Is it OK to split the bill on a date in Japan? Survey asks what women and men of different ages think

Vreth,

Yeah that's what I meant. And I agree with you that if a person you are 'dating' always insisted you pay for everything, even when they suggested whatever it was, that's cheap. And probably not the basis for a good relationship.

I really don't know how it even works these days. I've been out of the game for a loooooooong time.

@fatrainfallingintheforest

Ahh I see what you're saying. Yeah if one person invites the other to a fairly expensive restaurant they otherwise wouldn't go to then it's the inviters responsibility.

And letting someone pay for you doesn't make you look cheap?

Perhaps, but that's not what I said.

I wouldn't want to go out with a cheap girl, paying for everything sets a precedent for the whole relationship.

May I clarify? If you asked a woman out to dinner, a first date, say, and you take her to a fairly nice restaurant, would you insist that she pay for her own meal? If so, that's being cheap, in my opinion. Sorry. Obviously, things will evolve further into the relationship.

If it's coffee or whatever that's fine, but if you are taking them to a fancy restaurant then it's not really a date, are you trying to build a relationship with this person or just impress them enough to get them to sleep with you? Sounds more like a papakatsu situation.

That's a very jaded way of looking at it. I may be a bit old fashioned, but if I asked a woman out on a date, and there was nothing 'official' between us, I would pay; especially on a first date and as mentioned, I would be open to going dutch, or for her to pay, as (or if) the relationship progressed.

Times are very different now to when I used to date. There was no question that they guy would pay for a date, with the only exception being if the date was set up by the girl, which did not happen often as back then it was more normal for guys to chase the women.

I could have saved a small fortune if the bills were split back then as they are now. But thats progress I guess.

Elvis is hereToday 06:39 pm JST

I'd fight if it would help. But. You aren't going to like this. But. I seems most Japanese woman are quite happy to put up with the injustices they suffer. Why should I care about setting right it if they don't?

I don't think they are all happy to put up with injustice. I think there are many points of view among Japanese women, since women aren't a monolith. Some may be content to be held to low expectations, but others are very definitely not happy and want more.

I suppose you would have to ask yourself what you would prefer: a society where women who want to get ahead can do so, or a society where all women are held back. Then act accordingly.

@fatrainfallingintheforest

And letting someone pay for you doesn't make you look cheap? I wouldn't want to go out with a cheap girl, paying for everything sets a precedent for the whole relationship.

If it's coffee or whatever that's fine, but if you are taking them to a fancy restaurant then it's not really a date, are you trying to build a relationship with this person or just impress them enough to get them to sleep with you? Sounds more like a papakatsu situation.

Rarely, when the woman suggested that she pay the bill, I would react in one of two ways

If she insists, say "I'll pay for this date; you pay for the next one."

Hit 2 birds with 1 stone - each gets to pay half, and ya got yourself another date, lol

When I was into dating, 99% of the time it was me who asked for the date. And I always paid. But I was raised in a different era, when men assumed that responsibility. Rarely, when the woman suggested that she pay the bill, I would react in one of two ways - I'd take out a coin and say, "Let's flip for it," or say, "Let me pay half, or at least take care of the tip." Never got an argument. Often got lucky. But, it's a new era, and I don't date anymore, so I haven't a clue about how to behave.

Maybe girl_in_tokyo can make a recommendation. She's got a head on her shoulders that I respect.

Whoever asks for the first date should expect to pay for that first date

Subsequent dates can be negotiated, e.g. who decides where the next date would be

So do you want to fight for equality or don't you? You can't have it both ways, you know.

I'd fight if it would help. But. You aren't going to like this. But. I seems most Japanese woman are quite happy to put up with the injustices they suffer. Why should I care about setting right it if they don't?

InYourEyeToday 05:02 pm JST

No there isn't. That's be debunked multiple times. 以上。

No, it hasn't been "debunked" because it is fact. But again, if men want women to pay their fair share, then men should be for pay equality as well as for stomping out the sexism that holds women back from achieving those higher earnings.

In Japan in particular, women are fired for being pregnant, and in many cases won't ever get the chance to work in many higher-paying positions and professions due to sexism.

So do you want to fight for equality or don't you? You can't have it both ways, you know.

Yes, the old debate on gender roles in society… In fact, when we were young we men paid everything without questioning and we found partners, marriage and had more families and children, a stable society, healthy economy and age distribution pyramid. Now look at all those crazy gender and role change experiments and discussions of our newest era and compare the success rates for a very clear understanding.

