lifestyle

Top 10 complaints Japanese men hope to never hear from their wives

73 Comments
By Casey Baseel, RocketNews24

In personal interactions in Japan, it’s common for people to avoid confrontations rather than charge into them. On top of that, mainstream attitudes generally work out so that women are, on average, more accommodating and deferential than men.

That doesn’t mean that married life in Japan is all “I have prepared your supper, Honored Husband,” and “Shall I draw you a bath?” though. When their displeasure passes a certain threshold, Japanese women are as capable of spitting angry fire at their spouses as anyone else.

But which particular brands of vitriol burn the worst? To find out, Internet portal R25 polled 200 Japanese men between the ages of 20 and 39, presenting them with a list of 23 commonly voiced complaints from frustrated wives, and asked them to pick the ones that would hurt the most to hear. Each respondent’s top selection received three points, with two points going to his second pick and one to his third.

Let’s take a look at the top 10:

10 “Stop wasting so much money on things you don’t need!” (26 points)

In many Japanese households, the husband turns his paycheck over to his wife, who manages the family finances. She in turn gives him an allowance to spend, but as with any limit, there’s sometimes going to be pressure to stay well under it.

9. “Stop being such a lazy fatso!” (28 points)

It’s not unusual for people to put on a few pounds as they get older, and all the beers at those company drinking sessions aren’t exactly low-calorie beverages. Still, such a harsh indictment of weight-gain is going overboard in the eyes of some respondents, including one who called it “cold-hearted.”

8. “I don’t want to share a grave with you!” (33 points)

Rather than having individual final resting places, Japanese families share a monument where their ashes are entombed. The family distinction is done by marriage, not birth, and since the traditional attitude is that the wife marries into the husband’s family, her remains will be placed in the same grave as his when the time comes, to be together for all eternity. Finding out your wife isn’t interested in being along for that ride would, therefore, be a pretty big shock.

7. “At least take care of the dishes after we eat dinner!” (39 points)

Assuming that your wife made said dinner, then yeah, it would be pretty embarrassing to have her call you out for limiting your involvement in the meal to strictly the “eating” part. Can’t say she doesn’t have a point, though.

6. “Take care of the cooking once in a while!” (43 points)

“I wouldn’t be able to understand her thinking, since she knows I can’t cook,” offered one participant by way of excuse. Honestly though, dude, it’s not that hard to boil some pasta and open a jar of premade spaghetti sauce.

5. “Show more appreciation for the things I do!” (85 points)

At first this seems like a surprisingly high ranking for a situation that sounds like it should be more hurtful for the wife, but the men who selected this response predicated it on the fact that they do, in fact, feel a deep gratitude towards their better halves. “It would hurt to know those feelings aren’t coming across,” explained one man.

4. “If we didn’t have kids, I’d totally have divorced you by now!” (97 points)

“That would have me thinking we should split up,” said one respondent. Another was slightly less calm, asserting “There are some things you’re just not supposed to say!”

3. “I made a huge mistake marrying you!” (166 points)

Yep, that would sting. “I don’t think I’d be able to say anything at all in response,” one participant imagined.

2. “You stink!” (201 points)

And no, this isn’t to say that the husband is poor at some task or skill set, but that he just plain smells bad. Thankfully, this complaint can usually be avoided by applying soap, shampoo, and deodorant before it becomes an issue. For those with a health issue-caused body odor, though, or who work in an industry or environment where they can’t avoid coming home with an unpleasant scent stuck to their hair and skin, this has to be tough to hear.

1. “Earn more money!” (230 points)

Even though more Japanese women are working now than in previous generations, there’s still a societal expectation for a married man to be the breadwinner, and often once children enter the picture, the wife will quit her job to take care of them full-time. As such, it’s not entirely unreasonable for Japanese wives to be concerned about the income their husband brings into the household. But since Japan is already a notoriously hard-working society, being told that you’re still not doing enough to get ahead can hit a guy right where it hurts.

