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Japanese men reveal 10 times they fell in love with their wives all over again

50 Comments
By Casey Baseel, RocketNews24

Even though a lot of couples in Japan officially start their relationship with a dramatic and explicit expression of love, that level of passion can be hard to maintain indefinitely. Especially among married couples in Japan, it’s not common to say “I love you” every day, and after a few years as husband and wife, some spouses stop seeing each other as a man and a woman.

But marriage is a long string of small shared experiences, and sometimes couples find a spark that rekindles the flames of their emotions for one another, like in this list of the top 10 times Japanese men fell in love with their wives all over again.

Internet portal R25 asked 200 married men between the ages of 20 and 39 to share when their romantic feelings for their wife flare up like old times again, and the top 10 responses are below.

9 (tie). When she treats my parents kindly and shows she cares about them (13.5 percent)

Many of the items on the list seem like they’d be applicable for wives once again realizing how much they love their husbands, including this entry. If you come from a happy home, seeing that your spouse also appreciates your family is at once both touching and reassuring.

9 (tie). When she dresses up in a yukata, dress, or some other type of special outfit (13.5 percent)

Shaking up the monotony of everyday life by stepping out in something other than the clothes you wear every day can really help set a romantic mood. And don’t worry about getting that yukata (summer kimono) tied up just right; it’s easier than you think.

8. When she cheers me up when I’m feeling down (16.5 percent)

Because everybody likes having someone to lean on.

7. When the sex is good (17 percent)

Because everybody likes having someone to get naked with.

6. When she knows what’s bothering me without my having to say anything (17.5 percent)

That seems more like the mark of a great psychic than a great spouse, but hey, if you’re all about minimizing the effort you put into communication, this skill would definitely be an attractive one.

4 (tie). When I see her being kind to kids (19 percent)

This entry covered both the couple’s own offspring as well as other children. We already saw that many men got a warm fuzzy feeling from seeing their wife treat their parents kindly, and witnessing such affection flowing further down the generational chain produced a similar effect.

4 (tie). When we go out on a date for the first time in a while and she’s having a good time (19 percent)

Between open-ended work days (thanks to the prevalence of overtime and semi-mandated socializing with coworkers) and taking care of any children (hiring a baby sitter is unheard of in Japan), “date nights” are few and far between for many married couples. The high ranking of this response, though, is a pretty convincing argument for making time in your schedule to go out like you did in your single days.

3. When I see her put on makeup and dress up in fashionable clothes (25 percent)

Going on fewer dates means less reason to go through the whole grooming routine or put on anything fancier than an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt. One quarter of the men polled, though, appreciated when their wives went to the trouble to do so.

2. When she goes all-out taking care of me when I’m sick (27.5 percent)

Extra points if said care includes wearing a nurse’s outfit, we assume.

1. When she cooks something for me that tastes good (33.5 percent)

The top choice is actually a little surprising. Is a tasty home-cooked meal such a rare occurrence for the men who chose this?

We suppose that’s possible for a few of them, but others experience such pleasures on a daily basis. “She takes care of me every day,” explained one appreciative man who apparently falls in love with his wife every evening. So while “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” may be a cliché, for a lot of guys in Japan it’s a true and happy cliché, so one recipe for marital bliss might be right here.

Source: Yahoo! Japan/R25

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- One couple, two beds – Why do so many Japanese spouses sleep separately? -- The fantastic feast of festival food in Japan -- Poll asks for the top 10 times Japanese men are disappointed in their adult daughters

© Japan Today

©2019 GPlusMedia Inc.


50 Comments
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Take note of the Top 3.

Feed your man things he likes, look after him when he is feeling poorly and look good.

Rinse, repeat. Keep your man happy and the rest of the household (and community) get the benefits. Let's do it!!

0 ( +6 / -6 )

Anyone else notice that the top 3 are all about her looking good and focusing all her attention on him?

6 ( +13 / -7 )

2... as a nurse.. the sexualization of nurses...
2 ( +5 / -3 )

Anyone else notice that the top 3 are all about her looking good and focusing all her attention on him?

Correct!

If you want to write an article entitled, "How to get your man to fall OUT of love with you" - do the opposite to the Top 3.

5 ( +9 / -4 )

Internet portal R25 asked 200 married men between the ages of 20 and 39 to share when their romantic feelings for their wife flare up like old times again, and the top 10 responses are below.

