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Divorced, separated Japanese fathers also fight to see children

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As sad as the custody situation is in Japan, the changes could be even worse. It would not be unlike the Japanese authorities to do a complete turn around and make visitation mandatory and set ridiculous income percentages for child support.

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Whislt I have every sympathy for any good fathers who can`t see their children (or Mums too for that matter) my sympathy dies a death pretty quickly when a guy who openly admits to bashing his wife around pleads his cause.

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I am fortunate that my Japanese ex-wife had the wisdom to realize that our children need to see me on a regular basis. (We negotiated our own divorce and I have weekly visits which I cherish.) I feel for those fathers that have had their children taken away from them in a system that regards the father as disposable. However I agree with Disillusioned, be careful what you wish for.

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as mentioned above joint custody needs to be done with common sense used not given automatically, too many men in Jpn feel they own their wives/family & joint custody cud prove disastrous, same as elsewhere its just that you dont see much common sense or analysis used in Jpn

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I got divorced from my ex-wife when my daughter was about 3 years old. We never had to go to court or any mess like that to settle things. Our divorce was emotional but we remained friends. We talked like rational people and I got to see my daughter every weekend. She eventually got remarried and moved to Canada. Recently, she wrote me an email saying that she has been thinking about the past a lot and that she really appreciates me for keeping a friendship with her and loving our daughter. It nearly brought me to tears. She had never said anything like that to me. I think the problems that these fathers have with their wives and being able to see their children ultimately come from something inside of them. They are driven by hatred and anger. Instead of seeing their children as a possession and their ex-wives as the enemy, they need to be build some kind of friendship with their wives for the sake of their children.

Every time I dropped off my daughter at her mother's house I would say "I love you. I had a really nice time today with you." For over a year I said that to her with no reply from her. Before she left for Canada, we spent our last weekend together and as usual I told her "I love you and I had a really nice time today with you." For the first time she said "I love you too daddy." Ultimately, it's about who you have decided to become that matters most. Your behavior should not depend on how other people treat you.

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@johnshiomi: It takes two for something like this-read the article the wives aren't letting the fathers have visitations. Usually the mothers refuse because of their feelings toward the father-they don't consider the child's feelings at all.

That being said couldn't they have found a father to focus the feature on who didn't beat the wife for christ's sake! There are plenty of us out here.

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clearly the 'abuse' angle will be played by all mothers who steal their children away from their fathers. It is a low, calculating slur designed to stick and create an unappealing image.

as for the case above... perhaps she deserved a smack? Any woman who would deny a father visitation sounds pretty unhinged already..

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I may be totally wrong about why it is that the mothers normally have custody over their children in Japan after the divorce. I believe Japanese mothers are much closer to their children for cultural and traditional reasons in Japan, while the fathers are the 3rd or 5th wheel in the family. This may be changing today, but believe from my observation of Japanese friends that mothers do have more influence over their children than do the fathers. There are reasons for this, of course, but that's a different subject.

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The laws on child custody and visitation rights in this country are complete outrage, and counter-productive to the well-being of the children. There's no wonder that other countries find it ridiculous.

"Japan’s government has argued that signing the convention may not protect Japanese women and their children from abusive foreign husbands." Ugh, casual racism rears its ugly head in Japan once more, suggesting that foreign husbands will ultimately be abusive.

Johnshiomi; your story is very touching, and if I were in that position I'd be heartbroken. I truly sympathise.

pdmc30; I agree, why did they choose a wife-beater to highlight this? That's an outrage in itself.

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It is shocking to know that the reason the Japanese authorities give for not bringing their divorce and child custody laws in line with the develop world, is protection of Japanese women from abusive foreign husbands. It seems to me that they should be more concern with how Japanese men treat their women. The case for foreign men abusing Japanese women would be less of a problem, since Japan as long been a society where it is acceptable or at least considered to be part and parcel of a marriage to occasionally hit your wife.

The Japanese authorities need to look more closely at their own society with its paternalistic approach that tacitly seeks to undermine the rights of women. It is often when a Japanese woman has had some foreign experience that they realize that their condition in Japan is to a large extent oppressive.

