lifestyle

Here’s what Japanese men and women think about cheating

53 Comments
By Evie Lund, RocketNews24

In Japan, cheating is often overlooked for a variety of reasons, particularly within a marriage. Divorce still isn’t especially common in Japan, and with women often giving up work and much of their independence to stay at home and raise a family, it sometimes benefits women to turn a blind eye to infidelity. Men who divorce, meanwhile, sometimes wind up never seeing their children again, since joint custody is not an option in Japan, so a wife’s infidelity may be forgiven for that reason. And a surprising number of people in Japan seem to believe that cheating is only bad if there’s an emotional component to it—cheating with a prostitute, for example, is often seen as nothing more than “blowing off steam” and separate from one’s marriage.

So, we were interested to watch this video from YouTube channel Asian Boss which asks Japanese people on the street to give their thoughts on cheating. Check out the video below.

First, the interviewees were asked to give their thoughts on how often both men and women, respectively, are unfaithful. The numbers weren’t too dissimilar between men and women.

Next, the interviewees gave their thoughts on motivations for cheating. The general consensus seemed to be that men are more likely to cheat once as a random, drunken act or out of an urge to satisfy physical desires, whereas when a woman cheats, it is more likely that she has already emotionally checked out of her current relationship and is seeking that fulfilment elsewhere.

Next, thoughts on prostitution were discussed. Some male and female interviewees seemed to think that this was a much more forgivable kind of cheating, with some even claiming that they wouldn’t consider it cheating at all, since it is merely a “service” provided for financial compensation.

While some interviewees stated that they would immediately terminate the relationship upon discovering a partner had been unfaithful, others introduced certain caveats, such as deciding to end the relationship only if the cheating was motivated by emotions, or only if they weren’t yet married.

Ultimately, it seems that the interviewees had differing personal feelings on what constitutes cheating, and what type of reaction they would have.

Source: YouTube/Asian Boss

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- Here’s what Japanese people think of Hollywood’s recent “whitewashing”【Video】 -- Young Japanese women sound off on what does and doesn’t constitute cheating on their boyfriend -- This new convenience store isn’t so convenient for the blind…

© Japan Today

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53 Comments
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In short, physical engagement with a prostitute or any other person is OK but having platonic date is a big no-no.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Very interesting!

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Yikes....

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Hilarious! Made me smile. Have a great day everyone and tell the one you love that you love em.

1 ( +5 / -4 )

A wise friend once told me "The benefit must be worth the risk" He wasn't talking about cheating, but I think it applies. Ask yourselves, what more am I getting that I don't have with my partner. Is it worth the trouble?

8 ( +10 / -2 )

Separation of the physical and the emotional as criteria - now that is a thought!

And the 'Asian Boss' interviewer showed interesting reflex body language with a couple of the responses.

Divorce still isn’t especially common in Japan, !!!

One statistic about Kochi a while ago is 65% of marriages end in divorce. One 'wideshow' last year about use of lipstick in Japan(!) traced the highest use among women to Kochi - the cause being lots of men in Kochi are useless so women need to go out to work to support single families (and/or their men) and so need lipstick for appropriate appearance at work. Well, Kochi does have the latest-opening downtown drinking places in Shikoku ...

Otherwise I think it all needs more rigorous investigation. Any volunteers?

0 ( +1 / -1 )

A great video for westerns to watch before getting married to a local. More so for women who think that quitting their job is a good idea but think they would divorce if their husband cheated. I know far too many women here "stuck" in marriages because they don't work and I know far too many men stuck in marriages because they fear they won't see their kids again. This goes for both Japanese and foreigners. What upsets me the most is how the kids view their parents' relationships as "normal" - which is why I think the numbers here are so high while in comparison, the divorce rate is lower than it would be if this was happening in a western country. I did like that most were honest about it all.

10 ( +13 / -3 )

Women are to blame because they become less attractive as they age, or they get lazy, or the kids suck the energy out of them. Men get bored of them and want some stuff on the side.

Men are to blame because they never were really attractive in the first place - physically and socially. Women who married them just settled but then realized, "Holy crap, this guy is a big turn off. Time to get some side action."

As long as both sides realize this, and if they still for whatever reason want to stayed married, then "cheating" should be OK.

Although, never understood the whole prostitute thing. That's just weird to have to pay for it.

-12 ( +7 / -19 )

I think that back when people lived in small towns/villages, and only lived until 60 years old, monogamy for life made sense. But now that we live in an age when we are exposed to thousands of people daily, and live until our '80s, only being with the person we married until the day we die has created an unreasonable expectation upon people, which is why you see so much cheating these days.

I love my wife, and have not cheated on her, but I could see myself potentially going for some outside experiences at some point in my life. And if my wife wanted to do so, but still remained faithful in her heart to me, I don't think it would bother me that much.

