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Raising Black biracial children in Japan

26 Comments
By Hayleigh Kanno

“You’ll have such cute babies!” My husband and I heard this from the moment we started dating. It was usually the first thing out of someone’s mouth as soon as they realized that my partner was Japanese. I couldn’t help wondering if people would be so excited about my future offspring if my partner were Black like me.

As it turns out, we did have really cute babies—but that’s not the point. Before I was even thinking about kids, I learned that there were already expectations for them based on their parents’ ethnicities. The weight of that expectation didn’t hit me until years later when I found myself pregnant and living in Japan.

The best laid plans

iStock-1059182894.jpg
Photo: iStock: Delmaine Donson

When my husband and I made the decision to leave the U.S. and move to Japan indefinitely, we had big plans. It was a great career move for us both and a good opportunity to enjoy everything Japan had to offer, just the two of us.

Life, however, had other big plans.

The week before I was set to fly out to Japan, I found out I was two weeks pregnant. I felt a mix of excitement, anxiety and complete disbelief about the timing. Life had taken a detour, but it was to someplace I wanted to go eventually, so I rolled with it.

What I didn’t anticipate were the mental obstacles along the way, ones that were much harder to get around than the actual obstacles of dealing with my first pregnancy in a foreign country.

Unchecked baggage

One day while waiting at my clinic, I looked around and was suddenly aware that not only was I having a baby, I was having a baby in Japan as a foreigner—specifically a Black foreigner. I’d remembered my own experiences being the only Black child in my first-grade class and the microaggressions or racism I’d experienced throughout life. I asked myself, “Is that what I’m getting my child into?” This was the beginning of the downward spiral of worst-case scenarios that I expected before my child was even born.

I’d carried my emotional baggage from the U.S. with me to Japan and handed it off to my kids.

Growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood, I was under a lot of pressure to not just be as good as my peers, but better. By the time my first child started preschool in Japan, I expected the same of her. I feared that any mishap would be blamed on her Black heritage. Non-minority parents of biracial children in Japan may have similar worries, but the difference was my frame of reference that was based on my own experiences. I’d carried my emotional baggage from the U.S. with me to Japan and handed it off to my kids.

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26 Comments

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She says in the rest of the article;

For so long I’d been trying not to be “guilty” by association, but the community helped me realize that I wasn’t the only one carrying baggage. Going on playdates or having dinners with other Black mothers and their children in Japan has been good not just for me but for my own children who can learn to embrace their roots instead of hiding them.

I wonder if she goes out on playdates or has dinners with other 'Japanese' mothers. It's not about assimilating, but embracing the other human beings living in the country you now call home.

She's a resident of Japan. Not a tourist.

4 ( +7 / -3 )

And having a parent with that mindset is why children grow up to be racist. Actively searching out other black moms to hang out with… I taught my kids to associate and make friends with anyone who is kind. Never mentioned color or thought about it really.

14 ( +17 / -3 )

I can understand how difficult that must be.

-3 ( +3 / -6 )

Sounds like a lady with a lot of baggage, trying and not quite managing to ignore the albatross she hung around her own neck.

’Searching out other Black moms’…. Teaching her kids that skin colour is a valid factor in deciding whether or not to hang out with someone? Yeah, that sounds pretty racist.

I’m not blaming her, though; she’s doing what she thinks is best, based on her own experiences growing up. She’s a product of her upbringing, as are we all, as will her kids be. I hope they manage to find a path through the hangups.

10 ( +10 / -0 )

Cleo,how did this woman be bring this on herself,their be are lots of bi racial children,that are successful,some of the Kardashians children are half black ,will these children be outcast in society,no because their parents are rich and influential

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

Ok, she is biracial and her child is Japanese.

Is there something wrong with teaching the child to embrace that part of one's identity in one's own country?