“It would damage my pride as a man,” one respondent succinctly explained, and we imagine that would go double if it were combined with complaint #10.

Source: R25/Yahoo! Japan

Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- Four moments when Japan’s single men are glad they’re not married -- Japanese mothers react to being called by their first names after years of just being “Mama” -- Judge sets new line for adultery in landmark case, and it doesn’t involve intercourse

© Japan Today

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73 Comments
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"You always do that!". Often said by my beloved when I have a minor accident that has never occurred before.
10 ( +12 / -2 )

I'm happy single, thanks!

11 ( +14 / -3 )

This article could just as easily been named "10 reasons to be very careful before you decide to marry a Japanese woman."

Before I offer my response to each so called complaint, a well-deserved tip of the Stetson to the women who work hard and stand by their men. These comments are directed at the delicate snowflakes who lived with their mommy and daddy until the moment they got married and view their hubbies as as an ATM.

10 “Stop wasting so much money on things you don’t need!” Likewise, Sweetie. See this? This is a man's wallet. I have one. I don't change wallets when I change clothes. Try living with one bag. Ditto for shoes; I have two pair, one for sports and one for work. I sometimes wonder if you're related to Imelda Marcos. One final thought; there is no difference between the colors "cream," "off-white" or "beige."

“Stop being such a lazy fatso!” Hon, recently your rear-end is growing faster than the Chinese economy in 2009. I know it can't be helped as we get older but you take money I earn and go to the health club whereas I work over 12 hours a day which makes physical training for me a near impossibility. Oh by the way, when you buy a special "diet aid/nutritional supplement" (again with money I earn) please remember that it REPLACES the cake-set at the coffee shop. It's cake-replacement, not cake-supplement.

“I don’t want to share a grave with you!” Fine, bury me anywhere you want. Being married to you has made me look forward to death.

“At least take care of the dishes after we eat dinner!” Fair enough. I should help out with the chores and will try. In return I want you to stop bitching about the water being too hot or using too much soap or not putting the dishes back in the right places. OK?

“Take care of the cooking once in a while!” Only on the condition I get to choose the menu and you have to stay out of the kitchen. I tried cooking once and you complained about everything I did. Know that I think about it, let's just eat out.

“Show more appreciation for the things I do!” OK, fair enough. By the way, you're welcome for my working 12-hour days, six days a week and getting all of the money. Unlike you, I have no way out of those responsibilities other than death (retirement is no longer an option since Abe torpedoed the economy). You, of course, choose when (or even "if") you do housework. You have no boss and I will never complain if something is not done. In return for becoming an office slave I received two years of mediocre sex until the children were born immediately after which you kicked me out of the bedroom.

“If we didn’t have kids, I’d totally have divorced you by now!” Honey, if we didn't have kids I would have jumped in front of train by now!

“I made a huge mistake marrying you!” Maybe, but at least you get free room and board. I get.....well, I can't write that word.

“You stink!” Yeah, I do. I'm also losing my hair and have really bad breath. What can I say? I'm getting older.

“Earn more money!” Get off your circa-2009-China-sized-butt and get a job.
31 ( +39 / -8 )

10 “Stop wasting so much money on things you don’t need!” (26 points)

In many Japanese households, the husband turns his paycheck over to his wife, who manages the family finances. She in turn gives him an allowance to spend, but as with any limit, there’s sometimes going to be pressure to stay well under it.

Any foreigner planning to marry a japanese (at least in Japan) should clarify this point very well with your partner before the accident happens. Even if your woman never ever talked about this issue with you before the chances are big she will start demanding your paycheck as soon as you get married, or if you marry abroad, as soon as you two set foot on Japan. Some women here might get irrational, even abusive, and no discussion or argument will prevail over the "but this is Japan!/ japanese culture!". More than happy to get married to a british-educated japanese after totally wasting 6 months of my life with pointless arguments.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

So the guy is a fat, lazy, unwashed non-cook with no ambition, and his wife is bitchy, demanding, greedy, and rude. It sounds like a match made in heaven.