But, with society not having adjusted to the point where conversations like this can easily happen between married couples, much less the people around them, it's not something I would discuss with her at this point in our lives at least.

We have only really had mass media and mass exposure to other people for less than 100 years. Society still hasn't caught up to our new circumstance.

-4 ( +8 / -12 )

I can agree with your comments Stranger but if that's the case, isn't the whole idea of marriage for "life" a thing of the past with how it is seen now? I also think that people run the risk of "the grass is always greener". I think in most countries, women who cheat are much more vulnerable to it having a negative impact on their life. Men cheat and well, people tend to just shrug. Women cheat and she gets judged.

1 ( +6 / -5 )

isn't the whole idea of marriage for "life" a thing of the past with how it is seen now?

Very possibly, yes. People change over time, and when you think about the type of people we can be in our 20s, compared with our 40s, compared with our 60s, then maybe changing partners periodically is the way to go for a lot of people, in order to have a satisfying life. My wife and I have grown together, and our priorities and outlook are still quite inline with each other, but if someday we diverge significantly enough, I would not want to tie her to me out of some devotion to an outdated concept, nor would I want to be tied down for that same reason.

-3 ( +8 / -11 )

I 100% agree with you but I think many societies "force" women to be tied to men financially. Japan being one of them. Not sure how happy many would be with your notion of change - though I personally agree with it.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

I think many societies "force" women to be tied to men financially.

Very true. As I say - society has not yet caught up to the modern times.

0 ( +8 / -8 )

I felt their answers were pretty diverse yet standard/normal and in a way 'refreshing'. No bs. Reckon many westerners would have had similar experiences.

People cheat/are cheated on for the same reasons whether they are japanese, euros, aussies, americans etc

1 ( +3 / -2 )

I went to school with this bloke! Legend!

I think the guy at 1:45 really nailed it. I've talked to countless guys who have absolutely no problem with what they're doing (ie. cheating on their partners).

0 ( +4 / -4 )

I may be traditional in some eyes, but I married for life. Sure, we have our own seperate interests, but we still share many common ones. And I think if you want to continue a meaningful relationship, then you make efforts to do things together. That's what motivated me to starting jogging. Saw my wife doing it, and I wanted to spend more time with her. So I began getting in shape and now we run every weekend together. It gives us special time alone away from the kids, too.

Infedelity would be a hard thing to get through, if that ever happened. But I know on my end that I have and will never do that. Why would I mess up what I value most? And over a one night thing? No, not gonna happen from me. We are best friends and true soul mates. Feel lucky to have her.

9 ( +10 / -1 )

The video was terrible, it only interviews young 20 something viewpoints. Why not get a broader scope of age and marriage status. Very few of us think the same way as we did in our 20's.

10 ( +11 / -1 )

The video was terrible, it only interviews young 20 something viewpoints. Why not get a broader scope of age and marriage status. Very few of us think the same way as we did in our 20's.

It's not a scientific study Dman. Just some guy making a video and getting some opinions.

The video was fine.

-2 ( +6 / -8 )

"this video from YouTube channel Asian Boss " tells you all you need to know about its credibility...

8 ( +8 / -0 )

More drivel that gets to no real point.

3 ( +6 / -3 )

The emotional scale changes from human to human. Some of us want love to last. I don't think many people share this feeling. If you have ever fallen truly in love, you know that you would never want the person you love to cheat on you.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Ya guys should know about Iceland:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zphq6bZ6wLs

https://muckrack.com/link/en04P/iceland-a-culture-moving-beyond-marriage

"Is marriage outdated in Iceland? 67% of Icelandic babies are born out of wedlock"

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I have a Japanese girlfriend and we are in a L D R it's been 4 years and we love each other very much. She is very loyal and so am I and don't have any reason to doubt her so I don't think cheating will ever be a part of our life

0 ( +2 / -2 )

I like how basically everyone said its ok but then when asked if it happened to them they said its not ok. Funny.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Lordy. Reading this thread has reminded me why I prefer to remain single, footloose, and fancy-free. Whatever happened to "til death do us part?" Whatever happened to "for better or for worse?" I thought the whole point of marriage was so that you would have somebody who is on your side, come hell or high water, the rough with the smooth, and all that.

I know far too many women here "stuck" in marriages because they don't work and I know far too many men stuck in marriages because they fear they won't see their kids again.

Well, wives in general will turn a blind eye to the cheating, because doing otherwise would entail getting one of those "job" things, and why would anyone living on Easy Street wish to change her postcode?

