Savvy Tokyo's resident "Love in Japan" columnist, Hilary Keyes, answers anonymous questions from readers on everything from dating in Japan to women’s health issues. Got a question you’d like to ask Hilary? Email it to firstname.lastname@example.org with a subject "Ask Hilary."
I read about your article the other day and I wonder if you can help me with my situation. I’ve met a wonderful funny Japanese guy online and we’ve talked basically almost everyday for more than 5 hours in a day for the past 3 weeks. And he asked me out on a 2 days 1 night trip to an amusement park and close-by attraction sites. He asked me if I want to share a room with him. I politely declined, saying I’d be much more comfortable if we stay in separate rooms. I thought he would ghost me but he didn’t. He keeps talking to me and despite how he points out how it’ll be nice to share a room together one time, it’s still fun talking for hours with him. Should I meet him or shouldn’t I? Thank you in advance. Best regards – A Curious Girl
Dear Curious Girl,
This is an altogether different situation from asking to have a first date at his place and one that, on the surface sounds pretty positive so far. As long as he isn’t trying to pressure you into staying in his hotel room, then I think this sounds like a reasonable idea.
However, if he is trying to pressure you into staying in his hotel room, or says he will book a room for you and tells you the details later — those are two very big red flags that you can’t ignore. If you can’t book your own accommodations for that night (or he doesn’t show you a proof that he had booked separate rooms as per your request before you go), then I think this date should be postponed until sometime in the future for if/when you two are comfortable sharing a room together.
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