Japan Today

Japanese women talk about being betrayed by their female friends

By Krista Rogers

To all of our women readers out there – have you ever felt betrayed by another female friend? Perhaps you were deceived and taken advantage of. Perhaps the coworker you trusted as your confidant was surreptitiously spreading scandalous rumors about you behind your back. Whatever the situation was, it was sure to have been an unpleasant experience.

A recent survey on popular Japanese site Mynavi Woman asked its female readers the same question as above. Dozens of women shed light about backstabbing friends and unbelievable scenes from the past. Have any of the following situations ever happened to you?

This latest survey was conducted online earlier this month. A total of 202 responses were received within the eligible time frame from working women between the ages of 22 to 34. Let’s take a look at some of their responses.

Men: Can’t live with them, can’t live without 'em

While a person’s preferences changing over time may be understandable, no one likes being relegated to the sidelines:

“My friend declared that she would never get married, but then she suddenly did.” (32-year-old)

“We had made plans to go traveling together, but all of a sudden she told me a bit too casually that she was going on a trip with a guy instead. I had even taken time off of work in advance, so her shoving me aside like that really hurt.” (27-year-old)

“Even though she claimed to have no interest in men, at the drinking party we went to together she put all of her effort into flirting with the men.” (27-year-old)

Being one-upped at the office

Some women are willing to do anything to have their superiors look favorably upon them at work. For example, take the following two women who wanted those extra brownie points a little too much:

“My coworker assured me that she wasn’t going to do anything for Valentine’s Day. However, when the day actually came, she passed out homemade chocolate to our superiors.” (30-year-old)

“One time a bunch of us were frustrated and were badmouthing the company and one of our higher-ups. But the next day, that superior had heard all about it. It turns out that one of the women who was gossiping with us was actually his spy. She was told to report to him whenever anyone was gossiping. The fact that that traitorous woman blabbed on us all was even more shocking than the fact that our boss had enlisted the help of a spy in the first place.” (27-year-old)

Things didn’t quite go as she planned

Sometimes women say a few sneaky things on the DL and think the person in question will never find out. But rumors occasionally have a way of going full circle. Hear about it in these two accounts:

“She always talked about me behind my back, but when I confronted her to her face she couldn’t say anything.” (32-year-old)

“A friend invited me to tag along with her at a 'gokon' (合コン; similar to a mixer) one time. But then she slyly told my boyfriend’s friend, “Oh yeah, she goes on group dates with me all the time!” and made him have doubts about me. I found out that she had had feelings for my boyfriend at the time, its makes me feel sick that she would stoop that low!” (28-year-old)

My manipulative friend stole my boyfriend

The classic scenario of a friend betraying a friend for love. But remember that it’s partially the man’s fault, too…ouch!

“She was having a hard time at her previous job, so I introduced her to my company. But then she cheated with my boyfriend who works at the same place behind my back. To top it off, she got depression and soon after quit the job. I haven’t seen her since.” (30-year-old)

“When I became entangled in a love triangle, my friend declared that she would back off. But then she came back later with a new sneak strategy.” (26-year-old)

It makes my blood boil just thinking about it!!

Even though they’re still too mad to share the particulars, you can feel the anger radiating off of the following comments.

“What she did was so bad that I don’t even want to say!” (30-year-old)

“I can think of so many cases revolving around men and work. The bottom line is that you shouldn’t trust other women. You never know when their jealousy will kick in and make your life terrible.” (29-year-old)

It’s a scary world out there if you can’t trust your friends anymore. Make sure to treasure your friends and don’t treat them like in the cases detailed above!

Source: Niconico News

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- Advice from Japanese women on dealing with your boyfriend’s anime girlfriend -- Marriage advice on the internet: Not always as bad an idea as you’d think -- Tales of lust, betrayal, and murder – all in your Japanese-English dictionary!

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The first quote seems silly, perhaps this is a bad translation? Getting married and having kids is normal, it's what most mammals do. It's Japan that is deeply dysfunctional in this regard -- with many people not dating or having kids.

I strongly believe that modern Tokyo is a deeply dysfunctional society. Watch this post get deleted, though. Mods are on a rampage this morning.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

My mother used to tell me that she only wanted sons, and she would tell me:

*"Put 3 little boys in a room who don't know each other, and come back an hour later and they will all be friends. However, put 3 little girls together who don't know each other into a room, and 2 will be friends and one will be teased by the other 2."


2 ( +2 / -0 )

まじつまらない。don't see the point posting this stuff on a news site really (^^)``

The site is Japan Today - it's about Japan, not necessarily just Japanese news. Articles like this give a bit of insight into what Japanese people are thinking. It may not be that interesting to you, but it's interesting to many, particularly those who can't communicate in Japanese, and have no idea what Japanese people are thinking.

