What Japanese women think about money and marriage

I don't necessarily agree with J women's obsession with money, but I can understand their need for security, in a country where, while I know it is possible, it is not easy for your average J woman to be totally financially independent.

IF that is actually the reason. If the reason is to give up work and sit on their childless bums doing nothing (I don't count SAHMs in this group) then no, can't agree with it.

Bear in mind as well though, that a lot of women I've spoken to were MADE to stop working when they got married! I had a friend lamenting to me recently that she wants to return to work (pharmacist) but can't as she has been out over 10 years now. I was confused - her oldest child is 5. She told me her husband's family made her quit when they got married. It sounds crazy to me, but she is from the countryside and this is the way she was raised. Her degree was simply a voucher for a higher class of husband

Here's what most WOMEN feel about money and marriage:

Money: "I like!"

Marriage: "If it gets me money, I'll do it."

I can agree on wanting to have security, but as u start a family, u start from the bottom as in climbing a ladder till you reach your goal of living contentedly and humble. But sad to say, this will not be the case with J woman as they continue to want more and more and at the end turn out to be materialistic and want or rather stay only with their husbands for finances..I'm not saying everyone is, but from what I see, the majority is. I have a friend who got married, gave his wife the kind of wedding she wanted, then after the wedding reality sets in..business got slow, and money was not that consistent...she left the guy, took her baby with her...and now, she wouldn't even give the guy any rights to care or bond to his own child. While he struggles to make ends meet all alone without the support and care of his wife. All these happened in a span of three years! I have been married for 35 years now, and me and my husband are still struggling but we have love and solidarity as a real couple who went through a lot. Bottom line...money does talk a lot in this country...can't blame them...even a baby stroller has to be of the best brand! That's how they were raised...

Ummmm, how exactly does a 30-year old man earn ¥6,000,000 per year in Japan, short of him working in the financial industry or his having his own business? I thought that the basic salary for recent college grads is around ¥200,000. Even for recent PhD graduates (who would be around 27 or 28), most starting salaries I've seen are around ¥250,000 to ¥270,000, which translates to ¥4,000,000-¥4,320,000 per year, assuming biannual bonuses equal to two months of salary each. I would be very interested in finding out.

Just for reference, my ex-wife gave me an assessment of her minimum net worth husband. "Need to make AT LEAST JPY7,000,000 per annum" by the time we start having kids she told me. For someone who was making about half that at the time and working 65-hr weeks, the bar was set rather high you could say. One of the many reasons we are not married any more - because I was not bringing home my 'net potential income' as she saw it. Having said that, however, I do know a lot of Japanese women who are happy to be making enough with their husband to get by so good on them. Compared to some of the Chinese women I used to date, Japanese women are not bad at all in terms of women who judge men based on their income. I heard from a guy in Hong Kong that the second question a HK girl will ask you after your name is "what car do you drive?" I'm sure he was exaggerating a bit....at least I hope he was. ;)

Ozmall poll? They asked housewives, how about asking some single people?

It's a social acceptance.

Society is partly to blame for the attitude of these women, because it dictates the role of men and women.

These women are partly to blame for the way society is, because they do not challenge the status quo and prefer the easy option (the socially acceptable option).

The result? Too few people get married, and those that do often end up unhappy.

I wonder if you gave another poll saying to these women ...

"Would you be willing to work a job while married, in order to bring your household finances up to 6 million a year?

Around the same percentage would be answering No...

The woman in their forties realize that, finding a man who will support you 100% on a large salary, is a dream which is never going to become reality for most Japanese women.

The women in their 20s are still naive and seriously believe they will meet that amazing, rich guy who buys them LV like daddy does - they are out of touch with reality.

I married for love, and although we are not rich, and both work full time, we are both very, very happy. You cant put a price on that.

They should also ask the question-

Do you want to get married to the man you love or because marriage is the thing to do based on our society?

Yes..!..I choose love over money...However, We all need financial security...so both work and builld a life together for the good of both...!!!

The women in their 20s are still naive and seriously believe they will meet that amazing, rich guy who buys them LV like daddy does - they are out of touch with reality.

So I know I'm swimming against the current here, but the projected earning power of a potential mate isn't exactly an unimportant factor in planning your future, and worrying about it doesn't necessarily make you a money-grubbing whore as some here seem to suggest. That is triply true if you are a woman in a culture which insists on throwing up all sorts of barriers to allowing women to pursue decently well paying careers, or even careers at all.

Hell, I'm not I Japanese woman and I'm worried about my own debt, career path, and earning potential and what that all means if/when I want to start a family. Don't you think it would be a bit of a double standard if I started ruling out potential mates for having the very same concerns I have?