Of course there is.

No there isn't. That's be debunked multiple times. 以上。

InYourEyeToday 03:27 pm JST

There is no "gender pay gap".

Of course there is.

I mean, if you want equality, then let's have equality and pay women the same as men so that women don't have to rely on men to pay for dates. That way we all get what we want: women get financial independence, men don't have to worry women only want them for their wallet. Win-win.

Even expensive restaurants have cash checkout registers near the door.

Paying the whole bill makes you look weak and desperate.

It depends on the situation, and the date.

I think if you ask someone out on a first date, and you don't pay for them, you look cheap. If you've been dating a while then yeah, I'd agree with you.

And if you ask someone out for a coffee, for example, are you going to insist they pay for theirs? How about a movie ticket? And what if you take them to a super expensive restaurant and order the most expensive bottle of wine, which you drink most of? Should they pay half?

theResident,

I'd love to know where you take a date that involves paying at a 'register'. I wouldn't want to take or be taken anywhere with register by whose knickers I was trying to get into!

I think I know the places you are thinking of. For example, where you put your credit card in the wallet with the check and the wait staff takes it away, charges it and returns it with the receipt. But plenty of decent restaurants (in Japan at least) simply have registers near the door where you pay on your way out. I'm thinking izakaya, yakiniku restaurants and so-on. If you think those kinds of places are inappropriate for a date, that's your prerogative.

In my dating days, I'd always pay. Even if I was the one invited, I was prepared to pay but wouldn't argue if the lady offered to split the tab.

I'd only every pay for a someones half if it was their birthday or if we were already in a relationship of some sort. Paying the whole bill makes you look weak and desperate.

@theResident

Just about every bar or izakaya in Japan has you pay at the register.

“ real talk..If I'll get something in return after dating, then I'll be more than happy to have have the bill in my tab. “

Um, something in return like what(?); a snickers bar(?)

Glad you think so. Now how about closing that gender pay gap?

Indeed m, close it. But it's not the lad's fault. There should be more protests from who it concerns. Not the geezer holding the bill.

I'd love to know where you take a date that involves paying at a 'register'.

There is no "gender pay gap".

Generally agree...but I think its reasonable as a guy to pay say 2/3 of the time.

Must say, disagree with TonicandGin. Think all highly unreasonable. Also circumstances don't count. Dating a professional woman with a good income is no different from dating say a single mum or a student.

Do like the candid "pronoun drop" style of writing though. Very dignified, so not all bad really. But wishing posts had more content. Not just inner-thoughts and paraphrases.

japancatToday 11:34 am JST

Equal rights means 'Equal rights' !

Glad you think so. Now how about closing that gender pay gap?

real talk..If I'll get something in return after dating, then I'll be more than happy to have have the bill in my tab.

imho, this is a non-issue…;

communication is the key…; if she/he is really the one (I don’t mean the love of your life but… you know… someone special), you’ll talk about things that matter, you know… that are actually important…, you’ll open to each other/get to know each other, laugh with each other…, and then it happens(!)(!): you will both realize that you don’t care about who pays what…

(remember: communication is everything…)

I had no problems with this. Sometimes, I picked up the main meal (especially if a favor was done for me), and or the lady will pick up dessort or a coffee. I'm pretty much flexible. My mom usually encouraged me to pick up the tab, but that was her. I'm more considerate, depending on the situation of the date.

When I dated in Japan in the early 2000s Before I was married, when I dated I always paid first. After a while it was who was ever at the register first and weather it was any of my past relations or when I dated my wife we never thought about nor did we care who paid, we just enjoyed our time and the night out together.

If you invite someone out for dinner then you should be prepared to also pay. I always did. These days, many of my clients take me out for dinner. I offer to pay but always declined.

Younger ones are more realistic these days. They know that just like them, teenage boys don't have that much money. Only young girls with sugar daddies want their men to pay for them. But majority of the teenage girls date guys around their age, so it is pretty understandable why they are more receptive to the idea of split bill.

Older women have "been there done that" and are wiser. They know that a man who cannot afford to pay a dinner or whatnot is somewhat not worth keeping as their body clock is ticking!

I usually go first to the register, pay my part and wait in there for them girls to pay for her part.

Equal rights means 'Equal rights' !

A relationship is not a sponsorship. If he/she never pays, run away.

Women 40-40: 30 percent

> > ● Men 20-29: 16 percent

● Men 30-39: 30 percent

● Men 40-49: 26 percent

● Men 20-29: 48 percent

Say what?????