1 ( +5 / -3 )

A lot of the crap the women did involved equally crappy men -- cheating boyfriends, tyrannical bosses.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

This is a universal problem not just in Japan. Is there some more interesting issue to talk about rather than debating backstabbing? It happened in all societies.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Once bitten twice shy! Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Just be yourself Nat, in life you cannot live without trusting people as long as you are wary of what going on around you and you can take it from there. You cannot lock yourself away from people for the rest of your life just because 1 or two idiots screwed you up. Good luck, hope you find a better friend next time. Cheers

1 ( +1 / -0 )


0 ( +0 / -0 )

I am wondering why it is restricted "Japanese" women? Another country's women don't do that? Some Japanese only do such betray's behavior, most of Japanese women are not act like that. I offend this way of thinking...

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We love to think our friends are always true to us but that simply isn't the case and if you have been betrayed, it hurts. Betrayal is a shock for many people and it can be very difficult to handle and to get over. It leaves you disappointed and disillusioned about what friendship really means. Whether it's lying, cheating, stealing, broken promises or revealing someone's secret, betrayal is a violation of trust. Forgiveness and letting go is so important when you've been betrayed but also undeniably connected. Forgiveness means you can take care of yourself and you can wish the other person the healing they need. You can let go of them with an open heart and when you do this the forgiveness is for you, so that you can let go. In the end forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past, then that letting go with love is possible. You can either handle it well or you can handle it childishly.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

typical of women in general, especially the dating part

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"My friend declared that she would never get married, but then she suddenly did." (32-year-old)

"Even though she claimed to have no interest in men, at the drinking party we went to together she put all of her effort into flirting with the men." (27-year-old)

I would hardly call these "transgresions" betrayal, just human nature. The heart wants what it wants. As for most of the other ones, I doubt that those women were ever truly friends to begin with.

True true, but to understand the nature of the "betrayal" you have to have more empathy, I mean, It did not happened to me that way, but similar, a coworker and friend, who were at the time very close, did many things together and when someone is akin to you with some ideas, like same politics, same view about kids, or marriage, you feel more free to express yourself with that idea, because the other person understands you that way, to suddenly hear that the friend suddenly likes the other politician, wants to marry so badly, or wants to leave work to have children even though in many occasions she said no to, is a betrayal, because that person feels opposite of you. I rather have a friend who is straightforward with her thinking than saying things just to please or being in my good side.

To me, I realiezed that I'm no different form these in the survey, what i hate the most is some friend who lies to me, eventually I end up knowing the truth so the feeling of the betrayal is inevitable.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

In my experience this can happen in all countries, but it seems to happen more frequently and more vociferously in Japan. Maybe a cultural thing? Dont really know. Ive been horrified at the way Ive seen Japanese friends treat each other over the years, and have had to ditch quickly myself on a few "friends" that appeared to have a different definition of that word to me. Work is a particularly hazardous environment for true friendships (as opposed to acquaintanceships) because there are many with hidden agendas.

I used to be a lot more trusting than I am now. With experience comes wisdom I guess. Choose your friends wisely.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

まじつまらない。don't see the point posting this stuff on a news site really (^^)``

-1 ( +3 / -4 )

"My friend declared that she would never get married, but then she suddenly did." (32-year-old)

"Even though she claimed to have no interest in men, at the drinking party we went to together she put all of her effort into flirting with the men." (27-year-old)

I would hardly call these "transgresions" betrayal, just human nature. The heart wants what it wants. As for most of the other ones, I doubt that those women were ever truly friends to begin with.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

"Female friendship" belongs to fantasy genre.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Interesting article. Those studying history know about values, level of thought inclusive of our culture and family group. Value systems that relate to how individuals and groups perceive their environment.

In all the examples given, it is the lack of awareness of others value system that has been at the heart of the issues. Which makes it apparent the level of personal development has not been high.

Just how much responsibility do we have when accessing others level of thought?

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I, for one..have total 0 sense of what Jp women are thinking but .. being female I guess we are somewhere along the line. Frankly, I love working along with the opposite...coz' you are off the line..

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

That is why I never plan to marry, because faithful women exist only in anime and I would never ... .

-4 ( +0 / -4 )

Having experienced Japan, I think this is all very Japanese. Even when talking, Japanese are sometimes making traps in order to bait you for information. This is all common knowledge in Japan. Some companies send spies to other companies, posing as sales etc to get information. Yes, I think it is a unique thing to Japan. Its too time consuming and bothersome in other countries. The whole honne tatemae behavior is unique to Japan

-4 ( +2 / -6 )

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