Obviously, the correct answer to the "love or money" question is "love"; but when you aren't in love, its a lot easier to answer "money" and figure that the love will follow... ie, that you can have both and not have to compromise. Don't take this as an endorsement of materialism - there is certainly no shortage of unpleasant people who are more inclined to be interested in the contents of your wallet and bank account than of your head or your heart. But looking at how the percentage of "yes" responses drops for the younger generation, I'm not imagining a bunch of spoiled, LV-toting ex-highschool gals who never grew up; rather, a generation that has genuine and pressing concerns about its economic future.

Well I make enough to satisfy the majority of women here in Japan according to that survey.

Though my wife never once asked me how much i earned (nor did it come up in conversation) before we married. I am a miser by habit so she probably didnt marry me for money. Perhaps i got one of the few good ones...

Shouldn't the title be, 'what japanese women think about money and marrying money' ?

Triumvere -not as against the current as you think. I married for love but I'd be lying if I said money didnt come into it at all. We wanted children and we had to think practically about that, especially as I am not Japanese which limits my scope for careers somewhat. But the difference was that I always approached everything we did as a team effort including earning, whilst knowing there will be times like now when he is the chief earner, I brought the funds into the relationship and am about to start retraining for the time in the not too distant future when I can contribute again. Training he is financing for me for the benefit of the family. It should be a team effort.

It seems like common sense to me. Of course money should be an important factor to consider when choosing a marriage partner.

Who in their right mind would want to marry a guy earning 750 yen an hour at McDonalds and no future prospects?

Yep, Japanese women love money and will marry for it. They will also divorce because they don't have enough. However, anybody that has lived here for a while and has had the indignant pleasure of being married to a money hungry Japanese trout understands just how superficial Japanese culture really is. I married one over a decade ago and nearly fell out of my chair the day after we got married she demanded I give her my credit card and have my salary paid into her bank account. I told her to %&$# off! Two years later we got divorced and it was because I wouldn't give her control of my finances. Good luck to them all! I make enough money to marry one of these grubbers, but she had want to be a very special grubber and she also had better bring plenty to the table. And, she can forget all about controlling my finances and giving me a pocket money allowance. It will be the other way round!

Japanese women think no money no honey.

I married one over a decade ago and nearly fell out of my chair the day after we got married she demanded I give her my credit card and have my salary paid into her bank account. I told her to %&$# off!

And right you are! If I married a man who demanded to control all of my finances, taking all of my salary and giving me a paltry monthly allowance while he sat around all day popping bon-bons with one hand and clutching the remote control with the other ... well, let's just say there's not a jury in the land who'd convict me. At least, I hope not.

Women in their twenties were most inclined to consider money a necessity, with 78% answering that marriage without money was a no-go; in the other age groups, 68% of women in their thirties and 67% of women in their forties answered “No” to the question.

A reflection of either greater financial independence of women with increasing age, or increasing desperation with age.

Majority of the women want a secure life which is only possible with a secure income. With the growing necessities and cost of living altogether, this demand is not unrealistic. However, only money alone is not sufficient for a happy and successful relationship. Thus it is obvious that love and money go hand in hand to make life happier. A balance between the two is necessary. Of what use is all the money, if one won't have a lover to spend it on love, accompanied with understanding and a bit of adjustment, makes a relationship go long with money.

There's a difference between having enough to get by and being rich, as well as being in debt, of course. If one party, male or female, is unwilling to do any work and only spend money and demand that there IS money then I'd say the other party better be getting his/her money's worth.

I see men who work pretty much every day each week, get a few hundred to a thousand yen for an allowance, and are exhausted, while their wives go out to lunch and shopping with friends, spending heaps, keeping secret bank accounts, etc. This is just wrong. It also sickens me to hear about the sheer volume of men who fall for the gold-diggers -- or else who don't have that much to begin with but get cleaned out by some tart who is doing the same to three other guys at the same time before she takes off to find another.

Anyway, hopefully they CAN indeed find enough of both. No money is just not practical, especially given the cost of living in general here, and in particular if you have kids. But a loveless marriage and family life is just going to leave you with regrets in the end while superficial things like money come and go.

So I know I'm swimming against the current here, but the projected earning power of a potential mate isn't exactly an unimportant factor in planning your future, and worrying about it doesn't necessarily make you a money-grubbing whore as some here seem to suggest. That is triply true if you are a woman in a culture which insists on throwing up all sorts of barriers to allowing women to pursue decently well paying careers, or even careers at all.

