Poll asks for top 10 times Japanese men are disappointed in their adult daughters

By Casey Baseel, RocketNews24

No matter how much you love your kids, no matter how strongly you want to protect them and guide towards what you believe are the best decisions, at some point they’re going to grow up and lead their own lives. Past a certain age, you just have to face the reality that your while they’ll always be your children, they’re also now adults, and you have to accept them as the people they’ve chosen to become.

Or, alternatively, you could harbor resentment towards them, like the men polled for this survey of the top 10 ways Japanese fathers are disappointed in their daughters.

Internet portal and lifestyle magazine R25 recently conducted a survey of 200 Japanese men with unmarried daughters at least 20 years old, the age of legal adulthood in Japan. The respondents were given a list of 15 choices and asked to pick the top three times they felt disappointed in their female offspring, with three points going to their top pick, two to their second, and one to their third-largest complaint.

The top 10 responses were:

10. When I saw her wearing really revealing clothing (35 points)

Men are usually the biggest proponents of exposed female flesh. Their own daughters’, however, is a rare exception.

9. When I found out she smokes (36 points)

It would be sort of a downer to find out that your daughter is spending her day sucking down carcinogens, and also making herself smell terrible in the process.

8. When I had to admit she just isn’t blessed with good looks (63 points)

This is kind of an odd one to feel “disappointed” about. Maybe these fathers’ negative reaction is a result of having to come to grips with the fact that their own DNA didn’t help much in the looks department?

7. When she said I was dirty or smelled bad (74 points)

In that case, shouldn’t you be more disappointed in your own personal hygiene standards? And if you’ve got enough time to be griping to researchers about your daughter, surely you’ve got enough time for a shower and shampoo, right?

6. When she didn’t do anything to celebrate my birthday (75 points)

OK, that’s pretty cold.

5. When I realized she’ll never be able to find a boyfriend (86 points)

Setting aside the debate of how much importance, if any at all, society should place on women having children, it’s pretty common, on a personal level, for people to want grandchildren as they get older. There’s also the fact that, at least compared to other countries, it’s more common in Japan for a woman to live with her parents until getting married, often without chipping in for things such as rent or utilities. As such, some fathers may have an economic-based desire to see their daughter falling in love and moving towards setting up her own household.

3 (tie). When I found out she has a boyfriend (87 points)

And on the other end of that debate, some guys just can’t handle the idea of anyone else being the primary man in the life of Daddy’s little girl.

3 (tie). When she didn’t do anything for me to celebrate Father’s Day (87 points)

This is pretty much the same deal as the “no birthday celebration” grievance, except that Father’s Day being on a Sunday means the daughter probably has the day off from work or school, making the cold shoulder all the chillier.

2. When she started to have the same traits that bother me about her mother (92 points)

Assuming the dad has a valid case for being bothered by those unspecified traits, then yeah, a double dose of them can’t be any fun.

1. When she announced “I have no intention of getting married” (102 points)

Considering the demographics of the respondents, fathers with adult daughters, it’s not too surprising to see this one top the list. It’s basically the same situation as “When I realized she’ll never be able to find a boyfriend,” but with the added weight of permanence behind it, which would make some fathers feel like they’ll never be able to play with their grandkids or turn their daughter’s bedroom into an office/man cave.

If we combine the 102 points for “she has no intention of getting married” with the 86 for “she’ll never find a boyfriend,” the total comes to a whopping 188, more than double any other single complaint on the list. Of course, on the other hand, you can’t ignore the 87 disappointment points earned by women who do have a steady boyfriend.

In the end, it’s sort of like the old fable about the man, his son, and the donkey. If the father rides the donkey, people criticize him for not sacrificing for his child. If the son rides, people chastise him for being an ingrate who makes his own father walk.

In the end, you can’t please everyone, and not everyone can please you. Maybe it’s for the best to let your kids sort out their own romantic affairs as per their needs, and keep any disappointment you feel regarding it to yourself. Otherwise, your grumbling might make your daughter think that you’re the ass in the story.

Source: Yahoo! Japan/R25

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- The “will boyfriend”: A new title in Japan’s evolving dating scene -- Anime fans pick which Ghibli heroine they’d like to have as a girlfriend -- The Artist’s Daughter: the girl behind Hokusai’s prints

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No. 2 is really funny ! My mother-in-law recently said the same thing (basically) to one of my sons about me.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Imagine finding out your daughter works in mizushoubai.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

I have three grown stepdaughters, and all 3 live in my same town. All I can say is #3 and #6 all day long.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Oh boy. This reminds me of bumping into my father in a nightclub. I'll never forget the look on his face, and I bet he'll never forget the look on mine!