The idea that only women are capable of taking care of children goes to the heart of how Japanese society (or Japanese men) view women. It is rooted in the archaic notion that taking care of the house and children are mainly a woman's role.

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by cultural default, that’s the mother.

I'm sick of seeing that here. It normally used to be the father who got custody. I don't know whether it being the mother nowadays is because they're going too far in copying the west, or whether they're going too far trying to give mothers more equal rights, or a combination of both, but it annoys me to hell and back when people insist it's cultural in Japan that upon divorce a father loses contact with his kids. It's a new tradition.

If you don't think it's true, look at the story of Koizumi. He got custody of his 2 sons because he was the father. The third son was not yet born, so just got left to the mother and 100% abandoned by Koizumi. Did the third son have a terrible life with a mother who couldn't or wouldn't care for him? No. So why did the two older boys end up with a father who worked all the time? That's your cultural influence, not the new problem of mothers getting all the custody rights.

Incidentally, this situation has played out in most western countries too, with fathers going from the automatic custodians after a marriage breakdown to being the ones blamed for everything and being lucky to get visiting rights. Now the situation is less uneven in most western countries, with judges at least trying to put their prejudices aside for long enough to do what's best for the child, but it's far from perfect even now and will probably remain so forever. Japan too will gradually even up the odds, but it took an awfully long time in other countries so please don't hold your breath while you wait for change.

They probably could have found a man who didn't hit his wife even once for the interview, but could they have found a divorced couple who could honestly claim there was no violence whatsoever from either side? Maybe, maybe not. If he was claiming his wife had hit him you'd probably get even more outraged posts on here insisting that his wife is a virtual criminal. But who knows the truth in these cases? Either one can make up stories about the other and without some sort of evidence it's meaningless. I think judges shouldn't even consider accusations of abuse from the ex-spouse unless there's some sort of evidence that there were injuries, whether it's from a hospital visit where they claimed they fell down the stairs, or a neighbour who saw there were bruises. Not a perfect way to sort the truth from the fantasies, but there is no perfect way, and this situation we have in the world, where people can make up fairy-stories about their ex, is really not helpful at all to anyone, least of all the kids.

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johnshiomi: Thank you for sharing your story. We need more people like you in this world. Blessings to you, daughter, and ex-wife.

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My heroes on JT are Klein, Beelzebub, michaeltodd, Johnshiomi. There were few others but do not remember the name. I think there is a lot of strength in giving up something that is very dear to you.

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Nice try JT, but no cigar. Although this is an important issue which needs to be addressed, surely matters would be better served by raising the case of somebody other than an admitted wife-beater (then again, he only did it twice - lol). Indeed, by raising this issue and then trying to link it to the Hague Convention controversy, isn't the article being rather disingenuous considering Japan's current position with regard to signing the Hague Convention? Namely Japan has not signed the Hague Convention due to the possibility of Japanese children/spouses being left unprotected from abusive foreign spouses.

Viewed in such a light, it seems that the example of Mr. Yoshida does a disservice to all.

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the koseki system has to go...all it is and has ever been is a tool to be used for discrimination..be it early christians originally or husbands of any nationality in the present day.Only one parent can be listed on the koseki,so automatically the other parent misses out,regardless of nationality.

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Christopher Savoie can't really be charged, he was married in Japan and divorced in America the divorce must be filled in Japan for them to be official divorced, thus he is still the legal father of the children. The only charge he could be charged with is endangering children.

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Christopher Savoie can't really be charged, he was married in Japan and divorced in America the divorce must be filled in Japan for them to be official divorced, thus he is still the legal father of the children. The only charge he could be charged with is endangering children.

Hate to burst your bubble, but he can possibly be charged with parental kidnapping. Why, there is a litmus test related to whether or not a parent constitutes being a "care giver" under the auspices of the law. This is to prevent parents who have been absent from a child's life arbitrarily re-entering a child's life and kidnapping them without seeking the permission of the primary caregiver (usually the other parent or somebody acting in the role of parent). If the prosecution can successfully argue that this chap is not a "caregiver" as defined by law, then he is toast.