I agree that if you are a woman in love considering marrying someone who refuses to work at ALL, then it is entirely appropriate to think about money. You will be the only wage earner, and that means you cant have kids, as you wont be able to take maternity leave, etc.

If it comes down to "we need two salaries to comfortably live" and the J-wife does not want to have to work at ALL after marriage (there are ALOT of these women out there) then, in my opinion, you are definitely putting money before love.

As a woman, I would argue that, the barriers are there because they are kind of true stereotypes - the vast majority of women do get married, and leave work straight after. IF more women were to work after marriage and childbirth, then it would be easier for all women in Japan.

I married one over a decade ago and nearly fell out of my chair the day after we got married she demanded I give her my credit card and have my salary paid into her bank account. I told her to %&$# off! Two years later we got divorced and it was because I wouldn't give her control of my finances. Good luck to them all! I make enough money to marry one of these grubbers, but she had want to be a very special grubber and she also had better bring plenty to the table. And, she can forget all about controlling my finances and giving me a pocket money allowance. It will be the other way round!

Amen to that!

So far 18+yrs here & the mrs thankfully isnt like the majority that took this survey thank GOD!

Japans birth rate is going to drop out of sight in the future me predicts

I'm glad to see there are some posters here who are a little circumspect about the question. This shouldn't be an opportunity to bash J ladies. As several people have pointed out - the social dynamics of Japan mean a woman's own earning potential is limited at best and she needs to think about the earning potential of her prospective partners. It's Darwinian theory in motion and I'm sure Japanese ladies aren't the only ones to do it. It's very pragmatic.

My lovely wife really did accept me as a pauper - her mother even very kindly pointed that out on several occasions. 10 years later she owns her own home, is debt free and her hubby is ticking along very nicely.

Composed with the help of Stella Artois.

apanese women think no money no honey.

Do Japanese women think? Wow!

I earn approximately 2.5 million Yen (according to an online exchange rate) so this could explain why my Japanese ex-girlfiend is my ex-girlfriend hahahaha. No that's cruel, she's a lovely person, works hard as a single mum.

I suppose women everywhere want a rich, handsome husband, a big house, car, and the good things in life. Hell, we all do, but to choose a partner based on his wages? That's just cynical.

If you continually chase after the (worthless fiat) money you will only find misery. The same thing happens when you only chase after one thing. =A balance in life in necessary.

The best thing seems to be "save for marriage" and prepare yourself educationally, physically, and spiritually. I was surprised for all the Women saving for marriage and if I was a guy that would interest me. I would also recommend saving for marriage as a precursor for engagement and during engagement.

I am sort of amazed that people still fight for marriage as much as they do being most middle-class opportunities are dwindling and typically now both parties need to work with the incomes being rather low and the costs high. What does Japan do to help marriages (nothing)? Is there even time for marriage?

I am still a big believer in marriage/family and believe the costs are lower and the ability to save greater over time. =Marriage works better than single over time. Wealth is built in families (I say this all the time -and it is true)

Gold-Diggars: if you are into marriage just for the payoff -Your partner can just leave and then what do you have?

Some thoughts.

Women of Japan isn't it about time you fended for your own incomes instead of waiting for prince charming to come along? European and American women have been moving in that direction for over 40 years. Time to catch up don't you think? And cash in that Cinderella complex.

The global economic outlook means that even that guy with the "right" income is going to have a high probability of losing it one day to layoffs or restructuring. So that financial security you dream of, especially in Japan, may no longer be a realistic expectation for either sex going forward. The writing on the wall is that we all need to be a lot more creative in how we provide for ourselves and our families in the future.

Family is everything. Yes I know you want money in the deal, but there is a lot more to it. 3/11 should have taught you a big lesson on this front. Security for your happiness can come from support during a crisis by someone you love. Poor, rich or ordinary. Also once you have built a family around you, chances are you have a net to catch you should point 2 hit you and your hubby one day. Think about it.

Bitter old OLs. I know and have met a lot of unhappy bitter OLs who are still holding out for Mr. Perfect at an age where Mr. Ordinary is losing interest in them and the door to finding anyone is rapidly closing. See Mr. Perfect at 40 plus years old is dating miss Kawaii who is 22 years old, genki, hot and probably less pissed off at the world than you are. Not to mention more flexible and easier to manage. Mr. Ordinary has probably found Ms. Ordinary and gotten on with having a life. That 30 something percent are the lucky ones who married for love and family over money. Meanwhile these OLs go through their days angry, lashing out at an unfair world and isolating themselves more and more. End result? You die alone.

But don't feel bad, there are enough of you to form support groups.