17 ( +19 / -2 )

Sam, did you make that up? It was hilarious

11 ( +12 / -1 )

Even if your woman never ever talked about this issue with you before the chances are big she will start demanding your paycheck as soon as you get married, or if you marry abroad, as soon as you two set foot on Japan.

And if by chance your wife continues to work after marriage, be aware that she will be taking charge of two paychecks (yours and hers) and she will never share any of her money with you. I know women who actually brag about this.

9 ( +10 / -1 )

Tony and Sam got it right.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

I hope I never get married here lol! Seriously...

4 ( +5 / -1 )

Do not marry a Japanese woman who did not graduate from college, has never lived abroad, even if only for a year as an exchange student , has never lived on her own or held a job. Otherwise you are likely marrying someone very unworldly and mono-cultured and the relationship is doomed to be stable at best.

21 ( +24 / -3 )

We live in Japan, but my wife (who I met here) is not Japanese. Even so, she tried that "You should give me your paycheck" trick, but I was having none of it. She has a good job, a closet full of shoes (like Marcos), a closet full of brand-named bags, and a bag full of jewelry, most of which she bought herself. My paycheck goes to the monthly bills, including paying for our mansion, so I couldn't endanger that stability.

10 ( +10 / -0 )

Sam, you are an absolute star! I LOVED reading your post!

8 ( +8 / -0 )

@Jeff Huffman

Do not marry a Japanese woman who did not graduate from college, has never lived abroad, even if only for a year as an exchange student , has never lived on her own or held a job. Otherwise you are likely marrying someone very unworldly and mono-cultured and the relatonship is doomed to be stable at best.

THIS! 100% on point. Moved in with my fiancee, she immediately demanded I hand over my bank card & credit card (her way or the highway, trust me). Was working 14hr days on an allowance of... ¥600 / day. In Tokyo. Needless to say 8 months was all I could endure...

15 ( +18 / -3 )

This article could just as easily been named "10 reasons to be very careful before you decide to marry a Japanese woman."

This article could just as easily been named "10 reasons to be very careful before you decide to marry someone."

FTFY.

6 ( +8 / -2 )

I hand over my paycheck. Works well for us. The bills are always paid, and my 'allowance' is enough for me to live comfortably each month. Saves me the stress of worrying about the bills. And she's better with money than I am, so it's good for our family.

8 ( +16 / -8 )

could just as easily say all of these to the ladies...

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Salute you Sam!. Its not against Japanese but majority of married woman tends to have this feeling of bossing around when thinks.doesn't go.in their way.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

fair enough, there are real cases of this. but, i also think that this issue is overly sensationalised. similar to other "japanese" cultures that foreigners like to pick on. you'd hear the same conversation with foreigners over and over again about these topics. then, "new" foreigners will hear about it and will also spread the "word" without real experience. anyway, best to set expectations before marrying. japanese or non-japanese.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

samwatters, that's the funniest post I've ever read on JT. As for myself, I refuse to hand over my bank book and ATM card. However, my wife is my accountant so she knows exactly how much I make and how much I have.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

"I've decided unilaterally that sex in this marriage is finished."

If you marry a Japanese woman, be prepared for this.

11 ( +13 / -2 )

I can't even imagine handing over my cards or paycheck to anyone, especially not a housewife. If it's a question of budgeting/financial planning, I'll always be happy to discuss and set up/feed into a joint account but I wouldn't hand full control over to anyone.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

Damn.... reading that list was like someone planted a camera and microphone in my house.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

When we married Mr cleo handed over his bankbook, inkan and credit card and told me to get on with it. At the time I wasn't working (it was a visa thing - soon sorted) and while I'd expected to have the housekeeping, I wasn't prepared to have everything. Any expense over about ¥5,000 that wasn't absolutely necessary, I felt I had to ask him about, after all it was his money. He couldn't fathom this - he'd given me the means to handle our finances (his words), all I had to do was get on with it while he got on with earning the money. So I got on with it. To this day he has no idea how much money we have (or don't have), and as far as I can tell he doesn't care. He knows I'm not stashing anything away in a secret account.

