male/female students. They all agreed. My counter arguments were met with indifference, and a 'Whatever'. I couldn't do ben4short's option c, but each to their own. No judgments here.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

According to Chris Rock..

Guys, when you decide to commit to someone, you've got to commit. When you're in a relationship, you can't cheat. Wanna cheat, can't cheat. Dying to cheat, can't cheat. Can't wait to cheat, CAN'T CHEAT. Some guys gotta go to rehab not to cheat.

You know why you can't cheat? 'Cause you're gonna get caught !! I'd rather get caught stealing from the government than get caught cheating on a woman.

I'm more in line with this thinking hence I use the squeaking wheel playbook to get me some. Cuz I'm a grumpy so and so when I need some release.Doesn't always work straight away, but play your position and we cool.

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When you're in a relationship, you can't cheat.

I think a woman who shuts down sex and affection in a marriage... well... that's a kind of cheating... on the marriage contract...

It's a form of cheating on the reasonable expectations from a husband who went into the marriage for love and in good faith.

She's cheated him in one way, so he has every right to cheat her in another.

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Based on my knowledge of Okinawa, someone is lying if they say they're waiting til the age of 19 to start doing it. Just sayin'.

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timeon: Choiwaruoyaji, Ben4short, you guys are scaring me. After our baby was born about one year ago, I have started experiencing the same, the family life itself is fine, but no more intimacy. I was hoping this is a postnatal situation that will solve itself in time and with some effort on my part, but your experiences suggest otherwise.

Sorry about your situation but you might have talked to a non-Japanese female friend about this and worked out how you could have prevented it from happening altogether by being aware of how common this situation is. Most every non-Japanese woman I know has heard this same story from any number of her non-Japanese male friends. We all seem to know you're pretty likely to encounter it so it's confusing as to why it always comes as a surprise to you guys. My apologies if this doesn't describe you but it seems like so many guys think their lady is "different" and therefore won't shut them out sexually or that they, the men, are different and will therefore be able to change her mind about any such notions. It seems to speak to a general arrogance and lack of respect for Japanese culture that this sexual shut-down comes as a surprise to so many non-Japanese men.

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Thank you Ben. This is one of the strategies. We still discuss the matter, and she is as bothered and surprised as I am. We are trying.

Ambrosia, I really don't understand how would talking with a non-Japanese female friend solve my problem with a Japanese wife? I am talking with my wife about it and try to fix the situation. We also get advice from my male friends married with Japanese wives and from her Japanese married friends.

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timeon: Ambrosia, I really don't understand how would talking with a non-Japanese female friend solve my problem with a Japanese wife?

It's a bit late as my advice was meant to suggest that, not just you, but non-Japanese men in general have a talk with their non-Japanese female friends before you get married. As I said:

....but you might have talked to a non-Japanese female friend about this and worked out how you could have prevented it from happening altogether by being aware of how common this situation is.

Look, we all seem to know that this is a fairly common problem for you guys and whether we know that from having heard so many of our males friends complaining about it or from having heard our Japanese female friends talking about it, it's not a surprise to us when we hear, yet another guy with this complaint. I'm in no way suggesting that you shouldn't marry a Japanese woman or that you'll all have this problem but perhaps a little heads up from the ladies about cultural stuff that seems to pass the guys by for some reason might have headed off this whole problem. Also, a little open mindedness to the fact that when non-Japanese women tell you things like this it's nothing to do with jealousy or a dislike of Japanese women. By the same token, maybe there's stuff you guys could be sharing with non-Japanese women before they marry Japanese men, stuff that the women might not necessarily know for whatever reason. Cultures are different so it's good to go in armed with as much information as possible in order to know what to realistically expect. Again, too late for you to be doing that but best of luck to you and your wife. It sounds like you really want to make it work. I hope you can.

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before cheating, i would suggest a physical examination by a doctor. many woman experience hormonal imbalances that result in a decreased sex drive after childbirth. the solution may be that they need to take some hormone supplements. of course if the woman doesn't like sex and was just doing "her duty" in producing a heir and now wants to cease relations,and isn't interested in improving physical relations, i guess you would have to seek other options. personally i'd rather divorce than cheat. but that's just me. i guess if your spouse is ok with you having a sex friend that's fine for you.

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