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Women in Japan reveal their worst dating experiences

40 Comments
By Oona McGee, SoraNews24

For singles around the world, asking someone out on a first date can be a nerve-wracking experience. However, once your crush agrees to go on a date with you, the effort shouldn’t stop there, as the topic of what to do and where to go remains a major factor in making a good first impression and securing a second date on your journey towards true love.

Still, it seems that some men need to take lessons in dating etiquette 101, according to a recent thread on Japanese site Girls Channel. Discussing the topic of unbelievable first dates, the comments being left by Japanese women are truly mind-boggling, with some of the worst experiences involving love hotels and carparks. Let’s take a look at some of their worst dates below.

Carpark Dates

A surprising number of women said they had the experience of being picked up in a car by their suitor, assuming they were going to go on a romantic drive somewhere, only to find themselves sitting in a store carpark instead.

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“I met up with my date at a carpark near my house, but when I got in the car, we didn’t go anywhere and he just talked to me in the car for two hours. I was thirsty and hungry, so I ended up saying bye and just leaving. I couldn’t believe it!”

“I thought I was going on a ‘drive date’ but we ended up in the carpark of a convenience store. He went inside and bought himself a bento and got me some onigiri rice balls and then we sat in the car there, eating in dead silence. I was young so I didn’t say anything at the time but when I look back on it now, I can’t believe it happened.”

“The same thing happened to me! I thought we were going on a lovey-dovey drive date with a nice dinner, but instead I ended up eating a sandwich from 7-Eleven in the carpark. I wasn’t young though – this happened when I was over 40!”

Private Rooms at Love Hotels or Manga/Internet Cafes

A manga kissa (short for manga kissaten, or “manga cafe”) often offers private booths or rooms, where customers can pay by the hour to read manga, scour the Internet, or doze off, away from prying eyes. Nowadays, some customers have been known to use these private booths for sex with partners, much like a no-frills love hotel, so it’s not the ideal destination for a first date.

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“My first date took me to a manga kissa. Not only that, but it was a private room. Needless to say, I was shocked and ended the date immediately.”

“I went to a love hotel on a first date, with the guy saying it was just to watch movies.”

“I was asked out on a date and he took me to a love hotel. I couldn’t believe it. I’d never been out with him before and I never went out with him again.”

Home Centers

Big home centers are a fun place for couples and families to browse the aisles for goods to help mend or decorate their homes. When you’ve just met, though, a trip to a home center is like a proposal to set up home together, so it’s best left for a later date.

“I remember when a date took me to a home center to shop for home goods. Not only that, but he took me there on his bike in the pouring rain. That was not a good first date.”

“One time, when I hardly knew the guy, he took me to a home center and when he asked the staff about something, they started asking him things like “When are you planning to build your house together?” That was awkward.”

“I know someone who went to a home center on a first date, and it scared her off immediately.”

Family Restaurant Chains

A surprising number of men seem to think that a family restaurant is an ideal destination for a first date. When you’re looking to impress, though, the consensus is that you should steer clear of the brightly lit, cheap and basic family-centric restaurant chains and opt for more romantic dining choices instead.

”A guy took me on a first date to the Atagawa Tropical & Alligator Garden, and afterwards he asked me whether I preferred to go to Denny’s or Gusto, saying they had some promotion on at Denny’s but he had discount coupons for Gusto. I wasn’t interested in the Alligator Garden at all so that just topped off a dismal first date.”

“So many people I know have had to go on first dates at family restaurants. They’re full of schoolkids, so it’s fine if you’re going on a date in high school or something, but as an adult, you should be going to a different type of restaurant.”

“A family restaurant would’ve been a step up for my first date, which was at the eat-in counter at a Mini Stop convenience store. He bought me an ice cream and when I urged him to go somewhere else, he said he’d buy me some fries as well.”

Judging by some of these first-date disasters, it’s evident that some men need to up their game when it comes to wining and dining their prospective partners.

Source: Girls Channel via My Game News Flash

Read more stories from SoraNews24.

-- Survey finds about 14% of Japanese girls “intend to” get intimate on the first date

-- “Where are the normal men?” A Japanese woman tells of five online dating woes

-- “I think I love you…”: Romantic confessions from around the world

© SoraNews24

©2018 GPlusMedia Inc.

40 Comments
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All of these complaints have the distinct reek of self entitlement.

it goes both ways, did the women in these stories make an effort?

