There’s no fail safe strategy for forming a strong, permanent romantic connection. That sort of emotional bond operates on such a deep, personal level that the necessary ingredients will always vary from person to person.
But screwing up a relationship? That, it turns out, there are some pretty universal methods for, as shown by a poll that asked Japanese men what caused them to tell their girlfriends “We’re through!”
Along with fashion and lifestyle, women’s Internet portal How Collect covers dating advice. Looking to get some perspective from the other side of relationships, How Collect asked 30 Japanese men in their 20s what triggered their decision to break up with a girl. Their top four answers are below.
4. Going into hysterics
“If a girl and I get into a fight, I can deal with her crying or being angry,” began one 21-year-old college student. “But if her eyes roll back into her head or she starts shrieking or scraping at her scalp? Once I’ve seen that I get too scared, and even when she goes back to acting normal, I can feel myself tensing up. So if she does that, it’s over.”
You could argue this is pretty heartless, but some people already have enough trouble dealing with their own emotional and mental issues, and don’t have enough energy left over to handle someone else’s, too. In any case, the clawing at her scalp part is a serious point of concern, and it seems like the woman is in more immediate need of a counselor than a boyfriend.
3. Making fun of his academic record
“My ex graduated from Keio (a prestigious Japanese college),” recalls one 26-year-old civil servant. “When we got into an argument, she said, ‘Where do you get off acting like that, when you went to such a fifth-rate college?’ I was angry, but even more than that, it made me really sad. I couldn’t help but feel that’s how she’d always been thinking of me.”
Japan puts a lot of value on education, and going to a respected school gives job applicants a huge advantage is getting the plum positions that act as a stepping stone to the economic good life. Sure, you could argue that by the time you get into your late 20s you should have developed a thick enough skin, and enough more recent things to be proud of, to not let a remark about your academic background get to you. You could also conclude that anyone who lords their trappings of supposed intelligence over you isn’t really the kind of person you want in your life.
2. Making fun of his parents
“I went out to dinner at a casual restaurant with my old girlfriend,” remembered another college student. “I said the food tasted pretty good, and she shot back with, ‘Your mom must not have been much of a cook, huh?’ After that, it was all downhill until we broke up a little while later.”
Family relationships can be complicated, and even if your boyfriend doesn’t gush about his parents, odds are the fewer negative comments you make about them, the better. Some people say “Nobody beats up my little brother but me,” and it might be safe to assume that most guys operate under the policy of “Nobody makes fun of my parents but me,” too.
1. Cheating on him
“Obviously, right?” asserted one 28-year-old motorcycle courier. “If she cheats on me, we’re braking up, no exceptions…I’ve even told a girl who asked how we could stay together, ‘If you cheated on me, then we’re already through.’”
Whether you’re a guy or a girl, the easiest way to tell someone you don’t really like them is by letting them know you like someone else.
You know something? Looking back over the list, none of these are attractive behaviors, whether you’re a woman or a man. If we give the hysterics a pass for possibly being the result of a chemical imbalance or unresolved emotional trauma, we’re left with making fun of other people and lying to them.
In short, guy or girl, if you’re a terrible person, odds are you’re eventually going to get dumped.
Sources: Jin, Niconico News
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