lifestyle

Survey reveals 55% of women in Japan wouldn’t marry a divorced man

51 Comments
By Evie Lund

With people generally getting married at a later age than in our parents’ generation, it sometimes feels like we have to throw out the whole rule book on marriage and starting a family in order to write a brand new one. But what do you do when your potential partner already has a bunch of crossed-out pages? Japanese website MyNavi Woman conducted a survey of 111 women between the ages of 22-34 and asked them, “Would you marry a man who’s been divorced”?

The dreaded “batsu-ichi” (once-divorced) stigma can be hard to shake off, which is why there’s an increasing demand for dating services that cater specifically to "batsu-ichi" men and women. The results of this survey show why such a trend has come about – the majority of the survey participants weren’t open at all to the idea of dating a man who has already “blotted his copybook”.

Among the women who responded “yes”, several voiced concerns and named certain conditions along with their answer:

“As long as there was nothing wrong with him, then yes.”

“I wouldn’t care if I wanted to marry him.”

“If he’s a good person I don’t care about his past, but it would depend on the reasons behind the divorce.”

“I’d want to know the reasons for the divorce, but they say that failure is the best teacher.”

“As long as he doesn’t have kids, it’s fine.”

“I can foresee problems if he has kids, but apart from that I’d have no problems.”

The women who voted “no” seemed to have several very clear reasons for their opinion – ranging from concerns about a man’s interests being divided between ex-wife/family and his new partner, to simply wanting to be “the first”.

“If he’s paying support to the ex-wife, that’s going to be a drain on our finances. No way.”

“There has to be a reason for the divorce, so that would concern me.”

“I’d worry about the reasons behind the divorce. Maybe he’s just not suited for marriage.”

“I’m dating a man who’s divorced right now, and honestly, there’s a lot of issues to consider.”

“No way. I have to be the first.”

“I’d feel sad getting married for the first time to someone who’s already done it all before.”

While the ratio of yes/no answers is almost an even 50/50, it’s interesting to note that many of the “yes” voters provided conditions for the “yes”, making their answers more of a “yes, IF condition x”. It seems that generally women in Japan would prefer their partner to not have been married before. We’d certainly be interested in seeing the same survey conducted with male participants. Would you marry someone who has already been divorced? If not, why?

Source: Nico Nico News

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- Nine reasons why Japanese men hesitate to say “I love you” -- Survey Reveals that 65.5% of Japanese Male Office Workers Have Considered Divorce -- “I think I love you…”: Romantic confessions from around the world

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51 Comments
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The dreaded “batsu-ichi” (once-divorced) stigma

A term brought into the vernacular by Akashia(sp?) Sanma during a press conference about his divorce.

Divorce should not be a stigma any more these days, but like with many things here people THINK that they are getting broken goods with marrying someone who is divorced.

As long as there was nothing wrong with him, then yes.”

And as long as there isnt anything wrong with the woman either I would hope.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

This reflects an "ohimesama complex." "I will continue to buy my Prada bags and wear the most exquisite Wacoal underwear and eat Monblancs at beautiful kissaten, and will not diminish my perfection by marrying some secondhand kareshi."

6 ( +9 / -3 )

I think women that think like that are extremely shallow and ignorant. They want to be the first? The man needs to be perfect, can't have a divorce on his resume, it makes him unattractive and undesirable because he's used goods? What makes these women that think like this the best and suitable marriage type?now I'm beginning to understand a bit why marriage is on the decline in Japan. Either way, being divorced shouldn't be by any means a blemish or a prerequisite for not being able to get married again. I'm afraid some of these women will pass up a lot of possible good men because of this prejudice. Very sad.

6 ( +15 / -9 )

Divorce should not be a stigma any more these days

Right...It's hardly something that pushes you to the front of the class, though now, is it.

In our "anything goes" world these days it seems that just about everything that shows a lack of forethought, judgement or morals is nobody's fault. Nobody is willing to take any blame for mistakes, and yet just about everyone who makes them demands the right to be forgiven.

Divorce doesn't just happen on its own. People have to screw up first. Royally.