So moral of the story? Marry for love and find someone who makes you happy and makes you laugh. Or a tine percent of you will get your dream guy. 1/2 of those will see him laid off in the future and the money go away anyway. The rest of the holding out for money crowd will end up in the point #4 category. And when the big quake comes, guess what? You will be there all on your own.

Wise up ladies.

Meanwhile these OLs go through their days angry, lashing out at an unfair world and isolating themselves more and more. End result? You die alone. But don't feel bad, there are enough of you to form support groups.

It's very hard to view yourself positively as a J woman when society retains medieval ideas of you as a failure if you do not marry by 25--unwanted Christmas cake and all that. It's very hard to build a vibrant and satisfying life for your single self when there are no role models and everything depends on belonging to a group. I have had it both ways--married to wrong guys and going it solo. Because I have maintained a balanced life between work, play, creative pursuits, self-development, extended family, friends and associates; I am the most contented I have ever been. But if I were a J lady, I don't think I would have been able to achieve it.

You will be there all on your own, tkoind2 points out. Guess what ladies? That is not a bad thing. It can be a very good thing. I wouldn't have it any other way and wish I'd spent/wasted far less of a finite life and my I-can-make-this-work energy on the men who couldn't appreciate my contribution. So its not a question of marrying or not marrying; it's a question of creating a gratifying life. That way, single or married you'll love your life.

6 million a year?? What a joke. 40% of workers in Japan are on rubbish temporary job contracts. Society is falling apart.

Most women in Japan handle the daily finances of a home, etc and control their husbands earnings, giving him an allowance each month. But how do men feel about this? And what do men have to say about how much money they expect their prospective wife to earn?

Maybe this is the reason why it's not worth getting married to typical Japanese women with bitchy high expectation. Why fuss with all the stress. Stay single and live with a women without strings attached. Let women pay equal share for their expenses, such as rent, food, and other living expenses. No wonder fewer and fewer eligible men in Japan prefer to stay single. Most Japanese women are looking for free ride.

Most women in Japan handle the daily finances of a home, etc and control their husbands earnings, giving him an allowance each month. But how do men feel about this? And what do men have to say about how much money they expect their prospective wife to earn

See, this is the bit I don't understand.We have a big (actually, not that big :( !) pot that our earnings go into, his, and mine as much as I can contribute. And then everything comes out of it too. Anything bigger than normal we run by each other but rarely get a"no" unless there is a good reason. There is no "I control this and here is your spending money". We are grown ups. It's perfectly easy to be reasonable about the family finances if you always consider yourself part of the family and balance family needs against your own.

**Some thoughts.

Women of Japan isn't it about time you fended for your own incomes instead of waiting for prince charming to come along? European and American women have been moving in that direction for over 40 years. Time to catch up don't you think? And cash in that Cinderella complex.

The global economic outlook means that even that guy with the "right" income is going to have a high probability of losing it one day to layoffs or restructuring. So that financial security you dream of, especially in Japan, may no longer be a realistic expectation for either sex going forward. The writing on the wall is that we all need to be a lot more creative in how we provide for ourselves and our families in the future.

Family is everything. Yes I know you want money in the deal, but there is a lot more to it. 3/11 should have taught you a big lesson on this front. Security for your happiness can come from support during a crisis by someone you love. Poor, rich or ordinary. Also once you have built a family around you, chances are you have a net to catch you should point 2 hit you and your hubby one day. Think about it.

Bitter old OLs. I know and have met a lot of unhappy bitter OLs who are still holding out for Mr. Perfect at an age where Mr. Ordinary is losing interest in them and the door to finding anyone is rapidly closing. See Mr. Perfect at 40 plus years old is dating miss Kawaii who is 22 years old, genki, hot and probably less pissed off at the world than you are. Not to mention more flexible and easier to manage. Mr. Ordinary has probably found Ms. Ordinary and gotten on with having a life. That 30 something percent are the lucky ones who married for love and family over money. Meanwhile these OLs go through their days angry, lashing out at an unfair world and isolating themselves more and more. End result? You die alone.

But don't feel bad, there are enough of you to form support groups.

So moral of the story? Marry for love and find someone who makes you happy and makes you laugh. Or a tine percent of you will get your dream guy. 1/2 of those will see him laid off in the future and the money go away anyway. The rest of the holding out for money crowd will end up in the point #4 category. And when the big quake comes, guess what? You will be there all on your own.