I pity the poor blokes who are so desperate to hang on to their wallet/cards/paycheck. Ditto the women who brag about taking their man's money and hanging on to their own. That's not what marriage is about.

6 ( +11 / -5 )

Don't generalize all japanese women, I do not touch my husband's money and I have my own income, too. We have decided who to pay for what (utility, school, rent, etc) and we know how much we both make (not the exact amount), I don't tell him how much to spend/save but rather trust that he has a good sense of responsibility and he trusts me that I do not spend all my money and I save for our kids, retirement, etc. I have never had the desire to fully depend on him financially, and if for some reason he loses his job (which I hope not) I will be prepared to support my family.

Although I mange my money and he manages his money, I believe we both think that it's eventually all our money.

Every couple has their own way that works for them the best so we shouldn't say THIS is what you need to be doing. What works for us might not work for you.

11 ( +15 / -4 )

I pity the poor blokes who are so desperate to hang on to their wallet/cards/paycheck. Ditto the women who brag about taking their man's money and hanging on to their own. That's not what marriage is about.

Like fishy states above, couples can control their own finances whilst still supporting their family together. There's nothing there that needs 'pity'. It's a pretty common setup in many places, including the UK.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

He knows I'm not stashing anything away in a secret account.

Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say...

5 ( +8 / -3 )

My husband and I both take a share in handling the finances. He's far better at it than I so he handles the bills and whatnot and I handle the day to day budgeting. It's an open discussion and it works for us. I can see how with some families, though, that it would work better with a single person in control. My best friend's father (when she was young) refused to let her mother have anything to do with the finances and when she entered into high school it came out that the father had spent over 10,000,000 yen on phone sex services and JK services. Knowing this has made me overly suspicious of anyone who wants complete control over the families finances lol

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Funny every time I read something about J women on here they are portrayed as greedy, asexual, mean, lazy etc. Couldn't be more different than what I have experienced in Japan or overseas with Japanese ppl. If a man (Japanese or not) wants a nice, quirky, sincere, honest, trustworthy etc woman he should have no problem finding her in japan, provided he himself can bring those very same qualities.

The 'dragons' portrayed in this article still 'subsist' in our world thanks to weak, needy men who not only accepted those behaviours but also tacitly encouraged them. They are many, many great women (and am sure men, well us JT blokes for a start! ;) out there, in japan and outside, life is too short to be stuck with someone you don't love. So if your partner has 1 or more of the characteristics listed, look elsewhere or stop whingeing (you probably deserve it).

6 ( +7 / -1 )

The money thing has worked out great for my wife and I, although I was quite resistant at first. She is at home taking care of the kids and handles the bills and overall budget. I handle the investments and more importantly the purchase of beer. Happy days.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

My best friend's father (when she was young) refused to let her mother have anything to do with the finances and when she entered into high school it came out that the father had spent over 10,000,000 yen on phone sex services and JK services. Knowing this has made me overly suspicious of anyone who wants complete control over the families finances lol

Trust, but verify.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

couples can control their own finances whilst still supporting their family together. There's nothing there that needs 'pity'

It isn't the controlling of the finances that is pitiful, it's the inability to trust one's marriage partner. As fishy says, we both think that it's eventually all our money.

♪Trust and transparency, go together like a horse and carriage....♫

3 ( +4 / -1 )

I've been married over 30 years and the one thing I do like hearing my wife say to me is; "You ALWAYS........(something or another). Meaning that if I did something she did not like ONCE it will be burned into her mind for eternity as something I ALWAYS do, even though it was only once!

4 ( +5 / -1 )

Wow… pretty harsh criticisms.