On the other hand, I know a few men stuck in marriages who don't even have kids, just lazy and manipulative wives. One of my first drinking buddies in Japan (who, by the way, was constantly extolling the virtues of Japanese women, back in the day) is now a miserable alcoholic who works in dead-end IT jobs on a series of one-year contracts to support his wife (who mysteriously quit her job shortly after their honeymoon) and her mother (whom she mysteriously moved into their home without consulting him first). Having kids in the picture would probably make it worthwhile for him, but she was smart enough to trap him without resorting to pregnancy. And she doesn't give him any love or affection, either. Just verbal abuse, contempt, and constant nagging to work harder.

Watching the life die out of his eyes has been one of the most painful things I've ever witnessed.

Why would I mess up what I value most? And over a one night thing? No, not gonna happen from me.

Absolutely how I feel. If and when I ever marry, it's gonna be for life.

I could see myself potentially going for some outside experiences at some point in my life.

Getting married and then thinking of cheating? Sorry, twit. You made your bed, now lie in it. Alone.

5 ( +8 / -3 )

Getting married and then thinking of cheating? Sorry, twit. You made your bed, now lie in it. Alone.

I didn't say I was thinking of cheating. I said I could see the potential of going for some outside experiences at some point in my life. That doesn't necessarily mean cheating - it can be a consensual arrangement as well - and it appears that people who have open relationships can be happier in them: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/strictly-casual/201412/are-people-in-open-relationships-happier

For now though, my wife is enough for me, we share a bed together thanks.

-8 ( +5 / -13 )

That explains a few things...

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Temptations in life are always present and maintaining loyalty is sometime difficult but it's the right thing to do. If your a cheater yourself you must not care if your partner also cheats. That's not for me, I do care therefore I cannot cheat.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

Cheating is inexcusable.There's no excuse i think.Emotional or not cheating is cheating.This is why the society become more cancerous than past.Physical or emotional desires eh?Peoples desire never ends.If you act to fulfill your desires you will be slave of your desires.If there's a problem between your partner talk if it's not work than break up eventually.If you cheated you'd be done the worst against to him or her.Peoples nowadays do not pay any attention to mutual respect.

2 ( +5 / -3 )

Sex is a natural instinct...

1 ( +4 / -3 )

Skipped pass the comments ( will upscroll and absorb later), cause i just gotta say in emergency fashion prostitution and family don't mix. give your wife a disease and maybe herpes for your kids from drunken kissing at the snackbar...women over here should really learn about those risks...STI's are not the only reason to avoid the redlightdistrict, but it is arguably the biggest detriment.............god almighty, my Japanese wife said as much "a pro is not a lover, so...and if you make a lover, just don't let me find out..."If I were a rich man... dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadaaaa"! ( fiddler on the roof)

0 ( +0 / -0 )

If there's no emotion involved in getting your jollies from another source then why not either DIY or get a toy? The end result is the same, and there's no emotional entanglements.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I love the Paul Newman quote," I have steak at home. Why should I go out for hamburger?”

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I think that back when people lived in small towns/villages, and only lived until 60 years old, monogamy for life made sense. But now that we live in an age when we are exposed to thousands of people daily, and live until our '80s, only being with the person we married until the day we die has created an unreasonable expectation upon people, which is why you see so much cheating these days.

I agree that marriages are less solid today than back then, but disagree with your assessment as to why.

I think that traditional gender roles where the man worked outside the home to earn income for the family and women worked inside the house was the foundation of a stable marriage, because men and women had complementary tasks. So women depended on men's income and men depended on the women's housework. That created a strong foundation of self-interest for a long-lasting marriage. It may not have been a passionate marriage with love from day 1 to the last day, but it was a solid one. Breaking up would mean the woman has to find another man to replace the income lost, and the man has to find another woman to take care of the home.

Now fast-forward to the modern world. Home appliances have reduced the burden of housework massively. What used to take an entire day (washing clothes) now takes about 30-45 minutes. Meanwhile, the need for income has increased and the backlash against traditional gender roles has encouraged society to teach men and women to have the exact same goals for their lives: namely, defining success as success in one's career. As a result, men and women are much less complementary now than back then, in a way, they've become more like roommates who sleep with one another than husband and wife: both have careers, both bring in income into the household, both do little housework (especially the most recent generation). Breaking up such a marriage is far easier, because there is a lot less synergy. The existence of the welfare State also makes divorce an easier proposition for the poorer of the two partners.

In a way, this can explain why traditionally cheating was more tolerated, especially from men. As long as they still provided for their family, cheating on the side was not an existential threat to what was in essence mainly an economic contract. Love may kindle a marriage, but economic necessity kept the flame going.

I'm not saying traditional gender roles were better, I'm just pointing out what seems to me logical.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

I think Ogun Alarcin highlighted a really simple but important word: RESPECT. I think some people really love their partner despite cheating, but I think the respect is missing.