5 ( +6 / -1 )

A Father's job is to love his children and provide a safe and comforting place for them to be themselves. After that, he has done all that anyone can do. (For godsake, please stop smoking. A child who destroys themselves is the most painful burden.)

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I guess the photo is the "revealing clothing" one?? not she won't find a BF or get married.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

All I can say is #3 and #6 all day long.

You aren't their "father" really and as "step-dad" it's easy to understand.

-4 ( +2 / -6 )

Even tough my daughters are not that old my mother in law Said they have traits her daughter has to wich i always reply the good ones i hope?,to wich she laughs and my wife throws a pillow at my head.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

These utterly pathetic fathers should get over themselves - little wonder their kids ignore them.

-4 ( +4 / -8 )

My daughter's in their with 2, 3, 6 , 7.

But I think that's pretty normal... She loves me really ; )

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Interesting that "she works in fuzoku" isn't on the list....

I wonder if it was even one of the options, or if the pollsters thought "nah, who would be disappointed by that?" and left it off.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

@anotherexpat ”These utterly pathetic fathers should get over themselves”

They just answered a question they were asked, what's wrong with that ?

Get over yourself already

3 ( +5 / -2 )

I guess you didn`t notice the problem in asking such question to begin with, or the completely woe-is-me tone of the responses. Have any daughters? I do.

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

Hell there are good days and bad days raising children, daughters and sons alike. If you raise them right, the "right" things will happen on their own. No need to look back, no regrets, and appreciate them as your child. Who needs the "things" to determine whether or not your child loves you?

It's their life, let them live it. If you have problems with them, be a father and do better yourself. I have often argued with my daughter about a host of things, sometimes we dont "like" each other but we sure as hell LOVE each other and are there for each other when needed. Isnt that what it's all about?

2 ( +4 / -2 )

I wonder how many fathers here respected other mens' daughters? It usually takes a wife / mother to help out with some of these points, but then again my wife doesn't believe in celebrating b'days, and Father's Day, etc. Cultural?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Good point - you have to wonder how involved most of the men interviewed were in raising their daughters, as well, but when a guy starts attributing characteristics he attributes to his wife to his daughter, he`S more than likely engendered the same sort of antipathy in both of them. It would be much more interesting to hear them to respond to the question "How has the lack of work-life balance affected your relationship with your wife and kids?". Frankly, I think a lot of Japanese men would find the question difficult to comprehend...

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Women are so very conflicted. I just cannot decide if men are equally, more, or slightly less conflicted.

10 and 8 are rather conflicted. What is the point of having good looks if one is going to hide them? A daughter not so attractive will be more likely to cover up I would think.

But 5 and 3? Geez. Never mind that its different men for a second. You know the same men in the opposite situation would be having a quick change of heart.

When she said I was dirty or smelled bad

Women. We men got to smell as we do because of sexual selection. But naturally women's feelings about how we smell change with the weeks of the month.

I think there was a study that showed women have a tendency to chose men who smell like their fathers. Something to do with MHC genes.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

One A:"When I found out she was marrying a foreigner."

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

You aren't their "father" really and as "step-dad" it's easy to understand

I've been with them longer, loved them more, and supported them (financially and otherwise) more than their "real father", who has ignored them completely ever since their mom took them and left after he was caught cheating. So, for me anyway, it's not "easy to understand".

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I have often wondered what do the parents of the thousands and thousands of girls who take their clothes off for the myriads of magazines and videos in Japan think about their daughters. Surely a lot of them must know? Sensei258 Are you sure he ignored them? My wife left me and took the children. (I never cheated, nor even thought about it, though I was often accused). My wife does not let me see them, they still go to school near by. Since September last year I am not allowed to meet them, write to them, call them etc which I used to do. I have no way of finding out if they know why I don't. They perhaps think I don't care but I want to see them and be with them every day. PS I have to give my wife 120000 every month.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Wow Patrick, so sorry to hear about that! Doesn't the law that requires you to pay her alimony also give you visiting rights? Hope things get better for you!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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