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In some ways, Japan is less into overtly romantic gestures than many Western societies. Couples are less likely to directly say “I love you” to one another, for example, and public displays of affection are relatively rare, decidedly discreet, and primarily something reserved for people already in a steady relationship.
But just because a guy won’t be expected to give his date a kiss goodnight on their first date, does that mean he’s also off the hook for picking up the check at dinner? That’s the subject Japanese Internet portal Sirabee was looking to explore in a recent survey, in which they asked Japanese women “If a guy doesn’t pay foe everything on a first date, will you stop thinking of him as a potential romantic partner?”
The survey collected 939 responses, and 25.8 percent of the women said that if a guy isn’t willing to completely cover the cost of Date 1, he shouldn’t waste his (or her) time asking for Date 2.
However, there were some pretty large differences between women of different age groups, with demographics breaking down like this:
● If a guy doesn’t pay for everything on the first date, I can’t think of him as a potential romantic partner
Women under 20: 14 percent
Women 20-29: 22.1 percent
Women 30-39: 21.1 percent
Women 40-49: 27 percent
Women 50-59: 36.7 percent
Women 60-69: 31.5 percent
The staunchest “guy should pay” group was women aged 50 to 59. Since most people start dating in their teens or early 20s, that age group would have entered the dating pool during Japan’s Bubble Economy, which peaked in the 1980s. The survey’s administrators think that forming their attitudes about dating an economic boom time likely made those women more accustomed to a style of courtship where their suitors had money to burn. It’s also likely that when the survey prompted them to think of a hypothetical first date, they imagined it with someone roughly their own age, and with Japanese companies generally paying higher salaries to more experienced workers, they may expect that a man in his 50s should have the economic means to spring for at least an occasional nice night out, and that not covering their first date makes him look like a tightwad.
On the other hand, younger women, i.e. those who entered adult society following the end of the Bubble Economy, were much less likely to think the guy has to pay for everything. There are probably two factors at play here, the first being a greater understanding that money, in fact, does not grow on trees, even if it seemed like it did for a while in the ‘80s. There’s also the social phenomenon of women in their 40s and younger being the first to grow up in Japan with the concept of women working outside the home as a matter of course, at least until marriage if not longer. Having earnings of their own, and that being an obvious state of affairs, makes them more in a position to offer to pay a portion of a date’s costs than older women would have been when they first started dating.
Because of that, it’s quite possible that Japanese women’s stance on whether or not a guy should pay for the first date will continue to soften in the future. However, while the survey didn’t raise the issue, it’s also pretty much a given that women of all ages at least appreciate the gesture of a guy offering to pay, so guys would probably still be wise to say “I’ve got this” if the matter of paying the bill comes up, even if they don’t have to insist.
Source: Sirabee via Niconico News via Jin
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© SoraNews24
46 Comments
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girl_in_tokyo
He looses his chance at dating that particular woman; but if she is the type to insist on men paying for everything, I don't think it's a great loss for him.
J-Dake
The great thing about that first date filter is you really only lose the wrong women.
savethegaijin
Lucky man in that case. Filter out the gold diggers first round.
Garthgoyle
Oh man, the look on their faces when I went to the cashier and split the bill. Freaking golden :D
I even had one occasion where at the train station she mentioned that she couldn't ride the train coz she had forgotten her Suica at work. She didn't want to pay for her ticket home coz I didn't pay for her meal and also. And also, how did she get there in the first place?
Or that other time when this other girl was sipping the last drop of her martini and looked at me as in "I need another one." To what I acknowledged, ask her if she was thirsty and ordered a glass of water for the lady.
I've paid in some first dates, tho. Mostly if she looks like a decent human being and not a parasite, I would make an effort to pay. Tho it took me some time (and money) to learn how to tell them apart, and that parasites should be treated as the lowly parasites they are.
Fanny Greene
even if he doesn't pay now, if he hooks the girl and gets married, he'll pay the ultimate price ;)
aomorisamurai
I'll gladly pay for the first date...I hope you like catching a flick, walking around some historical sites and McDonald's. Not feeling that? Then I just dodged a bullet.
Billy B
I guess it all depends on how the date goes, if she's interesting and 8f it "clicks", I'll be more than happy to happy to pay. If she's a bore (to my standards) I'll split the bill.
WA4TKG
When I was dating my ex, she always insisted on paying something, of course that was before she became the Wicked Witch of the East.
Strangerland
I’ve never not paid for the first date. If the girl puts up a fuss, tell her she can get the drink at the next place.
shogun36
Yes. Gold diggers everywhere.
ReasonandWisdomNippon
Feminist want to comment?
Being equal means you should pay as well.
First time I meet you, similar to a stranger, why should I pay everything 100%?
I work hard for my money, which I get criticize by feminist that I make a few more cents an hour compared to female colleague. Yet I have to pay for everything and she gets to keep her money.
A ship sinks, few life boats left. Who goes first? Women and children, they get saved, while you sit in the water to drown or freeze.
Fire breaks out in a building, who goes first? Women and children, you get to burn and suffocate... you will go last.
A war starts tomorrow, you get drafted, go to War Fight And Die for your country. Do women have to go? No draft. No fighting, you get to live and move on. You have options.
Feminist in 2020 is a pollution, toxic, devides man and woman. Makes men the enemy, the problem in every situation.
Tom Webb
Gentlemen always pays for dinner, especially on a first date!! Remember that!! Otherwise the ladies may think you are a scoundel.
spektral
paying for everything usually hasn't led me anywhere good...I'd say not paying for everything but paying for a large percentage (70,80%) of the bill is a better policy...I usually eat and drink more than the other person does anyway...
