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What Japanese women discreetly check out when on a hunt for a husband

110 Comments
By Karen Masuda

“I like this guy… but is he suitable for marriage?” This is one of the most important questions Japanese women ask themselves in considering a life time mate. Marriage can be daunting even in the best of circumstances, so it’s crucial to have some assurance you’re making a good choice when deciding on that special person that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Otome Sugoren, a website featuring articles on love, relationships and marriage, surveyed its female readers to get these results. The reporter who compiled the info and wrote the article is a Japanese woman herself, so you can be sure of its authenticity. Here are the top nine things Japanese women check out when looking for a suitable marriage partner.

1. Does he have a mother complex?

If he puts his mother before the love of his life, sound the sirens. Of course any woman wouldn’t give a man who puts Mama first the time of day. If you did marry him, you’d have a mouthy mother-in-law trying to tell you what to do. He most certainly has to have won his independence from his mother.

2. Is there any lingering dust from past relationships?

A sure sign of trouble lurking after marriage would be the unsevered ties of loose ends. Former girlfriends should be tucked away in the memory somewhere, out of harm's way. No contact with them no matter how innocent, or there will be misunderstandings.

3. Does he like to gamble?

If he has hidden debts and can’t resist a bet, beware. A man who gets carried away enough to put a dent in his finances from gambling needs to be avoided. Some of the women surveyed said they would turn a blind eye if he kept his monthly gambling losses minimal, say to no more than 20,000 yen a month.

4. How does he handle his liquor?

Abnormal behavior when drunk, especially physical violence is not acceptable. If he changes into a monster when he drinks, then forget it. Some women feel such a loss of control is unforgivable. If this kind of drinking is his main stress relief, then he should really take up a sport instead.

5. Does he live within his means?

If he drives a fancy car he can’t afford, or has to buy brand name goods that are out of his price range, then it is time to look elsewhere. If you marry him, you will always be fighting to make ends meet. The exception being that he may have an expensive item which is well-worn and which he takes good care of, in which case it means he is careful with things precious to him.

6. Does he intend to help with household chores, and when kids come along, will he help out with them?

If he has the attitude that housework is women’s work, then he is still in the dark ages. He has to show that he is willing to help out at home. Even if he still lives at home, he would be wise to show that he has interest in helping to live in a clean house, eat good food, and wear clean clothes.

7. Does he have a hidden stash of manga figurines in his closet?

That kind of otaku is too much. It sends creepy chills down the spines of many women to think of that level of mania. If he can’t live without those figurines, then he’d better get them out of the closet so that the woman can get used to them — and maybe even appreciate their value.

8. Will he be able to survive hard times?

If he is laid off work, does he have some money put aside to live on? The poor economy is nothing new, but it can’t be expected to improve suddenly. Women are looking for men who plan realistically for the future and have a plan B if plan A doesn’t pan out.

9. Does he have a past he is hiding?

If he has been married before, has kids and is hiding it, then he is history. Hiding such important information only backlashes into mistrust. As two people get to know each other, trust builds. A man can decide when the time is right to divulge such information so that the trust isn’t broken.

Source: Otome Sugoren

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110 Comments
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What if it's the woman doing all these things? Does that mean she's not suitable for him. No one should live on impulse's. But by carefull planning and saving, you reach alot of goal's. What about falling in love? or trust? ki o tsukete kudasai...

6 ( +11 / -5 )

"Does he make a lot of Money" I think you forgot that one Miss Masuda...

23 ( +30 / -7 )

How about "Are your arms bigger than his?".

Those stick-figure guys might look like some manga characters but with no muscle mass whatsoever, it'll be you who has to carry the shopping to the car and do the housework.

-3 ( +9 / -12 )

What men discreetly check out when on a hunt for a Japanese wife:

1) Can she be trusted with managing the finances? 2) Does she have a night job as a porn actress? 3) Does she want to marry just to check-off one of her bucket lists?

38 ( +43 / -5 )

As for the mother complex there used to be a proverb for woman;

Watch how a man treats his mother for that's how he'll treat his wife once she old.

So if he ignores his mom now then it means he'll ignore his wife later too.

23 ( +28 / -5 )

With all this advice on how to find the " right " guy from dozens of articles out there - the poor J guys guys need to be almost superhuman to be considered " suitable". Meanwhile the only requirement for J girls to be considered suitable given by the same media seems to be a requirement to act like a "cute"immature airhead. There goes the plunging birth rate ...

20 ( +23 / -3 )

If all women are calculating then ladies do not be surprised when all guys will turn up gay or herbivore.

5 ( +11 / -6 )

Will he buy me lots of clothes and accessories?

