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lifestyle

Things to keep in mind before marrying a Japanese salaryman

21 Comments
By SHARON ALPHONSO

According to my Japanese husband, Japanese people have a strong work ethic. Seeing how hard he works at his job makes me believe him. As someone who worked in one of the most successful Indian digital startups, I can relate to the intricate work culture in Japan. Working on tight deadlines and in a high-pressure environment, it is natural to get consumed by work.

I also realized that this type of relationship might not be ideal for every foreigner. You may have to learn more about their professional background to develop a deeper relationship with them. If you are considering marrying them and moving to Japan, let me advise you first — based on my own experience.

Long hours at work = less couple time

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Photo: iStock: Chaay_Tee

Company loyalty is highly appreciated and encouraged in Japan. The longer employees stay at the office, the more hardworking they are perceived by the company. Some will not leave the office until their manager is done for the day, too. Although this quality is admirable from a corporate standpoint, it may negatively impact personal lives outside of work. Without a proper work-life balance, it becomes very difficult to meet the emotional needs of others.

How to deal with it

  • Find the time to do things together
  • Make a conscious effort to follow through on your plans

In my experience

Due to our busy schedules, my husband and I do our best to work around the time we have left. Either dinner or breakfast, we always have one meal together. If we have more time on our hands, we hit the gym, watch a show on Netflix or go out for a walk at night.

The infamous ‘drinking nights’

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Photo: iStock: recep-bg

Nomikai (drinking parties) are an essential part of the work culture in Japan. These drinking gatherings allow employees to blow off steam and bond with their co-workers. Coming home late and intoxicated could be problematic to your relationship if you don’t have the nomikai culture in your country. At times, you can’t entirely blame your Japanese partner for joining these gatherings. Depending on their office rank, they may not be in the position to opt out of these drinking parties. If they do, it could hamper their relationships at work.

How to deal with it

Click here to read more.

© Savvy Tokyo

©2024 GPlusMedia Inc.

21 Comments
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Sick article. Why promote this toxic culture of overwork?

I don't know who would accept such a life. No point in being in a relationship if you don't spend time together.

The purpose is to have Japanese work less, not try to normalize it and find ways to make it acceptable....

16 ( +19 / -3 )

I was married to a Japanese woman that wanted all the perks of being married to a salary man, without me being a salary man. She wanted to control the bank account and give me an allowance every month, total control over the children, including what sports they played, and pleasing her parents was her #1 concern, children #2, then me at #3. SO yeah, that marriage never lasted very long.

18 ( +23 / -5 )

Gotta be a pre-covid article, as the "obligatory" nomikai are no longer mandatory, and many places just dont do them any more.

11 ( +13 / -2 )

She wanted to control the bank account and give me an allowance every month, total control over the children, including what sports they played, and pleasing her parents was her #1 concern, children #2, then me at #3.

These are not just things that a "salaryman's" wife wants, but just about every Japanese woman, no matter who they are married to, even garbage truck driver's wives expect these things too!

-4 ( +11 / -15 )

Never ever divorce a Japanese salaryman!

-5 ( +0 / -5 )

Japanese people have a strong work ethic

Uh no they don't! They have a strong love of staying in the office for inordinate amounts of time and being incredibly inefficient. The idea that Japanese people have a stronger work ethic than other cultures is only really relevant when you talk about artisans like sword makers or even farmers etc. Most Japanese manufacturing companies are based overseas and are efficient however salary men and office workers in japan are some of the most ineffective and inefficient in the world.

There is no individual responsibility or accountability which leads to deadwood bad practices and nepotism.

Most Japanese companies are only still around because they are inadvertently funded by the tax payers via the goverment buying Japanese stocks and controlling the bond market which is on the verge of falling over.

And nomikai's lol what a counter intuitive action that is, the only people who like and benefit from those are managers because everyone is expected to grovel to them, I don't know many men and any women that like going to them, usually it's just a bunch of sycophants wanting a full-time position because fulltime jobs are dangled like a carrot in front of people and they are treated like slaves.

