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Let’s break out the pencils, boys. It’s time to take some notes!
If you aren’t familiar with "kyabakura" (a portmanteau of the Japanese pronunciation for “cabaret” and “club”), it’s basically a place where men pay lots of money to drink and talk with pretty women. While there may be seedier things going on around the "kyabakura," virtually all business at the "kyabakura" itself is completely innocent, so long as you consider it “innocent” to get wasted while girls talk to you like you’re a celebrity.
While there’s a lot of reasons guys would visit a "kyabakura," maybe they’re just lonely or not getting the attention they need at home, one thing’s for sure: the women who work there must be pretty good at their job to get men to pay large amounts of money just to talk and drink with them.
And along with the women’s conversation and alcohol prowess comes another useful skill: sizing up the men that they have to work with. They should know better than anyone what makes a guy attractive or unattractive, since they have to deal with so many of them every day. So in conducting some very important research, we decided to ask some "kyabakura" women for the top five most unattractive things guys do. Here’s what they came up with; allow us to share their knowledge with men all over the world:
#5. Not saying anything at all
“It makes me wonder why they even came.” “It’s like pulling teeth.” “The time goes by so slowly.”
No surprises here. Whether you’re on a date or visiting a "kyabakura" yourself, you have to speak up for people to learn about you. If you don’t say anything, they’ll just assume you’re not that interesting.
#4. Showing off how much money they have
“It’s like they’re trying to ask how much they can buy me for.”
So once you do start talking, take note: don’t talk about how big your awesome salary is. Also be sure not to shove the keys to your luxury car right in the lady’s face either, which is another major turnoff the women mentioned.
#3. Trying too hard to be cool
“If you were really so cool, why would you come to a kyabakura?” “It’s just painful to watch most of the time.”
All right, so you’ve opened up your mouth and done your best to not talk about your piles of cash at home; now it’s time to make sure your conversation skills and body language sound natural. If you haven’t been practicing your James Bond impression in front of a mirror for at least six months, now’s not the time to start breaking it out.
#2. Looking down on the woman
“It’s just miserable when then use bad language or call us bad words.” “Or when they ask us why we’re working here.” “No matter who the woman is, you should always treat her with respect.”
This one may be a little particular to "kyabakura," since the men might think they “deserve” to talk down to the woman because they’ve paid for their time. But still, it can be applied to normal life too. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in a conversation and not realize what you’re saying before it’s too late, even if you didn’t mean to be rude.
#1. Nonstop dirty jokes
“Attractiveness is inversely proportional to how many dirty jokes they tell.” “The grosser the person, the grosser the jokes.” “The worst part is, if you laugh to be polite, they’ll just tell more.”
All right guys, we get it, “that’s what she said.” Yes, yes, it was funny the first fifty times but now it’s time to try and impress the ladies by trying something else. When it comes to conversation, try to get a little creative and ask some questions. Otherwise, it will just be a long and hard ride.
And that’s it for the list. While some of the topics that were brought may be largely limited to "kyabakura," most of them are universal. It seems that no matter where you are in the world, the best strategy to get people to like you is to speak up a bit and don’t be a jerk. If you do that, you might just be able to fit right in.
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© Japan Today
21 Comments
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Lina Nova
Those nightclubs are pathetic thing and the fact even married men working in sales departments are often forced to go there is terrible. Work culture is a part where I feel Europe greatly excels Japan.
I am Polish and my fiance is Japanese man in his 40s. We live in Thailand together. He often needs to take care of customers, exectutives from Japan visiting Thailand office, trading companies etc.
Sometimes it ends with a dinner and coming back around 22. Other times he needs to accompany them in hostess clubs. I knew about it and used to try not ovethink it. Thai hostess karaoke is pretty similar to Japanese. He usually texts me during those parties "when will it finish omg" etc. He comes back home even 2 am sometimes and he still have to wake up early next morning and go to work. He comes back smelling alcohol and cigaretters reapeating 'awful!' many times, as he walks through a door.
As much as I trust him, try to be supportive and understanding I found lots of woman's make up on the shoulder of his jacket and feeling bad about it, showed it to him saying "your hostess must have very heavy make up".
He fisrt got annoyed about the dirt on his jacket then immediatelly said sorry to me. "She sat next to me. She was drunk." I got apologized many times and he explained me he always gets bored of those parties and looks disinterested which they cannot understand and always ask "are you tired? are you tired". "I wanna tell them I'm bored", he said. "I'm single ("you're not single! I notice here. "yes, but I'm not married") and they are suprised I am not interested in them. One asked me today are you a ladyboy? (Thai word for transvestite and there are plenty of them in Thailand)"
All I could say was "what a disgrace, they got paid for talking to customers in such way?? Riddiculous. Hopefully you answered her with 'maybe you'!" I replied. At this point my anger was gone and all I could think is how stupid those cheap chicks are.
We spent another hour talking and I heard few next apologies.
"It's fake. It's artificial. They are only after money."