If I were married to one of those women I'd be out and running before she heard the door slam.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

1. “Earn more money!” this was a common complaint when we first got married, I personally pay nearly all the household bills including the mortage, if housewives want the added luxuries or eating out with friends nice clothes, gym membership etc then get a job to pay for it.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

This handing over all your money to the wifey, is for me completely incomprehensible. Especially if you're a foreigner living in a foreign land. I don't mind the wife taking care of the bills, and I certainly don't mind giving her the money to do so, but to give it all? And to get an "allowance"? What are these men, eleven? If you live together it is quite reasonable that you pay together, but this can be done perfectly with two bank accounts.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

My wife must be a strange Japanese woman then because she has never said anything above to me. After 15 years and 2 kids being married we both cared for our parents as they aged and before they died. As a team we are unstoppable to what life throws at us. I guess I was blessed by Zeus or I chose the person that I knew I could never live life without.

But her only complaint is that I always have potato crisp dust on the front of my shirt and that I eat like a teenager. I have no complaints about her, she is perfect just the way she is. We must just love each other.

8 ( +10 / -2 )

Who still gets pay cheques? I thought most of the modern world paid their employees' wages into bank accounts... of is Japan still that old fashioned?

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

One thing that wud help all this is allowing joint accounts, why we cant here I have no idea

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Top 10 complaints Japanese men hope to never hear from their wives

00.) Why so small?!

0 ( +3 / -3 )

I received two years of mediocre sex until the children were born immediately after which you kicked me out of the bedroom.

Wait, you got two whole years of sex? Consider yourself lucky. I've heard stories of brides cutting the tap off during the honeymoon! Talk about your bait-and-switch. (And in cases like these, I personally don't judge or blame men who go looking for affection elsewhere, but how are they supposed to do that on a one-coin-a-day allowance?)

3 ( +5 / -2 )

Do not marry a Japanese woman who did not graduate from college, has never lived abroad, even if only for a year as an exchange student , has never lived on her own or held a job. Otherwise you are likely marrying someone very unworldly and mono-cultured and the relationship is doomed to be stable at best.

Sage advice, but not just for Japanese women. For all women or men for that matter.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Samwatters post is better than the article. I gotten every one of the complaints and more and his comeback is quite funny and pretty accurate. I guess that's why marriage is a work in progress. : )

3 ( +3 / -0 )

“I don’t want to share a grave with you!”

Good grief...

2 ( +3 / -1 )

cleo: Many years ago, in the states, I had an Iranian/American wife who was a joint account holder on my checking account (I was the only one working for a few years). When she got a job, she put her sister on her checking account and left me off of it completely. Needless to say, that kind of 'trust' didn't work out well. Now, being married to a Japanese, things are reasonable, financially speaking - we're just two adults who try to behave responsibly.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Jesus! Looking at this lists it's a wonder anyone gets married at all in Japan! What a miserable existence!

2 ( +5 / -3 )

An above poster said "Don't generalize Japanese women", then why, when I talk to so many men married to Japanese women, do we all seem lament the same problems. Don't get me wrong, I think Japanese women are superwomen in general, but they get too caught up in material things and status. I know there are reasons for this.... the biggest is of course a very old and regimented culture that places an emphasis on group, harmony, and status. If a Japanese guy married an American, I'm sure he'd have complaints of his own.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

Yubara nailed it, and I can bet "You ALWAYS" was never followed by "make me happy". Been here 30+yrs, 20-some married and of the many many married people I know, there are are not that many who are really happy. People wonder about the falling birthrate and such. Japanese parents as couples are not the best role-models. Kyushu bill - get her bronzed, mate.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

It is a sort of badge of honor for a Japanese housewife to her "heso-kuri" , or stash.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

but how are they supposed to do that on a one-coin-a-day allowance?

I believe that's the whole point of this set up. if you don't have any money, you can't really do anything/ go anywhere. Giving up your independence like that is a bad, bad idea.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I know a Japanese teacher who went from being single and in control of all his cash…

To getting married and having a kid. Then getting by…(NOT!)….on 10,000 pocket money a month.