-5 ( +12 / -17 )

My first date with my wife was in a family restaurant: Saizeria. We both love Saizeria so it was the perfect date for us. We still look back at it with happy memories.

But as for the parking lot dates, that's just ridiculous.

13 ( +13 / -0 )

Complaining about the family restaurants is ridiculous. Not everyone has money for a fancy restaurant and I totally agree that those women are just being selfish. But taking them to a love hotel on the first hotel without discussing it first is creepy as hell ...and sitting in a car in front of a convenience store? If money is the issue, go walk through the park. Just eating conbini bento in a car in front of 7-11 is a new level of idgaf.

14 ( +16 / -2 )

Saizeriya?!!! That place makes Jolly Pasta seem like a 4 star restaurant!

I am guilty of some of the above. Actually I recommend meeting near a nice park and just taking a walk.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

Parking, manga kissa booth, love hotel... This all ties in with the recently discussed stats where men show that even agreeing to go on a date means the woman is expected to have sex with the guy. Christ on a bike...

-2 ( +5 / -7 )

Japanese men need to learn what we call, the social skills

Just have a conversation, it isn't marriage

1 ( +4 / -3 )

Yep! I did a first-date lunch at Saizeriya. It was quite a non-threatening and open atmosphere for a first date lunch and we both enjoyed it. There's no way I'd take a girl there for a first-date dinner though. These buffoons taking girls to private rooms at manga cafes and to love hotels are obviously just creepy deviates trying to get a bit of action. Going to a cinema for a first date is also a bad choice. There's no conversation. My personal choice for a good first-date is a nice 'shabu-shabu' restaurant. It's a very interactive meal with lots of commotion and conversation.

2 ( +6 / -4 )

I reckon the worst first date I gave someone was after a massive night on the piss with about 2 hours sleep. We went to Okutama for hiking and onsen but I didn't get very far with the hiking and crashed out on a bench with my head in her lap for an hour or 2 which was pretty lame! We actually dated for a while after that though, so she can't have been too pissed off with me.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Wow, that is pretty bad. My husband and I went to an outdoor festival on our first date, not expensive, it was fun, no pressure for anyone. I think women complaining about family restaurants aren't complaining about the price but the atmosphere. I love cheap eats but with 2 kids if we have time for a date I do NOT want to go to a family restaurant. Ramen, cheap izakaya, ANYTHING but that! Luckily we are both pretty honest people so if he thinks something is expensive he'd say so even when dating. I don't think women feel entitled to a pricy date so much as they'd like a little romance or thought going into it. I mean, wow, a parking lot, how did you know I've dreamed about being parked in locked car with a virtual stranger for hours while I listen to you talk about yourself and I worry about how I am going to escape?

3 ( +4 / -1 )

My husband and I went to family restaurants when we first met.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Why should a guy spend a fortune on the first date when it might be his last date?

Go to some place like Yokohama Yamashita Park and then perhaps walk into Chinatown for some good street food.

10 ( +14 / -4 )

i'm looking forward to the sequel "Men in Japan reveal their worst dating experiences". it must be infinitely more interesting.

12 ( +13 / -1 )

When I first met my now Japanese wife in London, I invited her to my apartment, and also suggested if she wanted to bring a friend that would be ok. I cooked her a Japanese meal because I thought she might be missing that. Not too many Japanese restaurants then and expensive.

When I decided to propose to her, I invited her to a picnic and made a very large Japanese picnic box and took her to an historical house way outside of London with a small pond where we had our picnic. My wife still cherishes the photo of the picnic box. I proposed, she accepted the rest is history as they say.

6 ( +11 / -5 )

Nowadays, some customers have been known to use these private booths for sex with partners, much like a no-frills love hotel, so it’s not the ideal destination for a first date.

this technique only works if you have a number of dates lined up and you're trying to play the odd. why wait 3 months to find out someone won't have sex with you, if you can test the waters on the first day?

2 ( +7 / -5 )

I dunno, maybe we should cut these guys a little bit of slack. Many of them are probably young, inexperienced, have no idea what to do with a girl once they've finally got one to go out with them - is it any wonder some of them hit the panic button, make the wrong choices?

After all, it takes time to mature and develop into a sophisticated person of the world, such as us Japan Today readers.