Still newlyweds and they are looking at "old-times". Cripes their marriages must have been crap to begin with if at that age they need to talk about "flaring" things up.

If the interview was with people who have been married for 20 plus years it would be more credible, otherwise it's bullshit to play on stereotypes.

3 ( +6 / -3 )

It's a normal responsibilities of a wife. 愛があれば何でもできる。

-6 ( +4 / -10 )

"Anyone else notice that the top 3 are all about her looking good and focusing all her attention on him?"

Well no shit, she is a wife and that's what she should be doing and vice versa! Why would it be so strange for a man/woman to want their spouse to look good and pay attention to them? lol

9 ( +12 / -3 )

The top two seem to support the idea that many guys in Japan don't want a wife/love but rather a mother or at least someone who will take up both roles. Since women primarily raise these boys, are they responsible for their own gender discrimination?

9 ( +13 / -4 )

Well, for all those who think it is natural that women should focus on the men, would it be odd to have such statements as, "I fall in love with my wife every time I prepare her dinner," or "... Every time I help to make her well again," or "... When I dress up for her."? Service to others, rather than service for oneself, strikes me as being more in the vain of love because it creates it. In fact, the men reveal that service to others is lovable when they love their wives for kindness to children and parents.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

4.6.7.8.9

0 ( +1 / -1 )

The top two seem to support the idea that many guys in Japan don't want a wife/love but rather a mother or at least someone who will take up both roles.

More so down here. Guys look for a second mother rather than a partner.

If the country is so worried about the declining population and the fact that less and less women want to get married because they know they will be treated not as women but as in effect slaves to their husbands whims, it behooves the government and society to educate everyone about equality.

There are exceptions of course, but they are way too and far between if men answer surveys like these with these answers. They come across as self centered and dont take into consideration that THEY are a large part of the problem. (and solution too)

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Anyone else notice that the top 3 are all about her looking good and focusing all her attention on him?

@NathalieB I know eh?

See, I am a real man! My love is totally reserved for women who obviously could not give two $#!Ts about me, and prove it by totally ignoring me. Why should my love have anything to with selfish little me? Pffffftttt!

1 ( +3 / -2 )

See, I am a real man! My love is totally reserved for women who obviously could not give two $#!Ts about me, and prove it by totally ignoring me. Why should my love have anything to with selfish little me? Pffffftttt!

You mean like my parent

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

When the sex is good (17 percent)

LoL, coming in @ #7 & only 17% ?? Maybe cause these guys aren't doing it right.

The top choice is actually a little surprising. Is a tasty home-cooked meal such a rare occurrence for the men who chose this?

It ain't that surprising. Surprisingly enough though, is the fact that japanese women have these subservient roles in society. Where they're judged by how they cook and expected to be in the kitchen.

-2 ( +4 / -6 )

Japan needs to pick up on the baby sitter thing. It really helps to allow parents to get out and do things without a little kid around.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

That seems more like the mark of a great psychic than a great spouse

No, it's the mark of a great spouse. It shows that they are in tune with their partner's lives and feelings.

As for people going on about how the top three are like a parent, they must not have seen a good relationship model in their lives. Good couples take care of each other.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Yup, Id say the top two in particular are indicative of a man that suffers from Dependent Personality Disorder. Those are feelings better suited towards a mother, not a wife.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Though one or two of these seem silly... I don't see a problem with a man enjoying his wife dressing up to go out, putting on a dress, etc. I guess unless he falls out of love with her when she's at home with pajamas on lol... A lot of these can resonate with women as well.

My husband is a handsome guy... But I do love when he puts on a nice tailored 3 piece suit. It reminds me of how handsome he looked at our wedding.

I don't get sick often, but maybe once a year I get something bad and when he happily brings me tea, takes care of me... Of course it gives a loving feeling. I'll take a loving action over a loving word any day.

I'm a stay at home mom with a 1 year old and I fall in love with my husband every day. He's a hard worker, a loving father and a great friend. We take care of and depend on each other. Give and take. Nothing wrong or selfish about any of that, right?

6 ( +8 / -2 )

@clamenza

Yup, Id say the top two in particular are indicative of a man that suffers from Dependent Personality Disorder.

Isn't that a good thing? When you really love someone and literally can't imagine how you'd live without them.... Well, that's what life's all about, isn't it?

I'm so lucky that I love my wife more and more after twenty-odd years together.(Not sure that's mutual, though!).