Personally I don't care for what society thinks, the most important thing is for whether individuals are happy with the way they want to live.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

More drivel that gets to no real point.

Drivel, yes, but there's a point. Clicks.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Just put this video on the NBC Nightly News in the USA.... within a few weeks you'll see a lot of American men coming to Japan. Even the women agreed that paying for sex was not cheating.... AMAZING!

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Even the women agreed that paying for sex was not cheating.... AMAZING!

In the Edo days, married men went to Yoshiwara -the pleasure quarters of old Tokyo. Same thing today. Married men can "compensate a date" with a HS girl almost anywhere: Ikebukuro, Shibuya, Ueno, Akihabara . . . it's not cheating.

But it is wrong when 45 yr old salary men are paying for dates (with or without sex) with 16 yr old gals. Japan's society accepts this. . . Amazingly insane!

0 ( +1 / -1 )

It made me smile too.

But I must be getting old. When asked, "have you ever done uwaki?", weren't we all told by our parents to always say "no", no matter the circumstances.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

*"Here’s what a small portion of Japanese men and women think about cheating."

7 ( +7 / -0 )

Very early on in my marriage my wife said, I don't want you to do anything with anyone, but if a mistake happens I don't want to know about it. Certainly not permission, but a different point of view than one might expect.

I have no interest in making "a mistake", nor have, I but there does certainly seem to be a different idea about what makes the most important parts of a marriage work long term.

Its an odd thing, I think I would be able to distinguish an activity for enjoyment from one of serious emotional attachment, however, I can honestly say I wouldn't want my wife to do anything so why would I if Im interested in having a fair and equal relationship.

The general lack of sexual hangups here is pretty refreshing, though fortunately where I am from we never really suffered the intolerable and nonsensical restrictions or societal pressures to not engage in sex before marriage that some places do.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Some male and female interviewees seemed to think that this was a much more forgivable kind of cheating, with some even claiming that they wouldn’t consider it cheating at all, since it is merely a “service” provided for financial compensation.

There you have it ladies and gents.... sex in Japan is seen as a service with many Japanese, rather than what it really is. No wonder so many horny house wives are flirting with me daily at school.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

What are the most important criterions for choosing a wife ? That she can make and raise children properly. Obviously you can't do that outside marriage. And that she's sexually perfect for you. Cause this adultery is a cause for divorce.

If shes dumb, has no conversation, no problem you can speak to any other lady without fear. If she can't cook, you can eat someone else's food. That aren't legal causes for divorce.

So it's all about sex in the end...

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

RoFL @Cortes.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I can't tell if Japanese thinking is advanced or behind the times. I don't think that monogamy works for every couple. But I think that's something for the couple to talk about and come to a consensus about. It shouldn't just be assumed that "this" is cheating but "this" isn't, and that your partner has the same views about it. And I also didn't like the idea that only men can be emotional detached during affairs.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

If young people are thinking this way, where are they learning this behavior from?

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Thanks God am not married,thats why am happy:).Actually i can never understand how can i live with a wife or even girlfriend for life,Jesus Maria!!its almost like prison sentence,for sure its boring and unbearable.Cheating-i dont think its a proper word-is the only option sometimes to continue life with a partner,it happens everywhere in the world-Japan is among-for same reasons.I prefer casual relations from very beginning,its fair and lovely:)

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Sensationalist video interview. Same five people over and over. How many others gave opposing responses? No this is not the common view, this is the view of the most controversial or whatever. Nobody I know, western or Japanese tolerates this kind of behavior or finds it acceptable. Absolute rubbish.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

"Married and bored or single and lonely.Ain't no happiness nowhere" said my favorite comedian.And reading some of the comments especially from some singles....he just might be right.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Some aspects of cheating or not cheating are not covered by the article. My wife often accused me of "cheating" since we married thirteen years ago. It was completely untrue but how do you prove a negative? Actually I never even thought about it but she persisted even to the point of being specific once when it was logistically impossible. She left me taking the children three years ago. I'm still baffled. Do the family courts just presume a man must be guilty? The ironic thing is that a man who is really cheating still has a friend when his wife leaves him whereas the falsely accused is left completely alone.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Marriage is outdated. The marriage certificate makes the couple feel they are in business. And every business blows up one day.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@Wc626

But it is wrong when 45 yr old salary men are paying for dates (with or without sex) with 16 yr old gals.

Please explain why?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

"its her/his fault for not satisfying me! That's why I cheat."

Honestly people that use this kind of reason as an excuse to cheat, are the worst kind of cowards in this world. Just admit that you're not faithful. Marriage is not all about sexual relations. If you think it is, then you should not get married since there are a lot more to marriage than just sex. I respect Japanese people. They're hardworking people. But they don't have a lot of common sense. And frankly, watching how they react to cheating so casually, disgusts me.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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