-4 ( +2 / -6 )

Until the age of 20, the child will have the nationality of both parents, and probably beyond.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Wallace any children born to American are American,any foreigners withouts documents, children are American by being born in the US

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Lots of Black,wore the Blackness in the 70s, watching movies like Shaft and Superfly ,they lost what ever fear of Whites the had back then and never looked back

-8 ( +0 / -8 )

Yrral

since on principle, Japan does not recognise dual nationality, children born with at least one Japanese parent do not decide on their nationality until the age of 20. A child born in America is American. But not so in Japan.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

how did this woman be bring this on herself

Who said she 'brought this (what?) on herself'?

She's doing her best to raise her kids as she sees fit, based on the upbringing she herself experienced. Thankfully I never experienced some of the things she appears to have, and I never felt the need to 'search out others of my kind' here in Japan or elsewhere, in order to give my kids an identity. I've taught my kids that people are people and that every person is unique.

do you believe in Jim Crow laws

Jim Crow laws? Thankfully, never part of my experience. 'Believe in them', as in, think racial segregation and discrimination is a good thing? I think it's a stupid, meaningless, debasing idea.

What has Jim Crow got to do with raising kids in Japan?

3 ( +5 / -2 )

In my own family, there are about ten nationalities and all races white, black, and Asian. We live in six different countries across the globe.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

The macro aggressions she’s unwittingly provoking are no better than the micro aggressions that inspired them.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

I also believe there is racism in most Asian countries against white people too, but so much of that is for a good reason

Seems like your interpretation of racism is that it's bad unless it's white Europeans then it's acceptable? Funny I always thought racism in any form was abhorrent.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Good looking kids.

Pick of the stock photos

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I really don't understand why people care so much about race.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

@OGTallyWacker I wonder if you work in Japan with Japanese males at a Japanese company, there is a difference in assimilating and being accepted and just being a teammate. Do you really feel or think they accept you. No matter how well you learn and accept the culture and speak the language and trying to be "a human being working in the country you are trying to MAKE HOME" you will never be Japanese. The same logic applies, you are a gajin resident, living and working in Japan, you are not a citizen and you are not Japanese you are on a marriage visa or have a Tourist Visa to work. Don't get it twisted.

Today 10:01 am JST

She says in the rest of the article;

For so long I’d been trying not to be “guilty” by association, but the community helped me realize that I wasn’t the only one carrying baggage. Going on playdates or having dinners with other Black mothers and their children in Japan has been good not just for me but for my own children who can learn to embrace their roots instead of hiding them.

I wonder if she goes out on playdates or has dinners with other 'Japanese' mothers. It's not about assimilating, but embracing the other human beings living in the country you now call home.

She's a resident of Japan. Not a tourist.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@cleo What she is seeking isn't anything different from Japanese mom's going to other countries seeking their likeness or someone they can talk to about things they feel comfortable with doing, but when this lady does this its called baggage. When my wife came to the states she did the same she sought Japanese moms!!! So whats the baggage deal. If anything some people here seem to be identifying a racial sterotype and trying to defend their own saying I teach my kids to play with everyone etc.... bs we know kids will be kids, its just these parental posters with their subliminal racial thoughts pretending they too are accepted and seeking acceptance, but are quick to point out someone else but these are the same people who cry or use the gajin card when something a Japanese national does or say something they don't like. Oh its because I am a foreigner. Ok I get it!!! Not me but them, oh now its me!!! FOOH

Sounds like a lady with a lot of baggage, trying and not quite managing to ignore the albatross she hung around her own neck.

’Searching out other Black moms’…. Teaching her kids that skin colour is a valid factor in deciding whether or not to hang out with someone? Yeah, that sounds pretty racist.

I’m not blaming her, though; she’s doing what she thinks is best, based on her own experiences growing up. She’s a product of her upbringing, as are we all, as will her kids be. I hope they manage to find a path through the hangups.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

@cleo What has Jim Crow got to do with raising kids in Japan? Your mindset!!! Look at the language you used! "Sounds like a lady with a lot of baggage, trying and not quite managing to ignore the albatross she hung around her own neck". I suggest you read your subliminal words carefully! Then you go on to defend your experience, where you find it wrong for this lady to write about hers!!!

Perhaps you are white and never lived in the hood as black people call it a predominant black neighborhood, keep in mind she was black girl growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood she is writing about her frame of reference that was based on her own experiences.

