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Why are bullies so mean? A youth psychology expert explains what's behind their harmful behavior

15 Comments
By Sara Goldstein

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Lots of bullies about as ever, these days they pollute online places like this. We’ve all seen the types that do that here, practically stalk another user then make horrible comments, often crude and vulgar in the hopes of getting thumbs up..

I would say many bullies online and physically are incredibly insecure and jealous of others, I mean why would you get please out of doing this unless you have insecurity issues or some kind of anger management issue that needs to be addressed for the good of themselves and society.

3 ( +14 / -11 )

I suspect it is extremely bad parenting. That is why I like approaches like juvenile arrests that bring the problem back to them.

7 ( +11 / -4 )

Many bullies are the passive-aggressive type. The sort that behave or say outrageous things to annoy and upset people. In their mind, the other person is the one who is bullying them. It's a crazy world.

4 ( +10 / -6 )

My guess is that these bullies have it bad enough at home with their parents or their spouses that they take it out on others.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Elvis is hereToday 07:38 am JST

Many bullies are the passive-aggressive type. The sort that behave or say outrageous things to annoy and upset people. In their mind, the other person is the one who is bullying them. It's a crazy world.

I wish I could have met these bullies that just gave me a clever rhetorical repartee. That said, this probably does describe what girls consider bullying.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Sometimes talking to a trusted adult does nothing. Cause kids are kids, teens are teens. And some teachers attitudes if the bullying is OUT of SCHOOL gates is,, we’ll it’s not our problem. So if you can, the best way to deal with a bully is a swift smack to the face. It’s the only language they know. Seen this several times teachers talking to bullies and nothing changes. Then the teachers always tell the victims to keep away from them. But why should they? They have every right to walk around the school safely and with confidence.

one kid finally stood up for himself, and ofcourse the teacher had to say “don’t do that” but secretly they gave him a wink to say. Good job! Especially when the bullies parents don’t do much or aren’t interested.

Always being told it’s wrong to hit a girl is also something young boys are told. So it can be worse when teenage girl bullies a boy because of the added shame de-masculinity of their ego, seen to be. Wimp, not man enough. So they seem powerless. That soon stopped when the young kid was next confronted by 6 girls bullying him and he punched her square in the nose.

Not condoning violence but sometimes the bully deserves it. And rightly so!

7 ( +7 / -0 )

Violence, threat and fear are the baseline strategies of almost all human beings to get their way. Moving beyond that to rewarding good behaviour we have taken baby steps towards. But inspiring others is extremely rare and should be the way to go.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Seems to be very popular in Japan.

-7 ( +5 / -12 )

If a bully is bothering you, don’t try to handle it alone – getting help is the way to get through.

When I was in elementary school, there was a kid who bullied me. When I talked to my mother about it she said, "If you allow them to provoke you, then they will win." And so for a week straight that kid continually pushed me all the way on my walk home, I thinking to myself, "I must not let them win by reacting." But they ultimately did win that Friday when I stomped that kid into the ground. So terrible was their win that the kid no longer pushed me on the way home. Even today the trauma of the loss haunts me. Perhaps I am just too sensitive.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

Bullies do not understand empathy, but the law doesn’t care about feelings either.

Treat bullying the same as crime. Assault, slander, blackmail, etc.

Then ease the laws regarding lawful retaliation.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

I was bullied at school for many years because of my 2 disabilities, plus I am gay and female and not very pretty. The bullies, usually boys, would only pick on me when my friends were not around, and to be honest it did not affect me too much because I saw them for what they were, insecure nobodies with little or no life. How ever, when I grew older, about 15/16, I was very much into computers and how they work and programming, I had some sort of revenge against one of them who was really nasty, I messed with his computer and did some strange things on it. I will not say anymore, but his bullying stopped almost immediately, the whole class knew it was me but said nothing, I think the whole school knew also. Obviously I covered all traces that led to me. I have only ever done once since then but that is it.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Surprisingly common in the work environment. I see a common pattern is passive aggressive, trying to spread rumors or undermine someone secretly and avoid confrontation.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Was bullied when I was a weak kid in the last century, which was normal for us kids. Violent education was normal, regulary slaps, blows with the cane, threats, by the parents, teachers but also other adults if you dared to speak back. So violence between kids also nearly daily, in school, in the neighbourhood, etc. Growing up it was payback time for several years for me, also when draftet, until I came into a peacefuller enviroment. Long time ago, but deep-seated hatred still breaks out in some situations, even today.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

From Gr. 2 in this country was bullied and no matter how much I confronted it with the teacher and principal it did not stop such as kids throwing his shoes in the garbage and teachers yelling at my child in the hallways. I took my child's principal to the school board because he was a horrendous man, and nothing was done by the school board because they have ZERO power. Now my child and I are separated as they are going to a school in another country while I work to support my child.

Only a few months ago, I saw 3 school age children bullying a grade 4 or 5 Japanese boy on his bike who was trying to leave his spot. They were knocking his hat off, teasing him and the sight of it made me sick and people were walking by and ignoring it but not me and I yelled at those kids to "stop" and the child that was being bullied to leave.

I know bullying goes on around the world, however, here in this country it appears to be more extreme and happens from a younger age and they gather in groups.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Yep, bullying is a disgusting behavior. The difference I felt growing up in the US is that people are more apt to intervene and because of ethnic diversity others may ally with the victim.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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