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look at the story of Koizumi. He got custody of his 2 sons because he was the father

I don`t think so. My impression was tat he got custody of his sons because he was from a powerful family with shedloads of money.

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timorborder:

surely matters would be better served by raising the case of somebody other than an admitted wife-beater

I agree. There needs to be a case where the mother was clearly being unreasonable in all respects. Is it that hard to find such a case?

If the prosecution can successfully argue that this chap [Chris Savoie] is not a "caregiver" as defined by law, then he is toast.

That should be easy enough. Noriko Savoie was caring for the children in Japan from birth. Chris Savoie left them in Japan to be with a lover in America. When divorced, the American court gave Noriko custody and Chris only got 2 weekends per month visitation rights.

womanforwomen:

My heroes on JT are Klein, Beelzebub, michaeltodd, Johnshiomi. There were few others but do not remember the name. I think there is a lot of strength in giving up something that is very dear to you.

I agree with you. Especially Johnshiomi's comments about most of these troubles arising from within the heart. The courts should only be used as a last resort. Those cases make the news and people discuss them avidly. But the real model cases are the ones where people did not need the courts at all, or only to help settle complicated issues that both wanted to have settled in arbitration.

Not all parents who divorce fight over the kids. Many parents realize that the spouse was good with the kids and want them to have visitation. But these cases will never make it to the headlines.

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Where to go complain about child abuse by Japanese wife to foreign husband.Let's know please.When she lives in Foreign country and she did not conect the phone line to children.when I want to talk with child.

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@johnshiomi

I just wanted to echo the comments already here - you are a fine example of how things should be done. Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. I get SO down when I hear all these horror stories and although my husband and I are very close and good at communication I do worry about what would happen if things ever did go downhill.

We rarely get to hear about people like you, but your story is incredibly reassuring, gives me hope that all is not lost in international marriage with Japanese, and I wish you, your ex wife and your daughter all the best.

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Bottom line, “This is a country that allows kidnapping.”

His admittance should not be a case that allows Japan to ignore childrens' rights. Rights and protection are different cases. The different points should be weighed in two different courts, not lopped together to give Japan a wholesale dissmissal of a system that would reward (court-accepted) good fathers and benefit children who are subjected to divorce's tug-of-war.

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(sorry)...his admittance to hitting his wife...(I meant to say)

Spousal abuse is deplorable, but not untreatable. Besides that, if his past abuse is seen by courts as a reason for HIM not to ever see his children, then that's that. But there may plenty of other cases that do not involve abuse, yet fall under the same sentencing (not ever seeing the kids again).

Two separate issues = two separate measures.

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I'm all for fathers to see their kids but a story about a man that beat his wife twice is not the best example for the cause, it actually goes against it, which maybe what the story is actually going for.

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I can see myself going in the same direction.

And by the way, anyone in here who can advise me on how to go about in order to divorce my J-wife? I am for it and she is not willing. She has threatend she will never let me have access to my son, but for that, I can handle it at a later stage. At the moment all I really want is a divorce.

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JMannGod

clearly the 'abuse' angle will be played by all mothers who steal their children away from their fathers. It is a low, calculating slur designed to stick and create an unappealing image.

as for the case above... perhaps she deserved a smack? Any woman who would deny a father visitation sounds pretty unhinged already..

JMannGod you deserve a smack just for that. When a man or woman becomes abusive or violent then they have no right to be around kids especially their own. This woman made a difficult decision to leave. There is not much support for single mothers in Japan so don't presume she wanted to leave the guy she thought would be a great husband/father.

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He had me right up until...

said Yoshida, who admits hitting his wife twice

A rubbish role-model that rightly shouldnt be let anywhere near his children.

johnshiomi, thanks for your story. You sound like a good Dad and I certainly hope you continue to have a relationship with your daughter despite the distance between you guys.