-7 ( +6 / -13 )

Dating a divorced person is playing with fire. Many experts and professional have concluded that you have less than 1% chance of maintaining a solid relationship. In other words 99% never make it to the finish line. So save yourself the headache and misery that comes with it. In the long run it's not worth it. Forget the love factor. Love is an illusion and no amount of it will sustain a relationship that's founded on broken ground. Of course, there are exceptions. So you have to do your homework and find out the pros and cons and decide whether it's worth it. It is choice and not chance that shapes and determine destiny.

-13 ( +6 / -18 )

Marriage is meaningless in the first place. Me and my partner lived happily together for many years and never considered marriage until we came to Japan and marriage made it easier for her to get a visa. I wonder if these women would feel the same about someone who had been living with a partner and saw that relationship come to an end. These women may fall into the category of Japanese women who get married to wear a dress in some childish sub-Disney pantomime presided over by a gaijin making a few extra quid on the weekend.

10 ( +14 / -4 )

I’d worry about the reasons behind the divorce. Maybe he’s just not suited for marriage.

Probably because it had something to do not only with him but his former partner. This same question could be asked to single men, would you marry a divorced woman? I suspect that you would get the same answers with some saying that they don't want to raise another mans kids, or don't want some guy who used to sleep with his wife being able to hang around the house and come by at any time to see his kids and you have no real say in it.

People have reasons for divorce some good some bad. If the women don't want to marry a guy with a divorce that is their right, but they need to make sure that whomever they date, they need to make sure that they work with their partner and not place too many demands that are unreasonable to your partner.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Well I have a few 40-ish divorced gaijin friends in Japan and young women are all over them. They have absolutely no problem getting hot women who they could not have got when in their 20's. Why? My observation is because they are mature, confident, make a good living, and have learned from the failed marriage to be a bit more patient and considerate.

13 ( +13 / -0 )

why all the hate? they have pretty valid reasons. although the "I want to be the first" seams a bit shallow, I could see how a woman could be unhappy if their man "did it all already". It would feel like they are just going through the motions.

I would like to see the survey broken down by age group, however. Women over 30 perhaps shouldn't be so picky.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

These surveys aren't worth more than headline fodder.

What people SAY they'll do is usually much different than what they USUALLY do.

For example, I dated a Korean girl for a few years. She told me that before meeting me, she thought she'd NEVER date a white guy. (This was in the U.S.).

And I'm sure there are plenty of happily married-to-foreigners Japanese who would have said the same thing BEFORE they met their love.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

Good. Keep population down too. But do not expect a single man to marry you when your become a divorced woman, what more, with extra luggage, (kids).

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Marriage is like a game of cards, starts out all you want is Hearts and Diamonds, but by the end all you want is a Club and a Spade.

14 ( +16 / -2 )

Personally, I find a once divorced woman more attractive. Fewer unrealistic expectations, and a willingness to compromise more after one failure. Of course, though, it all depends on the details of the first divorce.

10 ( +10 / -0 )

Agree with commanteer.

Divorced women are definitely more attractive... someone who has a bit of experience of life... someone who's been around the block... that will add to the relationship I think.

What I would be much more scared of would be a single woman in her 40s who has never married or had kids...

12 ( +12 / -0 )

While I could understand a person who had never been married & had never had children before being leery of marrying someone that was divorced with children, because let's be honest there are issues there you have to come to terms with & not everyone can handle that situation. This idea of just because someone has been divorced that they are no good is silly. What is the difference in they were married & things didn't workout to the person who has had multiple other relationships before without marriage that didn't workout? Unless you are going to start dating someone who has never even dated before you will never be someone's first relationship. As far as the women saying yes, but . . . I think they are actually using their brains. Any time you enter into a relationship with someone you should consider if the baggage they are bringing with them is worth it; this goes both ways. I don't think enough people consider what they are getting into before they start dating.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I've seen both sides of it. Some people who have been divorced with kids and have a wonderful life with a new family. Some who can't seem to get it together. Marriage isn't for everybody. I'm happily married, but if I ever got divorced I wouldn't want to get married again anyway, so problem solved.

What I would be much more scared of would be a single woman in her 40s who has never married or had kids...

