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Five things about male friendship that confuse Japanese women

30 Comments
By Casey Baseel

Having grown up in a family of three boys, the male psyche never really seemed like such a complex thing to me. The three major pillars of proper conduct were sticking up for yourself, keeping your car clean, and watching as much football as possible, the virtues of which all seem pretty self-evident to me.

Still, from the feminine perspective, there are a number of mysteries of the male mind, as evidenced this list of puzzling aspects of male friendship that’s been making its way around the Japanese Internet.

5. They don’t ask each other for advice in their love life

It’s true, guys are more likely to tell each other about their romantic conquests than their difficulties. Guys, in general, aren’t exactly comfortable showing vulnerability to one another, it takes a lot of trust to be able to say to your buddy, “I don’t know how to get this girl to like me” without worrying that he won’t take that as a sign of weakness, and therefore a cue to beat you up and take your wallet.

4. They won’t tell their friends about their new girlfriend until after they have one

Taken literally, this seems to be more an aspect of the space-time continuum than male friendship. Really, we can think of only one scenario in which someone could brag to his pals about his new girlfriend who he already knows he’ll have in the future. In general, though, the kind of guy who pre-orders a sex doll and refers to it as his “girlfriend” even before taking delivery won’t be able to retain many friends to talk with in the first place.

We’re guessing what’s confusing for women isn’t so much that guys can’t see into the future, but that they don’t talk much about that girl who they’re this close to making it exclusive with. It’s a valid observation, and it stems from the fact that men like to keep their options open. Even if Taro goes out for dinner with Hanako once or twice a week, if he still has any desire to play the field, he’s got nothing to gain by broadcasting his feelings for her to his friends, especially in light of the next item on the list.

3. When one of their friends gets dumped, they want to set him up with a new girl right away

Even in their darkest moments, when they’ve hit bottom after their most painful breakups, men are largely unable to give up on women as a gender. Guys don’t say, “I’ll never date again!” because we know that a lack of female companionship condemns us to a life filled of exclusively fast food meals, an unshaven neck, and an empty bed. Dating is largely a man’s ticket to enjoying the finer things in life, so when we see one of our own cast out of paradise, we feel the urge to help him get back in.

Plus, aside from finding someone new to love, getting staggering drunk is the only other way men know how to mend a broken heart, and you can only do that with your newly single buddy so many times before your liver starts to say, “You know, maybe it’s time we helped find a new girlfriend for Kazu?”

2. They don’t know where one another live

In general, people in Japan don’t do much entertaining in their homes, and one of the biggest reasons why is the small size of most houses and apartments in the country. That said, Japan has a lot of innovative products and interior goods to make the most of a small space, and many young women who are proud of their compact yet tastefully appointed dwellings will invite their friends over to see what they’ve done with the place.

This may be an obvious thing to point out, but even with smaller homes, people in Japan still eat three meals and change their clothes every day. What this means is that a bachelor’s apartment in Japan doesn’t fill up with unwashed takeout boxes and dirty laundry any less quickly than in other countries, but all of it gets dumped into a smaller space.

Most Japanese guys are perfectly happy meeting up with their friends at a bar or restaurant rather than in their messy hovels, and if you’re never going to go there, do you need to know where it is?

1. If they both fall for the same girl, neither one of them will go after her

Japan may have its own set of cultural norms, but this part of the bro code seems to transcend national borders. Especially in Japan, where giving up on what you want because it might make someone else feel bad is always seen as an admirable decision, it’s not hard to see why this happens.

In a way, it’s a touching way to handle the situation. Sure, unrequited love stings, and knowing your bud is going through the same thing makes it doubly painful. But look on the bright side. This way, when some dude they hate comes along and sweeps the girl off her feet, neither friend will have to be alone in plotting bitter, bitter revenge on their shared enemy.

Sources: Livedoor, Sonic Sokuho, Himasoku

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- “I think I love you…”: Romantic confessions from around the world -- Japan’s unfaithful women share tips on how to cheat without getting caught -- Can Men and Women Really Be Close Platonic Friends? Survey Says Your Girlfriend Might Not Think So

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©2019 GPlusMedia Inc.

30 Comments
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Japnes women are twisted, compartmentalized, and void of real emotion. They're only good for one thing, CUM Depository, thats it!