Will he enjoy a whole day spent like a 5 year old child at Tokyo Disneyland?

Will he pay for everything for me? (my own income is reserved exclusively for my shopping)

Will he pretend to be pleasant and sociable whenever I invite every friend or family member to come and stay over for days on end?

Will he not divorce me when I choose to turn off the sex tap after having kids?

Will he put up with my extremely weird and disagreeable relatives?

etc

77 ( +80 / -7 )

choiwaruoyaji

lol.. sooo true.

5 ( +8 / -3 )

I have no idea why any of you were voted down. Enough of this self-delusional nonsense from Teflon women. @choiwaruoyaji provides an excellent antithesis.

7 ( +9 / -2 )

JT interesting article...but I can't help to notice a trend in the past few weeks...what do Japanese women want in a man, how a Japanese woman can trap a man into a relationship and so on. It seems very focused on women and doesn't always paint the best picture. (Tell him you can't omurice because it kills little baby birds). Is there anyway you can maybe turn your focus to what men think about the whole thing? Or are there just no such articles out there?

18 ( +19 / -1 )

In a way, I doubt girls really do ask these questions, or even ponder on these for long.

If they do, then the reasons for the number of divorces may be factors other than the ones listed here.

-2 ( +3 / -5 )

I onced asked a Japanese girl who had dated Japanese men and English men, what's the difference?

After a moment of thought she quipped. With a Western man you can feel his love. With a Japanese man you can feel his credit card.

Clearly there is a different set of rules depending on nationality.

8 ( +12 / -4 )

pretty sensible list but Choi's was great.

But for 6 I'd add, Will he put up with my extremely weird and disagreeable relatives and accept my scolding if he ever shows them disrespect even though I never have to put up with his relatives on the other side of the planet.

"but I can't help to notice a trend in the past few weeks...what do Japanese women want in a man, how a Japanese woman can trap a man into a relationship and so on."

It's a woman's world.... men exist to make women happy. Get used to it! :)

9 ( +10 / -1 )

Crystalyle: that may be true with some Japanese men, but it makes you wonder why those girls go for those guys. (hint: they want the money or the designer goods! ) I am married to a Japanese man and I can say with confidence that I feel his love all the time, even more than I have felt with western men. Maybe he is rare, but apparently from what I have read on JT there are so many gold-digging princess types in Japan, that men may feel that showing their love with material goods will get the best results.

5 ( +7 / -2 )

Exactly why the number of unmarried 30yr old+ J-ladies continues to rise.

Remember ladies, it is not all about YOU..

Get your heads out of the "Disney/Hollywood/Magazine/J-drama" fantasy land and get out there and experience real life. This will teach you all you need to know....

26 ( +29 / -3 )

The paradox of this list is that half of these marriage no-no's are dating yes-yes'es.

After a moment of thought she quipped. With a Western man you can feel his love. With a Japanese man you can feel his credit card.

You better hope your love is bigger than a credit card.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

I believe that the women questioned might have said those things, but at the same time I think they weren't voicing the actual criteria they apply, because of social stigma. It is pretty clear that there is still a high percentage of women in Japan who want a man that has a high income, and if possible also a high status job which demands a lot of time. Japanese women expect to raise their kids alone anyway, because that's what they saw their mothers do, so they don't necessarily want a man that chooses his family over his career. There are exceptions to this of course, more than one decade ago, but I do not think a real, fundamental shift has taken place, or will ever take place. Japanese housewives, if they are not "spoiled by Western values" and therefore have no qualms with their husbands being absent and alien to them, have it pretty good. They get to manage their husbands money, keeping him on the short financial leash while splurging on Louis Vuitton and expensive lunch meetings with their lady friends, and apart from raising their kids and doing some housework, they are living a peaceful live of leisure. This might also explain why Japan doesn't see many women motivated to take high profile jobs - they'd give up this life of leisure for a stressful one and at the same time would be seen as "strange" and egotistical.

6 ( +8 / -2 )

the question we should all be answering is am i the perfect partner ?

0 ( +3 / -3 )

No wonder marriage rates are down. I dont think I know a single man who would pass all of these tests.

3 ( +6 / -3 )

As for previous similar articles, I'm not sure what is appropriate for comments on this type of survey. It's a common enough topic, but what's the point of listing up all these rules and conditions? One of the reasons for failed relationships is feeling stifled. This survey is just the tip of the iceburg for "Otome sugoren" by the look of the website. Anyone who takes a gander at it will surely feel overwhelmed with all the "advice". Honestly, the superficiality of these surveys makes me both annoyed and drained.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

You call all that discreetly check out ?

0 ( +2 / -2 )

"Exactly why the number of unmarried 30yr old+ J-ladies continues to rise."