It's Japanese work culture. They are so tired I guess they hardly have time to think of their family. My fiance usually wakes up 6 am, 6:30 he leaves home. He works Monday- Friday, plus sometimes none, sometimes 1, sometimes 2 Saturdays per month. He comes back 7 - 8 pm on a normal day. 9 - 11 pm if he has dinner out with customers. After midnight if they go to drink in those filthy places.
Every time there's a national holiday on weekday and he get a day off he works on Saturday that week. He hardly has time for himself. He's so strong to endure the nonsense of salaryman's life.
Yes, I am sure he hates those hostess clubs and he totally would prefer sleep long enough to get through another day than a cheap, surely occasional prostitute, drunk chic dropping her empty head on his shoulder.
Yes, I am sure he would prefer to spend evening at home and the proofs are the numerous times he was pretending sick to leave right after the dinner.
I am being strong too enduring alone nights when my man is forced to spend it along those wasted women.
In Japan it is exactly the same way as here. Bangkok has many Japanese dedicated places and some of those clubs have mainly Japanese guests.
I am sorry for all the girlfriends and wives in my situation. And to all the children whose dads are stolen from home even in those precious few evening hours they could have spend with family.
Your wife doesn't understand you... hold on girl, you have no idea what you are talking about. Also they would understand each other much better if they could spend some time together because if he comes back after 1 am usually his wife is sleeping.
nath
Hostess bars are fun enough when someone else is paying. Not interested in paying my own money for them though.
commanteer
I think you have been here long enough to know that Japanese girls often giggle when they feel uncomfortable about something. This probably didn't make the top 5 simply because it's too embarrassing for the girls to talk about.
clueless
Getting groped isn't even mentioned???
In the 10 years I have lived here I have been about 3 times. Not by choice, more like gently persuaded to go.
Each time the person that has taken me has "invited" me to cop a feel. To which the hostess has just giggled but offered no resistance.
Eh….I refused of course.
So whats the deal guys? Is it game on or not?
commanteer
Sorry, but I disagree. Japan is a patriarchal society, but it's not as simple as just "looking down" on women. In fact, I have seen more of this looking down on women coming from Westerners rather than Japanese. Check out a club in Philippines or Thailand to see lecherous western guys treating impoverished young women with total disrespect.
There is a clear division of gender roles in Japan, and a rapidly dying tradition of seeing women as "unclean." But guys who look down on women who work in these jobs are generally complete losers who have never had much success with women, and therefore resent them. I don't think that's unique to Japan.
Fadamor
Number 3 makes all this advice on how to do things "right" in a Hostess Club moot. How are you going to impress someone who already knows you're a loser the moment you step through the door?
Doo-Bop
Don't they have similar things for women, with male hosts?
sighclops
@commanteer
It's a cultural thing that goes back hundreds of years. For many generations to come, women will always be looked down upon in Japan. Just look at the typical workplace in a Japanese company here. Horrendous.
Digging deeper, this is a facet of Japanese society that I wish would just die. Regardless of history & tradition, it's lame. The clientele are there, for the most part, on company / client money & feel they can 'open up' to the girls. This leads to an unhealthy 'relationship' whereby the man depends on the hostess for emotional support - not to mention the crazy amount they spend on gifts. It's not uncommon to spend 1 ~ 2mil yen on a handbag, for example.
Really grinds my gears when you see the slimy guys at the train stations day in & day out bordering on harassment 'coercing' these young girls into the industry. What the you-know-what are the cops doing? They're all Yak-owned enterprises to begin with!
Akula
Got taken to a few of these places when I first went to Japan. Always found them to be artificial and a waste of money.
Mikanojo
@ sensei258 the image is showing the girls who are waiting for male customers to come in. They will join them at tables and at the bar.
scoobydoo
Sure its not a NOVA voice room English class they are talking about?
sensei258
Where's the guy supposed to sit? Do they have free wi-fi, they're all on their phones
lostrune2
Haha she's a wily one
Spanki
The silent guy is probably the one who has had to accompany senior colleagues and really doesn't want to be there. The novelty of attending those places wore off pretty quickly for me.
PTownsend
Years ago I worked with a young Japanese woman who told me she had paid her way through university by working as a hostess. She learnt early on that the best way to get the client to pay even more for her time was to lightly put her hand on his wrist, look him in the eye and say "Your boss doesn't understand you and neither does your wife. But I do." Fools and money.
Alix Hooper
Losers go to kyabakura. Who knew?
Pukey2
Oh for god's sake, what sort of clientele do you think these places would attract? It's not a bookstore or a high-end cafe.
LegrandeRio
Someone I went with actually did buy one of these girls.
To be honest they all came off as vain gold diggers.
Bradley Fried
I was going to guess that #1 was going to hostess clubs.
commanteer
Number 4 is funny. I always thought kyabakura were for the budget-minded. Number 2 is appalling. How can a guy look down on a woman when he's the one paying money to share her company?
David Blue
Sounds like men in American strip clubs.