He was and probably still is very miserable.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

a Japanese teacher who went from being single and in control of all his cash… To getting married and having a kid. Then getting by…(NOT!)….on 10,000 pocket money a month.

A teacher in his late twenties/early thirties (marrying age?) would be earning somewhere around ¥300,000 a month? Not bad for a single person, but not a lot if it has to cover everything for three people. Kids are expensive. And I suppose it depends what the ¥10,000 has to cover. As 'pocket money' it sounds reasonable if he's eating lunch at school and has no other major outgoings. Not so good if (e.g.) he drives to school and has to buy his own petrol, or if he has some expensive habit like smoking or drinking.

When she got a job, she put her sister on her checking account and left me off of it completely. Needless to say, that kind of 'trust' didn't work out well.

Yup, it's a pity when you can't trust your marriage partner.

Giving up your independence like that is a bad, bad idea.

If you don't want to 'give up your independence', why get married in the first place?

1 ( +2 / -1 )

This handing over all your money to the wifey, is for me completely incomprehensible. Especially if you're a foreigner living in a foreign land.

What does being a foreigner in a foreign land have to do with this?

I don't mind the wife taking care of the bills, and I certainly don't mind giving her the money to do so, but to give it all? And to get an "allowance"?

Well, 'allowance' is just another way of saying 'budget'. Having a budget for your spending money from month to month is something anyone responsible with money does.

If you live together it is quite reasonable that you pay together, but this can be done perfectly with two bank accounts.

And it can be perfectly done with one as well. As others have mentioned, the money is the couples'. Anyone who has troubles with that way of thinking likely has troubles in other parts of their marriage that require thinking of the couple as a singular, rather than two individuals.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

I realize you might have been here a long time and have forgotten that people outside these islands sometimes DO get married yet manage to be individuals. Giving all your money to your partner (be it the husband or the wife) is a mistake. Sure, it sounds all sweet and rosey when things go well, but to not have any backup up plan when (if) things go south is naive at best. The "trust" you seem to hold in such regard is best kept by both parties deciding on their own pocket money after having taken care of expenses. ¥10,000 for pocket money is not a lot. Sure, you might be able to get by, but life is about more than just keeping your head above water.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I handle the finances because I am much better at it. If the shoe were on the other foot, that would be OK with me. I pity the couples where no one is good with money. Perhaps Japanese education prepares women to handle the finances better than in the USA?

Had a bad experience with my first wife, so I was reticent to put my wife on our credit cards for the first couple of years. As it turned out, I needn't have worried.....she is careful and trustworthy with money, even if not very knowledgeable. After 35 years of marriage, everything is copacetic.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Giving all your money to your partner (be it the husband or the wife) is a mistake.

See that kind of blanket statement is just wrong. It is not a mistake for many couples here who do just fine with it.

Sure, it sounds all sweet and rosey when things go well, but to not have any backup up plan when (if) things go south is naive at best.

Going into marriage with plans for "when (if) things go wrong" is basically setting yourself up to have things go wrong. If you are going into a marriage with a plan b, then you shouldn't be going into marriage.

The "trust" you seem to hold in such regard is best kept by both parties deciding on their own pocket money after having taken care of expenses.

Or, how about just trusting in each other. Also, your comment is easier to work with when both partners are working, but often there is only one source of income for the family.

¥10,000 for pocket money is not a lot.

I agree. I couldn't live on this little amount from month-to-month. But that's a problem with the amount, not the system.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

See that kind of blanket statement is just wrong.

Really?

...then you shouldn't be going into marriage.

Speaking of blanket statements...

To be fair, married couples can handle their economy any way they damn please, but hearing about husbands getting ¥500 coin/day from the wife from money he earned, strikes me as strange, trust or not. Now, I can understand completely why the person taking care of the money would use words like "trust", "eternal love", or other beautiful ones, but to somehow demand trust from your partner just because you say so, doesn't sound all that loving.