You said it bro.

3 ( +7 / -4 )

Reading choiwaru's list and seeing all the thumbs-up he's getting, I can't help but feel some of you are maybe meeting the wrong kind of people.....

Watch how a man treats his mother for that's how he'll treat his wife once she old.

More to the point, watch how a man's father treats his mother - that's the guy who taught him how to treat a wife.

apart from raising their kids and doing some housework, they are living a peaceful live of leisure

That is so funny. I take it you have spent zero time raising kids?

the question we should all be answering is am i the perfect partner ?

Yes. :-)

14 ( +18 / -4 )

As a single guy "back in the day" I was guaranteed to be asked 3 questions within about 3 minutes of meeting a woman here in Japan.

(with translation..)

Where are you from? = You from a nice place I would like to go to someday... What do you do? = How much money do you make. Where do you live? = How much money do you make.

My wife never asked me these questions... and today she is my wife = ). Keep it easy ladies. Get to know the person, don't be in such a rush.

13 ( +18 / -5 )

This is what I will do, buy the biggest diamond ring like a one karrat with rubies, smaller diamond's, and small rubies and platium prong's to hold the huge rock, and 24 karrat gold ring's fused together. Then I would buy earing's and a anklet to match. Give her a credit hard with a limit per month. I would do all the cooking, all the food shopping, and carry everything from the store to the car to the house. I would build a house of her dream's. I would be faithful in every way. I would just want her to pretty herself up, patiently wait for me, as I would make all the money building house's and long hour's are needed. She could work if she want's too. I would only want two children. and her glass would alway's be full. All I would need is one faithfull wife who loved God. That's what I would do....

-14 ( +1 / -15 )

@choiwaruoyaji

lol!!! so true~ who cares just have fun u got 1 life to live....just dont get pregers xD

2 ( +2 / -0 )

What? He hate me? She would love me! It's nothing for me to do all this ,what are you lazy, and incompetent? Stand up and be a real man!

-10 ( +1 / -11 )

With a Western man you can feel his love. With a Japanese man you can feel his credit card.

more like with a Western man you can feel his gut, with a Japanese man you can feel his skin because he's not covered in fur like a white devil.

-14 ( +3 / -17 )

Interesting article but is what women say they want really what they want. for example Sony wanted to know what colour they should make the Walkman and after a group said it should be black and not yellow, they were all thanked and on the way out were able to get one for free. Despite every one saying they wanted black, they mostly close the yellow one as the free gift. So remains the question what do they really want. Looking at choiwaruoyajis list it is quite amusing that in fact many of the dating shows are held in Disney Land or other stupid theme parks. It seems very probable that his list is accurate also. It would be nice to see a statistical study of the type of guy Japanese women actually marry.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

@Sakurala

Maybe you misunderstood. I was trying to be tactful in regards to the "male reproductive organ".

I onced asked a Japanese girl who had dated Japanese men and English men, what's the difference?

After a moment of thought she quipped. With a Western man you can feel his love. With a Japanese man you can feel his credit card.

Clearly there is a different set of rules depending on nationality.

0 ( +5 / -5 )

Will he spend big on me? Does he look amazingly attractive? What's a personality?

3 ( +3 / -0 )

choiwarui - spot on mate..love your list :-) T-mack - seriously?..are you fishing on this forum?

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Crystalyle: I still feel the same about my husband...you do know that Japan has a lot of men that would be considered "hentai" right? And not all of them are single and many of them are living very happy married lives with understanding partners. So, like always, I don't think it depends on the nationality as much as it does the individual.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Oh, yasukuni. If it were a woman's world, women would HAVE the money. Not have to leech it off men. :P

2 ( +4 / -2 )

Is it really true that J wives turn off the sex tap either after marriage or after kids? Is there an accepted (or given) reason for that? Surely one of the points of getting maried is the sex.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

What ? they don't check his credit rating ?

2 ( +2 / -0 )

"Surely one of the points of getting maried is the sex."

The main reason is for a meeting of the minds ...

6 ( +7 / -1 )

@T-mack.

I think my wife is ready to trade me in for you... She just wants to know what the credit limit is. :)

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Cleo, I gave it a thumbs up because I just thought it was funny. People love wife jokes, and mother-in-law jokes. We all know Choi loves his wife to bits!

“I like this guy… but is he suitable for marriage?” This is one of the most important questions Japanese women ask themselves in considering a life time mate."

They probably keep asking it after they get married too.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Guess what ladies. If you're looking for a man with all those qualities you are s*** out of luck. Have fun being a spinster all your life!

