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You may have heard the popular Japanese saying deru kugi wa utareru, or “the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.” Due to this belief, unfortunately many people go to great lengths to hide what makes them unique or special in Japan. When I was an English teacher, I even had students returning from English-speaking countries who put on fake Japanese accents during class so they wouldn’t stand out in the classroom.
In this environment where it’s difficult to stand out from the crowd, it takes a lot of courage to do something different. In this past month we’ve seen two people with plenty of bravery hold unique weddings — one, a solo wedding and the other, a man marrying a fictional character. In both these cases the nail sticking out didn’t get hammered down, but instead received support and encouragement, showing that what makes people unique is slowly starting to be celebrated rather than discouraged.
Marrying myself
One of these weddings was a “solo wedding” for writer Mariko Ohanabatake of women’s lifestyle and culture site YouPouch.
At YouPouch, they upload an article on days that end in “1” (like the 1st, 11th, 21st etc.,) with the theme ステキなぼっちの日, or “Lovely Singles’ Day,” where Mariko and other YouPouch writers discuss their experience doing some solo activities.
With Nov 11 (11/11) being comprised of all number ones and therefore an ultimate “Single’s Day,” Mariko decided to celebrate by having her very own solo wedding.
Rather than focusing on the boring (and expensive) parts such as the ceremony, invites and vows, she decided to keep it cheap and focus on the fun stuff — namely the consultation, trying on wedding dresses, hair and makeup, and a photo shoot. She found a photo studio in Omotesando where she could get all of this for just under ¥20,000.
Click here to read more.
- External Link
- https://gaijinpot.com/
9 Comments
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Wc62six
“the popular Japanese saying deru kugi wa utareru, or “the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.”
Correct me if I’m wrong, but this doesn’t apply to foreigners living in Japan. I got away with lots of stuff (tattoos for example) but Japanese who “stick out” are really ostracized in society.
Strangerland
The author got this incorrectly. It's commonly mistaken when written in English, using 釘 (くぎ kugi - nail). However, the actual phrase is 出る杭は打たれる - deru kui wa utareru, and it is 杭 (くい kui - stake).
Strangerland
Depends. Visually, foreigners don't get 'hammered down', but if you are in a Japanese group, be that work/company, or some other structured group, and you start to veer off too far away from what the Japanese consider decent/appropriate, you will get hammered down, foreigner or not.
Wc62six
“you will get hammered down, foreigner or not.”
Right on. Luckily never been in those scenarios. But, looking back I sure did get away with a lot.
Kenji Fujimori
Acompetence? These people need medical attention
starpunk
OK, but this applies to two human beings, and there some sexual attractions that not normal at all - they are fetishes. Sexual attraction to a non-living thing and/or zoophilia is NOT normal - it's sick, disgusting, warped and the 'other party' is not capable of any romantic attraction or feeling whatsoever. It's destructive - one party gets its 'kicks', the other suffers.
And the same goes for pedophilia and incest. Children are not capable of romantic relationships and not sexually developed, and molesting them is a sick disgusting crime. It should NEVER be accepted in any way. And 'sexually grooming' (raising your child to be your lover) is a gross sick crime that should NEVER be tolerated or accepted. I thought that was illegal in the U.S.A. but Donny Douchebag gushes lustfully about his daughter Ivanka - 'she's got the form', 'she's hot!', 'I'd like to date her', 'I wanna MARRY her!' and there are some pictures...
I don't care who he is - I would tell il Douche right to his face, 'You are sick, disgusting, in the wrong and violating the laws of the Constitution, man, nature and God!'.
Toasted Heretic
Nobody is being hurt and abused by this. Nobody.
Things change. It also used to mean that the woman was expected to give up work, and let her husband make all the decisions. It also used to mean getting a husband's permission for opening a bank account.
Thankfully, we've moved on, in many parts of the world.