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Interesting article. Proving chauvinism is alive and well in Japan.

Not one feminist value amongst the five, a generation of young men who are still unevolved.

Casey Baseel wrote; "... from the feminine perspective, there are a number of mysteries of the male mind". How did that idea gain ground in your thinking? Was it from a woman?

Why this chauvinistic worldview would be 'a mystery' to any woman is literally unbelievable.

Think about it, just saying Casey ...

...

1 ( +1 / -0 )

A little strange but I think it happens to most Japanese men.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I think you might be a tad confused.

No.

I simply said (about your post) that it "reminded me", as in past memory. There was no direct correlation to any particular comment you made.

If there was, then I would have said, "this exact same thing happened to me". Don't be so grumpy.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Ha, you just reminded me of an ex-Girlfriend I had who said to me sometime after we broke up while she had a new guy waiting for her....."but....you didn't fight for me!"

I think you might be a tad confused. There is a difference between two guys fighting over an unattached woman, and one guy struggling to keep his girlfriend, or even fighting with another guy to keep his girlfriend.

I would "fight", as in struggle, to keep a girlfriend, like buy her presents, call her more, etc. But I would never fight to keep a girlfriend. If she wants to leave with another man, then I slam the door on her. Notice I did not say anything about just fooling around with another man. I am talking about her deciding to leave. I just say bye.

I did fight (and I am talking fist fight) over my ex-wife as she was about to leave with another guy. But I don't even think I would bother to do that again.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

The Spokesman,

Sometimes, I wonder if everything in Japan is settled by janken.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I guess I'm not man then... none of the above is applicable to me.

We don't fall for the same girl because our tastes differ widely. I know where all my friends live, and they all know where I live, at the very least they have addresses for new years cards etc. I have never been the dumpee, so this isn't applicable, it just makes me an a-hole. I am not that insecure. Again I am not that insecure and I value my friend's opinion.

This article seems to be more about bros and less about actual friends. How many of us can say that we have at least 1 good, no best friend that you can share everything with, so much so that's almost gay?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

The Spokesman

Ha, you just reminded me of an ex-Girlfriend I had who said to me sometime after we broke up while she had a new guy waiting for her....."but....you didn't fight for me!"

BWAhahahaha

2 ( +2 / -0 )

If they both fall for the same girl, neither one of them will go after her

I am thinking this is just what they tell Japanese women when neither are interested....

I bet when they both really do like the same girl, they settle by janken!

I pretty much always just defer and take the next girl, you know, if its really a friend. I would never defer to use 'em and lose 'em type slime, but such slime I never call a friend!

But, why defer? Because fighting over women is stupid but so is passing them up. I want to create an atmosphere where we all get dates and get more dates. Fighting and passing up only slows things down and guys, we all lose when that happens.

All decent guys should support other decent guys. Its just like how smart businessmen work. Competition is friendly only, and that way, they all prosper and customers come rolling in to their well kept shops with good reputations. When competition is fierce, they all get harmed, and pretty soon nobody is coming to their grimy, run down street stalls with drive by shootings every night.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Wyandotte Nation, you are a prince. And, as you realize, a very lucky one.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Dating is largely a man's ticket to enjoying the finer things in life,

In Japan, perhaps. In America, dating is a ticket to an empty wallet and a drama-fueled migraine.

Still, I'm surprised the list was only five items long. I bet if I asked my female friends, their lists would be quite a bit longer.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

I actually quite liked number 3. About the liver part.

We don't get hung up with the 'I won't date again' part cause it's stupid and wastes time.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

If they both fall for the same girl, neither one of them will go after her

Never happened to me. In all three instances, I've ended up having arguments, and on two occasions it came to blows. If you want something, you go for it. You don't ignore it. That goes for women as well. So if two guys fall for the same girl, they both go for her. I've never encountered this situation. It seems completely unfeasable as well.

"I love this girl."

"I love her too."

"Let's not go after her. Let's settle for someone we don't love instead." Just doesn't happen.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

unshaven neck? Is this a Japan thing?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Sure makes me happy to be a loner, beholden to nobody but the man in the mirror!

2 ( +2 / -0 )

@Reckless

I agree about the bro code. I once started dating my friend's girlfriend after she said they were through and he was away on summer break. We didn't get along for a few years, but finally mended.