1 ( +4 / -3 )

I'm still amazed at the "turn off the sex tap" expression.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

The thing is, these woman wouldn't even BOTHER getting married if they were unable to ride the back and crack the whip on the men that they would marry. That's the entire point! If they can't get that out of marriage, they're quite happy being single. Better yet, if the woman falls into money, marriage really isn't even on their minds anyway. Woman have always judged men for their value as "human-doings", and not "human-beings"

As for that "how he treats his mother" thing.... it's either "If he doesn't treat his mother right, he won't treat me right" all the way up to "if he doesn't tell his mother to get lost, he'll never be able to look after me".... nonsense. We can't help who our mother is, and how devoted (or not) she is to winning her son's attention, or how jealous she's going to be when another woman takes it away from her.

We can't choose our family. Get over it.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

@ Wakarimasen: Is it really true that J wives turn off the sex tap either after marriage or after kids?

YES for me and every other man I know that married to a Japanese wife... That whole BS idea of 'mum' sleeping with the kids every night is a real passion killer. After a while is become the norm for her. If you bring it up, you are branded as being abnormal or hentai...

J women are like a Sporty Ferrari. Sure they look nice and go well at first, but they'll cripple you with constant problems, breakdowns and repair bills...

14 ( +14 / -0 )

Not great marriage advice at all.

I'd hate to be with someone that treated their mother badly. Of course someone's mother should naturally be one of the most important people in his/her life.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

Wakarimasen. Yes. It is true. The happiest day of a J woman's life is when the little bundle of joy comes along and she can put it in her bed and end any chance of sex for the next however many years. I do not have any married Japanese male friends who have not had or are not having affairs.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

This is article is the reason why so many women are still single. Why not put together a list of what men look for in a potential wife!

6 ( +7 / -1 )

One of the first questions I was asked was about my blood type. Both Japanese women I had long term relationships with asked the same thing, and they were in their 40s, not giggly 20-somethings.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Men and women have too many dreams nowadays, we set the bar above a level that exists within the confines of reality. We were raised on the Disney-mentality, that we can achieve anything no matter what and that we will all find our "true love" one day. Don't get me wrong, goals are great to have. It is a level of success in something you wish to achieve within a certain time-frame, but there's that and then there's the undeserved sense of entitlement we are brought up on, that the universe somehow owes us something, love being one of them. That we have to even learn how to appreciate life as it is is sad. Somewhere along the way we got too comfortable and stopped adapting ourselves, instead relying on the finite forms of our environment to always change for us.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

The reporter who compiled the info and wrote the article is a Japanese woman herself, so you can be sure of its authenticity.

Yes, but does that necessary mean its accurate and reflect the feelings of anyone but the author?

I could write a horrible profantity laced rant that would most definitely be quite authentic. That wouldn't make what I wrote true or representative of what others think or feel.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Guess what ladies. If you're looking for a man with all those qualities you are s*** out of luck. Have fun being a spinster all your life!

Guess what boys, it's not a list of unattainable ideal qualities, it's a check-list of the must-have basic starters. My man comes out tops on every point : I'm not a spinster. My daughter's man also comes out tops on every point: she isn't a spinster. My best friend's man comes out tops on every point; she isn't a spinster. We have fun. Our men have fun. Maybe we got the only three that pass muster.

This is article is the reason why so many women are still single.

Because it's normal for men to be mazaa-kon, gambling, spendthrift drunken nerds with baggage?

-2 ( +8 / -10 )

J women are like a Sporty Ferrari. Sure they look nice and go well at first, but they'll cripple you with constant problems, breakdowns and repair bills

If you get yourself a Ferrari you know that you get an expensive and delicate thing. It's then up to you to treat it nicely and take good care of it in order to enjoy the speed and fun for years and years to come.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

10, does he have a small pecker? Ding.
0 ( +0 / -0 )

Well said Cleo. The thing is, many women only look at what the man brings into a relationship and they don't bother looking at what THEY bring in - if anything. Plenty of men out there now who aren't bothered with getting married because they don't see the point - can't say I blame them after listening to some of the stories I hear from men with J wive s- both foreign and Japanese.

1 ( +8 / -7 )

That being said, these requirements are quite basic and effortlessly attained when compared to the ones you find in popular women's magazines in the states. If this list is a realistic depiction of what Japanese women generally check for, i would say they are being either overly generous or pragmatic.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

They forgot the number one checked thing in japan... how full is his wallet.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

"Do I love him and does he love me?" is noticeably absent.