As many things in Japan, giving away all your money is an old-fashioned tradition that many people can't seem to get out of. Back in the day, I suppose housewives without income couldn't get a bank account, thus used the husbands. This has changed since the 50's, no?

2 ( +2 / -0 )

An above poster said "Don't generalize Japanese women", then why, when I talk to so many men married to Japanese women, do we all seem lament the same problems

but they get too caught up in material things and status

again, don't generalize. many men married to Japanese women is not All men married to Japanese women. ones that are not happy usually speak louder and those are the voices you hear. and the ones that are not happy might attract the crowds that are similar to them.

And again, not all Japanese women are caught up in material things and status. You notice the ones that are materialistic more because they simply stand out.

my comment in my earlier post still stands.. my money and his money will eventually be our money. we both trust each other that we have a sense of responsibility that the amount of money we spend/save is reasonable so we don't have to control each other's spending/saving. and what works best for individual couple is best for them - there is no wrong or right. do what works best for you.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

To be fair, married couples can handle their economy any way they damn please, but hearing about husbands getting ¥500 coin/day from the wife from money he earned, strikes me as strange, trust or not.

I agree, it's not a reasonable amount. But again, the problem is with the amount, not the system.

to somehow demand trust from your partner just because you say so, doesn't sound all that loving.

And who says trust is demanded? I'm sure it is in some cases, but that's dependent on the person, not the system.

As many things in Japan, giving away all your money is an old-fashioned tradition that many people can't seem to get out of.

As it's in current fashion, it's not old-fashioned at all. And most people don't seem to want to get out of it.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

to somehow demand trust from your partner just because you say so, doesn't sound all that loving

If it has to be demanded in the first place, it isn't there. Be it trust or love.

giving away all your money is an old-fashioned tradition

No one is giving money away. Just changing the concept from mine and yours to ours.

Going into a marriage with a Plan B does sound like setting up for failure. Would you attempt a bungy jump with a Plan B? Or make darn sure there is absolutely no need for one?

1 ( +3 / -2 )

to somehow demand trust from your partner just because you say so, doesn't sound all that loving

I don't think my husband ever demanded me to trust him LOL but I trust him :)

1 ( +2 / -1 )

No one is giving money away. Just changing the concept from mine and yours to ours.

For me, 'ours' would be a joint account, not handing over all control and receiving an 'allowance'. Where we'd need to keep to a budget (e.g. 10,000 a month, 500 a day or whatever), I hope we'd discuss it, agree upon something reasonable and then trust each other to stick to it. The point for me, and perhaps some others, is that there's no clear reason to just hand control over totally.

As it's in current fashion, it's not old-fashioned at all. And most people don't seem to want to get out of it.

It's old-fashioned in the same sense a standard 'husband goes to work, wife stays at home' type of marriage. It might still be present, and even desirable for many, but in modern life it's far from the only choice. Thinking that every couple should be like that, thinking it's the only/best way for marriage, certainly is old-fashioned.

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Thinking that every couple should be like that, thinking it's the only/best way for marriage, certainly is old-fashioned.

Yes, I agree. But thinking it must not be done that way just because people used to do it that way is also wrong.

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If we would reverse the gender roles and have the wife work, give her husband (who stays at home) the bank book and entrust him with all of the cash therein, I am quite sure people would question that here. Then, every day when the wife leaves for work, she would get just enough money to get by throughout the day, tell me people wouldn't raise a few eyebrows.

What about if you're not married? What if you don't believe in marriage, even though you might love someone. How about a couple just graduated from university, deciding to live together and the girlfriend hands over all her money to the boyfriend? After all, she trusts him, right? No. Then people would warn her. Especially in a society like Japan, where gender roles are so entrenched in how "things are".

DiscoJ's suggestion, to have an account you share sounds to me like a much better plan.

Going into a marriage with a Plan B does sound like setting up for failure. Would you attempt a bungy jump with a Plan B? Or make darn sure there is absolutely no need for one?