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idicemic: Agreed. There are two separate issues here. Allowing children to see and spend time with both parents after a divorce is a completely different matter than protecting children from an abusive parent. Of course, domestic violence should be addressed and women (or men) should be able to seek shelter if they or their children are being abused by their spouse. But if we are just talking about custody after a divorce, then I think parents should try to work out something that is in the best interest of the children. If need be, the courts can help settle this. Joint custody MUST be an option. And definitely, children's and father's rights need to be considered equally to the mother's. Saying that the woman is always the 'better, more-nuturing' parent is an old-fashioned stereotype. Decisions need to be made on a case by case basis.

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To not see my child would be a living form of death. But western fathers are comparatively more involved than Japanese fathers (I stress comparatively so please don't get worked up over that). Many other Japanese fathers I know of course adore their children in their own way, albeit much less communicative and a bit distant. I'm only guessing this rather complacent behavior lessens the national attention to this issue. Coupled with older family registry laws and there you have it: a matter-of-fact acceptance that divorced fathers will not see their kids until adulthood, if at all.

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JMannGod might be right. Perhaps she was asking for a slapping.

Some wives exert mental torture on the husband and that can result in a physical response. We don't know the whole story. At least this guy is admitting his mistake... perhaps the wife needs to admit some of her mistakes too.

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The Japanese shouldn't change their laws because of an outsider.. this American guy.. although I am on his side.. aw

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I don't have a problem with the law saying a child belongs to only one family - even Western laws have this concept to a degree. The problem is the system is sexist, and the husband (or sometimes wife) has no visitation rights. To add insult to injury, they're asking for a "clean split" but he still has to pay alimony. This is wrong no matter what country it's in, and to be fair most countries have had this exact problem at one point.

Furthremore, one other key difference with Western systems is if for any reason the child's parent becomes unsuitable, the other spouse can sue to take custody. Not the case in Japan. In a few extreme cases if the parent dies, the child literally becomes an orphan even though the other parent is alive - they'll never find out.

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Proffesor, it really depends on her reasons and your circumstances but you can try living separately first if both of you are on good terms. In any case, lots of people stay married in name and house for their children. Some even get a divorce legally but live together and don't tell the children.

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Professor - if you and your Japanese wife get divorced, will you be willing to stay in Japan for the sake of your son? If your employer can provide you a visa for you to stay in Japan, that'd be wonderful, but if not, your spouse visa will expire eventually (I am assuming you dont have a permanent residency here...). So, if you want to stay in Japan near your son, you need to think about how to get yourself a visa that allows you to stay in Japan. I don't think your Japanese wife will be willing to move to your home country.. If she allows you to spend time with your son during his summer vacation or winter break, then maybe you could return to Japan to stay during your son's vacations. If your wife isn't willing to divorce, is that because of the financial issue? It might be good to try and find out what she is afraid of when being divorced, then try and solve that problem -- then she might feel a bit easier letting you see your son. Joint custody is rare in Japan, but still, I think a lot of women here actually believe it is good for children to have contacts with both parents. When they deny that, it is always because there are other issues that have nothing to do with the kids. Maybe you could help her out and figure out how she can still have a good life after the divorce -- better to be friends than being married and hate each other. You might be tired of her, but still, it's important for you and your son that you guys have a friendly relationship. When signing the divorce paper, make sure you have someone other than your wife to translate and tell you everything that's written on the paper for you.

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A broken eardrum.Must have hurt a bit! Do not think she will forget that for a while and is unlikely to risk her children getting the same sort of treatment.Do not think I will be joining Yoshida sans group.@idicemic and your "living form of death". It does not get any easier I can promise you and you constantly seek reassurance that all is well in your childs life.There has not been a single day in the past 2 years when I have not thought of her. I hope to speak to my daughter for a few minutes at Christmas.I also hope she is having a great day at her school, has many friends and is being a good girl for her Mum. Surely Munakata sans child would not go to the ex wifes new husband if she died?

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imacat: No woman or man ever deserves to be physically or verbally abused. I'm sure they did both make mistakes in their marriage but you don't work out your problems by hitting someone. That's just not right.