8 ( +9 / -1 )

On the sex tap thing, I've been married to a Japanese woman for seven years and even after 2 kids, the tap is still running.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

Blood type question: true. 20s - 40s ask this question. men also ask this question though. Japanese man can provide love, love and credit card. And for that, they shouldn't be called Hentai - Which is a denial of human nature. Ferrari, Porsche, Nissan Fairlady...they all break down sooner or later, costly ( relevant to limit of credit card ) to take it away from the dealership/original ownership and to repare it, but if that's the only automobile you've got, it will be pain in the a**e rather than pain in the purse not to pay a visit to the mechanics...if men understand this paragraph, they will be happier; if women understand this paragraph, you will know how helpless men are and give them a break! stop the car and enjoy the twosome time:)

0 ( +1 / -1 )

"On the sex tap thing, I've been married to a Japanese woman for seven years and even after 2 kids, the tap is still running."

Same here but its usually running when I'm at work or school :(

I just want a women who is competent enough to prevent a 3 month baby from falling out of a 10 story window or won't strangle the poor guy when she can't take it anymore.

8 ( +9 / -1 )

Oh, yasukuni. If it were a woman's world, women would HAVE the money. Not have to leech it off men. :P

No. If women had the money in the first place they would then have to work hardly to earn that money. It's a much better deal to do some easy job and leech money off men.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Tokyo Kawasaki, nice posts right on the money. They probably need to marry a priest, a dog, or a statue. Even each one of them will not be able to satisfy selfish cravings. When you live in Lala Land, reality is out of the door.

-2 ( +2 / -4 )

On the sex tap thing, I've been married to a Japanese woman for seven years and even after 2 kids, the tap is still running.

That's only because she wants a third.

5 ( +9 / -4 )

Choi! You nailed it man!

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Hasn't this topic been murdered to death nankaime? We know.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

anyone who thinks this list is unattainable... I feel bad for you.

all it's asking for is that the man isn't a slave to his mother, doesn't have a gambling addiction, isn't be an abusive alcoholic, plans for the future, isn't still in love with his ex, isn't be in debt, is willing to take care of his children, isn't a creepy otaku, and is open about his past. if you cannot abide by these standards then not only would you be a crappy husband you must have a sad life tbh.

1 ( +4 / -3 )

This typo narrowly avoids being scary:

He most certainly has to have won his independents from his mother.

I kept thinking of "dependents" getting won somehow from his mother.

Seems pretty orthodox and "reasonable" for whatever population of whatever age group goes to that site. Not especially deep, but not irrationally insipid. But we all go to various sites, out of curiosity just to see, it doesn't mean the site is representative of us.

scoobydoo's story about the walkmans is very funny, if true. And very revealing of human nature, ESPEcially in Jpn.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Same here but its usually running when I'm at work or school :(

Whats your address?

3 ( +4 / -1 )

(Ignoring the scripted jacka$$)

This is article is the reason why so many women are still single. Why not put together a list of what men look for in a potential wife!

That's a short list. It's two things: 1.) a gorgeous, wanton slut in the bedroom and, 2.) June Cleaver (or fill in the name of any other "perfect TV mom") in the kitchen. Those are the "big two" that go a long way in easing a man's mind. As no two people are alike, the differences in likes and dislikes as well as relative intelligence levels will fill in the spots at positions three and lower - with different men arranging them in various orders. But the "big two"... that's pretty much a constant unless the guy is a professional chef who takes his food seriously. For those guys there is only the "big one".

Yes, the "June Cleaver" concept is old-school and probably hasn't seriously existed since the 70's, but it is still something men appreciate to no end. If they find a woman who would qualify under that ideal, she's a keeper.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Is it really unreasonable to prefer to marry a guy who doesn't get abusive when drunk, doesn't gamble and doesn't mind helping with the kids and housework? I'd say most of the things on the list are universal, not specific to Japanese women at all, and all of them are qualities found in most decent guys, which I'd hope includes all the married male commenters above!

Seriously, all the people saying the list is unrealistic and is the reason why there are so many single women, which of the things listed is unreasonable and why?

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Apsara-

I don't think a lot of those ppl are actually responding to this list, per se, they are responding to three other things-

1, Other women-oriented articles here recently about dating, which really were shallow and silly, and this one gets seen as part of a series, tho it is more "normal" itself

2, their own perceptions of needs and ulterior motives they may think women/ jpns women have

3, the generally perceived cold-blooded strategizing that "women" or "some women" or "japanese women" or "the women who made this particular list" etc (depending on the poster) employ to find a mate, which however banal and/or "reasonable" it is (as you say), is in the end strategizing, and judging of the man, and not felt to be love. ie, Like, even guys who fall into the "ok" slot according to this list are just objects being analyzed and then "gotten". It is not felt to be love and acceptance, which is what ppl really want.