So, were the sloppy 2nds good then?

-4 ( +2 / -6 )

I agree about the bro code. I once started dating my friend's girlfriend after she said they were through

A friend once did this with an ex of mine not long after we parted ways. I knew it was poor form but It didn't particularly worry me because it wasn't a very serious thing, but it bothered the hell out of him for years after because he knew he'd broken the code.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

The article paints men as needy and desperate to conform.

Once again, pretty much only Japanese men. If you are not a Japanese man, no need to take offense.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

@Reckless

I agree about the bro code. I once started dating my friend's girlfriend after she said they were through

Unbelievable. Truly gobsmacked... what a great "friend"!

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I for one cook, clean, do laundry, shop for groceries and still go to work, while my wife goes to work and then returns home to enjoy her tequila, I have very high standards of cleanliness, and don't mind. I want to be the hardest act to follow, I guess after I got out of the navy, I needed everything ship shape, like a new hotel room. My wife love's it and constantly thanks me for carrying the heavy load. I don't know why men just don't take all the work on and show women a good time...It's nothing for me, and I enjoy it... Her friends at work envy her, for what I do...they also love my cooking for their pot lucks...However I am the lucky one, to have found True Love...

3 ( +3 / -0 )

They won’t tell their friends about their new girlfriend until after they have one

Er... yeah. Because until you have one, you don't have one.

Until I read the article explanation I kind of took it as "A guy won't tell his friend about the girlfriend until the friend has a girlfriend too." Don't know if this is a norm in Japan though, but I do know some people who have kept it a secret for a while as to not ruin the group dynamic.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

"They won’t tell their friends about their new girlfriend until after they have one"

"Er... yeah. Because until you have one, you don't have one."

Exactly, exactly!

3 ( +3 / -0 )

This is mostly about the culture of Japanese males. But

They won’t tell their friends about their new girlfriend until after they have one

I think that is universal. Not much creepier than a guy calling a girl his girlfriend while she shakes her head and silently mouths a "nooooo". So we wait until its crystal clear. Not doing so is a great way to tattoo creep on your entire body forever in the eyes of everyone around you. Even if you get to home plate one night, she is still not your girlfriend. And if you make the mistake of calling a girl your girlfriend when she only saw you as a one-night stand, you get shamed forever. Or you move to a new city.

Girls don't seem to have that problem. They just clam victimization, they got humped and dumped, and the pity dates fly out of the woodwork.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

we know that a lack of female companionship condemns us to a life filled of exclusively fast food meals, an unshaven neck, and an empty bed.

Am I missing something because even having a girlfriend, I still live this way. (Just a little self depreciating humor for everyone.)

4 ( +5 / -1 )

they don’t talk much about that girl who they’re this close to making it exclusive with

This is the only point I'd disagree with in the article.

I honestly can't believe I'm the only guy here who is self sufficient...

There are plenty of guys who are a bit too self-sufficient.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

If they both fall for the same girl, neither one of them will go after her

Not true at all.

11 ( +13 / -2 )

I agree about the bro code. I once started dating my friend's girlfriend after she said they were through and he was away on summer break. We didn't get along for a few years, but finally mended.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

Guys don’t say, “I’ll never date again!” because we know that a lack of female companionship condemns us to a life filled of exclusively fast food meals, an unshaven neck, and an empty bed. Dating is largely a man's ticket to enjoying the finer things in life, so when we see one of our own cast out of paradise, we feel the urge to help him get back in.

I know it's a nit-pick point, but this writing assumes that men are helpless on their own.

Before having a girlfriend in Japan I was perfectly content doing my own routine (which included cooking for myself). Dating had nothing to do with "enjoying the finer things in life", shaving or conbini-diets.

I simply had a great friend and wanted to take it to the next step.

Short term I dated her because she was a great friend and play-mate. Obviously there was a physical/sexual attraction as well. Ultimately I got "serious" with her because I wanted to start a family, have kids, settle down.

I honestly can't believe I'm the only guy here who is self sufficient...

8 ( +10 / -2 )

They won’t tell their friends about their new girlfriend until after they have one

Er... yeah. Because until you have one, you don't have one.

31 ( +32 / -4 )

A refreshing and innovative article. ;)

0 ( +4 / -4 )

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