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My thoughts with you, MichaelQTodd. Can't imagine it. Don't want to. But if only lawmakers and courts in Japan could connect with that more... Perhaps this article's case can tip the scales (if it's not buried by some other issue.

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The sad thing is, there are fathers who don't really care that they lose the children. And so the irony is this law only screws over the fathers who do. This is why most countries have since changed their laws so that the government won't legally be kidnapping children from their fathers. It's wrong, it doesn't matter what country we're talking about.

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Japanese Parents without access to their children have strong feelings about this issue too, some people may say "shoganai" it can't be helped, but they hate the customary practice and the courts just as much as I do. In order to end this foolishness once and for all, foreign parents need domestic pressure put on the government by Japanese parents and foreign parents living in Japan. It makes sense to join together and fight this issue.

Pressure has to be applied on three fronts. (1) International Pressure, foreign governments and international organizations need to take stronger actions - foreign governments need to acknowledge this issue at the highest level of their government, then tell Japan if they don't act quickly to change their family laws it will negatively affect your relationship; international organizations should be prepared to suspend Japanese membership in Human Rights Organizations (2) International Parents in foreign countries need to keep pressure on their own governments and keep demanding access to your children via the Foreign Ministry of Japan, and continue to press courts in your home country to grant you access and joint custody because Japanese Customary practices don't allow it and their courts won't recognize your parental rights and (3) Domestic Parents w/o access, both Japanese and Foreign parents, need to form an alliance and start raising your voices in the streets. While the new law is being constructed its important that we participate in its creation, we cannot be passive while they enact a law that changes little and further frustrates parents attempting to gain access. A lot of judges, lawyers, and politicians are out of touch with whats happening in the streets we have to watch-over their actions and hold them accountable. Its time to throw away the shame of divorce and do what we gotta do.

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There are a number of separate issues at play here but the common thread is that the children are the ones who suffer permanent emotional damage and economic hardship.

The international element is just another twist, albeit a growing problem given the large increase in numbers of Japanese marrying foreigners.

Fault must lie squarely at the feet of the legal system and the unwillingness of the government to fund a proper enforcement system. With no enforcement system, the courts themselves are pretty much powerless and the laws themselves meaningless. Children can be kidnapped with impunity and dead-beat dads free to ignore financial obligations.

Denial of access invariably leads to a cessation of alimony and support payments, further aggravating the problems for the children, who grow to adulthood, permanently scarred by economic hardship and believing their father's are miserable no good so and so's. This view is reinforced on a daily basis by the mother, seeking her own revenge for real or imaginary grievances.

There is also more than a hint of racism involved when it comes to international marriage breakups.

On the one hand we have the well publicised case of the Canadian man who had primary custody of his children in Canada, only to have them kidnapped and brought to Japan. He has been unable to gain access for almost five years.

We then have numerous cases of Japanese men marrying women from countries such as Thailand and the Philippines. I have heard of cases where the husband simply divorces the wife (unilaterally) without any agreement or countersignature on the divorce documents. In some cases, he will simply abandon the children and in others he will simply take them himself. There is no viable redress available to these women, many of whom do not read Japanese well enough to understand what is actually happening.

Without a working system of enforcement Japan will never sign on to the Hague Treaty and join more enlightened countries that try to put the welfare of the children ahead of all else.

While no system is perfect, surely something would be better than what we have today in Japan.

North Korean kidnappings of Japanese nationals was ignored by the Japanese Government for 30 years so no-one should be surprised at the current state of affairs,

Shame on you Japan.

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Johnshiomi, your story is more interesting in the article. Truly in this world today, people who can work out their troubles rationally and calmly are the exception that must be encouraged by all means.

I have said this before in other ways, but let me sum it up differently. To change things in Japan, you would have to replace it with something. I don't think there is a good replacement. As people often say about capitalism, it is the worst system...except for all the others.

If you make divorce a contest, nobody ever wins. It never ends. Even people with the best of intentions and hearts of gold will be laid low by the prisoner's dilemma. Negotiation breaks down. Visitation rights turn into a cudgel that is used to beat the partner over the head.