Would you go parachuting without a reserve parachute?

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If we would reverse the gender roles and have the wife work, give her husband (who stays at home) the bank book and entrust him with all of the cash therein, I am quite sure people would question that here. Then, every day when the wife leaves for work, she would get just enough money to get by throughout the day, tell me people wouldn't raise a few eyebrows.

Why should it raise anyone's eyebrows? If it is what works for that family then it's no one else's business, regardless of the gender.

What about if you're not married?

If you're not married, then it's two individuals who should handle their own money, unless they decide for whatever reason that they want to pool it.

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Why should it raise anyone's eyebrows?

It shouldn't. It would.

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That's the problem of those raising their eyebrows then. Not those being eyebrow-raised at.

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My wife must be weird man, seriously.

We both work, both have our salaries paid into a joint account. We sort of share responsibilities for everything but in an informal way. Sometimes she does the shopping, sometimes I do. Sometimes she pays the bills, sometimes I do. She actually doesn't really buy that much stuff for herself - I honestly think I outspend her 2-1. She's got no real hang ups about money, or how much I earn, or whatever. She's got her own credit cards, key card and never racks up debt of any kind... In fact, of that list she pretty much says the opposite to ALL of those things except occasionally hitting me with number 2...which is usually entirely justified at the time.

BUT, I do cook, do clean, do do the dishes....

I like my wife. She's very cool.

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This whole article make me want to leave Japan for good... LUL!

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goldorakMAR. 23, 2016 - 02:57PM JST Funny every time I read something about J women on here they are portrayed as greedy, asexual, mean, lazy etc. Couldn't be more different than what I have experienced in Japan or overseas with Japanese ppl.

So, we are too assume you are not married to a Japanese woman, do not have any close friends who are or that you have ever lived in Japan for any length of time?

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If we would reverse the gender roles and have the wife work, give her husband (who stays at home) the bank book and entrust him with all of the cash therein, I am quite sure people would question that here.

ITA. Imagine a scenario in which the wife worked twelve-hour days and was forced to hand over her paycheck to her stay-at-home husband who gave her a pittance to live on, verbally abused her, and spent most of his days hanging out with his layabout friends, all on her dime ... well, I think we would call that what it is.

If a couple is happy with an arrangement in which one side holds the purse strings, then fine, no problem. However if one partner is pressured and threatened into it, as has been mentioned by several posters above, then yes, it's a problem.

Giving up your independence like that is a bad, bad idea.

Again, ITA. No-one's ever getting their hands on my hard-earned lolly!

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Thanks to the hater who thumbed me down. Sorry you aren't feeling it. I'm still happy.

Assuming that the list is comprised of legitimate complaints, it's a pretty easy set of notes for those wanting to be good husbands. Your wife isn't your slave. You don't get married to obtain a servant. Assuming that you learnt in single life to do the basic cooking, cleaning, household maintenance etc it's safe to assume you should continue this in marriage.

If, for some reason you are a complete dolt who didn't master any of these simple, menial tasks in single life, then...GO AND LEARN HOW TO DO THEM. It's not hard. Same applies if Mummy has been doing it for you all your life. Don't be useless, start contributing. Not rocket science.

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So, we are too assume you are not married to a Japanese woman, do not have any close friends who are or that you have ever lived in Japan for any length of time?

I'm married to a Japanese woman, as most of my friends are, and I've lied in Japan for a significant period of time, and I mostly agree with this statement:

Couldn't be more different than what I have experienced in Japan or overseas with Japanese ppl.

The thing about the internet is, people complain. People in good relationships don't because they don't need to. People complain all the time on this site, and many readers have taken that complaining to be the absolute truth, but I find that at least with this case, it's the exception more than the norm.

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Back in the day British husbands controlled the family finances, making investments, etc., based on a better understanding of that kind of thing. Their wives were given housekeeping money. It's changed now as both work and can make decisions about what do with their money.

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