Seriously! LOL!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

It may have been asked already, but my only question to all of these women is, "How about if YOU were divorced?" or better yet, how many of those asked were divorced or in an unhappy marriage that could lead to it?

Aside from "I have to be the first" I think the questions the women ask, for or against, are pretty legit, though. Men would, in most cases, also wonder the reasons for the divorce if the shoe were on the other foot. I mean, if you hear, "Yeah, my first husband ran out of money to buy me stuff so I left him and the debts he incurred," it's not going to be the best sales pitch for a second date, let alone marriage.

0 ( +5 / -5 )

While the ratio of yes/no answers is almost an even 50/50

That's right, about 50/50... young women. So, what is the point of the article?

its interesting to note that many of the yes voters provided conditions for the yes, making their answers more of a yes, IF condition x. It seems that generally women in Japan would prefer their partner to not have been married before

Well, it's not interesting and wouldn't most people prefer to marry someone who hadn't been married before?

@StormR. You made my day. Thanks :)

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I beleive society is getting too complex. Yes right! What is wrong with a divorced man? He is not anymore a gentlemen?

I beleive women are asking too much and too much from men. No men are perfect! Where is LOVE?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Politically correct answer from Japanese woman.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

@choiwaruoyaji "What I would be much more scared of would be a single woman in her 40s who has never married or had kids..."

I see these old maids on the subway in Tokyo everyday glaring at me with venom,,, there is no power in the universe strong enough for me to be able to communicate with them.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Dating a divorced man is still better than dating a married man.

9 ( +9 / -0 )

What I would be much more scared of would be a single woman in her 40s who has never married or had kids..

Why? What's so different from a man who has never married (like me) or a woman?

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Thunderbird, I think he means people who are in their 30s 40s 50s and have never married might be deemed unwanted goods or may be crazy... Not my opinion though.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I'm 51 and never married... I don't think I'm crazy, likewise I doubt women in the same position - be they Japanese or any other nationality - would be crazy. Some people just haven't found 'the one'.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

111 Women?

That is it? Um, toss a few more zeros on theend, then we have some viable stats.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

“As long as he doesn’t have kids, it’s fine.”

This may be one of the reasons why the Japanese population is shrinking...

"Would you marry someone who has already been divorced? "

Sure! As long as she's rich and gorgeous, ha ha, seriously though, as long as she's not, to use a term used by Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies when he was talking to the gorgeous but evil woman, damaged goods.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Fact is life after all marriages are for sharing good and bad between themselves, instead of over night stand throwing the other just for any flimsy reason or issuing make believe stories... if that goes on why marriages at all please!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Why not do the survey asking men if they marry a divorced woman? I bet the answers would be similar. Men don't mind divorced women, but divorced women with kids - that sends then running to the hills.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

These little girls (and there are millions of them) will never mature enough to be able to marry a single guy let alone a batsu ichi......

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Hell, I'm a divorced guy and I wouldn't marry me either...

4 ( +4 / -0 )

To be honest, I'd be very wary about dating a divorced woman, were I single, let alone marrying one. I can see their concerns.

Baggage.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

In our "anything goes" world these days it seems that just about everything that shows a lack of forethought, judgement or morals is nobody's fault. Nobody is willing to take any blame for mistakes, and yet just about everyone who makes them demands the right to be forgiven.

Rather judgmental I believe. The "old" days saw people stay together for ALL the wrong reasons because of ignorance and fear. We allow politicians and criminals, and everyone from all walks of life to make mistakes and get a second chance, but you seem to say that it's people's fault for not being able to look into a crystal ball and read the future?

Divorce doesn't just happen on its own. People have to screw up first. Royally.

You know this isn't true either, not in all cases, but at least I guess I am willing to give other people a second, or third, or even more chances. No one is perfect and it doesnt mean screwing up royally either.

Oh and I have been married nearly 30 years, so I know pretty well what it takes to stay together. But I know just how easy if would have been for both of us to walk too.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I'm not surprised of the answer here, where the "If" conditions seems legit, it is amazes me that the women surveyed are putting ALL the responsibility on the guy who is divorced. Moreover, even if a divorced guy divorced a girl because she cheated on him (for example) or she and her family were leeching a lot from him, they still would find the fault in the guy.