Finally a lot of ppl on jt use it to blow off steam from time to time/ always, and things can come across stronger than really meant or are sarcastic jokes, etc.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

This shows the difference between the Western and Japanese view of marriage. In Western terms, most of these items would fall into the 'he must be a mature, independent, responsible, emotionally stable' category. ONE category. And the rest (like gambling, problem with alcohol, baggage) would probably go into the 'automatic deal-breaker' category. Then we have other common criteria like-- must be compatible with me, must be a good communicator. And finally we have more specific criteria like--must have a sense of humor or be intelligent or honest. Being in Love is usually a GIVEN.

In Japan, as Tina Turner would say--What's love got to do with it?

4 ( +6 / -2 )

I'm completely safe then. My large stash of figurines are proudly out on display, not hidden away in some closet like someone who doesn't care enough.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

"Does he make a lot of Money" I think you forgot that one Miss Masuda..."

Yeah spot on Marcels. It's probably in the top 3 requirements for women all over the world, and I understand totally. They're still insecure despite all the feminist efforts and they feel a little safer with a (rich) man. Hey, I understand ladies, I understand. And by the way girls, I'm spoken for so save your energy.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

But the big question is what can a woman do for a man! Remember God created woman for man as a helper as a companion. In the case of Adam and Eve! Can she cook, can she clean, is she an enthusiastic partmer in the bedroom, will she raise her children well, will she always be god fearing!

-5 ( +3 / -8 )

anyone who thinks this list is unattainable... I feel bad for you.

all it's asking for is that the man isn't a slave to his mother, doesn't have a gambling addiction, isn't be an abusive alcoholic, plans for the future, isn't still in love with his ex, isn't be in debt, is willing to take care of his children, isn't a creepy otaku, and is open about his past. if you cannot abide by these standards then not only would you be a crappy husband you must have a sad life tbh.

Interesting to read the comments from those who amused themselves with compiling requirements for Japanese women. I do find some of the statements unfair to Japanese women though.

I totally agree with the above quote from lachatamber.

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

because he's not covered in fur like a white devil.

Excuse me?

Anyway, I do agree with some of this list, particularly the one's about gambling or liquor, I mean, I wouldn't want to marry someone has has a gambling or drinking problem, such things just lead to trouble down the road.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Bernie I've tried but the website just won't let me give your comment the 'good' thumb. Some female must have taken the webmaster hostage, and forced him to re-program the good thumb thing on your comment.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Some Japanese wives are great, but even my Japanese amigos know that under all the fake smiles, ojigis etc..their is a HUGE price to pay once you are married with a Japanese woman. Every thing has a price, and many many of my hombre gaijin amigos married to Japanese women are now DIVORCED, why?? One reason is the SEX aspect, the BS about being too tired and worried about the babies, about kids, so SEX just goes out the window, etc...but I know many FEMALE gaijin women and they all have the SAME COMPLAINT about Japanese MEN!! So go figure what the heck Japanese men and women really think marriage should be.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

No wonder those J women past 30 years old can't get married! Too many conditions. Some of those I know of in their late 30s and 40s always come around asking me to take them to those parties I hang out, They really sound desperate.

-2 ( +2 / -4 )

is it true that Japanese women takes all of their husband salary and d guy lives on an allowance only. there are women who are not really nice to the mother of their husband. what is hard when before marriage ,all is okay bit after marriage or d spouse doesnt give in to d demand, divorce is easy.d sad thing is when there is a child involve:(

2 ( +2 / -0 )

elbuddha mexicano-

Aren't you just talking about marriage in general?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Those are all pretty sensible, but hard to find a guy like that.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I could be eligible because I comply with the mentioned list, including flipping the bird very frequently at The Americas, the one that I trusted before, but it gave ME the worst WEDGIE in every walk of life

1 ( +1 / -0 )

i'm so sick of hearing what women want. proof that they are all selfish narcissists and deserve to be single forever unless she traps a pathetic guy who can't see past their BS. marriage is so yesterday

4 ( +5 / -1 )

It's a two way street. Do you think us men don't ask these kinds of questions either?

2 ( +2 / -0 )

There are many suitable and unsuitable Japanese men and women. Some men have their issues and some women have theirs. If a woman thinks its up to the man to have a successful marriage, she'll be a batsuichi with a kid in no time. And Japanese women take the mother complex way too far. When these women have sons of their own they'll wonder why their sons have abandoned them for their girlfriends, never to write, call or check up on their well being .

Cleo is spot on - if a Japanese woman wants to choose a good mate, look at his father and mother's relationship. The way a father treats the mother is how the son will likely be. Not only that, but the sons of successful marriages will choose women that emulate similar characteristics as their mother. If you're meeting a mate at a gokon/nomikai you're already starting off on the wrong foot. Chances are people there are left overs or batsuichi that isn't suitable for marriage, let alone looking for a suitor who will take you and your child in. You're better off finding your true mate in a rock climbing class or aquatics center or even your place of work. An alcohol induced delusion is exactly that.