The saddest thing is seeing friends falling out of love and chasing twenty-year olds in seedy bars.. really tragic.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

lucabrasi - Nothing wrong with my wife making me a steak every now and then or putting an extra blanket on me if I'm sick (I can't remember the last time I was sick in any case), but thats something I see of more a mothering situation. Not the first two things that come to my mind if I think about "Falling in love".

-2 ( +2 / -4 )

Well that's a pretty shallow bunch of reasons to fall in love all over again.

2 ( +5 / -3 )

4 (tie). When I see her being kind to kids (19 percent)

If the man is a real man he should be able to look after himself.

It is the children who need cooking for and looking after when they're sick... ;-)

1 ( +3 / -2 )

It's a little disappointing to see the presupposition that these husbands have previously fallen out of love with their wives. I wonder how many of these couples there are in comparison to the number of couples whose love for each other has only increased over the years.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

@TheGodfather

I'd say that a "real man" is able to let his wife show her affection and not be embarrassed. Sometimes, when you're down, all you need is a hug and a kiss or even just a squeeze of hands.

And it works both ways. I'll listen to her complaints about mean colleagues in the office or her childish squabbles with her sister. And however silly I think she is, I'll (hopefully) leave her feeling better.

So, yes, sometimes she's like a mother and I'm like a father. Nothing bad about that....

4 ( +5 / -1 )

"1. When she cooks something for me that tastes good" I would have thought this was lower on the scale....

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@lucabrasi - "sometimes she's like a mother and I'm like a father. Nothing bad about that...."

That's why the article says "some spouses stop seeing each other as a man and a woman"

1 ( +1 / -0 )

@TheGodfather

Yes. But last time I checked, a father was usually a man and a mother tended to be a woman.

Maybe I'm weird, maybe she's weird, but sometimes all you want is a touch and a bit of reassurance. It certainly helped me when we both thought I had less than a day to live.

Don't like to be melodramatic, but it's those intense moments when you most need each other. And you find out how strong your relationship really is.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

"When the sex is good" cripes I forgot about that a loooooooooooooong time ago.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

@lucabrasi "Don't like to be melodramatic..."

Yes, you ARE being melodramatic!!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@Reckless

You were thirteen and alone. Remember? Good times.....

1 ( +1 / -0 )

@Franchesca

And the worst thing is that, the older you get, the more time you have together, but the less he'll be interested. Of course I don't know him, and I hope I'm dead wrong. But experience tells me that's usually the case.... : (

@TheGodfather

It might sound melodramatic, but it's the truth and there's no way to put it any differently.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Where's giving good back scratches?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

If you want to write an article entitled, "How to get your man to fall OUT of love with you" - do the opposite to the Top 3.

How about "When we laugh together over something stupid that only we can understand" "When she gives me a spontaneous hug for no apparent reason, just because" "When I see how much effort she puts into raising my children" "Whenever I think back over the years and that she has stuck by my side even when it was tough" "When she looks the best she can even though she's now in her sixties" "When she tries a new recipe and it comes out totally wrong, so we laugh, chuck it and order in pizza" "When she sits up all night holding my son's head because he is sick"....

How about ANYTHING with just a smidge more depth than "She makes me the center of her universe"

4 ( +5 / -1 )

What a load of Cr.p ! How old are these Japanese men 10 years old ? Really no1 was if she cooks something really nice . I think it's about time more men learned how to cook and take care of the kids once and a while and stop living like cave men . So sick of hearing I can't cook from guys . My wife and I share the cooking and we both take care of the kids . Yes my wife can tell what I'm thinking sometimes and yeah it does freak me out sometimes but it's only because we have been together so long . Does it bother me ? No . I like it. I too can do the same with her . Ive always loved my wife and I was taken ill some time back and had to stay in hospital for almost two weeks . The look of worry on my wife's face made me love her even more . Ask not what your wife can do you you but what you can do for her ?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

the saying goes "the best way to a mans heart is through his stomach"

2 ( +3 / -1 )

I can tell you what I like and dislike about my wife. Why I love her, I haven't a clue.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

"When she gives me a spontaneous hug for no apparent reason, just because"

Men don't need it.

"When I see how much effort she puts into raising my children"

LOL

"When she looks the best she can even though she's now in her sixties"

See number 3.

"When she tries a new recipe and it comes out totally wrong, so we laugh, chuck it and order in pizza"

No. Number 1 trumps that.

"When she sits up all night holding my son's head because he is sick"

Nah. That's standard.