It is the Ohimesama complex as another poster said.

As for singles (never been married) at middle age, that's a tough prejudice, it goes for both man and women, since the blame (again) lies in the person being responsible for being alone, and rarely they consider bad luck or bad relationships, It is funny though, considering the number of hikkikomori and socially awkward youngsters in Japan

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Only 111 people surveyed, that's hardly enough to be conclusive.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

My ex has a son... it wouldn't have put me off marrying her... had things been different (little git didn't like me).

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@Novenachama There is a less than 1% chance that there is a sliver of truth in anything you wrote about "experts." In other words, at least 99% of what you are saying is made up off the top of your head.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Wow the real answer is: it depends. Dealing in absolutes is a bad thing about these surveys.

I guarantee your answer would be different if a divorced person cheated on or was cheated upon (just as an example).

0 ( +0 / -0 )

It seems that women uniformly think that there is always a reason they can’t get married. Both men and women have same issues if they’re unmarried and over 30, they’re the ones left on the shelf. In the case of women, if they’re 35 to 40 and don’t have children, no one will say anything because they feel sorry for them.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Meaning 45% would.

That is quite a difference from a generation ago.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

But odds are these women would have no problem hooking up with a guy who was living with a woman for a decade and then breaking up.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

55% of women are not worth dating much less marrying. Why? Spoiled daddy girl narcissists demanding Prada when they actually deserve Wal Mart. Time for some pretty princesses to get jobs and stop relying on daddy's money. But when daddy kicks the bucket and the money runs out or goes to a sibling they'll try to claw the first dead beat who'd be unfortunate enough to have them.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I'll never forget what a Japanese friend said to me years ago when I tried to set her up with a very nice divorced guy. She kept shaking her head and saying 'no way' and when I asked why, she replied very bluntly, ' Japanese women don't trust or like USED men! I'm still laughing at her comment but it rings true in many cases here in Japan!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Our lovely Japanese women, between the ages of 22-34 are composed and practical. Specific and considered conditions for marriage are a sign of mature assessment of human nature and personality.

In business a candidate who has been let go from a previous employer must have a compelling story or the baggage of that loss is carried to every interview. Why surprisingly would these confident young women change standards on the most valued relationship they may ever undertake.

For those chipped dishes out there, mismatched sets can have as much charm as the showroom cellophane. Besides, there's plenty of chipped dishes out there but sometimes chips lead to cracks and that's a risk not everyone wants to take.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I'll never forget what a Japanese friend said to me years ago when I tried to set her up with a very nice divorced guy. She kept shaking her head and saying 'no way' and when I asked why, she replied very bluntly, ' Japanese women don't trust or like USED men! I'm still laughing at her comment but it rings true in many cases here in Japan!

Did you ever think to ask her how many times she was "used"?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I couldn't imagine being with a divorced person. There is just a new kind of baggage I have no experience with. Not only in-laws to deal with, but possibly exes, ex's in-laws, children, etc...talk about stress above and beyond the usual marriage. And why did the divorce happen in the first place? Is the guy repeating a bad pattern by trying to marry again, or has he learned from mistakes? 

Can totally understand why some women would hesitate.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I am divorced and I am married right now very happily, thank you very much...

To the women who give the negative answer, I kindly hope you hit your head on a desk or something

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

I don't see why this is a big deal. Anyone can have any reasons they want for not marrying someone. If 55% won't marry a divorcee (ignoring the fact that the number is questionable), then it means 45% are ok with the idea. If she says 'you're a divorcee? No way', then move on to the next one.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

She kept shaking her head and saying 'no way' and when I asked why, she replied very bluntly, ' Japanese women don't trust or like USED men!

Maybe if she thought of them as pre-owned...

3 ( +3 / -0 )

This article makes me laugh. They should have asked the 55%, "If you are divorced, do you think a man would want to marry you?" What if men told women " I cannot be with you because I am not the first to have sex with you."

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Well, I'm a widowed man. If I tell somebody I was married, their first thought is: You are divorced! ... Idiots! They never think about the possibility that a human person can actually die.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

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