1 ( +5 / -4 )

*Date activities can be mutually agreed upon beforehand and sometimes women can even ask for and plan dates I have found in past research

5 ( +5 / -0 )

And you wonder why the birth rate is falling. Sad and pathetic at the same time. It like the “ aisatsu” thing. The idea that just saying hello is enough to form and maintain a relationship. You may wanna aim for being able to have a conversation and relate to people next. Dire. Feel sorry for the girls actually when you look at the pool they have to work with. And NO boys, silence is NOT golden.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Complaining about the family restaurants is ridiculous. Not everyone has money for a fancy restaurant

Not only about $ mate. I find family restaurants impersonal and just boring (especially for a first date), plus they're other cheap options i.e. small restos, cafes etc. Personally i think that cafes or pubs/bars are better suited for first dates: easy to keep the date short if things aren't going the way you'd like or extend the date (dinner, more drinks etc) if you hit it off. But again am a western bloke who've dated mostly western women, might be different with j-women in Japan.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Saizeriya?!!! That place makes Jolly Pasta seem like a 4 star restaurant!

We'll have to disagree here my friend. The thing that really stands out for me about saizeria is the variety in their menu. Big fan of SZ, but not so of JP. But hey, to each his own. If we all liked the same place it would be impossible to find a seat.

But yeah, conbini parking lots and love hotels- a big NO. Not on a first date anyway.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I dislike the whole idea that the male is expected to rack his brains, come up with the perfect date plan, and the female just goes along passively whether it’s of interest to her or not, while he pays for everything.

More more fun, and much less pressure and disappointment, if one or the other can say, “Do you have some free time Saturday afternoon? I’m thinking of going to XYZ cafe for a bite/take a stroll at XYZ park/take the train to see XYZ historical monument/go to the aquarium, etc. Would you like to go with?”

8 ( +9 / -1 )

When girls are lucky enough to be asked out by me, I always insist on choosing where to go. If I'm paying for it (which I do, except if she's boring or unresponsive then I only pay half), I choose a place that I will enjoy. If she enjoys my interests and choices she might get a second date.

-4 ( +6 / -10 )

My policy is just do coffee for a first date...if things go well, after about 20 minutes or so, you can move on to lunch or dinner together. If things go badly, well, you are only down the price of a cup of coffee and 20 minutes of wasted time, so no biggie.

9 ( +10 / -1 )

All of these complaints have the distinct reek of self entitlement. 

it goes both ways, did the women in these stories make an effort?

All of them except the family restaurant are concerning due to safety for the women involved. If anyone is reeking of self-entitlement I would suggest it's the guys who think they are owed sex because they're on a date.

As for "both ways" you have no idea what these women perhaps suggested to these guys. Women here are usually socialized to allow men to "take the lead". A shame that because those dates sound painful. Hope they spoke up in the future and found better guys.

2 ( +8 / -6 )

It seems girls only focus on what they want, to go to places they like, to have fine dinners, etc... But i dont see any comment on they trying to do something, or give anything to the date, just complains... talk about being just focused on getting free great meal, ride in nice cars, to be taken expensive places, with candles and violins and all that movie they dream in their heads, or had seen on tv shows... In a date both side are equals and have to give time, effort, ideas, conversation, insight, sometimes even money to make it memorable and a success, not just give me, give me, i dont like it ... then bye... horrible date.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

I keep saying it: J-guys have gotten particularly lame of late, and it is making the J-girls lame too.

2 ( +6 / -4 )

Just take her to any of the many events Tokyo has to offer. Yoyogi Park, Odaiba, Hibiya Park, a beer fest etc....... feel out the vibes & then just go from there. It’s not that difficult people.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I have on very few occasions, like 2, met a woman for a date with no particular plan and asked her to choose a restaurant nearby, which invariably led to us walking around stressed and aimlessly for 30 minutes as she could not decide. I now know my place and walk with her there and say, "this is where I suggest, but if you don't like it we can find somewhere else." 99% of the time they are fine with it.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Judging by some of these first-date disasters, it’s evident that some men need to up their game when it comes to wining and dining their prospective partners.

Spoken like a true entitled princess who thinks that men are inferior to her and whose prime role in life is to impress her.

Having said that, on our first date, my wife and I went to a nice, slightly fancy, cozy Italian place. It wasn't because I had "upped my game" because I didn't see it as a game. It was because I knew we'd both enjoy ourselves there.