"She makes me the center of her universe"

Boom! Nailed it.

And as for depth, I'm about as deep as an ice-cream scoop. Treat me like a king and then I will treat you like my queen.

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

There's nothing really wrong with Japanese men responding that they like when they get attention or being catered to. Most people like getting attention and being catered to.

However it doesn't speak well for the people being polled (or perhaps for the people who made the poll - it could well have driven this set of answers if it was designed to do so) that 2 of the top 3 answers conform to outdated and rather uncreative gender roles. Especially the "fashionable clothes" part. There's nothing wrong with wanting your spouse to look appealing, but beauty is so subjective. Fashion is so superficial and fleeting. It almost sounds like wanting your wive in fashionable clothes isn't so she looks good to you (maybe you think she's more appealing in casual sweatpants and a t-shirt, because that means she's comfortable with you) but so you can take her into public and compare her against other people's wives (fashion being an entirely externally-decided phenomenon.) And that's just kinda sad.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

@Thon

Falling in love all over again doesn't actually mean they fell out of love. "Falling" in love is a fleeting passion. If you are talking about the deeper kind of love that grows with time, that's another story.

However, when I was much younger I met lots of couples celebrating their 30th, 40th and even 50th anniversaries. I made a point of asking how they made it that long, as divorce was the rule in my family. I don't recall even one couple ever saying it was a walk in the park. Almost all of them had their rough patches. The comment that stuck with me was "we never both wanted a divorce at the same time."

So I am very dubious of anyone who says their love just grows and grows. I suppose there are a few magical cases like that, but for most people it takes work.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I learned real quick about the make-up thing.. Just happened to walk in on my wife (Japanese by the way) doing her make-up one morning. Thought I was going to be castrated ! Never did it again ! She looked fine with out it, I used to tell her. Okay, 1, 2, 3, Ahhhhhhhhhhh . . .

0 ( +0 / -0 )

To the walked in on the wife doing make-up comment....there is a Japanese folk-tale that led to a song by the Decemberists- The Crane Wife......

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Just number 7 for me.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

The closest thing to a man's heart is his stomach. Enough said...

Still I cannot find any one of the reasons meaningful enough for me to appreciate as being the real essence of so called "love", at least in my sense.

Surely it must include ALL of what was listed and even more.

I first must see a sense of "trust", second a sense of "respect" and third a sense of "appreciation" for who I am and what I do and then add all the sex and food and fun with raising the family "TOGETHER". Otherwise, no sense in having married or having children at all.

But most of all I realize that it is also "earned" by BOTH OF US, while we communicate and work together to live.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

"When she gives me a spontaneous hug for no apparent reason, just because"Men don't need it. "When I see how much effort she puts into raising my children" LOL"When she looks the best she can even though she's now in her sixties" See number 3. "When she tries a new recipe and it comes out totally wrong, so we laugh, chuck it and order in pizza" No. Number 1 trumps that. "When she sits up all night holding my son's head because he is sick" Nah. That's standard. "She makes me the center of her universe" Boom! Nailed it.And as for depth, I'm about as deep as an ice-cream scoop. Treat me like a king and then I will treat you like my queen.

I suppose someone is lonely and bitter and finds it difficult to get a high quality long lasting relationship.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

as the chinese say an ugly wife is a treasure at home, as the americans say if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life get an ugly girl to be your wife.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

For me waking up together in the morning and seeing your partners smiling face looking at you -- with her eyes telling me she is glad to be here tells a lot. The key for us is for sure mutual communication throughout the day.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I think men and women both feel special when someone cooks something nice for them, takes care of them when they are sick, or dresses up nicely to spend time with them. The first two are striking because we're expected to be self-sufficient as adults and someone else is shouldering our burden - the third is moving because it ritually illustrates that even after years of living together, we still place the same value on the relationship as we did when we fussed over getting ready for dates on a regular basis. I'm a woman and I agree that most of the things on this list make my heart skip a beat and remind me of younger days.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Good one, Black Sabbath! I laughed so hard I cried!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

News flash! Men love attention and passionate actions too. I think the biggest thing is that relationships need to be equal. It isn't just the guys job to be romantic and caring, with the female partner being pampered all the time. My relationship (with my Japanese wife) is balanced...well to be honest I need to step up more myself!

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I suppose someone is lonely and bitter and finds it difficult to get a high quality long lasting relationship.

And/or new to Japan and still in the "Zero to Hero" phase... sad.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

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