Btw, out of the Japanese guys I know, many of them fit the checklist minus the manga reading, and to some extent, the mother-respecting type who cherishes their mother (and father too). We're not talking about the Oedipus complex here. The problem is, many of the Japanese girls they meet are trash, lack respectable education, and are more concerned with "deai" and oshokujikai. They just want to live the good life and refuse to have children, jumping to a different man when times get tough. Japanese women think they have it bad, but in truth the men have it worse. A Japanese tv show for women actually had the right idea- its not about money, it's about worth, or kachi. The successful marriages are the ones where both genuinely feel they have the same kachi.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

many questions in life to know,where I should go and believe but needs to understands better many confusing,sometimes needs to ask future teller into card reading process man is liar in many ways than woman.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I think one thing most Western men notice about Japanese (and even more so, Chinese) women is their obsession with status and money. While in the Western world, conspicuous consumption is now seen as merely a misguided goal and one should not mainly live for the acquisition of status symbols to impress others or because spending money is an addiction, when you come to East Asia, you quickly notice that it is trailing decades behind in this regard. It is very rare to find a Japanese woman who doesn't determine her self-worth by material things (most cannot even pay for from their own talent). Where in the West, we have understood that the goal of life should be happiness (not necessarily in the "smiley face" sense of the word, more in an Aristotelian sense, in Japan the main driver of achievement is to be able to show off your monetary rewards. This is due to Japan having risen from a poverty-stricken country to a rich country in relative short time. They are still at an early stage, where the basic needs to be satisfied, much like a black person from a bad neighborhood who has managed to become rich by making Rap music investing the money in gold chains and diamond-studded rims. In a way, Japanese women are like American black men. Even the "old money" in this country is relatively "new money", so the nouveau riche lifestyle has no counterpart and stays at the center of every Japanese woman's ideals. The men merely try to find the best possible mating partner and therefore struggle to fill those expectations.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

"Rap music investing the money in gold chains and diamond-studded rims. In a way, Japanese women are like American black men. Even the "old money" in this country is relatively "new money", so the nouveau riche lifestyle has no counterpart and stays at the center of every Japanese woman's ideals. The men merely try to find the best possible mating partner and therefore struggle to fill those expectations."

Even Mr T stopped buying gold. Welcome to the 21st century. Great comparison though :) nR :(

"While in the Western world, conspicuous consumption is now seen as merely a misguided goal and one should not mainly live for the acquisition of status symbols to impress others or because spending money is an addiction,"

c'mon... miilion dolla bras, overpriced houses, and luxury/sports cars. Plus any Black Friday you tube Video will trump that. I will admit that Japan can be a little out of hand with the achievement thing but I have seen far worse from the Korean/Indian crowd. I'm talking nice house no furniture inside insanity.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

@Laurent It is obvious why - India's and Korea's economic booms are even younger than Japan's bubble economy, therefore you see even worse cases of "nouveau riche" there. Japan's society, on the other hand, strives to be seen as a member of the "old boys club", with Germany, the UK, France and the US. If you ask high-income Japanese people, they'd make a point to portray themselves as vastly more cultured and mature than their counterparts in Korea or India. I am not convinces this is the case, though. Money and bad taste are exactly as connected here as they are in the newer boom economies. What is the first thing that rich Russians, Chinese, and Koreans buy? Exactly - luxury brand goods such as handbags and watches. Anything that has a big logo on it and signalises "I can afford this" rather than "this expresses my style" - in this regard, the rich Japanese still haven't progressed.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Easy fix guys, dump Jgirls for Kgirls. The quality is so much better :) I enjoy my life here better than I did in Japan. To bad my time here will end in a few months but Im taking my Kgirl with me to Japan

2 ( +2 / -0 )

@ Payops, Kgirls tend to be harder to get with...

1 ( +1 / -0 )

It's sad how cynical are some commentaries about the Japanese women are so cold in choosing a husband. The requierements are not far-fetched, yet some of the posters retaliate with "you forgot money", "you forgot that the turn off sex", etc. Maybe the mayority of J-women look for those cold things (rich and absent husband), but I think that the J-men encourages this, they have a list too... a woman that cooks, gives them sex, be georgeous all the time, have a family, etc (Have you ever seen that movie "Stepford wives"?) There is a trade off. from the article, J-women want in a husband exactly the same what any other woman in the world look for a husband. It's not that weird eh? the problem it seems that they aren't good at deception when they meet a man (Japanese o Foreign)

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@Hans

Understood. I was actually referring to Indian and Korean Americans as I have never set foot in either country. Personally I believe that the "Keepin' up with the Jones' " can affect anyone. I do understand where you are coming from with the extremely fast change in social status versus the passed down from gen to gen.