1glenn
Maybe it reflects my age, but I cannot imagine not paying for the date.
Abbey
Why should the man have to pay ? ..All this "gentleman" rubbish !
Split the bill 50/50 ..simple .
1glenn
The pleasure of a woman's company is well worth the cost of a nice date. However, if, in my younger days, a woman had told me ahead of time that she wanted to pay for the date, I think I could have accepted that. Even when invited to a party, I expected to bring a gift.
From my perspective this whole thing is an interesting topic, but not an important one. What is important is to enjoy each other's company, and to treat each other with joy and kindness. Everything else is small stuff.
Michael Bell
Women who return the least, demand the most. Hence the term--CHRISTMAS CAKE.
lostrune2
Offer a deal - "How about I pay for the this date, and you get the next one" ;-)
SandyBeachHeaven
When I come after a date, I tell my spouse about the food, conversation and costs. Never phased about who pays.
Sven Asai
I feel I cannot right comment on this as everything has changed to worse. When we were young we have paid all the time , not only first date. And we could afford it, happily spent it regardless of outcome and most important, we had the corresponding income to do so. Now, nobody has an income and such strange discussions occur....lol
Pukey2
Once you start paying, you'll be expected to pay every time.
Philip Pearce:
Care to share that money tree with me?
girl_in_tokyo
Jim Today 01:01 am JST
Since you asked,
We either split the bill, take turns paying, or one person (often the one who has the higher salary) offers to pay. It's not all that different, really.
girl_in_tokyo
Traditional anything needs to go the way of the dodo. A construct where men only feel "manly" when they are dominating women, and women who only feel "womanly" when they are dependent and helpless, is inherently unequal.
timeon
I always offered to pay for the first date, even when I was a poor student. Of course, I didn't choose very expensive places, but some nice atmosphere affordable places. Quite often, the girl offered to share some of the pay, or pay for the second round at a bar.
Unfortunately, some people think that being a gentleman equals sugar daddy/gold digger analogies, but in my experience this is not the case with most of the dates (well, it also depends on he type of girls you date). To each his own, but if you show up at the first date in shorts and T-shirt and insist in splitting the bill for a Big Mac , I doubt you will be very successful...
kohakuebisu
This all depends on how attractive the other person is, in both directions.
WA4TKG
Well said there, above comment.
Want to be = ? Break out your cash
kaimycahl
It's men who give or women who take! There is choices!
Jim
Women want equality until the check arrives...lol !
Back in the 80’s and 90’s I would have totally agreed that men pay the bill but in this day and age I believe it should be paid by the person who asks for the date regardless of gender. If a girl asks a guy out then she pays for the first date and vice versa. Also there are many women out there who actually prefer to pay for themself because they don’t feel obligated after the date!
I wonder who pays for the check in the LGBT community...hmmm!
Jonathan Prin
If I date, I am already about sure of the result and will gladly pay. I don't date anonyms but people with whom I chatted beforehand and assessed correctly their minimal respectability.
Maybe I respect too much women never to displease them in the flesh.
girl_in_tokyo
ReasonandWisdomNippon Dec. 9 09:57 pm JST
Well, since you requested it .. sure.
Of course!
I don't think adults should ever feel obligated to foot the bill for another adult. Adults should all be self-reliant, which means taking care of their own finances.
I think you are confusing what "feminist" means. Feminists are asking for equal wages for equal work because they believe in equality. - which means if a woman is asking you to pay for them, they are not by defintion a feminist.
I think you have a very old-fashioned idea of how things work. This really isn't how emergency evacuation procedures work.
I don't know what country you are from, but in many countries women serve alongside men. And in some countries, such as Israel, women are obligated to join the military, too. And in case you didn't know, feminists have long been fighting for the right to serve in the military on equal basis with men.
I don't quite understand what you mean. It is not feminists who want men to pay for them. You don't seem to really know what feminism is about; I would suggest you read up on it.
Strangerland
I don't get this. Are you trying to date feminists? It sounds like you quite dislike them.
There are plenty of women who are still very womanly, and enjoy the feeling provided from having a first date paid for. It's a traditionally masculine thing, where the man "brings home the bacon" as it were. Are there feminists who disagree with that? Of course. But why would you want to date someone that has such a difference of opinion to you? You're just setting yourself up for frustration, which, your post comes off as frustrated.
Chico3
That really depends. If the lady asks me for a date and pays, then I might let her pay, but I always offer to pay or reciprocate in other ways, like going for dessert or pay for the next date.
Monty
Ooohhh Mister ATM !!..
Not Mr. ATM...I am Mr. Gentleman.
But I guess, I am spending too much money on Girls...
What if he pays with a Go to Eat coupon?
That is a cool idea. Thanks...I will try next time.
Philip Pearce
I love to pay...nothing is finer in life than to take a beautiful woman out for a night on the town...see her smile and enjoy herself without a care in the world. In fact, I wish I could spend more! Why??? Because and remember this: Life is so short, we are only here for a breath. Live life to the fullest and money is such a small insignificant part. Live, Love, Laugh... Time with her is most important.
bob
A bullet will have been dodged in this case, but not by you.
Any man that does not pay for the first date is not a man and doesn't deserve a second. Women are looking for a prospective husband, not betas looking to save a few thousand yen.
Monty
I always pay if I go out with a woman.
Even if it is not a date, I will pay for her.
But sometimes I am lucky and the woman pays for me. Normally I refuse that a woman pay for me, but sometimes I let it go. Especially if she strongly insists.