I get it, I can understand your mindset and the reason why you are thankful, everyone doesn't have that privilege. Personally I think its okay for people to speak or write about their experience. The fact of some here deflecting what she wrote basically think they are accepted and fine, until their kid comes home and tell them about an incident at school. Again kids are going to be kids, no matter how you felt you never had to search out others of your kind and give your kids and identity, and taught them that people are people and that every person is unique, that is not going to stop them from one day coming home heart broken about someone telling them they are not Japanese perhaps even though they were born and raised in Japan! There goes the identity!!!

Thankfully I never experienced some of the things she appears to have, and I never felt the need to 'search out others of my kind' here in Japan or elsewhere, in order to give my kids an identity. I've taught my kids that people are people and that every person is unique.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

@jadefeldtophelia You have a point that some people here will not agree because they have not open their minds to understand the world. Some people only believe what they are told, some what they have read, or what they have experienced or never experienced. If you have been discriminated against then you know. Racism exist everywhere and is done by everyone regardless of their ethnicity and those who are in denial are the ones who do it the most!

What so many people do not understand, or better still, do not want to understand, is that black people are discriminated against on a worldwide basis. Yes, and it happens even in Africa, but is more of a tribal thing there. One country I would not want to be born in if I was black, is the USA, end of. If you think black people there have it easy there, read the papers, quite frankly. if I was black and living there, I would be afraid to leave home on any day, but even then, you are still in danger. There is also wide spread racism in Europe, it may not be as noticeable but it exists in all countries there. I also believe there is racism in most Asian countries against white people too, but so much of that is for a good reason, ie. lack of trust. The white Europeans exploited most parts of Asia when they were empire building, the populations of those countries were of minor consequence. Millions died because of it, and a true number has never been determined, but it is well over the 5 million mark but maybe a lot more. The main problems with people though, is that we look upon each other only to see what we can gain from them, if that is nothing, then all interest will be gone....the end.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

*I suggest you read your subliminal words carefully! **Then you go on to defend your experience, where you find it wrong for this lady to write about hers!!!*

I did not say I 'find it wrong' for her to write about her experience, nor did I 'defend' my own experience. I thought I made it quite clear that her experience and mine, both growing up and raising a family in Japan, are quite different.

she was black girl growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood she is writing about her frame of reference that was based on her own experiences.

... and that's what I said: she’s doing what she thinks is best, based on her own experiences growing up

Personally I think its okay for people to speak or write about their experience.

So do I.

that is not going to stop them from one day coming home heart broken about someone telling them they are not Japanese perhaps even though they were born and raised in Japan! 

Well now my kids are both in their 30s and never once did they come home heart broken about someone telling them they are not Japanese. We did have a bit of a chuckle once when they attended an after-school English class for returnees (they were never returnees, but their English was at a similar level and both I and the school taught it would be good for them) and some of the other kids assumed they weren't Japanese because their Mum was blonde.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

What so many people do not understand, or better still, do not want to understand, is that black people are discriminated against on a worldwide basis. Yes, and it happens even in Africa, but is more of a tribal thing there. One country I would not want to be born in if I was black, is the USA, end of. If you think black people there have it easy there, read the papers, quite frankly. if I was black and living there, I would be afraid to leave home on any day, but even then, you are still in danger. There is also wide spread racism in Europe, it may not be as noticeable but it exists in all countries there. I also believe there is racism in most Asian countries against white people too, but so much of that is for a good reason, ie. lack of trust. The white Europeans exploited most parts of Asia when they were empire building, the populations of those countries were of minor consequence. Millions died because of it, and a true number has never been determined, but it is well over the 5 million mark but maybe a lot more. The main problems with people though, is that we look upon each other only to see what we can gain from them, if that is nothing, then all interest will be gone....the end.

Exactly, this is something that a lot of whites don’t take into account or understand.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

wallaceJan. 27  01:43 pm JST

In my own family, there are about ten nationalities and all races white, black, and Asian. We live in six different countries across the globe.

Oh really; interesting information.

Which countries?

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Which countries?

Not your concern or business.

Some family members experience racism way too often.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

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