Wise up ladies. ** ......................................................... Here! Here to that! We were married in a Catholic Church. Before that, we had to take marriage preparatory courses as a prerequisite to getting married in the church. My wife (J-wife) was okay with that. Later in the course, things such as money and responsibilities came up, which made things shaky between us. I consulted with my dad, who is a Catholic Deacon. He told me that is the purpose of the course, to bring up challenges, such as this. Most of the time, people cancel marriages because of this. So, my wife and I had some differences, but were able to work them out. After 5 years of marriage, there are some issues that pop up, such as using Western or Japanese values to raise our 2 great beautiful kids. We agreed that it depended on the situation. This economy has also challenged us too, but we've been able to work things out together.

After we were married, by the local city hall in Japan, she asked me to give her my bank book and credit cards, but I said "No, we can manage our own finances. Whatever I make or buy is for everyone, not just one person." Little by little, she's been moving away from her gender biased values, like the man's duty to make money while the wife stays home, or women to serve men. I tell her that I will help around the house and serve her because I want to, not because of duty. I also told her that if anyone tells me to serve because of duty, I will tell them to @#%k off and get lost! In return, she told me that some Japanese are that way. In return, I told her that I don't need people like that in my life. It's my life and no one else's business!

Other than that, I would say that there are very nice and down to earth Japanese women who care about a good mannered guy for his personality rather than his pocketbook. I have met a few of them. Guys, they're out there!

According to reports on the survey, 532 women who use the OZmall site were asked three questions involving marriage and money.

Using the data from 532 women in Japan to judge or generalize about all women in Japan is a huge mistake. Get a better sampling, like 10,000 or 20,000 better if more. This is just another poll that the lemmings will look to to debate.

They didn't ask the most important question; would you rather marry an ugly, poor, irritating man you don't love, or a handsome, rich and kind man you don't love?

My wife and I married for love. I make enough money, but she is not very materialistic and doesn't really focus on money. We work together to manage our household on all fronts. We share planning and spending approaches.

She works, not as much income as I make, but enough. We are partners, best friends, family and in love with each other.

Many Japanese ladies say my wife is "strange for a Japanese woman" but I prefer to think that she is wonderful. She is independent, loving and wants us to share our challenges together. Just what I would expect from a lifetime relationship.

Ladies, I qualify for your money expectations, but I rejected every single trophy wife wanna be that tried to hook me into her vision of dependency. Instead I married a creative, loving woman who outshines your brand bag lives by factors beyond anything your money addled minds could imagine. She makes me laugh and I trust her absolutely.

Love over all else friends.

A woman or a man thinking about marrying someone they already know is one thing. They are considering the relationship they are having and talking about a future together that includes all the issues. Thinking about looking for someone to marry is another thing. If a search is going to be made for someone to marry, well most people would want someone employed at least. To say the entire search is going to be based on the financial status of someone. Than i don't think what is being sought is marriage in the true sense, but more of a help wanted in a financial sense. Everyone has different ideas of what a marriage means to them, but if financial status is a priority, the most important thing. A help wanted search might be a better way of labeling it.

I find this general obsession with marriage really irrelevant. hope they'll soon wake up to realize that an outdated and overrated institution like that is just a waste of time and money.

I'm not surprised. Younger Japanese are more realistic because of the economic deterioration. We are no longer sure if we can receive pention. Some readers mentioned about Japanese wives demanding bankbooks or credit cards. It's very natural for Japanese. My husband gave them to me before I demand him. How could women feel secure when companies pay much less to women and fire women when they get married or pregnant?

My ex gf's family had it together (that was in Hong Kong). Both the mother and the father worked (father was set to retire soon too) and they made a combined income of about $75,000 USD annually. They had 3 children total and all of them were going on their early 20s. In the US the same thing happens, both the parents are usually maintaining the household together financially. It would be nice to be able to make 6mil yen a year, but its not very likely to happen early on in adult life.

Reality says if the man is making about 3.5-4mil yen then there needs to be room for the woman to make at least 2mil+ to balance out the financial needs. The old saying is that when a man and a woman become married, they're two halves trying to make a whole. So it should not be the mans job to be the only breadwinner in the family just as it should be the wife's job to be the only parent/housemaid in the family especially when they start having children.

Correction to my last statement "should NOT be the wife's job to be the only parent/housemaid in the family especially when they start having children."

Surprised nobody mentioned it, but the whole idea of handing over your salary to your wife and letting her control all the finances is just the cultural norm here. Every male in my office does this, and they are happy to do this. They dont want to think about money, and are incapable of budgeting themselves.

This could explain the results of the poll. And as strange as it is for us westerners, it is just the way things happen here. I am sure it wont change the opinion of some who think all Japanese women are gold diggers; but sometimes you have to accept cultural differences (and look for the ones who dont blindly follow those customs).