10 ( +11 / -1 )

Ive had quite a bit of first dates at love hotels. Most of which was decided by the woman. Most of them continued to the have multiple dates all going straight to the hotel. Many will even pay as some of them aren't spending their own money. It just depends on the person you are with. Some people can be enjoyable no mater what you do or where you go.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Women who complain about not going to a nice restaurant on a first date are probably the ones you want to avoid. The type of first date depends on the type of woman you are going on the date with.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

I'd like to see a simular article asking men's worst experience or seeing a date without makeup for the first time.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Girls these days ! Self-Entitlement ? More like, stuck up.

And, for the Guys, okay baring the lets meet for a quickie, (which is understandably worth a try), they are a bit lame - perhaps money issues ?

No wonder the birth rate is down here in Japan.

Manybe Girls should be doing the asking out, here in Japan ?

4 ( +6 / -2 )

Ive had quite a bit of first dates at love hotels. Most of which was decided by the woman. Most of them continued to the have multiple dates all going straight to the hotel. 

Exactly. The women who make you "work for it" are usually boring flakes anyway.

Just be up front and honest and you'll both have a good time.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

Ive had quite a bit of first dates at love hotels

Hope you don't mind me asking, were they just tinder hookups?

Women who complain about not going to a nice restaurant on a first date are probably the ones you want to avoid.

Spot on. Quite a few of my overseas female friends (all nice girls, good laughs etc as mates) always tell me they systematically pick a pricey resto when they go on a first date with a/someone they don't care about b/ blokes they've met online. Told me it's 'just for fun' or to, sort of, get one over on the dude. I reckon it's their answer to our (i mean some men) 'blokey behaviour' or because they've mostly been with blokes who've treated them poorly (they didn't disagree with that). Funny thing is they're great mates, good laughs, always buy rounds etc.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

The women who make you "work for it" are usually boring flakes anyway.

Whereas the men involved are exemplary human beings.

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-44053828

The idea that all women are money-grabbing, promiscuous and manipulative comes across strongly on incel threads, where attractive women in particular are referred to as "Stacys".

-1 ( +4 / -5 )

I keep saying it: J-guys have gotten particularly lame of late, and it is making the J-girls lame too.

Really? I'd say the gaijin guys are the most lame, entitled and dull as possible. Japan seems to be a magnet for them, for some crazy reason...

-5 ( +2 / -7 )

Just seconding the point that the problem with most of these places is the atmosphere and the inherent expectations that come with. There are so many small, independent italian/french/whatever restaurants that wouldn't cost much more than a family restaurant like Jonathan's or Denny's but would provide a much more pleasant experience. A man can be price-conscious in Tokyo (and Japan in general) without resorting to family restaurants.

Also, from the article, I don't know why people are trying to make sweeping generalisations about Japanese men being lame, or about Japanese women being entitled and demanding. It's women relaying their 'worst' experiences. They're not listing out a bunch of lofty ideals and they're not trying to say all men are the same.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

. Japan seems to be a magnet for them, for some crazy reason...

Sounds like an inferiority complex to me. Good looking guys who keep in shape have no trouble getting dates...got nothing to do with entitlement

-1 ( +4 / -5 )

Hope you don't mind me asking, were they just tinder hookups?

@goldorakd I don'tuse Tinder. Seems to be more women in their late 20s early 30s desperate to get married on there in my area. As that age group of single women seem to fall in that category in Japan. There are some members only clubs (not drink dance type) that cater to people looking for a date. (Not a paid date) Although Japanese is needed as they don't let most foreigners in.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

My policy is just do coffee for a first date...if things go well, after about 20 minutes or so, you can move on to lunch or dinner together. If things go badly, well, you are only down the price of a cup of coffee and 20 minutes of wasted time, so no biggie

Precisely , same for me ...even though I,d give it an hour or so in the coffee shop personally....20 minutes is a bit short to finish my cup while having a bit of a conversation.

Ive had quite a bit of first dates at love hotels. Most of which was decided by the woman. Most of them continued to the have multiple dates all going straight to the hotel. 

Exactly. The women who make you "work for it" are usually boring flakes anyway.

Yes and no....if you are just into one night stands than thats fine...but if you are actually looking for someone to date for a little while , I,d prefer she didn,t agree to a love hotel at the first time meeting  ( much prefer to wait until say 2 or 3 dates later to maintain a little class ...but thats just me and my policy ...each to their own ).

Good looking guys who keep in shape have no trouble getting dates...got nothing to do with entitlement

Indeed, if you look after yourself a little bit, can carry a decent conversation and know how to compliment a woman ( without going overboard Latino style ,lol ) you should do very well in Japan.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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