"Otome Sugoren, a website featuring articles on love, relationships and marriage, surveyed its female readers to get these results. The reporter who compiled the info and wrote the article is a Japanese woman herself, so you can be sure of its authenticity"

You can't even get women to agree on what to eat for dinner. Harry Potter written in crayon by a 8 year old fan has more "authenticity"**

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Not fishing, Experimenting, an experiment is a methodical trial and error procedure carried out with the goal of verifying, falsifying, or establishing the validity of a hypothesis. Credit limit is $ 1200.00 per week. Not to take away from, but to give. I allready bought that ring, $ 12,0000.00 american dollars, paid for, and designed by me. Why do you think I have such a detailed description. My mother taught me to give a women respect, and to treat her like a blessing, not a curse. The right woman might appreciate my effort's. I am a Native American, born to the Wyandotte Nation of Oklahoma. Served in the United States Navy, with two west pack's, Stationed in the Phillipines, I have been to Japan. I love Jappan, I love the language, I love the food, I love the Architecture, I just thought maybe ?.............Well you know...? ............. never mind..........I got my answer.........

1 ( +1 / -0 )

chiowaruoyaji has over 66 "likes".. that's got to be a record.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I may be simple minded in my youth, but I personally strive to become everything that a woman wants. I may lose my identity, but I don't hold that over other people's happiness.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

choiwaruoyaji, good women wouldn't do those things, and good men neither. If you feel everybody is the same you're are going to be someone difficult to please.

And I don't need any men's income, I got mine, thank you.

And trying to be nice with friends and relatives is for anyone, is a normal thing. Or do you want your wife only for yourself and isolate her?

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Yes, to hide about your children must be awful. It means he abandoned them and that means he doesn't care about anyone.

About money, both partners must have and save something of their incomes. It's everyone's responsability to prepare for hard times, even the children must help.

My brother spents a lot on those figurines (most unnapropiate to show outside), and he gives the impression than doesn't cares about getting poor because of them. Also, I think he also wants every woman to look like an exuberant model and that's not fair for us.

Domestic Violence is so common here that you have to check out all the signals he could show, not only when drinking.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

choiwaruoyaji By the way, going to Disney is a little sacrifice in order to have a relationship. If you don't want to make little sacrificies in order to make her happy (as we try to do also), why would you even try to get a serious relationship and get a wife?

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

@choiwaruoyaji smashed it lol

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I just want a comfortable relationship with an average woman that loves me and who I can be an endless source of love to, no matter what. In other words we can proudly fart in each others presence without hesitation nor second thought.

I'm totally serious.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

if these questions were truly accurate i would have the ladies lining up around the block for me........and yet i'm single...

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Somehow, I disagree with this article. There is only one MAJOR thing that Jap women are looking for a partner and that is........... IS HIS POCKET FULL OF MONEY???....this is the reason why there Jap men who don't like to marry Japanese women.....no offends,that's the reality..

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

If all girls on earth would think like japanese girls, this world would be a better place. It's just reality that all love maybe good and promising in the neginning but it's not always enough to feed a family. Stop being hypocrite y'all, japanese girls can live without a man's support and don't need to depend on marriage to be socially and financially stable, it's just they are not selfish, dumb and immature to marry an unstable douchebag and have a child with him when they're not emotionally ready. You all western girls should think alike to give better future to next generations.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I just don't understand a couple of things, but i agree for all the others.

Why a man is in the darkage when he don't help with home chores.

But then a woman want a guy to have a plan B in case of necessity, can't she have one for the family?

Aren't we the same? Why the man is the one who get the blame when something goes wrong?

If we're the same a guy can take care of the house when the woman go work? is it that strange?

If think people are abit confused about EQUALITY =)

But i do agree with all the other points couse i meet all of them u_u i don't gamble drink smoke or have past relationship haging my new ones.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Too much generalizing going on here. I am an Ecuadorian man married to a wonderful lady from Kochi, Shikoku. It is a thing of beauty to wake up to this woman everyday. I find her more beautiful every day :)

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I'm still good friends with my ex's, one was serious. But after more than a decade I never cheated on my wife. Still I know people that did go back to exes so I guess while it's not an absolute it could be a risk, depends on the person. You can't eliminate all risks and if you try to control someone too tightly it creates its own serious problems.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Well, I fail on three of these. But that means I pass on six, so I win, right, darling ...? Darling...?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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