If you really wanted people to bond and enjoy themselves as a team all the managers and senior workers would but out and have their own separate session but they don't because they love the fact that they are above the other workers.

Everyone who lives here knows this articles BS.

1 ( +20 / -19 )

What a depressing article; half of it is bs, the other half is just sad.

4 ( +14 / -10 )

Nomikai (drinking parties) are an essential part of the work culture in Japan. These drinking gatherings allow employees to blow off steam and bond with their co-workers.

They are only essential for managers with big egos. The only bonds you see at nomi-kais are at the douki-kais with zero managerial presence and non of that keigo talk. We are starting to see the next generation retaliate against this non-sense, and I am all for this movement in getting rid of the toxic work life.

7 ( +10 / -3 )

Uh no they don't! They have a strong love of staying in the office for inordinate amounts of time and being incredibly inefficient.

This here! I have been saying this for years! Used to work in a company that everyone "started" actually doing something productive at around 5:00PM, even though the day started at 9:00AM!

They just wanted the overtime and couldnt understand why I went home at 5:30!

-4 ( +13 / -17 )

szero25Today  10:07 am JST

Yep, well put. Japan has done a great sales job overseas on how efficient and advanced the country is. That might be true for the manufacturing parts of a handful of companies, but the fax-and-hanko culture reveals this to be window dressing for everyone else.

Even in five minutes of going out to teach English at a company, you can see how inefficiently Japanese companies operate, with stressed, bored employees killing time until they can go home/to pachinko/wherever else they can get their kicks. Of course there are exceptions, but it's a toxic, dreary corporate culture for the most part.

-1 ( +14 / -15 )

This article is promoting overwork, drinking into a stupor via peer pressure, and having absentee partners. None of these are conducive to a healthy communicative relationship.

6 ( +10 / -4 )

I dont want to marry a japanese salaryman. Actually i dont want to marry at all :D but if i happen to id better marry a japanese farmer, or a chef :)

5 ( +8 / -3 )

Japanese salarymen are also too poor now to afford marriage as inflation and a weak Yen are rocking Japan.

-9 ( +11 / -20 )

It's 2022, sister.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Why would foreign women want to marry a Japanese salary man?

A Japanese millionaire, tech entrepreneur, movie stars, or sport stars, maybe. But no salary man, which is a dead-end future prospect wise.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Samit Basu

you forgot singers/rock-stars :D

well, I think a japanese farmer from Otaru would be nice :D or a chef :D if he was quite liberal, kind, caring and loving in general :D

1 ( +1 / -0 )

SO yeah, that marriage never lasted very long.

So why did you marry in the first place?

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

A Japanese millionaire, tech entrepreneur, movie stars, or sport stars, maybe. But no salary man, which is a dead-end future prospect wise.

Then please pray tell why all those Japanese women are marrying the otaku gaijin and eikaiwa teachers?

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Sick article. Why promote this toxic culture of overwork?

because apologists are EVERYWHERE

What a depressing article; half of it is bs, the other half is just sad.

I hear you.

szero25

Man I couldn't agree with you more! Excellent post! My hat off to you sir!

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

Loveless marriage

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Paul Miyagi said nowadays COVID has changed the way many Japanese think about drinking parties.

We have read Paul Miyagi's comments and we are very pleased with them. We agree with him. It is true that “nomikai”have disappeared due to COVID. And today's young people have come to refuse “nomikai”if they don't want to attend them. “Nomikai”may not be much of an issue for the generation of people who will be getting married. With the COVID, we feel that we have more time with our family and our parents spend more time together as a couple. Less money earned is being consumed a lot because of drinking. In order to stay a close couple, it is important to respect each other and spend time together.

From these things, we think the most important thing for a couple is to respect each other. As each of them continues to grow, the time spent together tends to be more fulfilling.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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