Bringing the state into things is even worse. Having judges, social workers and psychologists rearrange a family is "fair," but it is in noone's interests. It does not put the children first if it cripples the parents' roles.

Don't roll your eyes people when I talk about the mother/child bond. It seems hokey, but at least in Japan, a man will start looking for a new wife after a divorce. That will be the extent of making a home for his children. A mother, on the other hand, will immediately focus on the children.

Finally. This goes without saying, but... disappointments happen. This system can be abused by deceitful women. What can I say but DO NOT have children with deceitful women. I have dated stunningly beautiful women. One was a tall glass of crazy. It was fun, but wow. If we had had children, my entire life would have been ruined, no doubt. If a marriage has love... I guess you would have to say true love... then the system does not matter. If there is no love, no system will help.

American people use an advocacy based legal system that is just inappropriate for family matters. In many matters, though, US law puts family ABOVE the law. Once someone chooses divorce, that status is forfeit.

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Johnshiomi.. I wanted to say that your story is more interesting THAN the article.

It is a courageous thing to fight for your children. I guess you are fighting against distance, against age, against time. It is such a hard and lonely task to be a father, and nobody really seems to understand until dad is gone.

Most people say things like "I don't know what I would do without my kids." I know what I would do. Like you, I would do whatever I could to be near them. After they grow up, in 20 years or so, I will have all the time in the world to do other things. You really did the right thing by keeping your daughter close.

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I don't really want to be inflammatory, but if Japan adopts the Hague treaty, I am concerned that all of those failed systems in place abroad will infect Japan. That is the plainest way I can say it.

This Savoie case... what a mess. A typical mess. The guy knew he was going to be disadvantaged in Japan, so he takes her to the US and divorces her quickly. She feels wronged, so she does something illegal. What a can of worms. Mr. Bickersly Bickering III and his ex wife Mrs. Bickering. I am content to let it be their personal matter. I know what King Solomon would do, but that is beside the point.

What can I say? This is a risk of marrying Japanese women. There are certainly others, and they can't be legislated away either.

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Accepting the harsh realities of a failed system is difficult, but reality has to be accepted in order for change. Can anyone dispute what Longtime Residenthas written? I doubt it, those are the harsh realities of this flawed legal system and customary practice. I've mentioned before the single mother's suicide, the high school dropout rate amongst children of single parents, the juvenile crime rate among single parent households, even the declining birthrate - who wants to have a child when they know its a possibility they could lose the child, all of these social issues can find its roots in this outdated customary practice.

Klein2, you and I have been back and forth on this issue for quite some time and there are alot of points where we agree, but here my penpal friend is where we disagree again. Leaving the status quo the way it currently is, is totally unacceptable, out of the question, and no way in hell!! The benefits of change far outweigh the status quo. Single parents would have more income from child support payments, less of a burden on the welfare system, children would be more confident and mentally healthy with both parents in their lives, marriages and childbirths would increase, and the international dogma of Japan on this issue would evaporate into thin air. What country or religion do you know of that outright denies a parent access to their children after a divorce or separation during their full childhood years? I know of none.

You speak of the bond between the mother and the child, but what about the bond between the father and the child? Do you really believe that after 20 years a child who is now a young adult will come to trust the wisdom of a stranger they never knew while growing up, just because he holds the title of father? You see my friend, parenting is a bond of trust between the child and the father too that is developed over time and starts at a young age in the child's life. Who is going to teach the young boy to become a man? Is it not the right of a man to teach his seed how to be a man and to raise his child in his image? This is not Biblical, it is the natural rights of a man to the ownership of his seed. No court of law under the sun, the moon, the stars, or the heavens above has the right to deny a parent access to their child w/o unquestionable proof that it will cause harm to the child. Japan's customary practice and their courts seem to think they are doing what's in the best interest of the children when in fact they are doing the child more harm than good.

