Japan Today

Most men wish women would help pay date tab: study


The requested article has expired, and is no longer available. Any related articles, and user comments are shown below.

© 2013 AFP

©2024 GPlusMedia Inc.

Login to comment

The traditionalist in me feels that a man should pay for the date without hesitation, but recently I heard a girl from the U.S. boasting that she kept her food expenses at college down by going on lots of dates, because she got free food, and then dumped the guy afterwards.

I don't think that most women are doing this, but I do think that even a couple of experiences like this could leave many guys wary about dating someone who doesn't offer to pay (or doesn't seem serious about their offer to pay).

4 ( +4 / -0 )

First date: he pays (because he invites me, I don't chase), but I only ever order exactly what he orders for himself. Next date: my treat, but it's usually only coffee and a cookie at Starbucks, and most men don't seem to mind that at all. It's a balancing act between looking greedy and opportunistic, and damaging his pride.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I have a very easy solution to solve this. Tested and approved. If you want to save money don't take them to dinner. Take them for a coffee near your house. No dilema.

3 ( +3 / -0 )


-4 ( +1 / -4 )

I agree, cheapskates.If you cannot afford to pay for decent dates then work harder or stay single.

-6 ( +1 / -6 )

I don't mind paying for the first date if I have invited her.

After that, if the women doesn't offer to pay for anything then I automatically think she is either stingy, poor or both.

I feel sorry for women sometimes. They seem so confused. They demand equality yet don't want to pay on the date. It's a pity.

I like dating more mature Japanese women, especially businesswomen.

When the bill comes some refuse to have their half paid, or even pay the whole lot.

They seem to be trying to say... "I can pay my own way you snot-nosed little punk"...

It seems really cool and impressive... much more so than some woman who barely pays for a coffee and cookie at some sad coffee shop...

4 ( +6 / -2 )

Women should always offer to pay on the first date. If not, if I was a guy, I would be wondering about what kind of manners she was raised with and certainly wouldn't ask her out again. I was always more than happy to allow the guy to pay for the first date, after I offered to help pay, but I will pay for the next date - be it coffee, drinks or dinner. A few reasons for this - some guys think paying for dinners means they get payment in other ways and I didn't like the idea of that. I also think that some women will seek out dates for a free meal and I think it doesn't help out with women and wanting to be treated as equals.

Japanese women seem to expect men pay for the first date and from what students have said, the girls don't offer because they think it is a guy's job to pay. Parasites. More so if they are uni students and making the same amount of money with their PT jobs or working women living rent free with mommy and daddy.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

I had no idea that the subject of who pays the bill was such a big deal! Sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay, on occasion we just split the bill. Just as long as we enjoy our dinner and the bill gets paid, we're both happy.

It's interesting, though. 64% of the men from this study want women to split the bill, while 76% claim they feel bad about 'pocketing payments' from women who have split the bill. Either way many of those men are unsatisfied: annoyed that she didn't pay for her meal, or annoyed that she paid for her meal.

I do feel sorry for men sometimes. They seem so confused.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Me and my partner have a system going. I pay for the first date he pays for the second I pay for the third he pays for the 4th etc etc. A simple system we worked out.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Many women I made over the decades preferred to go Dutch as they didn't feel 'obligated' that way.

I found a simple system that works well the person that proposes the date for it, unless Dutch is preferred.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

A man should pay and be able to pay to show any potential wife he can support her and any children they have. This doesn't mean i think a woman should not work but men should take marriage seriously and understand that young children are best bought up at home.

Anyway i am a hard worker and was always prepared to pay for dates and still am prepared and able to pay everything for my family now. You don't likely get a decent wife by being a cheapskate or poor, maybe unpopular but true.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

First date and you're thinking marriage false? Good lord. You don't get a decent wife by being a doormat and paying for everything the princess wants either. Works both ways.

-1 ( +1 / -3 )


Not thinking of marriage just making a point about first impressions. I liked my wife to know that she could be at home and raise the family without being pressured by society to work and put our children into the care of paid strangers. I think my ideas about respecting women are lost on many from the west heavily influenced by the media and modern education.

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

It works both ways though. If a woman wants to make a good first impression, shouldn't she be willing to help pay for the dinner she ate? Like I said, I would question her manners AND her family if there was not offer.

Yes, shame about modern education, right? All those medical and technology advancements and the like. Best the little women stay home, barefoot and pregnant over open kicthen flames while the big strong men tend to the animals...

1 ( +3 / -2 )


Modern education is to make obedient workers where a select few are allowed to join the elite. When i talk about modern education i mean in the brain washing part and dumbing down of free thought, this applies to students and most teachers.

If a woman offered to pay fine, i never said otherwise did i? I said i would pay and would be able to pay. MY wife probably works less than you, has higher disposable income and more free time.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

"recently I heard a girl from the U.S. boasting that she kept her food expenses at college down by going on lots of dates, because she got free food, and then dumped the guy afterwards."

What a bi... I mean, grrrrrrr!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I always treat women with respect and remember the little things that they bring up in conversation at later meetings, compliment them when they change something about themselves and be lighthearted and attentive. I'm too shy to ask them out you see. They always ask me. It's me who fights to pay for the date because they say they feel obligated. I never ask to go to the next level in the relationship. They do because...I'm shy. I've never asked anyone to marry me, but six ladies have asked me so far. Just haven't found exactly the right one yet.maybe someday. Be attentive, friendly and not pushy. Be like a mysterious second best friend who is not always available but caring and happy to be there with them when you are available. Be her someone who is full of surprises and adventure. Make each date fun and exciting. Never let her down on a promise. Always show her you have her back and are a strong trustworthy companion so she desires to see you more and more. Then you have a REAL friend and after the date is over who even remembers who paid for what? Dinner, dancing, the little place by the sea? The sailboat? Lunch on the wharf?

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I am an Asian and I am accustomed to paying the bills if it was my invitation even in a big group outing. If it is dating, it means more of me paying even if the lady offered to share or pay. I will gladly say "No'. Now, I live in Australia and its always the so called 'dutch style' where everybody shares if in group but if it is a date, then I will still take the initiative to pay regardless.

If she dated me, I would still offer to pay, that's my style. Some may classify it as equal, but when it comes to dating, then I see it that if I am a true gentleman, then I would rather pay instead of her ...... I don't care if it is just a friendship instead of a relationship. Even having a dinner with a female colleague, I will still insist paying, that's me. The rule is simple, if you cannot afford to pay, then don't bother to date. No money no talk!

Enjoy your dates, fellas!

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Login to leave a comment

Facebook users

Use your Facebook account to login or register with JapanToday. By doing so, you will also receive an email inviting you to receive our news alerts.

Facebook Connect

Login with your JapanToday account

User registration

Articles, Offers & Useful Resources

A mix of what's trending on our other sites