lifestyle

Japanese men share what they can put up with in a girlfriend, but would be marriage deal-breakers

13 Comments
By Casey Baseel, RocketNews24

While there’s definitely a lot of overlap in what people want in a dating partner and a spouse, marriage really ups the ante of a personal relationship. It’s not so easy to turn a blind eye to those irksome little quirks and minor annoyances after they become part of your daily life, which means most people have a personal list of things they can put up with before saying “I do,” but simply don’t want the headache of dealing with in what’s meant to be a permanently binding commitment.

To see where Japanese men draw the line, Internet portal R25 and polling organization Fastask presented 223 working bachelors between the ages of 20 and 39 with a list of 21 traits, then asked them to pick three things they wouldn’t mind so much in a girlfriend, but would be big enough deal-breakers to keep them from marrying her. Let’s take a look at the top 10 responses.

  1. Looks totally different with make-up and without it (selected by 8.5 percent of respondents)

Japan has sort of an odd love/hate relationship with cosmetics. It’s common for secondary schools to have rules limiting or even banning their use, yet many companies, as an extension of their dress code, instruct female employees not to come to work without making-up their faces first. Perhaps this also means that many of the men in the age groups polled aren’t used to seeing their female peers without make-up, and thus would have a hard time dealing with a big change once a woman washes her face clean.

  1. Has a compulsive need to keep the home spotlessly clean (9.4 percent)<

  2. Shows no interest in or affection towards babies and kids (12.6 percent)

Just because most guys dread the thought of their girlfriend saying “I’m pregnant” doesn’t mean they never want to hear those words from their wife.

  1. When she goes out drinking, she gets so hammered that she can’t remember what she did or where she was (13.5 percent)

  2. Often brags on social media about all the cool things she and her friends are doing “in real life” (13.9 percent)

  3. Spends a lot of money on hobbies like going to boy bands’ concerts or buying anime merchandise (17 percent)

If you’re just dating, you can agree to disagree on how much money to spend covering your walls with posters of your favorite musicians and anime characters versus renting an apartment with more wall/floor space to being with. Get married, though, and suddenly you both have to draw that line in the same place.

  1. So kind and friendly to everyone that she can’t turn down invitations from other men (17 percent)

  2. Really into video games and the Internet but hates going out (17.9 percent)

If you’re still single and have buddies to go out with on other days of the week, there can be an upside to having a girlfriend whose idea of a good date night is hanging out at home and killing zombies, slaying dragons, or working on your Dragon Punch technique together. However, being married to, and spending every day with, someone who never wants to go out can start to make you feel like a prisoner in your own home.

  1. Wasteful and sloppy in managing her personal finances (30.9 percent)

  2. Fundamentally dislikes and doesn’t do much housework such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry (32.7 percent)

As in many countries, social norms in Japan manifest in a way that women generally end up doing the lion’s share of the housework. As such, some of the guys who chose this as their matrimonial deal-breaker are probably hoping to, ideally, find a wife who’s willing to take on the majority of those household tasks.

On the other hand, it’s worth reiterating that the survey’s top response doesn’t specify that the participants want a wife who’ll do lots of housework, just that they don’t want one who’ll hardly do any. Taken at face value, that’s not such an unreasonable sentiment. Regardless of gender, being married to someone who doesn’t pitch in around the house, and who’s actively adding to the cooking/cleaning workload by living with you, can be a slow but long drain on your energy and happiness levels. After all, it’s one thing to spoil your sweetheart once a week or so when he or she stays over, but it’s definitely not the sort of thing anyone wants to do every single day.

Source: Nico Nico News via Jin

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- Japanese guys way more enthusiastic about moving in with girlfriends than vice-versa, survey says -- Survey reveals 55 percent of women in Japan wouldn’t marry a divorced man -- What do Japanese kids want to be when they grow up? Businesspeople

© Japan Today

©2019 GPlusMedia Inc.


13 Comments
Login to comment

So kind and friendly to everyone that she can’t turn down invitations from other men (17 percent)

Only 17% wouldn't be okay with their wife accepting invitations from other men? Scandalous! :-D

4 ( +4 / -0 )

No mention of sex!! I find this very odd. If I got married I would want at least 3 times a day.

-6 ( +4 / -10 )

This message is for Jeremy Wood sex is Not all everything in a relationship! It seems to me that you only like Asian women only for their beauty and to have sex with those Asain females. I almost feel sorry for those females.

0 ( +6 / -6 )

I used to live with a girl who snored, never cleaned and spent all of Saturday morning in bed. Deal breakers.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

They want housekeepers, not wives.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

Shows no interest in or affection towards babies and kids (9.4 percent)

This one should be 100%, at least among those whose life aspirations involve getting married and starting a family. Also, it applies both ways, whether male or female, and needs to be the most important yardstick when choosing a spouse you intend to raise children with.

If your prospective marriage partner seems awkward/uncomfortable around small children (cue Donald Trump holding the two crying babies), or shows little to no interest in children, keep your distance. Building a family with a person who lacks a maternal/paternal instinct is recipe for a miserable family life for all. Sadly, I see this all too often.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Sorry to break it to you guys, but the girl you date and the girl you marry are the same person. Don't expect some magical transformation after the wedding. Point in fact, if you start bringing pressure on your partner to conform to some fantasy ideal you have for her behavior as a wife, you will ruin your relationship. If you don't love her as she is for all of her perfections AND imperfections, then do her a favor and don't get married.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

My number one deal breaker whether potential gf or wife, is do they drink (alcohol) or not. Not so much by quantity but by the occasional tickle.

Yes, the majority of people would say that if she doesn't drink, then that's a good thing that you have someone to drive you home. Though based on most social conversations I have observed with non-drinkers, they may have lots to talk about, however in some ways, are clearly.not at the same level with those who drink, therefore quite boring in the long run - do I want to spend my personal time with this person??

1 ( +3 / -2 )

No mention of sex!! I find this very odd. If I got married I would want at least 3 times a day.

Then marriage is not for you Jeremy, I can tell you right now.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Dresses up as a schoolgirl and makes love like it's her first time (100%)

1 ( +2 / -1 )

@Bradley Fried

Actually, the transformation after the wedding is certainly something that many of us have experienced. My ex actually told me, early in our state of wedded bliss, that some of the things she did when we were dating and engaged she did because she wanted to get married.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

the transformation after the wedding is certainly something that many of us have experienced. My ex actually told me, early in our state of wedded bliss, that some of the things she did when we were dating and engaged she did because she wanted to get married.

I don't think this is exclusive to Japanese women, nor necessarily even to women.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Make up, house proud, affection towards babies, drinking and independent lives on social media big no-nos, boy bands & anime, passivity in front of men, bad housekeeping and substandard housework...

God, the stifling, restrictive 1950s attitudes in this country are beyond tedious now. How much longer must we keep grinning at colleagues and friends and pretend we are happy to plow through this narrow and infantile bullcoq which constitutes the bounds of serious conversation here? Yes, my wife cooks and I do the cleaning. No, I'm not 'ERAI' because of it, at least no more than my wife. Christ almighty.

Move on already, there's so much more profound stuff to get you discursive juices flowing. Honestly, you can almost feel 95% of your brain atrophying as the days go passed.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Login to leave a comment

Facebook users

Use your Facebook account to login or register with JapanToday. By doing so, you will also receive an email inviting you to receive our news alerts.

Facebook Connect

Login with your JapanToday account

User registration

Articles, Offers & Useful Resources

A mix of what's trending on our other sites