I'm not advocating totally abolishing the Family Law Statues, besides the UN Conventions on The Rights of the Child is the law here in Japan, its a good law but unenforceable and seldom used in the judicial process. What I would say we need is changes that allow joint custody; a strict enforcement measure of parental rights of access; a guaranteed number of access days per month; in international cases I believe a bond is the strongest measure to prevent kidnapping, these children must be allowed to travel; a severe penalty for those who abuse the law, including judges, police officers, public officials, and lawyers; there must be an end to racial discrimination-foreign parents must be given custody when its in the best interest of the child. There must be an overhaul of the mediation system - professional marriage counselors should be involved, in the case of international marriages foreign counselors should be included; judges should be excluded from the mediation process; lawyers should have limits placed on their involvement; and the mediation process should be totally independent from the judicial process. In order for the mediation process to work the state has to create the environment for both parties to talk, the current status of the mediation process is useless because both parties are guarded in their communications with each other. And yes, Japan should sign the Hague Convention, furthermore they need to clearly define what goes against "Public Policy" in order for them to recognize foreign courts rulings. We cannot debate this forever, time is not going to stop, our children are getting older and growing more distant from us. Lets end this foolishness once and for all.

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Longtime Resident:

Denial of access invariably leads to a cessation of alimony and support payments, further aggravating the problems for the children, who grow to adulthood, permanently scarred by economic hardship and believing their father's are miserable no good so and so's.

Invariably?! Are you speaking from the experience of all your acquaintances?

If the father stopped paying alimony just because he could not have the access he wanted, the children are right to think of him as a miserable sod.

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Well, here we go again - we are living in a country with a first world economy, but with a third world human rights record. Japan has his head up his @ss when it comes to social issues. Grow up already!

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You're talking about just Japan? There is no first world when it comes to human rights.

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Yeah he probably wasn't the best spokesperson for this... Mr. Johnshiomi would have been a better one. There need to be more rational people willing to work things out even if the marriage goes south. I feel like that should be important to work out before you get married and make the huge decision to even have children. If you're not willing to keep that communication open and deal with that responsibility, don't have kids. Please. They shouldn't have to deal with that. Though literally running from an abusive relationship is completely understandable. No we don't know the whole truth of the matter, but if he admitted to hitting her twice, then yeah, I don't blame her for escaping and trying to protect her child.

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I would love to get divorced, but besides the one time she pulled a knife on me, we live our separate lives in my mansion in peace. The mansion is the hassle. I would loose my shirt if I sold it, and would have to declare personal bankruptcy. Try doing that at the same time as getting a divorce. Plus I have a special kid at home. 3 cool kids, and a very grouchy unhappy beautiful woman. This place is strange. I am not the only one in this boat. I know lots of others in the same situation. (What it comes down to is that people are not the same after they get married. So much is so fake during dating. If we could get people to be honest when dating, then so many bad marriages would not happen. The wife and I used to go to the beach all the time during courtship. Right after that paper was signed, she suddenly hated the beach and would not go. What gives with that?)

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Cicada

I am sorry to be blunt but you have no idea of what you speak.

I stated denial of any access not the access one wants.

The facts speak for themselves. Almost 50% of parents denied any access will cut off support payments.

Denial of all access rights is quite common and becomes accepted practise (even though this may be against the ruling of the Family Law Court) due to the fact the court has no enforcement capability.

Without enforcement, the system cannot work and the children affected will continue to suffer unnecessarily.

And yes I do know people who have been affected by this broken system...both male and female.

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Japan needs to get with the times and enforce joint custody of children. Women often use the children as a weapon and that should not be allowed.

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Longtime Resident:

I am sorry to be blunt but you have no idea of what you speak.

Well, same to you! You made a statement and I asked a question, which you still have not answered very well.

How do you know that "denial of access invariably leads to a cessation of alimony and support payments"?

The facts speak for themselves. Almost 50% of parents denied any access will cut off support payments.

"Almost 50%" is not "invariably".

I would say that "invariably" people like you distort figures and statistics to support your agenda. So I do not even have any reason to accept your new version of "almost 50%".

Moderator: Please stay on topic and keep the discussion civil.

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